


Replace you

by marvelSPhaNdom



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Boys In Love, But if you squint really hard, Emotional Hurt, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Gay Keith (Voltron), Happens after s4e3, I guess in a way?!, Idiots in Love, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance's POV, Langst, Like slowwwwww burn, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Psychological Torture, Shatt, Slow Burn, Special chapter 4 for, There's one panic attack, This is just getting unnecessary angsty now, keith's birthday, keith's pov, klance, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-01-19 01:16:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 124,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12400086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelSPhaNdom/pseuds/marvelSPhaNdom
Summary: So Keith was leaving for the blade, so what? I meansure,Lance would miss teasing him, but it wasn't a big deal ...right?It may not have been for the first day, or the second day, but by the end of the week? It turned out to be a big deal.He missed Keith, freakingmissedhim. Him and his stupid mullet, Him and his stupidgorgeouseyes, Him and his even more stupid useless jacket.___________________________________I'm horrible at summaries, but I promise you if you like angst and fluff this is the story for you.





	1. Chapter 1

 Lance sighed once more, resting his chin in his hand as he watched the others play the altean board game. He wasn't in the mood to play, so currently he was speculating on who was going to lose first, which was Pidge by the looks of it. _She's not gonna be happy about that._

 Unfortunately the sound of his sigh attracted Hunk’s attention; he turned to look up at Lance on the couch, “Dude, you sure you don't wanna join in? You love this game.” Hunk's question caused everyone else to turn to him. Lance was pretty sure he could see the worry at least in Coran and Shiro's eyes. _Great._

 He forced a smile, “Nah, I'm cool. I'm gonna get some extra beauty sleep … not that I need it, of course,” he gestured to himself, winking and getting up. The collective groan he heard from behind as he left the lounge ensured him that they would be off his case. _Well,_   _At least for now._

 Of course, Lance had no intention of actually sleeping. Putting his hands in his pockets, He made his way to the observation deck. The place always calmed him down—something about looking out through the galaxy, watching the stars and planets reminded him of home and how many nights he spent doing just this there. Right now, he could use a little bit of calming down. He sat on the floor, hugging his knees, and looking out the gigantic window.

 Hunk _had_ been right about the game; It was his favourite, or at least it used to be. Back when Keith was still there, the two of them teamed up everytime playing it, and _holy shit,_ did they kick ass together. They probably had won every single time. Lance was kind of sure that it wasn't _the winning everytime_ part that made this his favourite game, but _the winning every time with Keith._

 In fact, whenever Lance could let go of his,  _recently realized one-sided,_ rivalry with Keith, the two of them made a great team, no matter what they were doing.

 Lance placed his chin on his knees. The truth was it took about less than a week after Keith left for his blade mission, for Lance to realize he really missed him. As in really _really_ missed him, as in he missed Keith so much it hurt.

 _Okay, that's a bit exaggerating,_ Lance tried to smile at his thought, but it wasn't exactly _not true._ It kinda _did_ hurt everytime he was passing the training room and it was empty. No Keith to throw a snarky comment at and get him all riled up, or as in more recently; a different type of comments that made him go all red in the face and speechless. No Keith to start food fights with. No Keith to challenge to stupid races. No Keith to share a _'I have no idea what they're on about'_ glance when Hunk and Pidge ... and now Matt started talking all science. No Keith in the next room to mess with late nights.

  _Man,_ Lance loved to make sounds at random times of nights just to mess with Keith. Keith always tried to ignore it but he did get annoyed eventually, and yelled at Lance to stop through their shared wall. And of course Lance only chuckled and continued to make more sounds, sometimes even playing music until Keith would barge into his room, telling him to _‘fucking stop!'_ Lance sticking his tongue out at him every single time, _'don't tell me what to do mullet,'_ he would say to the  frustrated Keith, resulting in them having a chase off in the castle in middle of nights.

 Speaking of Keith's room, Lance still remembered the first time he set foot in there after Keith had left. It'd been around one month after he was gone, Lance just couldn't sit in his own skin. He'd ended up in Keith's room to try cheer himself up, but it hadn't improved his mood at all since the room was so lifeless and empty, it didn't look like it had been ever occupied by Keith. There was really nothing there that reminded him of Keith, just an empty room.

 Well except for the extra pair of Keith's fingerless gloves he'd found drawer. And he had to wear it, _obviously._ Pidge snickered for a whole hour when she first saw them on him; taking pictures and promising she'd use it as blackmail as soon as Keith returned. And _Damn it,_ Lance would gladly let her if Keith would _just_ return.

 And He got it,  _okay?_  Lance understood that Keith needed this. This time with blade. He needed to be on this mission, but just because Lance _understood_ didn't mean he was _okay_ with it or that he didn't _miss_ Keith.

 Honestly, where the two had left things didn't help the situation at all. _Boy,_ everything had been going so well. The relationship between the two of them had improved so much. Lance was really considering Keith a friend, a _good_ friend, and maybe _more._ The two had gotten so close in Shiro's absent, but as soon as he'd returned and Keith had started joining the blade in their missions, everything had gone to hell.

 Keith had suddenly been starting arguments with him or throwing comments at him, which was weird; because even before Keith rarely innitiated fights, Lance used to be the one who usually did that by teasing Keith.

 And well, Lance tried but he was never one to back down from a fight, specially with Keith. Though Lance couldn't had helped but feel like Keith wanted to push him away, that he didn't want Lance near him.

 Then Keith had dropped the bomb; He was _leaving,_ not permanently but still, for months.  _Fucking months!_ And for a moment there, Lance had almost forgotten how to breath. He'd wanted to yell at him ‘ _what do you mean you want to leave?'_ , he'd wanted to ask him not to, he'd wanted to scream. Of course, he hadn't done any of those. Thankfully he seemed to still have _some_ self control left.

 Still he hadn't known why he cared so much at that moment. Or even _now?!_ Sure, he'd grown to care about Keith a lot over time. But why did it hurt him so much that Keith wasn't here?! Why had this past few months without Keith been the worst months of his life? Why hadn't Keith left his thoughts even for one second all this time? Unfortunately or fortunately, Lance had no answer for any of these questions … _or you just don't wanna admit the truth._ Lance quickly shut his brain up.

 He banged his head on his knees again before looking out the window. _Space is pretty big, huh._ Lance knew that, still why were planets so far away from each other?Why was earth so far away? Why was his family so far away?  _Why is Keith so far away?_

 These past few months without Keith had caused his homesickness to resurface severely. The castle just felt too quiet, too empty, too _foreign_ without Keith, which was outright _ridiculous_ because Keith barely talked or did anything that would make the castle feel less empty. But apparently him just being there was enough.

  _Wow,_ Lance had to take his _Keithsickness_ under control. He quietly laughed at the inside name he'd given to the issue of him missing Keith, well that and probably the probable other feelings he had towards the boy …  _nope, not even gonna go there tonight,_ he was already in a bad mood, no need to make it worse.

 And of course, since the universe seemed to have it in for him lately, _that's_ the moment he heard footsteps. _Great._ Lance had to suppress a groan. Trying to decide if it was Hunk or Coran who'd come to talk to him this time. To his surprise as he turned his head up he saw Matt smiling at him. _Ugh_ ,  _this day just keeps getting better and better._

 He raised an eyebrow in question, thankfully with Matt being the other half of the Holts genius siblings, Lance didn't had to voice his question; ‘ _they sent you of all people to talk to me?’_

 Matt just shrugged, “Sometimes it's just easier to talk to someone you don't like.”

 A part in Lance's brain told him to tell Matt that's not true. Lance didn't actually have anything against the guy. If anything, Matt was a pretty cool dude and any other situation Lance would've probably become best friends with him, if it wasn't for one thing, the thing that everyone kept telling him; that he and Matt were a lot like each other.

 Except that they _weren't._  Sure, Matt was a goofball and a flirt too, which was the first problem; As much as Lance had tried making ‘ _being the sharpshooter’_ his thing, his team believed he was the goofball. And hey atleast that was _his_ thing. But now with Matt here he wasn't even that. Lance was rarely in the mood to make jokes these days, but even when he tried, Matt always thought of them sooner or thought of something funnier and well, after a while Lance'd stopped with the jokes and the messing arounds, and nobody seemed to mind or realize, so he'd continued.

 But of course Matt wasn't just that, he was also a genius and he could fight much better than Lance. And that wasn't even the real issue. A lot of people were better than him. _No biggie,_ no, the real problem was everytime one of the others said he and Matt were alike, he couldn't help but think maybe that's the only reason Pidge ever became his friend. Maybe she just wanted someone to fill her brother's place until she got him back. That she didn't want the real him to be her friend. Maybe she didn't want to be his honorary little sister now that she had gotten her _real_ brother back.

 And even if his brain told him he was being stupid and insecure, it still kinda hurt. So at the time,  _no_ Matt was _not_ his favourite person.

 “Can I sit?” Matt asked. Apparently he took Lance's lack of answer as a yes because he crouched down next to him, staring outside clearly awed by the view, “Pidge and I used to sneak off to our roof to watch the sky all the time.”

 “Yeah, she told me,” Lance quietly said. _When we sat here and watch the stars together._

 Matt made a silent hmm, “You know I was kind of jealous, well more like worried when we first met.”  _okay ... what?!!!_

 Matt continued, “It kind of felt like you'd become Pidge’s big brother instead of me,” well, Lance wasn't expecting _that._ He hadn't considered maybe Matt was upset by this too. It couldn't feel nice if you thought you'd been replaced.

 Matt tilted his head and smiled at him, “But then I saw how youacted around her and how much she cared about you and I realized she now has two brothers instead of one, that can't be a _bad_ thing. _”_

 _I, guess so. Huh_ , Lance hadn't thought about it that way.

 Matt leaned back on his hands and went back to stargazing. He started talking; telling some of his memories with Pidge, and with Shiro back on earth. Lance listened, he didn't know if Matt somehow knew this, but it always calmed him down when he thought about earth's memories, whether they were his others'.

 Matt trailed off after sometime, but the silence didn't last long, after a few minutes he spoke up again, “So, are you gonna tell me why you've been down lately or do I have to go back to the team empty handed? Cause they ain't gonna be happy about that.”

 Lance hugged his knees and looked away. _I miss him._

  _“Him?!_ Oh wait, You mean Keith?”

 Lance sat up straight, Wait, _Did I say it out load?! Oh no_ _! Crap, crap, crap …_

 A loud laugh made him look at Matt, “Aw man, are you _blushing?!_ That's cute, Pidge did mention your little crush on him.” _…WHAT?!_

 Before Lance even had the chance to ask what the hell Matt was talking about, Matt gasped, face palming himself, “Oh _shit!_ she also mentioned you still hadn't figured that out, shit ...  _shit!_  she's going to kill me if she finds out!” he jumped to his feet, “okay, I can fix this, she doesn't have to know, I'll just tell them you miss Keith and leave out this part, Goodbye!” he practically vanished out of the room after that.

 Lance felt stunned for a moment before chasing after him, “Wait a second, get back in here! You can't tell them _that._ And what the hell do you mean _I have a crush on Keith?_!! I don't have a fucking _crush_ on Keith!” but Matt was long gone. _Great, just quiznacking great._

 Lance went back to his room, trying to get some sleep but Matt's words or more exactly _Pidge's_ words didn't let him. _Why the hell would she say something like that? I don't have a crush on Keith! I mean it's Keith!_ just because he cared a lot about the guy and would follow him to the end of the world to make sure he was okay, did _not_ mean that he liked Keith that way!

 Not that Keith wasn't attractive or anything, no, Lance could admit,  _at least to himself,_ that he was,  because, well because he _had_ eyes and well, Keith was a sight for sore eyes. Not only was he freakishly hot, he was also kind of pretty?! _Like damn those eyes should be illega_ l. Lance had always thought they had an unusual color and even now that they knew it was because of his galran heritage, Lance still thought they were beautiful, because they really were.

 And the stupid mullet, the one Lance had spent half of his time at garrison staring at, not only Keith could _actually_ pull it off, it was really soft too. Lance had once, accidentally, touched it and it'd made him daydream about how nice it would be if he could run his fingers through it a few times, _or a couple hundred times._

 _A_ nd so what if he thought Keith's laugh was _legendary?_  Lance snorted in his head at the joke but really, it _was._ His laughs, as rare as they were, were so genuine and contagious. You couldn't look at him and not laugh with him. Lance was sure his laughs could end the worlds problems. _Maybe we should use that to defeat the galra_.

 So what if Lance had gone out of his way more times that he'd like to admit to make Keith laugh like that? and so what if he thought Keith was cute when he was frustrated? so what if he really admired …  _ugh, this talk is proving to be counter productive._

The point was that he did _not_ have a crush on Keith. Just because he appreciated the guy, did not mean he liked him! _Yeah, real convincing Lance,_  his brain mocked him.

 “Shut up stupid brain! I do _not_ have a _fucking crush_ on _fucking Keith!”_

 He immediately clasped his hands in front of his mouth. Had he really just said that out loud?! _Quiznack!_ He calmed down when he remembered no one could hear him. The only room that was close to his was Keith‘s. Maybe there was _one_ advantage to Keith not being there after all, Cause _that_ would've been a bit difficult to explain to him.

 Since his brain refused to stop thinking about Keith, he decided to hit the training deck. _Great, now his stupid habits are rubbing off on me_! Lance shook his head as he made his way to the deck. He’d found himself in there regularly after Keith'd left. It was kind of ironic, considering the length Keith had to go to before to force him to train. _if only he knew all he had to do for me to train a bit was to leave he probably would've left earlier_.

  _Ugh,_ Well that brought back another sad fucking train of thoughts; what if _he_ was part of the reason Keith left. He raised the difficulty of the training level as guilt filled him. _You just had to go run to him for reassurance, couldn't just keep it in like you always do_. Maybe if he hadn't told Keith he thought he should step away from the team, he wouldn't have left. Maybe …

_wait a second where did the gladiator go?_

 As soon as he turned to look, a staff hit him  in the head. _Ouch, damn it!_ this happened everytime he tried this level. “End training sequence,” clearly working emotions through training wasn't _his_ thing.

 He made his way to the kitchen, turning the lights on, taking an ice pack.

“What happened to you?”

 Lance jumped up in surprise at Shiro's voice, the pack slipping from his hand to the ground. He turned around and saw Shiro sitting on one of the dining chairs. Lance bent down to pick up the ice pack, “Shiro, What the fuck man?! why where you sitting in the dark?” he asked, taking a seat, resting his feet on the table, and placing the cold pack on his head. _Hmm,_  The cold was soothing.

 Shiro took a sip out of the glass in his hand. I _s that ... Nunvill?! Best not to think about it._

 “First of all watch your language, second of all get your feet off the table! we _eat_ on this table and third of all I couldn't sleep,” Shiro said.

 Lance grinned as he removed his feet from the table, _he's such a dad_. And well the not sleeping part that wasn't exactly news. Lance had found him, more than a couple of times, awake at midnights since they got him back, “Yeah, I got that part but why were you sitting in the _dark?_ That's just creepy man!”

 Shiro just shrugged, “What happened to your head? Or are we just gonna pretend you ' _hit the cabinet'_ again?!”

  _Wow,_ he even did the finger quotes. It was just Lance's good luck that he'd run into Shiro a few night's before with a bump on his forehead from the gladiator. He’d brushed it off and said he'd hit the cabinet, clearly Shiro hadn't believe him, “Fine, it's from the training bot.” he admitted.

 Shiro squinted at him, smiling, “Keith, if you're possessing Lance's body, this would be the perfect time to tell me.”

 Lance scoffed, “Like I'm gonna let _that_ guy anywhere near my perfect body!”

 Shiro started laughing and just kept going.

 “It was not _that_ funny Shiro?!” Lance questioned, raising an eyebrow.

 “Oh, believe me, from _my_ point of view, it _was.”_ Shiro said, bending down to hold his stomach from laughter.

 _He's not making any sense,_ the lack of sleep was probably getting to him, “Dude, are you getting any sleep?”

 Shiro's laugh died  rather quickly, “Says the boy awake at,” he tilted his head to read the clock Hunk had built for the kitchen, “4:30”

 Lance was very well familiar with what Shiro was trying to do; turning the conversation away from himself. He'd done it way more than a few times himself. He wasn't gonna let Shiro do thay. _Not on my watch,_ “Yeah, but I sleep in late, you _don't,_ in fact I haven't heard anyone seeing you sleep.”

 Shiro looked at the glass in his hand, circling his thumb around the rim, “I, haven't got much sleep, not since I, uh, came back,” he finished quietly. 

 “Shiro, what the hell? It's been _months!_ How are you even still alive?!  _Come on!_ we're getting you some of Coran's famous sleeping potion,” Lance got up, dragging Shiro after him before he had a chance to protest, “he claims that stuff knock you out in a _jiffy …that's_ old people for fast by the way.”

 “Lance, don't be rude,” Shiro scolded, walking behind.

 “How is it rude to call the _10000-year-old-guy_ old?! I'm pretty sure we've passed planets younger than him, but okay,  _dad,”_ Lance looked back, grinning at him.

 Shiro sighed. He did use to get mad everytime they called him that, But he'd eventually accepted. And _come on_ the guy was such a dad.

 After getting over the fact that they woken him up in the middle of the night, Coran was more than happy to help them out. It took Lance 5 minutes after he laid down in his bed to feel the effects of the liquid. _Wow,_ he should get more of this thing from Coran later ...

 

 He took back those words as soon as he woke up next morning. _More like noon_. His head was heavy, even after the shower. He made his way to the kitchen still hazy. Everyone was already there.

 _Weird,_ why were they eating breakfast there at such a late hour?! _Ugh,_ space was weird. He shrugged, sitting on the closest chair, “Hey,” he cpcered his mouth as he yawned.

 “Well, look who decided to finally join!” Pidge said. She was sitting on top of the counter, her laptop in her lap.

 “Why didn't you wake me up earlier?” Lance asked, stuffing some goo into his mouth. _Ew,_ he _sincerely_ hoped they came across another planet soon so Hunk could get ingredients and make _real_ food again. 

  _“‘Didn't wake you up?!’_  Dude, literally every single person in this room tried that at least once, you wouldn't budge!” Hunk said.

 Matt turned to Lance, grinning, “Even Allura! She yelled at you for 10 whole minutes and all you said was ‘ _5 more minutes, mom_!’”

 Everyone laughed, except for Allura who looked furious. She looked like she was ready to pounce at him. _Jeez Allura, take a chill pil_ _l,_ though Lancee didn't say that outloud. He liked his head _on_ his body, _thank you very much._

 Allura huffed, pointing a finger at him “You're _lucky_ we had the same issue with Shiro, or so help me I would have—”

  _S_ he got interrupted by Coran, thankfully. Lance really didn't want to know where that threat was going, “If I may princess, I believe it may be my fault, I miss calculated the sleeping drug's dosage.”

 Hunk's head turned to him faster than an owl, _oh crap_ , “Sleeping drug?! Why are you taking sleeping drug? You have trouble sleeping? Are you okay?!” he looked at Lance worried. Leave it to Hunk to make a big deal out if a few sleepless nights ... well, it was more than _a few,_ but Lance wasn't gonna admit to that.

 Before Lance had a chance to comfort him, Pidge wrapped a hand around Lance’s neck, snickering, “Aw, is it because you _miss Keeeef?!”_ she teased in a baby voice.  _Oh, no!_

 Lance glared at Matt, feeling his face flaring up. Matt just shrugged. T _hat little snitch!_  
Hunk placed a hand on Lance's shoulder smiling, “Buddy, it's okay, we all miss him.” 

_not the same way I do … ugh, shut up brain!_

 “I'll ask if we can talk to Keith next time Kolivan contacts the castle,” Shiro said smiling at him.

 Lance couldn't keep himself from jumping up from his seat,  _“Really, you will?!”_

 He realised a second too late that maybe he was showing a little _too much_ excitement  as everyone laughed at him. He rubbed the back of his neck as he felt his face heat up once again, “Or you know, whatever, not like I care.”

 Six very unimpressed faces stared back at him. “Anyone buying this? ... no?! Okay, I'll just sit down pretending _this_ didn't happen,” Lance said, sitting down, momentarily considering banging his head on the table from embarrassment but he restrained himself from doing so. It would be hard to explain to the team.


	2. Chapter 2

 Lance couldn't stop moving around in red. After Kolivan had straight out refused their request, his mode had taken a toll for the worse the last couple of days. He hadn't even wanted to get out of bed this morning.

 _Boy,_ was he glad that he did. During breakfast Shiro had told him he was getting his first solo mission ...  _holy crap!_ Lance hadn't been able to tone down his excitement since then. His first Mission. He felt red sending a wave of pride towards him.

 “Stop fidgeting, Lance! We can practically hear you move around in there. You got this.” Shiro's voice came through the comms. “Sorry, I have to talk to Allura, I'm gonna let Pidge and Hunk handle this from here.”

 “Sir, yes sir!” Lance saluted even knowing that Shiro couldn't see him.

 “Well, you're in a good mood.” Hunk said.

 Lance nodded, but then reminded himself that they couldn't see him, “Why shouldn't I be? It's my first mission!”

 This time Pidge spoke “Lance,  _focus!_  This is actually really important.”

 Lance grinned, “My first mission and already so important, take that, Keith!” he teased. his grin vanished as he remembered Keith wasn't listening. 

 “Lance, Keith isn't—”

 “Yeah, yeah. I know,”  _I know he's not here._

 Red purred sadly in his mind. She usually  had a edge when she spoke; hotheaded, like her paladin— _her real paladin,_ Lance thought to himself—but never when she was talking about Keith, or the times she was reassuring Lance. No, those times it was always soft and motherly.

 And Lance understood the words behind her purr; _She missed Keith._

 He patted her dash board _; I know, red  I miss him too, but we have a mission right now, let's focus on that, okay?_

 Red purred in agreement. _Good girl._

 Lance had waited a long time for this opportunity, for a chance to prove himself, to prove that he was worthy to be there and _stay there as a paladin._  He _needed_ to prove it, more to himself than the others. Now, that he had that chance, he wasn't gonna let anything _or anyone_ keep him from doing his best. So for just today he had to get Keith out if his mind, completely.

 “Tell me the plan one more time”,  he said to the comms.

 “Dude, we've already gone over it like 5 times. It's really not _that_ complicated, even for you.” Pidge answered back.

 _Rude,_ he didn't want to review the plan because he didn't _understand_ it. He just wanted to be sure he got _every_ detail right. Even if there weren't many details in this one.

 He shifted in his seat, “Just humor me.”

 Pidge's snort came through the comms, “Right, cause that's my lifelong dream; to humor _you.”_  she mocked yet proceeded to explain the plan one more time.

 It was pretty simple: infiltrate the galra base, get to the command room, plug in the flash, get the info and get out. What made it harder was that according to Pidge, this was one of Lotor's hide out places. therefore it was heavily guarded and very hard to break in. And what made the mission important was apparently the place was Lotor's most important base and the systems had most of Lotor's plans and a lot of other info on galra.

 But it was a one time opportunity and if Lance somehow messed it up, they would never get another one like it. He was _not_ going to fail.

 Thankfully, Pidge had reassured him neither Lotor nor any of her generals would be there. Lance _really_ hoped Lotor wasn't stupid enough to go back to one of his old hide-outs now that he was on the run from the empire, cause he was sure there was _no_ way he could fight off Zarkon's _freaking_ son.

 Specially, since that and the floor plans were the only things Pidge had been able to find on the place. _Guess this place must be really important._ He felt a wave of pride go through him. His team and Shiro must have more belief in him than he'd thought, if they were trusting him with something like this.

 The base was starting to appear in his visual. It wasn't really that big, but the inside must be important. He chose one of the bigger, but not too far away, incase he needed to leave quickly, asteroids to hide red in. She sent him one last wave of reassurance as he landed on the surface of the base, taking out his bayard.

 Lance was quite amazed by the altean technology; it was kind of amazing how the bayard could take different forms based on whatever they needed at the moment—well technically, according to Allura, he was the only one who could do that with his bayard right now, but It was probably because the others didn't have time to waste around on it— for example right now he needed a … he didn't even have to finish his thought before the bayard started changing into a laser. He cropped a circle, just big enough to let him pass through, on the surface of the base.

  _Congratulations ladies and gentleman, we are in._  Lance could feel red's amusement even from this far. He took another look to the holographic map on his arm. _Alright,_ the command room wasn't that far away. Only a few halls. He started moving, trying to be as stealthy and quiet as possible. Though he didn't need to; the place was deserted. He got to the command room in few minutes.

  _Well, That was way too easier than I thought it would be._  Maybe Pidge found the wrong base by mistake?  _No,_ Pidge was never wrong. If she said this place was important then it must be. Lance trusted her enough to bet his life on her words.

 Which brought him to next possibility; _is this a trap?_ But even if it was, Lance had no way of knowing. Better just to do the mission and get out as quickly as possible. He plugged in Pidge's flash, following the steps she'd instructed. Thankfully,he process began.

 Honestly, Lance sometimes got really surprised by how smart she was; The galra had been around for more than 10000 years and she had written a program that could hack their computers in a few ticks. _She's a tiny little genius._ He thought proudly.

 The process was going slow; only _53%_ done by then. Lance started looking around to keep himself busy. He looked into a few drawers; there were mostly guns or useless crap in there, but then ...  _holy shit!_ Lance had found the _best_ thing in the history.

 It was a poster of Zarkon standing in a heroic pose, glitters around him. And were those …?! _Yup, definitely,_ someone had drew tiny hearts around it. Lance had to place a hand infront of his mouth to stop the sound of his laugh getting out.  _Oh man,_ he was definitely going to bring this thing back to the castke with him. _W_ ere they gonna have a laugh about it, and Pidge could even photoshop it …

 A sound outside the closed doors reminded him that he was on a mission. He checked the screen:  _97%._

 _Good,_ it would be over soon. _Wait, Crap!_ he could hear clear footsteps now. They were getting closer.

 _98%; come on!_ he readied his bayard . He could hear muffled voices speaking outside.

 _99%;_ he could hear the voices almost clearly now.

 _100%;_ he snatched the flash out. And targeted his bayard at the door. He could almost see the shadows right outside the door. Though it would be easier if he could avoid the fight. Get out of here without getting noticed. _Come on Lance, think. think!_

 He looked around for something, anything that could get him out of this situation but nothing ...  _Bingo._ A vent. He crawled in and closed the vent just as the door opened and two figured walked in.

 They both were clearly galra but they looked very different. Lance couldn't get a clear view from this angle, But the one who had their back to him looked really familiar. _Wait_ a _second,_ he had seen those uniforms before …

 “Is that all?” the other figure asked, handing the familiar one a tablet and disrupting Lance’s thoughts.

 The familiar one nodded, “Yes, prince Lotor.”

  _OH, CRAP!_  Lance had to bite his lips _and_ clasp his hands infront of his mouth to stop the gasp. _Of course,_  what else was he expecting?! He just had the best luck in the world, didn't he?!

 Fear began crawling up inside him. He couldn't fight with Lotor _and_ all his generals. _Heck,_  last time it was five of them and they had almost lost to the 4 generals. How the fuck was he supposed to fight them all at the same time _and_ survive?! There was just no way he could do this.

 _Stop! as long as they don't know you're here you won't have to._ But how long would that last? How long before someone saw the red lion?

 The other fig— _no, prince Lotor_ sat down on the chair. Finally allowing Lance to get a better look at him. To be honest, he didn't exactly look like what Lance had expected: no wrinkles, no scary glowing eyes and he definitely looked nothing like Zarkon, and those ears, they looked … _Altean?!_ So Coran _was_ right. He was Honerva and Zarkon's son. Lance shuddered at the thought, _how horrible must it be to have those two as your parents._

 He continued to study Lotor's features. The prince was charismatic and Lance would say he almost looked good— _Ugh, I can't believe I just thought that about our enemy—_ if it wasn't for that creepy smile. It was really intimidating and specially the tiny fangs made Lotor look like one of those predator Lance'd seen in the discovery channel. The one's that fooled their prey and lured them in with their looks just to pounce at them.

 Lotor placed a hand under his chin, he looked … _bored?!_  “Good, I can't wait to get out of this place.”

 The general, the one that Lance finally recognised as the one Keith had said he fought _with_ in the weblum, nodded.

 The prince continued, “And send Ezor in, I need to—”

 “Lance, what's taking you—”  _oh, fuck!_ he'd forgotton to turn off the comms. He shut it off as soon as Hunk's voice came in but Lotor had already stopped his sentence and was looking right at his direction.

 _Oh fuck!_  Lance held his breath and tried to stay still as possible. Had Lotor heard it? But Lance could never hear the comms if the helmet wasn't really near him. Then again galra's ears could be different, more sensitive.

 _Please, no!_ he really didn't want them to find him. He would fight but the chances were he was gonna end up losing. And he _definitely_ didn't want to die or worse be a prisoner. _Oh god,_  he had no doubt that it would be a rather painful torturous stay. Would they send him to the arenas?  _Oh god,_ what if they tried to take his hand like Shiro's?He didn't want to lose his hand, He _very_ much needed it! He couldn't shoot without it. 

 The general followed Lotor's gaze to the vent, “Sir, is something wrong?”

 Lotor finally looked away and Lance could let go of his breath, “No, send in Ezor in a few dobashes.”

 The general nodded and left. Lotor stood up, walking to the window, looking outside thoughtful, his hands clasped behind his back.

 _Wow, how is his hair looking so good?_ Lance momentarily wondered what shampoo the prince used and if he could get some of it.

 _Priorities Lance!_ his brain yelled at him.  
_this is your chance!_ this was probably the best Lance was gonna get. He needed surprise on his side if he was gonna get out of here alive, and he wouldn't have it if he stayed there much longer.

 If he could just get Lotor as a prisoner he could use him as leverage to leave this place, maybe he could even take him to the castle, get some information from him. Lance almost laughed at himself. The prince was probably gonna snap him in half as soon as he got close to him. But what choice did Lance have?

 “Are you going to come out or are you just gonna stay there?” Lotor spoke up.

 _OH FUCK,_ he knew Lance was there?  _Oh god, I'm screwed!_ What was he gonna do? What _could_ Lance do?

 “Well?! I'm waiting.” Lotor spoke, once again.

 Lance gulped. It wasn't like he had any other option. he took in a deep breath trying to calm his nerves and readied his bayard as he opened the vent and crawled out. He was expecting Lotor to drag him out or attack at him once he was out but the prince hadn't even moved an inch, or even turn his head. He was still looking out the window.

 Lance aimed his blaster at Lotor. _What the hell is_ _going on?_ Shouldn't he be getting attacked right now?!

 “You may want to hurry up if you don't wanna run into Ezor.”

 He … he was letting Lance _go?!_

 Why?  _Who cares? just go!_ His brain screamed and Lance almost did turn to leave, but he couldn't. What if this was a trap?! And if it wasn't why was the galran letting him go? He _needed_ to know, “Why the hell are you letting me _go?_ why aren't you trying to you know ... kill me?!”

The prince laughed, _laughed?!_ What _the_ _fuck_ was going on?! “Do you _want_ me to kill you?”

 Was Lance really having a conversation with the galran prince instead of leaving?! _Apparently_ he was. “Well, no! But I infiltrated your base and you're just gonna let me leave, with the info?  _Why?” Why am I debating against myself? I should be leaving!_ But curiosity is a dangerous thing.

 The prince moved his shoulders and Lance almost shot at him before he realized the prince was shrugging. _What, the, fuck?!_ “Why should I waste my time? nothing you've found in this place could hold any importance. This place is a dump.”

 W _hat?_ That made no sense. Lance squinted at him, which was kind of pointless since the man was facing the other way, “It must be important if _you're_ here.”

 “Merely a matter of refuel, that's the only thing this place is good for. And I would be leaving if I were you.”

 _Refuel?!_ But Pidge had said this place was important. It couldn't be just a space gas station, “You're lying.”

 The prince turned around and Lance couldn't help but take a step back; Lotor looked furious. He regretted it immediately as Lotor smiled at the way he'd reacted; _nice job portraying voltron's paladins as cowards._

 “I do not _lie,_ little paladin.” Lotor said with a victorious smile.

 Lance wasn't gonna debate with him. He was gonna leave, like he should've done in the first place. If Lotor was gonna let him go, then he gladly _would._ No need to look the gift horse in the mouth.

 But then the prince frowned at him, “Blue armor but red bayard?! Hmm, so Kova _had_ seen correctly,” Lance watched as Lotor's expression morphed into a _sad?!_ One. He whispered something like _narti?!_ Under his breath.

  _Ugh,_ why was Lance standing there interpreting emotions of his enemy?! And not just _anyone,_ Zarkon's son! He probably couldn’t even _feel_ sadness.

 Thankfully, before Lance could actually doubt that maybe he _could,_ the expression vanished as if never happened. _Oh yay,_ the creepy smile was back. Lotor stared at him, “You switched your lions, didn't you? but why keep the formation?!” he took a step towards Lance and Lance instinctively took one back.

 Lotor's tilted his head, “I admit the blue lion has been acting much better recently but really it's not worth the disastrous way the red lion had been performing. The lack of control, the way It's being piloted, It's almost _pathetic.”_

 Lance couldn't help but wince, Lotor's words was hitting _way_ too close to home for his comfort.

 He realised the repetition of his mistake as Lotor's smile widened, “Tell me little paladin who's place are you holding? The red paladin or the blue paladin?”

 Lotor took another step. Lance tried to take another back but he hit the wall. Lotor's smile turned more vicious as he took another step and for a second Lance realized what those prey he'd thought of earlier, felt like, “Or perhaps you’re a replacement for both of them, since you're life clearly doesn't matter to Voltron. Your team didn't even care enough to join you on this _oh-so-important_ mission,” Lotor's smile was too malicious to even look at, “tell me, how does it feel to be a spare? Not good, is it? But I'm sure your team feels pretty good about it; having a back up that can be easily _disposed_ of.” 

Lance needed Lotor to shut up. He had no idea how Lotor knew where to press, but his words was aiming right at Lance’s insecurities, “Shut the fuck up or I _will_ shoot you."

 Lotor took another step forward so his chest was touching the muzzle of Lance’s blaster. It kind of felt wrong to aim it at someone who wasn’t fighting him or even had a weapon. But honestly, even if _he_ had the gun, he still couldn't help but feel Lotor had the upper hand here. Both in combat and well, he _literally_ had the upper hand. Lance was almost intimidated at the way Lotor was towering over him. Sure Lotor was smaller than the usual galra but he was still almost a foot taller than Lance.

 Lotor bent down so he was face to face with Lance,  _“No,_  you won't shoot me, you had that gun aimed at me for quite some time now and I'm still breathing. Perhaps you don't like shooting a combatant without a weapon.”

  _Sure,_ Lance hadn't shot him but it wasn't for the reason Lotor thought, unlike what _even the prince_  who just met him seemed to think of him,  he _wasn't_ stupid. killing Lotor would only make it harder for him to get out of here. and maybe Lance _could_ just shoot him somewhere nonfatal, but that would only cause more soldiers to come here or Lotor could even set an alarm off. So that was a no too.

 And well maybe Lotor was a bit right too; he wasn't gonna kill someone weaponless in cold blood! he _couldn't;_ specially someone who wasn't even trying to hurt him right now, well  _yet._ So at the moment, Lotor _was_ right; he wasn't going to shoot him.

 It seemed like Lotor knew Lance had come to the same conclusion. He moved a step to the left opening Lance’s escape, “If you're not going to shoot me or answer me you might as well just leave.”

 Lance did not need to be told twice this time. He made his way to the door but Lotor's voice stopped him, “May we meet again, _little paladin.”_

Lance really fucking hoped _not._ He almost couldn't believe it as he finished the first hallway. He kept looking around expecting someone to pounce on him, saying it was a trap. But a few more hallways were passed and still nothing. Maybe the prince _was_ really crazy enough to let him go.

  _Wait, where am I?!_ He definitely did not remember passing a gigantic room filled with ships, their hanger when he was coming in. He opened the holographic map. _Oh, great,_ He'd taken the wrong turn. Lance moved to go back but then his eyes landed on two ships. Were they ...?

  _Yeah,_ they definitely were the ones Lotor made from the comet. Should he?  _Just leave!_ but the ship was _right_ there, and Lance had a tracker on his suit, why shouldn't he just plant it on the ship? 

 _Just leave before someone else finds you,_ Lance ignored his brain pleas. he needed to take advantage of this opportunity. He walked up to one of the ships and took the tracker out.

 He tried to install it on the ship when suddenly something, or someone snatched it out of his hand.

“U _h_ uh uh! you shouldn’t have done that,” Lance had no time to dwell on _who_ had said that or to reach for his bayard before he was lifted in the air by an invisible force until his feet couldn't touch the ground.

 His hands went to his throat trying to get whatever it was that was suffocating him off.  
_The invisible force_ materialized. _Oh,_ she was one of Lotor's generals they had fought before. Lance’s hands clutched to hers trying to get it off his neck, to get his air supply back. But she seemed to be much stronger than him, her fingers didn't even budge from his neck. If anything she tightened her hold when he tried to kick her. His vision darkened and not just at the pain, at the way his lungs where burning with the lack of oxygen, yet he didn't miss the way she smirked at his struggle.

 Then suddenly she dropped him. Lance fell on the floor with a loud thud. He curled in on himself, his hands going to the damaged area as he gasped for air, trying to get as much air in as possible. His vision began to clear up in a minute.

 She had bent down, one hand on her knee, the other holding the tracker, looking at him with a smile. She crushed the tracker in her grip. Lance flinched; the same thing could've happened to his neck.

“Lotor sent me to make sure you wouldn't do, well _this.”_

 _Oh,_ so _this_ was Ezor. Lance wished he could say it was nice to meet her, but the painful throb in his neck begged to differ.

Her expression turned from amused to consideration, “I don't understand why he's letting you go.”  _You and me both._

Lance stood up, unsure of what to do. He materialized his bayard in his hand, without it he was sure he wouldn't survive if she decided she wanted to attack again.

 “Well, come on, I don't have _all_ day to waste on you!” she gestured for him to move. He still didn't know what the hell was going on but he started making his way back to where he had made a hole to get in. Ezor was  following him, sending his nerves on edge. He still could feel her fingers on his neck, and he had no intentions of actually feeling them again. He kept looking back, trying to keep an eye on her. He expected her to place her death grip on him again any second but surprisingly she _didn't,_ he exited the ship. Was he really getting away?

 Lance used his jetpacks to get to the red lion, asking her to fly as soon as her mouth closed behind him. Finally able to let go of the breath he was holding, he sat on the seat trying to run diagnostics to make sure there weren't any trackers on red. _Nothing._ he ran them a few times just to be sure. _Still nothing._ He even asked red to check if any ships had locked in on them. _No. That's weird._ Then _why_ had Lotor let him go?

 Lance rested his head on the dash board asking red to fly them back to the castle. Meanwhile Lotor's words were on repeat in his head, had he really been telling the truth? 

 _No, No way!_  His team would _never_ lie to him like that. They probably really thought this place was important. Or maybe Lotor had simply lied and this place was important and the info Lance had gotten really mattered. Yet a persistent voice in his head kept asking,  _why would he let you go if that was the case?!_

 _Ugh,_ _I don't know!_ but what he _did_ know was that his team would never do something like that. _Never_

 Red flew them back to the castle pretty quickly. _Damn you're fast girl._ She purred proudly in his head. As soon as he walked a step out of her mouth and into the hanger he was faced with his whole team raining questions at him;

“Why weren't you answering?!”

“Are you okay?”

“Lance, why did you turn the comms off?”

“What the hell took you so long?”

“Were you messing around again?”

“Lance, we were worried!”

 Lance raised his hands, “Guys, guys, calm down! I'm fine, I just ran into some complications, nothing I couldn't handle on my own.” _yeah, right._  His mind mocked him.

 Though not as much as the surprise in his teammates' faces. Why did they look so surprised? A little bit of trouble was expected in this sorta missions.

 “Complications?!” Pidge blinked in confusion at him. Why was she confused?

   _Unless … no!_ that just, _no._ It  _couldn't_ be true.

 “Yeah, I mean it was expected, right?! Breaking into such a high-placed base and all that?”

 Lance did not like the way Hunk paled at his words or the way Pidge drew hers. “Yeaaah, of couurse.”

Lance knew that tone, it was her _‘I did something I'm trying to get away with’_ voice she usually did with Shiro, her lying tone. Oh, no ...had they really? He needed to know for sure.

 “You know it really means a lot to me that you guys trust me with an important mission like this.” the way Hunk avoided eye contact was _all_ the confirmation he needed. _I_ ,  _I can't believe they did this!_

 Shiro placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling. The kind of smile that usually made Lance feel proud, but all it was doing now was leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. “Of course, buddy. We trust you with anything.”

  _liar._ Lance couldn't believe this. How could they do that? How could they lie to him like that? Sent him on a wild goose chase like that? Like a kid that need to be occupied! They had lied to him! And the idiot he was he had believed they could ever let him do something as important as this. Why was he so stupid? How could they do this to him; Act like he was a fool? Was it all a joke? Did they had a good laugh at his foolishness?! 

 “What was the complication?” Allura asked looking almost concerned.

 Lance couldn't help his frown,  _“Oh, nothing,_ I ran into Lotor.”

 Allura stared back at him unimpressed, crossing her arms, “Lance, I'm _serious.”_

 Lance crossed his arms, mirroring her posture, “ _So am I.”_

 He did not miss the way Pidge rolled her eyes at him,  _“Why_ would Lotor be there?!”

 He raised his eyebrow, his nails digging into his arms at the effort of trying to keep his face from looking angry, “Well, it _is_ hide place, right? why wouldn't he be there?” he couldn't help it; he needed to know how long were they willing to keep this up. _How much more could they lie right to his face._

 Pidge visibly stuttered, “Y-yeah, you're right—”  
 Hunk interrupted her, “Pidge _stop,_ I thinkhe knows.”

 Well, would you look at that: Hunk finally stopped lying,  _oh what a good friend._

 Lance took a step towards the team, “Know _what?_  Oh, you mean the thing were you guys _lied_ to me and sent me to a wild hunt like an idiot? Yeah, I _fucking_ know!” his voice had raised through each word and he was yelling at the end.

 At least his team had the audacity to pale at that. _How nice of them._

Shiro was the first one spoke up, “Lance, we didn't—”

 Lance didn't let him finish,  _“Oh, shut up!_ Shut up, Shiro. You've already lied _enough,”_ any other time he would've felt bad at the guilty look on Shiro's face but right _now_ he didn't care. Why would they do this, why?!

 He threw the flash to Pidge. She didn't have any chance to catch it before it hit the ground with a loud thud. “Here, it's the _really important_ flash you wanted. Tell me Pidge, is there a _single_ thing on this that that we needed or even is a little bit useful?!” the look she gave him was enough. He huffed shaking his head, “you know what?! don't bother!”

 He turned to leave. He really didn't want to stay at the same place with them right now. But Hunk's voice stopped him, “Lance,  _stop._ we only wanted to cheer you up ”

 Lance turned around, trying to digest the words, “Cheer ... me ... up?! You made a fool out of me to _cheer me up?!”_ was he shaking? he felt like he was shaking.

 Hunk held his hands up defensively, “Look, you were really down lately. Nothing we thought of worked to help, but then Pidge thought—”

 Lance cut him, “Oh,  _Pidge_ thought?! Oh well I guess that makes it okay! Even if it's lying to your friend! But _Pidge_ thought of it so it _must_ be a good idea.”

 “Hey, stop. She just wanted to help. You're hurting her.” Matt frowned wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

 Lance laughed, it was not a happy one, “I'm hurting her?! _I'm_ hurting _her?_!” he turned his gaze to Pidge, trying to ignore the way her eyes were beginning to tear up, “do you wanna know what I thought when I saw that freaking empty place? ‘ _this place looks like a dump but hey if Pidge says it's a real deal, I'll bet my fucking life that it is!_ ' Do you know how humiliating it is that the fucking _galran prince_ is the _only_ one who told me the truth? Why? Why would you do something like this? If you wanted me out of your way you just had to ask! you didn't have to go through all this just to get rid of me for one day!”

 His words were meant for everyone but since Pidge was the one he was looking at, she took all the heat. And now she _definitely_ was tearing up. Guilt filled Lance. He ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation. He turned around, leaving. This time no one stopped him.

 He locked the door behind him as soon as he set foot in his room and threw himself on  his bed, not even bothering to change. He pressed his face to the pillow as the tears rolled down. Every thing finally catching up to him.

 Why wasn't Keith here? Would he have helped them or stopped them?  _He wouldn't let them do something like this … right?!_ Then again, he'd never thought Pidge or Hunk would do this. He felt a pang in his heart at the mention of Pidge. Lance didn't think he could ever get her teary eyes out if his mind.

 Why? Why had they done this?  _If you want to cheer someone up you bake them a cake, you give them a present, you don't make up a fake mission for them to go on_.

 Lotor's words filled his mind. If he'd been right about that, maybe he was right about everything else. Maybe Lance _was_ just a replacement. For blue _and_ red. Maybe he wasn't even a real paladin. He'd gone on this made up mission to prove that he _was._ Well he'd definitely failed _that._  He couldn't even finish a fake mission correctly. He pressed his face harder to the pillow as his cries grew louder.

 

 It had been four days since the mission. Almost everyone had come to his door to try and apologise that day. Lance hadn't opened the door. He'd tried to avoid any sort of contact with any of them.

 The only contact he'd had with any of them was when he had apologized to Pidge for yelling at her and leaving before she had a chance to say anything. Unfortunately he'd run into Hunk on his way back. Hunk immediately starting to apologise but stopping after a few minutes when Lance hadn't say anything,

 “Lance,  _come on!_  You can't keep this up forever,” he had said.

 Lance squinting at him, “Technically, I _can.”_

“Please _don't!_ I want, I need my best friend back.” Hunk had asked.

 “That's the thing, Hunk; you're my best friend, my _brother!_  You guys crossed a line, and I can deal with anyone doing this, but _you._  And If I can't trust my brother then who _can_ I trust?” he hadn't stayed around for a reply.

 After that He would only leave his room when he knew the others weren't there to get food goo. Sometimes he would find a plate of food outside his door. _Probably Hunk's work_. He hadn't taken them.

 Was he overreacting?! _Probably._ but he couldn't help it; he felt betrayed. And it wasn't helping that this was pressing right at his insecurities. That maybe the team felt like he was just a nuisance. _Just someone to get off your case._

 Today he'd, finally gotten tired of staying at his room and _sulking,_ so currently he was sitting on the floor of the observation room, not the main one,  _no_ the smaller one the one that almost no one knew about, and _sulking. Almost_ cause Keith and Coran knew about it, too. He and Keith had found it in one of their late night chases. Lance had kept it a secret, he was pretty sure Keith had done the same. Or atleast he _hoped._ And Coran probably knew about it, since the guy knew practically every nook and cranny in the castle.

 His guess proved to be correct as he saw the advisor siting down next to him from the corner of his eyes.

 “Ah, the view is quite amazing, isn't it?” he said, curling his mustache.

 Lance didn't answer, instead after a few moments he asked, “Did you know?”

 “Oh no, my boy. I would've stopped them.”

 Lance smiled at him. Good to know he at least had one person on his front.

 The older man smiled sadly at him, “But you _must_ understand, they only did what they did because they thought it would help you feel better,” Lance was going to interrupt him but Coran held his finger up, “no, Lance, that _is_ the reason they did it. Even if they didn't choose the best way to do it, they only wanted to lift your spirits. We all have seen how different you've been acting, specially since number 4 left, you can't blame them for trying to help. Wouldn't _you_ have wanted to help if the situation were reversed?”

  _I, guess so._  “It still doesn't make it okay for them to lie to me!” he persisted. Lance was never one to tolerate being lied to. Maybe it was what his mom used to say about how you never lie to the people you love, no matter how harsh the truth was. Or maybe it was the quote he had read when he was younger, the one that had stayed with him _‘Don't lie, because the same people who believe your lies are also the ones who believe in you.’ E_ ither way, he hated being lied to.

 “Hmm, No it doesn't. But then again, we all make mistakes. After all, we're all human.” Lance raised an eyebrow at him making the altean chuckle, “or well you guys are.”

 Well,  _maybe_ Coran was right. The team had messed up, so what?! he had messed up a thousand times. He could forgive them,  _right?_  Or at least he could try. It might take a bit of time but he could.

 “Did, did Lotor do that?” Coran sounded like he was trying to control his voice as he pointed to the bruise around Lance’s neck.

Lance’s hand instinctively went to where Coran was pointing. It still hurt his throat when he ate, “Surprisingly no. It was one of his generals."

 “My boy you need a pod.” 

  _"NO!"_ Coran looked surprised at his outburst. But Lance really hated the pods, he had since they fucking tried to freeze him. He just felt so stuck, so trapped when he was in one. He usually tried to avoid them as much as he could. He chose the pain over those damned things every day of the week.

 “Very well, can you atleast tell me how you escaped?” Coran asked.

 “I _didn't._  Lotor let me go.”  Lance still felt so confused over why.

“He ... _let_ you go?!”  Coran questioned, scepticism dripping from his every word.

 “Yeah, he let me go.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise keith will show up soon!


	3. Chapter 3

Keith sped up the small ship. He couldn't wait till he was there. _Really,_ he did _not_ understand how this was supposed to be a punishment! He got to go back to the castle for a _whole_ week, he got to see everyone, _how_ was that a punishment?! _Crazy blades._ He shrugged; if Kolivan was crazy enough to give him the best gift possible as his penalty, who was he to say no.

 He could barely stay still as the castle of lions came to his view, Coran sending an audio welcoming him to home. _Huh,_ Keith had never had a real home but he guessed the castle was becoming one for him. Or more exactly _the people_ of the castle.

 He practically ran outside as soon as the ship landed in the hanger, but to his disappointment only Shiro was there. Not that he was disappointed to see Shiro. _God no,_ he made sure his practically brother knew that as he hugged him. But he just expected, well _hoped_ the others would be there too.

 “I really didn't think Kolivan would send you after I asked. What did you do to get him so angry?” Shiro asked stepping away from the hug. Of course scolding Keith would be the first thing he did.

  Keith rolled his eyes, “You know the usual stuff; _Keith don't do this! Keith don't do that! Keith don't try to help your comrades, that's not the blade’s way!_ ” Keith said trying to mimic Kolivan’s expression, failing miserably. How could you imitate the guy's expression that didn't show any expression?!  _Wait, did he just say ...?_ “you asked him to send me, why?”

 Shiro's face turned  _guilty,_   _was it?_! “I needed your help with something, but that can wait for later, I think you should see the team first.”

 “Oh, yeah, that ...” Keith tried to act cool but Shiro, who always saw right through him laughed.

 “They're at the lounge. I thought it would be nice if you surprised them.”

 Keith beamed up but waited to see if Shiro wanted to say anything else. Shiro raised an eyebrow, “Well _go.”_

 Keith did not need to be told twice. It took everything in him to walk slowly to the hanger's door, but as soon as he was out of Shiro's sight, he started running. Was he acting a little childish?  _Probably._ But who cared?! He couldn't wait to see everyone.

 He couldn't wait to see _Lance._ He hadn't realised it until after he'd left the castle, but his brain had started to single Lance out. He missed everyone, but he _missed_ Lance. He wanted to see everyone, but he wanted to _see_ Lance. Keith had no clue why was Lance so different in his thoughts. A persistent part of his brain kept suggesting something, but Keith had muted that part and honestly right now he couldn't care less, he just wanted to see everyone. _Lance._

 He slowed his pace as he neared the lounge's door. Quietly he walked to the door frame. He watched Pidge and was that ...? _Yeah,_ Matt, Hunk, and Allura and then on the other side of the room was Lance.

 _That's weird;_ Lance thrived on physical touch. Their first few months at space, he'd gotten really upset everytime Lance touched him, thinking Lance was doing it to mess with him but then he'd noticed how Lance practically lived for physical contact, whether it was resting his hand around Hunk's shoulders, placing his head on Pidge's lap or the simple hugs he'd given everyone. So for Lance to seat, or more like lie since that's what he was doing on the couch right now, so far away was weird. Not to mention he was reading a book. He only did that when he was upset. _Why do I even know that?!_  Keith just shook his head, he'd long gone given up on why his brain kept remembering every little thing Lance did.

 Instead, he just drank in his sight. His short bangs going in the weirdest angles Keith had ever seen. His bluer than blue, _what does that even mean?!_ , eyes. His perfectly tanned skin, though it was growing a bit paler due to the lack of sunlight, Keith sadly noted. But something else caught his attention too; was that a bruise against his neck? Keith's hands curled into fists as his protective side fired up. Who the hell had given Lance that and were they still alive? They sure as hell wouldn't be once Keith was done with them.

 “Are you gonna go in or are you just gonna stare at him?” Shiro's voice came from behind almost making him jump. He blushed as he realised Shiro's words. _How did he knew I was looking at Lance?_

 “And how did you get here so fast? ... you _ran_ here, didn't you?”

 Keith decided to go in before Shiro would have another embarrassing realization about him. But he didn't know what to say.

 “Keith, it's not rocket science. Just go in there and say hey, trust me they'll do the rest,” Shiro said reading his mind once again.

 But it didn't feel right just to say _hi,_ he wanted something more interesting. He took another look at Lance and smirked as an idea came to him. He walked inside quietly, “I swear you're growing a mullet.”

 Lance didn't even moved his head up from the book, “Oh, shut it, Keith.”

 Well,  _that_ definitely wasn't the warm welcome he was expecting.

 But then Lance repeated, “Wait _Keith?!”_ then his head turned so fast to where Keith was, Keith was actually worried he got a whiplash,  _“Keith!!!” wow,_ that was the biggest smile he'd ever seen on the other boy. He smiled back. _Now we're getting somewhere._

 Though he didn't get a chance to see the others reactions, as he almost fell backwards at the collision of Lance’s body to his own. And he suddenly had a hand full of Lance, the boy pressing his face to Keith's neck, “Keith, Keith! you're _back!”_ Lance said hugging him so tight, it was hard to breath. he couldn't find it in himself to mind.

 He wasn't gonna lie, at least not to himself, he'd missed Lance _a lot_. He wrapped his hands around the lankier boy, “Hey.” His voice was so soft and quiet he didn't recognise it as his own, but _so what?!_ And so what if he hid his face in the crook of Lance’s neck? and so what if he he breathe him in? he'd missed it, the sweet oceany scent Lance still managed to have after being in space for almost 2 years. And So what if he didn't want to let go?! It wasn't like Lance was trying to!

 “I didn't know you missed me _that_ much.” he teased expecting Lance to give him a snarky reply, but the other boy’s only reaction was to hug him tighter, Keith still didn't mind. Though he could've sworn he'd heard a _so-quiet-it-was-almost-non-existent_ _‘I did.’_  

 “So are we gonna get hugs any time soon; or are you two gonna need the room?”

  _Wow,_ Lance moved back so fast Keith felt like he'd lost a limb. He couldn't help the glare he sent Pidge for making Lance move away and he was pretty sure he was pouting. But his eyes did catch the way Lance’s face had flared up at her words. Keith couldn't say he was upset that Lance was the one blushing for a change. Red definitely looked good on him ...  _okay, calm down gay thoughts_.

 Everyone else hugged him except Matt, they shook hands, Keith nodding at him, “Matt.”

 Lance kept looking back and forth between the two. Keith could hardly held back his laughter at the dumbstruck look on his face, Pidge didn't even seem to try to stop her laugh. Lance finally spoke up, “You two,  _know_ each other?!”

 Keith raised an eyebrow, “Well, he is Shiro's best friend.”

 Matt looked at him, “Dude, not gonna lie, I'm digging that suit. It looks so badass.”

 Keith didn't have a chance to react before Lance practically jumped between them and pointed his finger at Matt, “Nope,  _nuh-uh!_ no no no no no no! I've already got my eye on that suit.”

Pidge snickered, “We know Lance, you loooove _‘the suit.’”_  What was with the air quotes? and why was Lance blushing again?

 “If you like it that much I can ask the blade to give you—”

 Keith tried to suggest but Lance interrupted him, “I don't like it _that_ much!”

 Keith thought about all the times Lance had complimented the marmora suit, “Lance, come on, the only thing you _haven't_ done is to hit on it.”

 Everyone in the room started laughing except for Lance who was getting more red in the face. _Weird,_ andwhat he’d said wasn't that funny.

 Lance stumped his foot on the floor, “Yeah, well, I'm _not going to._ So shut your quiznacks!” he glared at everyone.

 Keith might not know what was it that everyone else found so funny, but he couldn't help smirking, “I still don't think you're using that word correctly!”

 Lance looked up and rubbed his face with his hands, “Oh my god, are you _serious_ right now?!”

 Well, that was just _too_ tempting, “No, I'm not serious, I'm Keith.”

 Lance just stared at him, deadpan, “Nope, that's it! I'm out.”

 He turned to leave, and even if Keith knew he was just being dramatic and wasn't actually leaving, he still reached and grabbed the boy by his hoodie, “Get back in here, I'm just kidding.” who knew teasing Lance back could be so much fun?

 But then he noticed how Lance cried in pain; _oh shit,_ he'd forgotten about the injury on Lance’s neck when he'd grabbed the hood. He guiltily looked as Lance’s hands went to his neck, rubbing the purplish skin, “So, how did that happen?”

 He didn't miss the warning look Lance gave the others before saying “Nothing, don't worry.”

 _Well, that's not the truth._ Keith frowned but didn't say anything. Lance looked like he was on his defensive mode and Keith had learned the hard way not to push when he was like that.

 They all sat in the lounge catching up, and just hanging out with each other. Keith had really missed being like this. Everything was going fine but Lance seemed to be unusually quiet until he made a joke, making Keith laughed, “Blades are too serious, so gotta be honest: I really missed your stupid jokes, Lance.”

 Unfortunately, he, too late, realised that it had been Matt who said the joke.  
“Shit, my bad. So—” the word stuck in his mouth as he saw the utter hurt look on Lance’s face. “—rry Matt.” he finished though his eyes stayed on Lance.

 “Dude, it's okay. Everyone keeps messing us up.” Matt reassured him.

 But Lance was avoiding Keith's gaze staring at the floor instead, shoulders slumped biting his lower lip. Something about the way he’d shrunken into himself in a matter of seconds made Keith's heart ache. Some part of him wanted to go and hug him, though he didn't get a chance, even if he was going to, as Lance stood up.

 “I think I'm gonna call it for today.” _what?!_ It was still early  and Lance never went to bed earlier than 11, Keith squinted at him but Lance had already turned to leave.

 Keith stared at where Lance had been a few seconds ago before going after him. _Wow,_ Lance must really want to get away from there if he was walking that fast, “Lance, wait a second.”

 Lance stopped his run but didn't turn his way, “You okay? I didn't mean—”

 Lance interrupted him, “It's fine, Keith, let it go.” he left after that.

 _It definitely wasn't fine_. Keith walked back to the lounge, sitting on the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose. Why was it always so hard to talk to Lance about things that Mattered? He sighed, “Is he okay?”

 It was more of a question to himself, yet he expected the team to laugh at it or to say _he was fine,_ but the silence was surprising, he looked up to  ... _guilty_ _?!_ faces.

 Hunk spoke, “He's been kinda down since you left,” _oh._ He continued, “But god, it's been horrible ever since his run down with Lotor.”

  _Oh, okay ... wait, what?!_  Keith blinked in confusion, “His run down with _Lotor?!”_ he questioned, surely he must've heard wrong.

 Hunk _nodded._

 _“Lotor,_ Lotor?! Zarkon's son, Lotor? The heir to the empire, Lotor?”

 Pidge raised her eyebrow, “Dude, how many Lotors do you know?!”

 “No I just ... I thought Kolivan would tell me if you guys had a fight with Lotor?”

 “Well, it's not a matter of _us,_  as it's a matter of _Lance_ who fought him. We don't actually know what happened.” Shiro said, looking at the floor.

 Keith frowned; that didn't make any sense, “Um, what?!”

“He was on a solo mission when he ran to Lotor. That's about as much as we know, he won't tell us anything else.” Hunk said sounding upset. And now they definitely looked guilty.

 Wait, they were _serious?_ Had Lance actually fought Lotor? Was Lotor responsible for the bruise around his neck? Well, even if Keith didn't want to kill Lotor before, now he _did._ And why wouldn't Lance tell them what had happened? He was never one to try to worry the team.

 And why hadn't he gone to one of the pods? Sure, even Keith hated going in the pods, But the team should've made him. It couldn't have been comfortable having that on his neck. And why did they look so guilty?!  _... Oh no!_  “What did you do?!” the words came out harsher than he intended but he couldn't help it.

 Allura stared at him, “What makes you think _we_ did something?”

 Keith crossed his arms, “Because if he actually had somehow gotten away from Lotor, he would be bragging about it right now. And because you guys look like you drowned a puppy.”

 They all looked down again. It was Pidge sighed and proceeded to tell him how they'd made up a whole mission for Lance to go on, and how he had run into Lotor in the same fake mission, and how Lance had snapped at them when he'd found out.

 Keith was quite in shock. He really didn't understand how Allura and Shiro allowed this? Had Lance been really in such a bad state?  _Sure,_ Keith would've been happy to know Lance had missed him but not this way. not if the other boy had been feeling so horrible.

 Keith didn't know how to feel, on one hand they had tried to make Lance happy, on the other hand they had put him in a near death situation and worse lied to him. Keith knew for a fact that he'd be furious if they'd done something like that to him.

 Shiro spoke up, “That's why I had asked for you, I thought maybe you should talk to him. He'd open up to you.”

_Me?! Why the hell would he open up to me?!_

Keith raised his eyebrow, “Shiro, are you crazy? I'm the _last_ person he'd ever open up to! You should sent Hunk or Pidge or literally _anyone_ but me.”

Hunk looked at him with ... _was it?!_ _Yeah definitely_ disappointment, “Don't you think we've tried?! He won't talk to us. He wouldn't even leave his room until 2 days ago when Coran talked to him.” _Oh._

 Shiro looked at him with encouragement, “Come on, you can at least try.”

 Keith still didn't think he should be the one doing this but they were all looking at him with hopeful eyes. How could he say no?!  
He nodded.

 He started walking to Lance’s door, trying to figure out what to say. Keith had never been good with words; what was he supposed to say?! _Hey, you know how you've been ignoring everyone?! Apparently these idiots think you're gonna talk to me of all people_! Yeah,  _no,_ this definitely wasn't gonna work.

 He took in a deep breath before knocking on the door. He thought Lance wasn't gonna answer but eventually the door whooshed open, showing Lance standing on the other side of the door, arms crossed, “What do you want?”

 Keith almost flinched at the hostility behind the words of the same boy who'd hugged him with so much warmth just a few hours ago, “Can, can we talk?”

 Lance raised his eyebrow, “Oh, so _now_ you wanna _talk?!”_

  _What's with the tone?_ Keith crossed his arms, mirroring Lance’s posture, “What's _that_ supposed to mean?”

 Lance squinted at him, “You haven't said a word to me in months, Keith!”

 Well, that wasn't fair! it's not like Keith hadn't _wanted_ to. “I haven't talked to any of our team in months. Incase you haven't noticed, I wasn't _here.”_

 “I noticed, _believe_ me, I noticed!” Lance’s voice was so small that for a second Keith thought maybe the fight was over, but then Lance spoke again, “and _please,_ you wouldn't talk to me for _weeks_ before that. In fact, I don't think you've said a word to me since Shiro came back! Oh wait, my bad; you _did_ yell at me a few times ...Tell me if I'm wrong.”

 Keith just stared at him, shocked by the amount of hurt behind the words and behind Lance’s eyes.

 Lance shook his head, “Yeah, I didn't think so,” he slammed his hand on the panel making the door close between.

 Keith stood there staring at the close door. What Lance said _was_ true, Keith had done that. he just ... he just hadn't realised it had hurt Lance that much.

 The thing was when Shiro went lost,  _again,_ Keith lost it and unexpectedly Lance had been there for him, Lance had been like a shoulder to cry on, _literally_ and _figuratively._ He'd helped Keith so much, backing him up everytime he needed, helping him lead the team.

 And Keith,  _well_ he’d gotten scared. Lance was becoming so important to him so fast and Keith didn't want to allow that. He _couldn't_ allow that. Because what if he would lose Lance too, like he'd lost everyone else?Or worse what if Lance would leave him like everyone else? He couldn't,  _couldn't_ handle that. So he'd dealt with it the only way he knew how; he'd placed a distance between himself and the other boy. Ignoring him as much as he could. He just hadn't considered the effects of it on Lance. He hadn't realised by trying to shield himself from getting hurt, he'd hurt the other. How could he have been so selfish?!

 He made his way to the training room. Unfortunately Shiro was already there, he looked at him expectantly.  _Great,_ “I _told_ you, I shouldn't be the one to talk to him.”

 Shiro sighed, “Keith I know if anyone can get through to him, it's you.”

 Keith shook his head, “He hates me, now even _more_ than usual.”

 Shiro smiled at him, “Keith, he doesn't hate you he's just  _hurt._  I know you can do this.”

 He, he wanted Keith to try _that_ again?! “No, I'm not doing it.”

 Shiro looked at him for a second before smiling, “How about a bet?! If I beat you you'll talk to him and if you'll win I won't ask you to try to talk to him again.”

 Keith considered it, his odds were not good but it was better than Shiro pestering him about it for the rest of his time back. He nodded.

 Keith picked up a sword, the two of them started fighting. He'd never actually won against Shiro, but honestly right now he was very motivated, he really didn't want to deal with the hurt look Lance had given him.

 He _won?!_ He gave a hand to help Shiro up from the ground. The man panting for breath, “Wow, your time with blade is really showing, isn't it?”

 Keith smirked, “Or you're just getting old.”

 Shiro squinted at him, “I'm like 6 years old.”

 “Whatever, I _won.”_

 Shiro made a silent hmm, “I still think you should talk to him.”

 “Shiro!” Keith groaned.

 “No, Keith, listen to me.” he placed his hand on Keith's shoulder, “you mean a lot more to him than what you think, he looks up to you, he'll _listen_ to you. Please if you won't do it for me or the team, do it for him, he needs to talk about this with someone.”

  _Oh, great._ he was giving Keith the ‘ _I believe in you_ ’ look, which didn't only mean he had to accept also meant that he couldn't fail or he'd had to deal with the _‘I'm disappointed in you’_ look.

“Fine,” he accepted, defeated, walking out of the room. He passed the hallways to his room. It was nice to be back here. Keith took a shower to give him time to think and came back to wear his usual clothes. It actually was a nice change from the suit. Though he’d left his gloves at the blade, and he couldn't find his spare ones anywhere. _Probably Pidge's work ... that little thief_. He lied on his bed trying to figure out how to do this. The problem was Lance wouldn't talk to him as long as he was mad at him. If only Keith could tell him why he'd acted the way he did _maybe_ Lance would understand? But how could he do that? ...

 Keith jumped up as an idea came to him. He almost ran the way to Coran's room. After Coran gave him what he needed. He went back to Lance’s room but the doors panel indicated that the room was empty. He checked the observation deck since Lance usually went there when he was upset. Empty. He checked everywhere; the kitchen, the pool, Kaltenecker’s room. Empty. He even checked the training room. Empty. Though it was already a fat chance that he would be there, Keith used to have to drag him there.  
He gave up after he checked every place he could think of. He even had checked red’s hanger ... _wait red!_

 _Red, can you tell me where he is?_ It took a moment but she purred in his head showing which way he needed to go. _Good kitty._ He really did miss her.

 As he got closer to where red was pointing him, he realised he knew the place. He and Lance had come across it one of the times he was chasing after Lance for being a little shit. Though they both had agreed on a temporary truce when they'd seen the amazing view of the small observation room, sitting on the floor, watching outside, they'd actually fallen sleep there. Keith smiled at the memory.

 He walked inside, sitting next to Lance. Lance gave him a look before turning his gaze back to the window.

 “You remember when Coran asked us to make vlogs?” Keith asked, not being that surprised when Lance didn't respond.

 Keith tried to go for the humour, “He gave up after seeing how Allura and I fucked ours up,” still no response.

 “Do you wanna know what was on mine?” Lance still didn't say anything but Keith noticed how his eyebrows jumped a bit. He smiled. _You could always count on the Lance’s curiosity_. Keith had lost count of the times Lance had touched something he shouldn't have on new plants.

 He put the tablet between them and hit the play button. He had to held back his laugh at the way Lance was pretending to look the other way when he clearly was watching the image through the corner of his eyes.

 Keith really hoped this would work. It was hard for him to share something so personal. But it would be worth it if it helped Lance, if it made him understand. He stopped the video a few seconds sooner than the end. No need to let Lance know how much of a crybaby he was. _Not like he doesn't know already_. In fact exactly after filming this video he'd been crying in one of the storage room. Lance had found him there like that, he hadn't said anything or ask _why_ he was crying, he just had sat there with Keith.

 Keith held his breath waiting for a reaction his world almost crashing when Lance looked up to him, “Keith, I-I _didn't_ know.”

 Keith looked into Lance’s eyes and felt relief surrounding him ... Lance understood. Lance didn't mock him or call him out on it, his entire face was screaming that he understood Keith, that he knew how Keith felt like. He smiled at Keith. And it was too much, Keith had to look away, “so ... you're not mad at me anymore?”

 Lance chuckled, “Keith, let's face it, I'm always mad at you about something. but no I, I get it.”

 Keith couldn't help his eyes from going back to that face, the face of the boy who tried to hide it but got hurt too easily, and yet forgave too easily. Keith’s hand reached for Lance’s without his permission.

 _“Keith?”_ Lance asked in a quiet voice looking at their intertwined fingers. Keith didn't give him a chance to start asking questions, he got up pulling Lance after him. He kept asking where Keith was taking him, but Keith didn't answer until they were in his room.

 “Dude, there was no need for all the theatrics if you were just gonna take me to your room.” Lance said, voice a little cracked, but there was something else in his voice that Keith couldn't decipher so he just ignored it.

 He was very well aware that he was still holding Lance’s hand, but he needed to if he wanted to get his next words through, “You came to me here, the first time trusting me with you fears, with your problems and I think, I _like_ to think I comforted you, _didn't_ I? Did I _fail?”_ Keith said hesitantly.

 Lance’s eyes grew round. He was probably in shock at the words, god knows Keith was, “No of-of course not. You actually helped ...”

 He squeezed Lance’s hand in his own, “Then trust me again; tell me what happened.”

 Lance stared at him for the longest time before bursting into laughter. Keith, didn't know what to make of _that._  Lance looked at him, still laughing, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just you're such a dramatic edge lord sometimes.”

 Keith felt like he should be offended but with the way Lance was looking at him ... almost fondly, he couldn't bring himself to be mad. Though he did send Lance a glare.

 Lance only laughed at him as they both sat on the bed. Lance rested his back to the wall, “I'm guessing they told you what they did?”

 Keith nodded, “Yeah but you know they only did it to—”

 “Say ‘cheer you up’ and so help me, I _will_ throw you out of your _own_ room.”

 Keith laughed at the empty threat, “Fine, I won't _say_ it but it's true.”

 Lance narrowed his eyes at him, “Are you saying you wouldn't be upset if it were you?”

  _Well,_ he had Keith _there,_ then again, “Yeah, but you're not me, you're _you._ You forgive easily, and you don't hold grudges, well, unless it's _m_ e,” he joked, “you don't give up on people, you believe in them. You believe the best in everyone, giving your trust so easily to anyone. That's what makes you _you,_ that's what makes you so amazing.” ... did he really said all that out loud?!

 He felt his face heat up as Lance stared at him, “You,  _actually_ believe that?”

 Keith frowned not at the question but at the way Lance sounded; like _he_ was the one who didn't believe it, “Yeah, don't you?!”

 “Sure, of course. I'm awesome.”

 Keith didn't believe him for a second, not with the way Lance suddenly avoided his gaze, staring down.

 It had come quite as a shock to him when Lance had first opened up to him with his _insecurities_  in this exact room. Keith hadn't noticed Lance had those doubts about before that, and even though he'd tried to pay atrention to them during his short time in the castle after that, he was still taken aback right now by how far deep within the other boy they ran and how much Lance seemed to want to hide it.

 “Anything else you wanna know?” Lance said. Keith wanted to pursue the matter, to make Lance spill what was it that made him think so little of himself but there was other things he needed to know at the moment.

 “So how did you get away from Lotor?” _did you fight him? Did he hurt you? Are you okay?_  He had so many questions, so many worries. He hoped that one question carried them.

 “I, _didn't._  He let me go.”

 Keith blinked in confusion, “He _let_ you go? why would he let you go, Lance?!” he questioned.

 Lance’s gaze fell once again, “He said the info wasn't important, that it wasn't worth _wasting_ his time.”

 So he'd found out from Lotor that his mission was a fake? _That couldn't have been nice,_  “That's still not a good enough reason to let your enemy, a part of voltron _just go?”_

 _“I know,_ Keith. Believe me I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out _why?!_ I've got nothing, but he _did_ let me go and I'm definitely not gonna complain about _that.”_

  God, neither was gonna Keith, _neither was gonna Keith._ Even a thought of what would've happened if he hadn't, and Keith shivered.

 He looked at Lance, eyes stuck on his neck, once again his fingers went to Lance’s skin without his permission. The boy shuddered but didn't move away, so Keith continued but more gentle, fingers tracing the clear hand print on Lance’s neck. He was very much aware of the way Lance’s skin warmed under his touch, “Did Lotor do this?” his voice came out threatening.

 “No, one of his generals.”

 “Which one?” Keith demanded.

 Lance squinted at him, “Does it matter?” _yes, I want to know who to kill for hurting you._

 Keith moved his hand back to himself, “No, I guess not.”

 Keith thought back to how hurt Lance had looked in the lounge, “There's more, isn't there?”

 Lance raised his eyebrow, “More?!”

 “Something else is bothering you. Back in the lounge ...”

Lance frowned, looking away. The message was clear; ‘ _I don't want to talk about it.’_ well,  _too bad,_ Keith needed him to talk.

 He moved closer to Lance and placed his hand on Lance’s arm,  _“Trust_ me.”

 Lance's eyes lingered on Keith's hand and Keith couldn't help but blush and move it away. Lance was always the one who initiated any kind of physical contact between them. What had gotten into Keith that night?!

 “Why?”

 Keith frowned at the question, “Why _trust me?!”_

 Lance's gaze was quite intense on him. _Damn it,_ how could Lance's eyes convey so many emotions at once? “No, why do you care?”

_What?! What kind of question is that?_

 “Well, you're my friend, right?”

 Lance’s eyes fell, “I guess.” he sounded ... _disappointed?!_ Keith didn't have too much time to think of it as Lance continued, asking, “do you think I'm a paladin, a _real_ paladin?”

 “What? Of course you're—”

 “But you're red's real paladin and you always will be. She misses you a lot. And blue, well Allura's progressed with her more than I ever did. So _maybe_ I wasn't meant to be a paladin? maybe I was just meant to bring blue to her real paladin.”

“And what gave you _that_ idea?” Keith asked worried; he didn't know how to deal with this. Clearly, what he'd said last time hadn't gotten through.

 “Lotor said—”

 _Are you kidding me?!_ Keith interrupted him, _“Lotor_ said?! Lance, are you stupid? Whatever he had said was to play with you!”

 Lance frowned, “I'm _not_ stupid! I know he was trying to manipulate me, but that doesn't make him _wrong._ He _was_ right, I am just a replacement.”

 “What are you talking about?”

Lance hugged his knees, staring at his feet. How could someone so tall look so small? 

 Lance stayed silent, long enough that Keith started to think he wasn't gonna explain. But he did, “I just, It just feels like everyone always me to be someone else's substitute. In garrison, they wanted me to be y-yours,” Lance gave him the smallest look. “When Shiro was lost, you,you wanted me to replace his place for you, red wanted me to replace you. Even blue, maybe she always wanted me to be the place holder for Allura. and now Shiro he wants me to be yours again, I've lost count of how many times he's called me by your name in Voltron these past months, and now with Matt, I guess that's why Pidge kept me around; to be his replacement, but hey, at least he's taking his place back,” he made a small laugh, “it's like everyone wants me to be someone else, no one ever wants me or thinks it's enough for me to be me,  _just_ me.”

 To say Keith was shocked by the amount of pain behind Lance’s words, would be an understatement, “Lance that's, that's _not_ true!”

 Lance laughed bitterly, “Oh,  _come on,_ you literally thought he was me just a few hours ago! And you haven't even been back for a day.”

 “That was a mistake, I ... I just associate anything that makes me happy with you,” was he blushing? he definitely felt like he was blushing.

 Lance scoffed, “Well, nice to know now you associate it with Matt.”

 Keith groaned, rubbing his face in frustration,  _what the hell is going on in that insecure head of yours Lance_?! “That's _not_ what I meant. God, why is it so hard to talk to you?!”

 “Thanks Keith, that makes me feel so much better.”

  _Okay, enough was enough_. Keith turned on the bed and forced Lance to turn too so they were sitting, facing each other, “Lance, you're _not_ a replacement and _no_ one is replacing you. We all want you to be you,  _exactly_ you. and if someone doesn't ... well, _screw_ them cause you're perfect exactly the way you are. But believe me,  _no_ one on this team does! they need you to be you, Lance. They _need_ you,”  _unlike me._ _Stop, this isn't about you, it's about Lan_ ce.

 He really hoped his words got to that thick skull of Lance.  
Lance eyed stayed on him and Keith could've sworn they were shining, but then his lips quirked up to that sly smile of his, “Keith, if I'd known the blade was gonna make you so soft, I would've volunteered you to go sooner,” _and_ the moment was gone.

 Keith rolled his eyes, “Shut up.”

 Lance smirked wider and leaned closer, “Oh, and about the cheers, they're _supposed_ to include more than one person, infact that's the whole point of them.”

 Keith put his hand on Lance’s face, pushed it back,  _“Shut up,_ Lance!”

 Lance was laughing, “Man, I've missed this.”

 Keith smirked, “I never thought I hear you say those words about me, McClain.”

 Lance smirked, back raising an eyebrow in a playful way that did things to Keith he was not ready to admit, “Oh, we're doing the last name thing now,  _Kogane?”_

 They stayed there, like that talking for the rest of the night. They've done this quite a few times before. They didn't talk about anything important, mostly just Lance messing around and Keith pretending to get angry when in fact he was really enjoying every one of Lance’s laugh.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you think klance is gonna happen anytime soon in this story, boy have I got news for you! You're quite in for a ride!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to our little emo bean!!!

 Who the fuck kept whispering when he was trying to sleep?!

 “... I don't think he's gonna wake up anytime soon,”  _Hunk?!_

 Lance didn't even bother to open his eyes, “Hunk we _talked_ about this; you don't wake me up unless the castle is on fire or Keith is cutting his mullet,” the whispers quieted down as Lance spoke. _Good, now continuing my sleep._

 “What is it with you and _my hair?”_

  Keith was there too? Any other time Lance would've been embarrassed but right now he was too sleepy to care, “It's too early for this shit,” he said, pressing his face to the pillow. Someone snorted. _Pidge too?!_

 “Pidge?  _What_ is this? some sort of convention?! get out of my room, you people!”

 “Lance, can you just wake up?!” Keith said, sounding frustrated.

 Lance pushed his face further to the pillow, “No _thanks,_ I'm very much comfy where I am.” and he really was, for some reason his bed felt more comfortable than ever.

 More laughter.

 “Lance,  _seriously,_ wake up.”

 “Marmora boy, _believe_ me, you do not wanna deal with me when I'm lacking—” the words _beauty sleep_ stuck in his mouth as he was trying to sit on his elbows and his mattress cried in pain. Mattresses do _not_ cry in pain and since when was his so soft?!

 _Wait, oh god ..._ he opened his eyes; purple ones less than a few inches away stared at him with amusement, “Keith?!” he looked around to realise he wasn't lying in _his_ bed, he was lying in _Keith's,  on Keith's body._ Pressing himself to _Keith's body._ His pillow had been _Keith's chest._ He practically jumped backwards on all four,  _“Keith!”_

 Hunk and Pidge's laughs went to the roof. Keith only starring at him with an amused smirk that made Lance go red in the face.

 “Oh,  _man!_ I'll forever regret not taking a picture of the look on your face.” Pidge said, holding her stomach from laughter.

 _Thankfully,_ his best bro,  _yes_ after his last night talk with Keith, he'd decided it was time to let the thing go, though maybe he could make Hunk cook him a few things, make Pidge build him some gadgets, and make Shiro let him sneak out of a few trainings before he let them know that. _so_  his best bro dragged Pidge out of there, “Come on, I think he's suffered enough.”

 Lance made sure Pidge was out, before he collapsed back on the bed, _not on top of Keith_ this time, but next to him, “How did this even happen?”

 Keith shrugged or did the impression of it since he was laid down “We were talking late, I guess we just fell asleep?” that made sense. And Lance had always been a cuddler in his sleep, he just hadn't known Keith was too. Why did he found that endearing?

 He pushed his face to the pillow, the real one, “Oh god, what are we gonna do? She's _never_ gonna let this go!”

 “Lance, it's not that big of a deal,” Keith said, squeezing Lance’s arm.

 How was he so calm about this? And why wasn't this closeness affecting him too? Lance definitely couldn't handle it, he stood up just to place some distance between them, silently mourning the loss of the warmth, “Not a big deal? You clearly have forgotten what Pidge's like. She'll probably bring this up for years,  _years_ Keith! We'll be old and wrinkly and she'll still make jokes about it.”

 Keith rolled his eyes, getting up too, “Lance no one’s gonna care as long as you don't react so much. ”

 They both walked to the halls, Lance was walking to the kitchen but Keith took a turn.  
“Um, kitchen is that way?!” he questioned.

 “I _know,_ Lance, I just wanted to have a quick training before breakfast.”  _ugh,_ what kind of person could even function before drinking something in the morning?!

 Lance took another step toward kitchen before remembering something. He jogged back next to Keith.

 Keith's eyebrows went so up, Lance worried for a second they were gonna fly away, “Don't tell me you actually _willingly_ want to train?”

 “Oh no, I'm just accompanying you along the way.” Lance said, smirking.

 Keith squinted at him suspiciously, “Why?”

 “You've been gone for so long I wouldn't want you to get lost.”

 Keith glared at him for the rest of the way.

 The thing was in all his time in the castle before Keith left, even with all the times Keith had dragged him, Lance had only gotten to level 28 on the training, but when Keith was gone, with all the time he'd spent here he'd gotten to level 65, which was still behind where Keith was but way ahead of Hunk or Pidge. And he definitely had to see Keith's face when he realised Lance had done so much training during this time than when Keith was practically begging him to train.

 He watched as Keith opened the training panels skipping everyone's profiles. to Lance’s horror he skipped through Lance’s too, but then he paused going back. And _yup_ that dumbstruck look on his face was definitely something, but it turned to a frown. _That's my cue to leave_. Lance quickly turned around and walked back to the hallway.

 “Are you fucking kidding me?! Get back in here you _asshole!”_

 Lance didn't even try to hide his laugh.

 He went back to the kitchen. Hunk was there working with a new goo, “That looks appetizing.”

  Hunk jumped up, almost letting go of the plate, _“Lance?!”_

 “No, it's the _other_ devilishly handsome lady killer in the castle. Of course it's me!” Lance winked.

 Hunk stared at him for a moment before setting aside the plate and picking him up in a hug, already tearing up, “Lance, you're back! I mean you didn't actually _go_ anywhere but you wouldn't talk to me and I thought you hated me—”

 Lance cut his rant before he would start crying, “I could never hate you, big guy.” sure, he'd been upset, but he could never hate Hunk. That was just impossible.

 He smiled at Hunk, pointing to the plate, “Now, what do we have here?”

 Hunk excitedly explained how he was trying to make a new flavour. Lance smiled at his enthusiasm. he really had missed his best friend.

 Matt and Pidge showed up a bit later. Pidge stopping in her track looking at him, “H-hey Lance.” she waved a hand awkwardly.

 Lance realised she was nervous, earlier didn't really count as it was an ... special occasion.

 Lance smiled at her reassuringly, “It's okay, Pidgey, I won't bite.”

 She looked back at him with a genuine smile but it turned to her evil grin as she sat down, “We should've just made you talk to Keith the first day.”

 Lance made an indignant noise, “Excuse me?! I decided that you guys have suffered enough on my _own._  Keith had nothing to with it.”

 Matt and Pidge snorted at the same time,  _“Yeah, clearly,”_ Matt said.

 “Oh, shut up, Matt. I'm not getting sassed by the ‘ _I'm gonna call my best friend sir cause I have a big ass gay crush on him and don't know how to act around him’_  guy,” he smirked as Matt grew paler with each word.

 This time only Pidge snorted, “I _told_ you it's fucking obvious.”

 Lance highfived her. Yup, He'd missed her too.

 Lance went back to helping Hunk with the goo. Keith finally showed up face flushed from training and the clear shower he'd gotten after, since his hair looked a bit wet. Lance couldn't say he minded the look.

 _I wouldn't mind making him flush like that ... What?!_ Lance almost dropped the plate he was putting infront of Keith. _Why did I think that?!_

 Lance tried to get his mind off. He smiled at Keith, pointing at the goo, “Try this, it's new, I helped make it!” he announced excitedly. 

 “Nagging at me to work faster before Keith gets here, doesn't count as helping, Lance.” 

 Lance glared at Hunk as Keith laughed. He took a plate for himself sitting in front of Keith, eating the goo.

 “I'm gonna need my gloves back, you tiny thief! It feels weird not having them on.” Keith told Pidge. _Oh no!_

 It took everything in Lance not to choke on the goo. He covered Pidge's mouth with his hand before she had a chance to say a word, “Yeah, Pidge was definitely the one who took them.” 

 Weirdly, Pidge didn't correct him when he moved his hand awat from her mouth. Lance sent her a thankful look. They continued eating their breakfast, when he realised Keith was staring at him.

 “What?!” Lance eventually asked when he wouldn't stop.

 Keith frowned, making his _thinking_ face, “You look _different.”_

 Well, it only took him _one_ day to notice, Lance smirked, “Maybe it's because you missed me so much?”

 “Stop projecting, Lance,” Pidge grinned at him. _That little_ ...

 He glared at her before smirking at Keith again, raising an eyebrow, “Well, come on, let's see if the garrison’s golden boy can figure this out.”

 Keith continued to stare at him, eyes set in determination. After less than a minute  Lance felt his face warming up under that intense gaze. The more he stared at Lance, the more Lance was blushing, getting lost in those ~~beautiful~~ purple eyes.

 Finally, it was Pidge who broke the silence, “Yeah, no thanks. I refuse to sit here while you two eye-fuck each other. He got his ear pierced.”

 Lance felt his face going even more red at the statement, but _thankfully,_ Keith looked more interested in the _news_ itself more than _how_ it was phrased. He leaned in over the table looking closer at Lance’s right ear, “Cool, I always wanted to get one.”

Lance chuckled, “Yeah, we got that from the whole _emo_ look.” he pointed to Keith.

 Keith pouted, “So you just randomly got your pierced?”

  Hunk laughed, “Yeah, he's been doing way too crazy things ... recently,” he gave Lance a look that clearly said by _recently_  he meant ever since Keith left, but he seemed to have some mercy on Lance's soul and didn't say it out loud, “we practically had to drag him out of the space tattoo place.”

 “Not _me,_ I still thing he should get one right here,” Pidge said tapping her fingers at Lance’s forehead, “that says _dumbass.”_

 Lance slapped her hand away, sticking his tongue out at her. She poke her tongue out too. Yeah, he _definitely_ had missed her.

 “Hmm, I want one too.” Keith moved his hand from under his chin, “I don't have an earring though, and really I don't think Kolivan's gonna let me have a trip to space mall.”

 Lance touched his tiny black earing, “I can give you the other pair.” it wasn't that weird to offer that, “it's not like I'm gonna use it!” he quickly added as 4 pair of eyes stared at him.

 Keith nodded, “Yeah, let's do it.” _Um, what_?!

 Lance blinked at him, “Wait, you mean _right_ now?!”

 “Yeah, it's not like we have anything better to do,” Keith said.

 Yeah ... _no thanks,_ Lance very much valued his life and he was not gonna risk losing it to an angry big brother Shiro. He crossed his arms, “Oh,  _hell_ no! Do you know how long Shiro lectured me when _I_ got it? He'll have my head taken off if I make _you_ do it.”

 Keith raised an eyebrow, “I'm an adult, Lance, I don't need his permission to make an extra hole in my body.”

 “Okay a) poor choice of words, really Keith?!” Lance gave him a look, “and b) try telling _him_ that the next time he's in dad mode.”

 “Come on, please?”

 Okay, why the hell was Keith looking at him like that with those big round eyes? And why the hell Lance suddenly felt like he couldn't say no?! Did _he,_ the guy who practically _invented and mastered_ puppy-dog eyes through the years with his older siblings _and_ his parents _and_ his abuela _and_ Hunk _and_ then with Shiro _and_ Coran _and_ the princess, just got puppy-dog eyed by freaking Keith?!

 _Apparently_ he did. He sighed in defeat, “Fine, but when he comes for my blood,  _you're_ the one who has to deal with him.”

 Keith smirked, “Don't worry, Lance. I'll protect you,” he joked.

 Lance raised his eyebrow, “Would you look at that?! you _can_ joke, my dearest hero,” he mocked 

 Before Keith had a chance to answer back Matt spoke, “Um, are they always like ... _this?!”_

 Pidge grinned, “Oh, no no no no no, they're usually much _worse.”_

 Lance glared at her; maybe he didn't miss her as much he'd thought before.

 “Anyway, where are we gonna get a needle in the castle?” Keith said, rolling his eyes.

 Lance stood up, “Don't worry I know just the place!” he said, running out of there before anyone had a chance to say anything. He retrieved what he wanted from his room and came back to the other's placing the box on the table.

 “Dude, where did you even get this from?” Hunk examined the contents of the box.

“My room?”

 “Why do you have a sewing kit?!” Pidge questioned.

 “Aren't you a genius?! _Obviously_ to sew.” Lance said, raising his eyebrow.

 Pidge squinted at him, “No, I mean why do _you_ have one?”

 “Pidge, who do you think stitches up all you guys' clothes when you keep tearing them?”

 Pidge blinked at him, “I ... thought it was Coran?!”

 “Well, it was _me_ and while we're on the subject: stop ripping holes in your knees, Pidge! How do you even keep doing that to _shorts?!_ There's only so much I can fix.”

 4 sets of wide eyes stared at him in astonishment before Keith finally broke the silence, “Wait, did you do _this?”_  he said revealing inside his jacket where Lance had sewed a tiny red lion head that one time he'd been bored.

 For some reason he got defensive, “Yes, you got a problem with it?!”

 Keith traced the design with his finger; “No. I actually liked it _a lot._ I thought it was amazing.” why did that make Lance blush?!

 _“Oh ..._ thanks?!”

 Pidge looked closer at the design, “Hey, why does he only get a cool lion design, I want one too!”

 “Yeah, me too.” Hunk added.

 Lance rubbed the back of his neck; people rarely liked what he did or gave him genuine compliments, “Sure.”

 “Now, back to the point at hand.” Keith said cleaning the needle with the sterilizer Hunk had brought before handing it Lance. _Oh hell fucking no!_

 “You want me to do it?!”

 Keith raised an eyebrow as in ‘ _what do you think?’_

 Lance took the needle staring at it and he tried,  _okay?!_ he _really_ did, but he couldn't bring himself to do it, “Nope, sorry! Nuh-uh, can't do it!”

 “What? why not?” Keith pouted at him.

_Yeah, no way I'm letting him know I'm such a baby._

 “It's because of your thing with blood isn't it?!”  _of course_ Pidge knew, because when did she _not_ know embarrassing things?!

 Well, denial was always the best option, “I don't have a thing with blood! Stop spreading lies about me, Pidgeon. I have a reputation to maintain.”

 Pidge grinned, “Oh, you mean the reputation you got from fainting in health class cause you just can't stand the sight of blood?!”

 “That wasn't me, it was Hunk!”  he sent an apologetic look to Hunk for putting it on him.

 Pidge's grin grew wider, “No, Hunk threw up, you _fainted_ and not just once but 2 times.” 

 Keith burst into laughter, “Pfft, you're ... afraid of blood.”

Lance crossed his arms on his chest as he felt his face warming, _“Shut up!_ I'm not afraid of it, I just don't like it, that weird coppery smell creeps me out!”

 Keith raised an eyebrow still laughing, “You do realise there is blood _in_ your body, right?”

 “That's the point; It's supposed to be _in_ your body, not _out_ of it!” Lance pointed out.

 Keith just continued laughed.

 “Oh my god,  _stop_ laughing, it’s not that funny! A lot of people don't like blood.”

 “Yeah, but a lot of people aren't fighting in a war. How come you don't keep fainting everytime one of us gets hurt?”

 “It's not the same, okay?! That's life and death situations. I'm too worried to notice things like that but this,” he poked the needle,  _“isn't.”_

 Keith squinted at him, “You know there's gonna be like one drop of blood at most, right?”

 “I just _don't_ wanna do it, okay?”  he once again thought about the sharp thing going through Keith's flesh and shuddered.

“Oh my god, Lance, I'll do it! stop looking so scared.” Pidge said picking up the needle and standing next to Keith holding his ear.

“No, the left one,” Keith said looking at Lance.

 _Oh,_  this way Lance had his right ear pierced and Keith his left. _Like two parts of a whole. Like we complete each other ... Ugh shut up brain. Why the hell am I reasoning why he chose that ear, he probably just likes it better._

 Pidge tried a few positions, “Ugh, Lance can you hold his ear I don't wanna _accidentally_ pin his brain.”  _great,_ but he did as he was told. Brushing Keith's hair behind his ear and out of the way, _don't think about how doft it is_ , and holding his head and ear.

 “Okay on three; one.”

 “Oh god, I can't look,” Hunk said, looking away. Lance was just surprised he'd lasted that long.

 “Two.”

 Lance didn't want to look either, he closed his eyes.

 “Three.”  
 “What the hell is going on here?”  
 “Ow!”  
Pidge's three, Shiro's question and Keith's quiet cry of pain came at the same time.

 Lance mentally laughed at how weird they must've looked to Shiro , Lance holding Keith's head and ear, Pidge trying to put a needle in his ear. Though, he didn't dare to make it an out loud laugh, as he was afraid of how Shiro's gonna react about the whole thing.

 Though, he calmed down as Shiro just stared at them, finally sighing and shaking hus head, “That's _it,_ I'm never _ever_ leaving you guys alone again!”

 Well since Lance _was_ Lance, he couldn't help it, “What about when we want to use the bathroom?”

 “What?”

 “You said you're never leaving us alone, So are you gonna come with us when we go to the bathroom?”

 Keith made a tiny laugh, realizing what Lance was trying to do, “Or when we want to sleep?”

 “Or when we want to shower?” Pidge added with a grin.

 “Shiro, buddy, you can't do that. That's just creepy,” Hunk finished.

 Shiro just deadpan stared at them before looking up,  _“Why_ god? I'm too young to be a single dad of 4 teenagers.”

 Lance smirked, “well, I'm sure Matt would _love_ to help you with the single part.”

 “Shut up!”

 

 With that whole ordeal Lance completely forgot to give Keith the earing.

 Later that day, he took the gloves to Keith's room when he was sure Keith wasn't there and put them on his bed.  _hopefully,_ Keith would think Pidge had returned them and wouldn't question it.

  
_I had fun today._ Lance thought as he laid down on his bed that night. Thinking back on the day, they hadn't done anything out of the ordinary. He hadn't even spent that much time with Keith, and yet he had more fun than he'd had in _months._

 Maybe part of it was because he felt lighter? Keith hadn't actually managed to change his mind about his problems, because,  _well_ people sugar-coated when they tried to comfort you, and even if Keith _did_ really believe those things about Lance, it still didn't make them _true._  It just meant Keith saw him for more than what he was.

 So, no Lance still knew all his insecurities were _correct._ But just sharing them with someone, with _Keith,_ had helped. He felt less like he was carrying the world.

 He wasn't even sure _why_ he had told everything to Keith like _that!_ Keith had just looked at him with those ~~beautiful~~ purple eyes, asking him to _trust him_ and Lance had spilled everything. He was pretty sure he'd do anything if Keith looked at him like that.

 _Anything, huh?!_   A part of his brain which _suspiciously_ sounded a lot like Pidge said. _Shut up, brain!_

 But yeah? today had definitely been the best one he'd had in months. And it had nothing to do with the fact that he'd woken up in Keith's arms. _Nothing._

 Though he would admit last night _was_ the best sleep he'd gotten since he set his foot in blue for the first time, which was like how long ... 2 years?!

 _Huh,_ it'd been a while since the last time he calculated how long they'd been in space. He pulled out the space equivalent of phones Hunk and Pidge had made for them, from his drawer, and used the algorithm Pidge had thought him to calculate the time passed on earth; _499_ days,  _huh, lesser than I thought._ How long was that? A year and five months?

  _Wait,_ _a year and five months?!_ But that meant it should be around ... he tried to calculate the exact date;  _holy shit! HOLY SHIT!!!_ He felt excitement filling him up. Though he had to first be sure. He'll ask Pidge tomorrow. Though, his mind started planning, thinking of all the things he could do as he fell asleep.

 

 As soon as he woke up he went looking for Pidge, she was in the library working behind her laptop as usual, “Hey, Pidge, can you tell me what day it is?”

 Pidge didn't look up from her laptop, “I think the 5th quintant of the second movement? I _don't know!_ go ask Coran.”

 He shook his head, taking a seat next to her, “No, I mean back on earth.”

 “Lance, I already taught you how—”

 Lance cut in, “Yeah, but I want to be sure I'm right. Can you just do it, pleeeeaaase?!”

“Ugh, fine.” it took her just a few seconds before telling Lance the exact date.

 He jumped up, “Holy shit, I _was_ right!”

 “Right about what?!”

 “Stay here,” He said, running out as fast as he could.

 “Hey, get _back_ in here! What are you right about?”

 He heard her yell after him, but didn't stop his run until he was in kitchen, thanking god when hefpund hunk there, “Hunk, get to the library, now.”

“What? but I'm trying out—”

  _“Now,_ Hunk! And take Matt too.” he ordered  already running to the training room. He hoped Shiro would be there. He ran into Allura in the middle of the way and told her to get to the library too.

 He sprinted to the training deck. Shiro was there and _of course,_ Keith was there too, “Shiro, I need to talk to you.”

 They stepped their training and both walked up to him, “Sorry Keith, no mullets allowed.” Lance told him.

 Something like hurt flashed across Keith's face. Lance didn't think too much of it. _He'll see why in a few hours._

 He ran all the way back to library, dragging Shiro with him, the man asking where they were going.

 Matt, Hunk and Allura had already arrived.

 “Lance, what's going on? What is the emergency you mentioned,” Allura asked. _Oh, yeah_ , he'd said it was an emergency to get her there. She was not gonna be happy about that.

 Lance bent down, hands on the knees, unable to talk, trying to catch his breath from all the running.

 Shiro looked to Pidge, “Do _you_ know what's going on?” 

 “No! He came here asking me what day it was on earth and started running when I told him!” she answered.

 “Well, what day is it?” Shiro asked.

 Lance, who finally had his breath back grinned, stamding up, “October 23rd!”

 He watched as Shiro's eyes grew wide in realization, “Are you sure?”

 “Yup.” 

 “Alright, we're clearly missing something here.” Matt stated.

 Lance turned to the rest of the team, “It's Keith's birthday!” he said excitedly, “now, Allura, you and Matt are on decoration duty Hunk you'll—”

 But Hunk interrupted him, “Dude, what are you talking about?!”

  _“Obviously_ we're throwing him a surprise party?!” Lance announced in his ‘ _duh_!’ tone. 

 “Lance, I don't think that's a ... good idea,” Shiro quietly said. Lance was aware of why Shiro thought that, but _like hell_ was he gonna let that stop him.

 “We're _doing_ this, Shiro. Now, like I said Allura and Matt are on decoration duty, Hunk you'll handle the cake, Shiro, Pidge you two are on Keith-watch, keep him busy at all times! And definitely keep him from finding about this.”

 Pidge squinted at him, “What are _you_ gonna do?”

 “Oh, you'll see!” he said, before turning to another sprint to go look for Coran. He found him in the maindeck.

 Coran looked up at him from the panels with a smile, “What can I do for you, my boy?”

 “Coran, my man, is there any space malls near us?”

 “Let me check,” Coran said searching on the screen, “it appears you're in luck there's one just a few vargas from here.”

 “I'm gonna need the exact coordinates and, um ... some gacs?” he finished shyly. it wasn't like he had any money of his own in space, unless you were counting the crumpled 20$ bill he had in his back pocket.

 “Lance, I'll have to talk to princess about that.” the man, curled his mustache.

 Lance wasn't sure Allura was gonna let him just do that. She had a strict rule about not letting them leave the castle alone. So he quickly told Coran what he wanted to do before mastering the best puppy dog eyes he could.

 Coran did not hold a chance. He gave Lance both of those and helped Lance inside one of the pods, putting in the location.

 Red purred questioningly in his mind as the pod left castle's bay.  _Just getting a present for our favourite boy_. An amused purr. _I meant your favourite boy_. Another amused purr ...  _oh shut up!_ she made a noise like giggling. Who knew gigantic sentient robot lions could be this playful?!

 He thought about what to buy Keith all along the way. Nothing came to his mind. Eventually, he had to go through the mall _twice_ before finding the perfect gift in an unilu shop. _Honestly,_ He couldn't believe he hadn't even paid a single gac for such an amazing thing. He carefully put the box in the pocket of his jacket, when his eyes landed on an earth shop.

 _Hey,_ maybe he could find some gift wraps in there. He found some in there and bought them but as he was walking outside the shop something else caught his eyes. _Oh man,_ it would be so funny if he gave Keith that too. He paid the price and walked out of the mall, satisfied with his findings.

 He wrapped both of the gifts in his way back to the castle. It was already evening. He hid the gifts in the ballroom behind Matt and Allura's decorations. _wow,_ they'd done a great job decorating, he should to thank them when he saw them later.

 He walked to the kitchen. Plus Hunk, both Pidge and Shiro were there sitting behind the table, “What are you guys doing here? You're supposed to watch Keith!” he demanded, panicking.

 Shiro smiled, “Oh, Matt's handling him, I almost felt sorry when I saw the look on his face once Matt started talking about his favourite codes. He's gonna be there for a while.”

 Pidge looked at him suspiciously, “Where have you been _all_ day?!”

 Lance grinned, “All in good time! Now Hunk let's get a look at that cake.”

 Hunk took the cake out of the _cooling cabinet,_ Coran refused to let them call it the refrigerator, even though that's pretty much what it was.

 And the cake was perfect with frosting and everything, _if_ it wasn't for one big fat issue, “Hunk, why does it say 18?! Keith's turning 19!” he shrieked.

_“What?”_

 “Keith's older than you guys?” Pidge asked.

 “Yeah, one year, nine months and eight days,”  
Pidge raised an eyebrow, “not that I'm counting.” was it weird that he knew the exact days? _probably,_ but who cared right now? This was a disaster!

 “But he was in the same grade as us?” Hunk questioned.

 “It's not easy being an orphan.” Shiro said with a dark expression and a very grim tone.

 Lance tried to get his mind off that, “Hunk what are we gonna do?! It's _ruined!”_ he cried.

 “Dude, calm down. I can fix it.”

 He couldn't believe _Hunk_ of all people was telling him to calm down. Hunk made a few changes so it kinda looked like 19, but Lance felt like the frosting was ruined, “It looks horrible! You'll have to do the frosting from over.”

 “What? it looks _fine!_ I'm sure Keith won't care if—”

  _“Fine_ isn't good enough. I need it to be perfect, without a single flaw.”

 “Wow, ocd much?!” Pidge said.

  _“No,_ you don't _understand;_  everything _has_ to be perfect. Keith already hates birthdays and he _has_ to like this one.” Lance explained.

 “Okay, how do you know that?” Shiro frowned at him, “and how do you even know his birthday? He never tells it to anyone!”

 Lance couldn't help his self-satisfied smirk “You guys _really_ should keep your private conversations quieter.”

 Shiro raised his eyebrow in question.

 “Remember that lecture professor Monti gave to the whole garrison? Well, you guys were sitting right infront of us talking about it.”

 “You, listened in on us?!” Shiro said, not sounding mad but _amused?!_

 “Hey, it's not _my_ fault! I overheard, you guys were talking loud,” Lance defended himself, even though they really _really_ hadn't been.

 Hunk gasped, looking up from where he was applying a new frosting on the cake, “Is _that_ why you kept shushing me?! I _knew_ there was no way you're were trying to listen to the lecture! _...Wait,_ is that why you insisted we take those seats? So you would be behind—”,

 Lance had to put a hand on Hunk's mouth to shut him up from saying anything more embarrassing, “Haha, buddy, _that's enough,”_  he nervously laughed.

 Pidge grinned, “Don't worry, Lance. We all _already_ know you were obsessed with Keith back at the garrison.”

 He stumped his foot on the ground, “I was _not!”_ _... dude why are you lying to yourself? ... shut up, brain!_ Oneof these days he would start banging his head on the furniture if his brain wasn't gonna stop.

 “You recognised him _by his hair, in the dark, from 100 feet away, after not seeing him for almost a year!_ Need I say more?” Pidge said, pretending to drop a mic at the end, making Shiro laugh and shake his head.

 “Oh, shut up! Hunk is that cake ready or not?” Lance said, trying to cover the fact that he was blushing.

Hunk picked up the cake showing it. _Perfect;_ “Alright, let's get this party started! I'll get Coran and Allura to the ballroom, one of you go get Keith in a few minutes.”

 He turned to leave. “Wait,” Shiro said placing a hand on his shoulder, “this was all your idea, you should go get him.”

 He didn't need to be told twice. He ran into Matt in the way, _oh no! “Matt?!_ You're supposed to be nerding Keith out!”

 Matt pouted, “He snuck out when I got to talking about c++, which is very rude cause that's like, my favourite coding language!”

 “Matt, Focus! What if he goes to kitchen? Or the ballroom? that'll ruin the surprise!” Lance practically shrieked.

 “Chill out, Lance.”, Matt pulled out a tablet from his pocket, “I made the castle alert me if he left his room.”

 Relief was once again coming back to Lance, “Okay, then go to the ballroom everyone's already there. I'll get Keith.”

 Lance walked to Keith's room excitedly. _Okay, here we go._ He knocked on the door.

 The door slid open, “Matt I swear if you say another word—” Keith was saying before his eyes saw Lance. Lance didn't give him a chance to say anything grabbing his hand and running towards the ballroom, “hey, where are you taking me?” Lance only laughed and fastened their pace.

 He stopped at the close doors of the ballroom, pointing Keith to go in.  
Keith placed a hand on his hip, “What? suddenly mullets are allowed?!”  _wow, he's still salty about that?!_

 Lance grinned, putting his hands on Keith's back pushing him forward, “Just go in!”

 As soon as Keith walked in pieces of coloured paper filled the room, raining over his head, “Happy birthday, Keith!” they collectively said.

 “I, it's my birthday?!”

 Lance tried to ignore the sadness of how they missed their own birthdays in space and focus on the cute surprised look on Keith's face. And _yes,_ Lance would admit the way his eyes had rounded, his mouth a bit open,  _was_ cute.

 “Heck yeah, it is! Come on, birthday boy!” Lance smiled wrapping his hand around Keith's shoulder, taking him to the seat infront of the already lit birth day cake.

 Everyone surrounded the table. Matt and Allura had even made paper hats. _Whoa,_  they had even made a cowboy one. He couldn't resist _that!_ He put it on pointing finger guns at Keith who still seemed to be in shock, “How do I look?”

 He stared at Lance at Lance for a moment before smirking, taking the hat and put it on himself, “That ain't how we do it in the south, boy,” he said in the thickest Texan accent Lance had ever heard. Okay,  _what?!_ Lance felthis jaw drop _._

 “Oh my god! OH MY GOD, you're southern!” Lance yelled.

 Keith laughed, followed by everyone else.  
After that Keith's ice seemed to break, and he started looking ccomfortable and happy, Lance gladly noticed. He really _really_ wanted Keith to enjoy his birthday.

 It was after they ate the cake, _which was delicious, thank you Hunk_ , that Shiro turned to Keith, “Sorry we couldn't get you anything, but we are in the middle of space—”

  _“Actually,”_  Lance cut him off, revealing the gift he'd gotten from the earth shop. _Let's have some fun first._

 Everyone except Coran, stared at him wide eyed. “You ... got him a gift? _How?”_ Hunk asked.

 “Took a trip to space mall,” Lance explained, half shrugging. He smiled as he handed the soft gift to a very shocked looking Keith.

 Keith started tearing the wrap around it. Everyone burst into laughter as soos as they saw the gift inside. That is everyone _except_ for Keith, who was holding the stuffed pink hippo and staring at it before quietly whispering, “Holy shit, you remember?”

 _Holy fucking shit!_ did he just hear that right?!  
Lance'd gotten this gift for the laughs of it but he'd ended up with something much better than that.

 Lance placed his hand on his hip, smirking and raising his eyebrow, “Holy shit,  _you_ remember.” 

 His smirk grew wider as Keith went paler, _man, have I waited for this moment!_  he pointed his finger to Keith’s face,  _“Ha!_ I fucking knew you remember me! You sneaky bastard!”

 “I feel like we're missing something ... _again?”_ Hunk asked.

 “The first time I met Keith, some guys were fighting over what animal was the coolest, and this guy says _hippos!_ I mean _come on,_ cute, I can get but how are hippos _cool?! Obviously,_ I had to fight him on that because _hello,_ sharks are much cooler! Add that to what he just said and _voilà_ turns out Keith _does_ remember me from garrison, unlike what he's been saying all this time!” Lance proudly explained.

 “Oh my god,  _you're_ shark boy,” Shiro said looking stunned.

  _“Shark boy?!_ _pfft,_ is that what you called me?” he said, raising an eyebrow at Keith.  
Keith, who had his arms crossed, pouted and looked away.

 Lance smirked, “What? nothing to say now that I've caught your hand?”

 Keith scoffed, “God, Lance, S _hut up!_ Yeah, I remember you; You were loud and annoying how could I _not?_ But so what?! I bet you remember our bonding moment!”

And well Lance definitely did. And he definitely did remember Keith carrying him to the pods princess style after that. That shit was too gay for even _his_ mind to make up.

 Keith smiled victoriously at his silence. Lance sighed, “Fine, I won't bring it up again if you don't.” he wasn't upset though. He'd finally gotten confirmation that Keith did remember him, that he wasn't that forgettable.

 “All that aside, I can't believe you went to the trouble of going to space mall to get _that!”_ Matt said.

 “I _didn't._  That, was supposed to be a joke. Allura can you me the box behind your cushion,  _this_ is the real gift.” he said, taking the box from Allura and giving it to Keith.

 Keith examined the box without opening it. Lance chuckled at the suspicious look on his face, “Don't worry, mullet, it's not a bomb!”

 Keith rolled his eyes at him and opened the box but Pidge snatched it out of his hand before Lance had a chance to see his reaction.

 “Earrings, _really?_ Who did you think you were buying a gift for, your _girlfriend?!”_  Pidge snickered. The words ‘ _he wanted one_!’ dried in his throat when she reached to pick one up.

  _“NO!_ don't touch them!” His voice stopped Pidge from touching the earring but she almost dropped the box in shock of Lance’s yell. _Thank god she didn't._

 “What the hell, Lance? possessive much?”

 Lance carefully took the box from her, careful not to touch the delicately carved stones and handed it back to Keith, “It's not that. They're not normal earrings, okay?! They absorb a bit of the first person who touches them quintessence and take it's form.”

 Everyone looked at the box with new interest as Keith took one of the stones in his hand.  
For a horrible moment Lance thought maybe it wasn't gonna work. But then suddenly the colourless stone started shining in red and _holy shit,_ it wasn't just that, it looked like _fire?! Alive fire?!_ there were tiny living flames in it, small flames flickering inside the stone. Lance found it hard to look away. He wondered  if the gem would be hot under the touch because it looked like it was burning.

 “Whoa,” everyone gasped together.

 “It's amazing, Lance,” Keith said, turning his face to look at Lance with eyes full of awe. Lance felt himself going red.

 “Can I?”

 Keith put the earring in his hand without taking his eyes off Lance’s. The stone was warm to the touch, but not burning.  
Lance gently put it in his ear. _It definitely looks good on him._

 “Glad you like it,” he smiled unable to move his glance from Keith's eyes. Damn, those eyes shined brighter than any stone could ever dream of.

 Keith smiled back, touching the earring with his hand, “I _love_ it, Lance.” his voice was quiet and soft and clearly only meant for Lance to hear and  _Woah,_ why did that took the air out of his lungs?!

“Guys, that's gay!” Matt's voice made him come out of the trance of Keith’s eyes. His face going red as he registered Matt's words.  
Shiro,  _bless his soul,_ nudged Matt's side.

 “What takashi? it _is!”_

  _Thankfully,_ Coran chose that moment to ask “But how did you pay for it? I don't believe I gave you that much money.”

 Lance scratched his head, “I mean I didn't exactly give _money_ for it?”

 “Ooh, what did you _give_?!” Pidge asked in a nasty voice. _That little shit._

 “Pidge!” he, Keith, Shiro and Matt said at the same time _. I mean I get Matt and Shiro scolding her ._.. but what was with Keith?!

 “But seriously, what did you give for it?” Hunk asked.

 “Well, I got them from unilu shop and the guy wanted my ... first child?”

 7 pairs of shocked eyes stared at him. Allura rubbed her eyes with one hand, “Lance, please tell me you didn't.” 

 “I can't, cause I did.” 

 “you ... _what?!”_ Keith finally said. He looked like his eyes couldn't get any rounder.

 “It was the only thing he wanted!” Lance shrugged.

 “Hold on, _rewind!_ are you telling me you _actually_ gave up your first child to buy Keith a _present?”_ Pidge asked.

 “Um, _yeah?!”_ he hesitantly admitted.

 "You're crazy!" Matt said.

 “Holy shit, Lance,” Hunk said, stunned. In fact they all looked stunned. Lance felt like he needed to explain himself.

 “Well, it's not like I'm gonna have a kid, We're in space and I'm _17!_ And if I ever did it's not like that guy can find me or something. So why shouldn't I have?!”

 Allura face palmed her face, “You see,  _this_ is exactly why I don't let you guys leave the castle on your own.”

 “Oh, come on! It's not that big of a deal.”

 Keith kept staring at him weirdly the rest of the night. Though Lance didn't miss the way he closed the box carefully not touching the other earring. Or how he actually kept the hippo. _Well, as long as he a good time,_   _I'm happy._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't gonna have any shatt in this fic, but damn it it's too tempting! Also Matt's Shiro's best friend and no amount of canon evidence will make me change my mind!


	5. Chapter 5

 Keith hugged the pink hippo, trying to force himself to go back to sleep. He didn't want to wake up, because if he did, _then_ this day would start. _Then_ he'd had to accept it was already his 6th day here. That he had to go back tomorrow. He really didn't want to leave.

 He pushed his face to the pillow and sighed as Lance’s scent filled his nose. For some reason, even after 4 days his bed refused to let go of his scent. Or maybe it was the hippo?! He smiled as he pushed it to his face. _Jesus Keith, stop acting like a 13 year old girl._

 But really he _couldn't,_ he'd always hated his birthdays. And even when Shiro had insisted on him having one in the garrison, he'd refused. What was the point of having one if you had no one to share it with? But that hadn't been the case with this one. He'd had a whole family to share it with, he'd had Shiro, he'd had Lance. So _yeah,_ he _had_  loved this one.

 After the party he'd gone to Shiro’s room to thank him for the surprise, _obviously_ expecting him to be the one who'd thought of it since he was the only one who knew his birthday. It had gone different to what he'd expected;  
 

  “Thanks Shiro, for the party,” he'd said shyly.

  “Oh,  _I'm_ not the one you should be thanking,” Shiro had laughed.

  “What?” Keith had asked confused, no one else knew his birthday. He hadn't even told Shiro, he had read it on his file.

  “It was Lance, he was the one who remembered your birthday _and_ he was the one who thought we should surprise you.” 

  Keith had stared at him. _Sure,_ the gifts had obviously been Lance’s doing. Since everyone else was as surprised as Keith in the sight of them. But how could Lance had been behind the birthday? “But, but _how_ does he even know my birthday?!”

  Shiro had smiled, no actually it had been more of a smirk, “Looks like you weren't the only one who'd had your eyes on him in garrison, he seems to be have been returning the favor.”

  Keith had done everything in his power to try and keep his face from blushing, trying to figure how Shiro had known about that,  _“What_ are you talking about?!”

  Shiro had fully smirked at that, “You think I don't remember how you wouldn't shut up about _sharkboy?!_ Now I know why You never told me his name; It was Lance!”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” he'd said trying to keep his face from getting more red. He hadn't talked about him _that_ much ... _okay,_ maybe he had. But he was never admitting that out loud.

  Shiro had wiggled his eyebrows,  _“Yeah,_ keep telling your self that, _maybe_ you'll believe it.”

  “Oh,  _shut up._ If we're talking about garrison;  _you_ were the one who wouldn't shut up about Matt.” that had successfully shut Shiro up. 

                                                                             

 Keith couldn't believe Lance really had done all that for him. The fact that he Even remembered Keith's birthday made Keith feel warm. _Not to mention_ _the gifts!_ Keith's hand went to his ear automatically, touching the earing. _That crazy idiot, I can't believe he actually did that_! Even after a few days  he still couldn't help staring at Lance everytime he remembered what Lance had promise, even if he fake-promised it _,_ to get a gift for him.

 And the hippo; even if it was supposed to be a joke, and even if he would never admit it to anyone, Keith loved it. To be honest, he'd always wanted one when he'd been a kid, now Lance had bought him one, which for some reason made it a thousand times more dearer to Keith. He was going to take it back with him, though he should hide it carefully. Keith mentally laughed at the thought of Kolivan catching him hugging a stuffed toy. He was certain they would kick him out of the blade about 3 seconds after that.

_Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing._

 He sighed, well this day _was_ going to end and he _would_ have to leave tomorrow, whether he stayed here or not, he might as well get up and spend it with the ones he was going to miss. _Lance._

 He was on his way to to the kitchen when a appetizing smell reached him. _Is that …?! Yeah,_ definitely pancakes. He fastened his steps; as soon as the others would smell it, the pancakes would be as good as gone. Past experiences had proved to him that real food never lasted more than a few minutes in this castle.

 Keith expected Hunk to be the one cooking, but as he walked to the door frame he was faced with Lance standing behind the stove, wearing an apron over his white an blue t-shirt. _Why the hell is that cute?!_

 He looked so cozy like that. And for a second a thought passed Keith's mind; how easy it would be to hug him, hiding his face between his, _annoyingly_ prominent, shoulder blades for some reason. Then again it was just as easy to empty the flour bag that was currently sitting on the countertop over his head, and laugh at the betrayed face he would undoubtedly pull after.

 Keith shook his head, trying to get both crazy ideas, which one of them was way crazier than the other, out of it.

 Hunk and Matt were standing on either side of Lance. “Dude, if this hyped-up is how you always act when Keith's is around, I'm gonna write a petition to Kolivan to never send him on a mission again,” Matt said, immediately trying to avoid Lance trying to hit him with the spatula in his hand.

  _“God,_ shut up, Matt! What if he heard you?”

 “Oh, I heard him,” Keith said walking to the table and taking a seat while Lance turned around faster than the speed of light, “and even if I hadn't, I heard the many time that Pidge told me that, _and_ Shiro _and_ Coran _and_ Allura _and …”_

  _“Okay,_ I _get_ it!” Lance said with a red face that Keith couldn't help but smirk at.

 “What the fuck smells so good?”

 They all turned to the door as Pidge's voice came in before herself. She stooped in her track as soon as she walked in, staring at Lance, “Okay, now you're _cooking?!_ That's _it._ Keith, you're never setting your foot out of this castle again!”

 They all laughed as Lance groaned and turned back to the stove, “Why are you guys like this?”

 “You love us,” Pidge took the seat next to Keith.

  _“Specially Keith,”_ Matt winked at Keith. Keith tried to ignore his blush since they were just messing with Lance, there was probably no real point behind it.

 “Just for _that_ comment, I'm gonna spit in your pancake, Matt,” Lance said, even with his back to Keith he could see even his ears were red.

 Lance placed a plate in front of him. _Well,_ it definitely didn't look like it smelled. If anything it looked the _opposite_ of the appetizing aroma, it looked horrible.

 “Wow, I do not envy you right now,” Pidge quietly whispered to him.

 Keith really didn't want to eat that mess of a pancake but with the way Lance was smiling at him  _excited_ he couldn't bring himself to not. He took a bite preparing for the worst.

 Keith had never been more happy abput being wrong, “Oh my god, this is so good,” he said, stuffing more of the pancake in his mouth. 

 “What?! You can't be serious. They look like shit!” Pidge said, pointing to the plate.

 “Yeah ... I was trying to make it look like a _‘K’,_ it did not end well,” Lance rubbed the back of his neck embarrassingly, “but they _should_ taste good.”

  _“Good?!_ this is the best thing I've ever eaten, Lance,” Keith said through the bites. And man, it _really was._

Lance's cheek turned a few shades darker at the praise. Keith had recently, as in the past few days since he was trying to pay more attention after their talk on the first night, noticed he did that everytime anyone gave him the smallest bit of a _compliment;_ which to Keith's dismay he'd noticed didn't happen that much.

 Lance put down a plate for Pidge, and then one for Matt, “It's a family recipe.”

 Hunk cleared his throat, raising his eyebrows.

 Lance grinned at him, shrugging, “What? I didn't say it was _my_ family recipe.”

 They laughed. A few minutes later Allura showed up.

  _“Holy quiznack!”_  Keith stared at her alongside everyone else in the room. The princess _never_ cursed. “I didn't believe it when the mice told me you were actually _awake_ at this hour, but not only are you _awake_ you're _making food?!_ To be using your own words; _what the hell, Lance?”_

 They all laughed while Lance scoffed, “What is this;  _Roasting Lance_ day?”

 Keith smirked at him, “Isn't that like _every_ day?”

 Lance narrowed his eyes at him, reaching to pull the plate away from in front of Keith, “You know what, mullet? No more pancakes for you!”

 Keith smirked wider as he held on to plate, “Aren't _I_ the whole reason you're making pancakes in the first place?”

 Pidge snickered next to him as Lance went full red in the face, “You,  _you …”_

 _“Yeah?!”_ Keith drawled, raising his eyebrow still smirking.

_“Ugh!”_

 Keith laughed at his lack of response.

 Allura, who’d already finished eating her first pancake, smiled mischievously, “Wow, this is all for Keith?! maybe I should talk to Kolivan to keep—”

 Lance suddenly stood up, interrupting her, “I _swear to god,_ Allura, finish that sentence and I _will_ flip this table!”

 She showed her palms in surrender. Lance sat down, crossing his arms over his chest, leaning back on the chair, “I knew nothing good would ever come out of waking up this early.”

 Keith laughed at him. _I'm really gonna miss him._

 

 After breakfast, he went to the training room, joining Shiro. They trained for a few hours and were walking back from the training room when they heard Hunk's voice from the lounge.

 “Guys, that's _enough!_ ”

 Keith and Shiro shared a look, both walking to the lounge to see what was making Hunk sound so frustrated. Matt, Pidge and Lance were sitting on the floor next to each other, controllers in their hands, playing a video game. Hunk stood between them and the screen, arms crossed, but his presence seemed to be going quite diregarded by them as the three just had moved their heads to the side so they could see the screen.

 “What's going on?” Shiro asked.

 “They've been playing this game since this morning, I don't think they even moved an inch since then!”

 The trio on the floor cheered as some thing happened on the screen.

 Keith shook his head and said “Nerds,” at the same time Shiro did the same thing and said “Dorks.” They shared a glance before laughing.

  _That,_ resulted in Lance saying “Shut up, Keith!” at the same time Matt said,  _“shut up, Takashi!”_  neither taking their eyes off the screen.

 “I can't believe I don't even have a girlfriend to yell shut up at,” Pidge teased.  _gremlin._

 Keith really hoped his face was not as red as Shiro, Matt and specially Lance’s.

A collective “ _Hunk!”_ from the trio made him look back to the screen. Hunk was standing next to the black screen with a wire in his hand.

 “Hunk, h _ow could you?_ We were so close!” Lance pouted. _Yeah, he's definitely a nerd ... an adorable one though._ Keith tried to ignore the last comment his brain made.

 “You'll thank me when your eyes don't pop out of your skull.”

 “Will we? WILL WE, HUNK?!” 

  _And he's also a drama queen._ Keith tried not to smile.

 

 Later that afternoon they had decided on playing a board game. Matt and Shiro had partnered up, and Keith wiggled his eyebrows at Shiro, expecting him to blush, but Shiro had only raised his eyebrow pointing at how _he_  partnered up with Lance, and Keith had been the one who'd gone red, “Shut up, that's _different.”_ he'd said out loud, making everyone look at him like he was crazy while Shiro laughed.

 Which really was not fair because Lance and Keith _always_ teamed up for this game. They were kind of a force to be reckon with. They'd won all the three rounds. And were currently kicking ass at the 4th game.

 “Aw man, I could really go for a milkshake right now,” Hunk said, looking at Lance with pleading eyes.

 “Sorry Hunk, I've already milked Kaltenecker once today and I _am_ in a middle of a win,” Lance finished with a grin.

 “Milkshake?!” Keith questioned.

 Lance looked at him before something flashed in his eyes and he practically jumped to his feet, “Oh my god! you _weren't_ here when we started making them. You _have_ to try one!” he ran out of the room before Keith could say anything.

 “I'm _really_ trying not to take it personal that he wouldn't make one for me, but would run like that to make one for Keith,” Hunk complained, pouting.

 “Yeah, then again _you're_ not the one whose ass he keeps staring at,” Pidge said wiggling her eyebrows at Keith.

Keith tried not to think whether that was true or not, or to go red in the face,  _“Ugh,_ Matt, if you can't control your sister then what's the point of having you nack?”

 But Matt had been staring at the game board for the last five minutes, he seemed too focused to have heard the conversation, he looked up with a frown, “Okay, I don't know _how,_ but you two are definitely cheating! No way in hell people who haven't played this game in months can beat me or Pidge times in a row!”

 Keith smirked, in this game he and Lance _always_ won, “Well, maybe I haven't but I bet Lance has been kicking your ass everytime,”  why was he sound so proud about that?!

 “Dude, he wouldn't even play it.”

 Keith blink at Matt in confusion, “but this is his favourite game?” 

 “Apparently it's not without you,” Hunk smiled.

 As much as this seemed to warm his heart, still add it to the other things he'd heard these last few days, “Did he do _anything_ while I was gone?!”

 “Yes,” Shiro smiled almost mischievously, “he _trained.”_

 Keith groaned at that,  _“Don't_ remind me.” he was still upset about that. But beneath it really proud; Lance had progressed a lot. He'd actually seen him during one of his training sessions and he'd been amazing. Not that Keith planned on telling him that.

 “Yeah, I almost did an exorcism on him the first time I saw him there,” Hunk laughed.

  “Stop _sulking,_ we'll play monopoly next week and we can kick both their asses,” Pidge told Matt who was still pouting and staring at the board.

 Matt beamed up but Keith saddened at the thought, “Not mine, I guess.”

 “Wanna bet?!” Pidge said with a cocky smile.

 “I'm not gonna be here, remember?”

 “What? Why not?” Pidge asked with a frown.

 They ... they _didn't know?!_ He tried to ask Shiro with his eyes but he was avoiding his gaze.

 Keith took a breath in, “I'm going back to the blade tomorrow.”

 Though, he didn't get a chance to see their reactions, as a loud crashing sound made them all turn.

“You're _leaving?!”_ Lance was standing in the door frame, a tray, a few cups, and white liquid, _the milkshake_ , on the ground next to his feet. Keith thanked god that the castle cups weren't from glass or they'd have an even bigger mess. Lance, though, seemed careless about the mess surrounding him, his eyes were on Keith.

 “Yes,” Keith quietly confirmed.

 Lance took a step towards him, “Why?  _Why_ are you leaving again? Did, did we do something wrong? Did I do something wrong?” Keith couldn't handle the sadness in his eyes or how small he sounded.

  _“No!_  no, Lance, why would you think that? I-I was just supposed to stay for a week and then go back.” Keith tried to get a look a Lance’s eyes to have a clue of what he was thinking but he seemed determined on keeping them glued to the floor.

 _“Oh._ _”_

 Keith expected him to say something, anything but Lance just walked to the tissue box, taking a few. Keith looked to the others for help, but they all seemed as stunned as he was and could only watch as Lance went back to where the tray was sitting on the floor, cleaning it up. Keith walked next to him to try and help.

 “Don't … just don't,” Lance said.

 “Lance—”

 “I said _don't!”_

 Keith almost flinched at how harsh he sounded. Lance, _smiling_ Lance, _kind_ Lance, _welcoming_ Lance, his exterior suddenly screamed ‘ _keep out!’_

 “Lance, I was just trying to help,” Keith quietly said.

 Lance who'd finished cleaning up, put everything back in the tray, standing up, “Yeah, well, I don't want your fucking help. Leave me the fuck alone,  _like you were going to.”_  he didn't stay to see that Keith _did_ flinch this time, at the way Lance’s voice had cracked, at how hurt he had sounded, at the way his eyes had teared up and at his words themselves.

 Keith fell back to his seat with a sigh. 

 “Keith, why wouldn't you tell us you were going to leave? We thought you came back to stay at the castle  _… permanently,”_  Hunk asked sadly.

 Keith didn't even try to say he'd thought Shiro had told them, “I'm sorry.” he thought of the broken look Lance gave him when he'd asked if _he'd_ something wrong to make Keith leave. He didn't think he could ever get those sad eyes out of his head,  _“god,_ I'm _so_ sorry.”

 “Hey, it's okay. I mean it sucks, but if this is what you want we can deal with it,” Hunk said.

 Did he?! Did he really _want_ this?

 “Yeah, but we're gonna miss you _again,”_   Pidge smiled, even though both her and Hunk looked like they were about to cry.

 Keith smiled at them sadly. Hunk picking him up in a bear hug, one that Pidge joined. They both left after that. He supposed they were going to find Lance. _Lance, h_ e felt a pang in his heart at Lance’s name. He'd messed that up again, hadn’t he?

 Keith looked to up to where Shiro was still sitting in silence, “I thought you had told them?”

 “I didn't,” Shiro said with a frown. 

 “why ... _not?!”_

 “If you're insist on leaving, you might as well know what it does to them, how much it hurts them,” Shiro answered quietly.

 Suddenly Keith _understood_  why Kolivan had sent him. He foolishly, _selfishly,_ had thought this was a blessing but now he'd break everyone's heart,  _again._ He was leaving them,  _again._ He was hurting them,  _again._ This _was_ a punishment but one that had taken its toll more on his team than him.

 The rest of the evening was spent in silence, no one said anything bad but they all seemed down. Guilt filled him every time he looked at one of them and saw how upset they were. Worst of all, Lance was nowhere to be found.

 Why was it that no matter what he did, he always ended up hurting Lance? How was he gonna fix it this time? He'll just have to talk to him after dinner.

 But _of course,_ Lance didn't show up for dinner. Considering that no one else had an appetite, they all disbanded, allowing Keith to go look for Lance, but not before he picked something from his room. he hesitated at the door,  _ugh fuck it,_ he took the tiny box too.

Keith looked everywhere but he couldn't find Lance. _How the hell does he keep finding new hiding places?!_ The last place he checked was red's hanger. she had her head on the ground her paws around it. _Hey, red_. She looked as sad as a sentient robot could get, _great,_ he'd even managed to hurt her.

 He almost ran to Coran, to tell him Lance has somehow left the castle, but as he turned around to leave, a muffled sob stopped him …  _red, is he here?_

 He felt her hesitance, but then she purred in confirmation and moved away one of her paws; there sitting on the floor, hugging his knees, face hidden from Keith and buried in his arms, leaning to her other paw was Lance. Keith immediately felt like he was intruding, would Lance even want him there? He momentarily considered leaving quietly but dismissed the idea quickly; there was no way he was leaving Lance like this.

 Lance startled by the sudden movement turned his head up, “Red?!”

 Then he looked to where Keith was,  _“Keith!”_  he started rubbing his eyes as if the action somehow could hide his red eyes, could hide the fact that he had clearly been crying. He didn't seem to care that there were fresh tears streaming as he rubbed more roughly at his eyes.

 Keith sat down next to him, “Hey,  _stop._ You're gonna hurt your eyes.”

 He heard Lance say a quiet “Who cares?!” and continue to do what he was doing.

 Keith took Lance’s wrists in his hands, moving them away from his, now even more red, eyes, “I care.”

 “If you really cared, you wouldn't want to leave.”

 Keith slowly let go of his wrists. _Is ... is that what he really thinks?_  That Keith was leaving because he _didn't_ care?! That he didn't care about _them?!_ he didn’t care about _him?!_

 “I'm sorry that wasn't fair,” Lance quickly said looking at Keith in a way that made Keith understand he hadn't actually meant that. He felt relieved.

 “I'm sorry about earlier too, I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

  _Lance_ was the one apologizing to _him?!_ Keith knew if the situation was reversed he would've been pissed too, “It's okay—”

 “No, it's _not,_ Keith. I didn't have a right to act like that; it's _your_ choice. It's just, I just …” he hugged his knees tighter making Keith's heart ache for how vulnerable he looked. _He should never look like that._

 “Was it because of me?” Lance finished his sentence in a small voice. He didn't even seem to be noticing that his track of tears hadn't stopped streaming since Keith had gotten there.

 _This again?_  Keith frowned, “Lance, I already told you, you didn't do anything wrong—”

 Lance cut him off, looking at him, “No, I mean the first time, did you, did you leave because of what I said? ... About stepping out?”

 Keith hesitated; what was he going to say? _Yes,_ Lance had been a part of the reason he'd left, a _big_ part of it actually. Cause even if Lance didn't seem to realise it; the team _needed_ him. He couldn't let him leave. But could he really tell that to Lance, right now? To the crying boy in front of him?! Or should he just …

 Lance seemed to read his mind before he evev thought of it, “Don't lie. If you don't wanna answer just don't say anything, but just ... don't _lie,_  I hate it when people do that, even if it is for my benefit.” Something like hurt flashed across his eyes and Keith _knew_ he was thinking about the fake mission. _I thought he'd let that go._ Then again just because Lance had forgiven everyone didn't mean he wasn't still upset about it.

 “Yeah, you were one of the reasons,  but there were about a hundred more. so it's not on you,” Keith answered sincerely.

 Lance made a silent hmm, “Okay.”

“Can I ask you something?” Lance nodded so Keith continued, “It didn't upset you this much last time I … left.”

 It was true, Lance hadn't reacted this much the first time he'd told the team he was leaving. _Yes,_ even then he'd run after Keith after the group hug giving him a personal one saying ‘Don't go dying on us, mullet. I really don't want to find a new person to make fun of.’ But that had been light and he'd even laughed but this, he looked more hurt than Keith could've imagined.

 “Yeah, back then you hadn't actually left so I didn't know how much it was gonna suck without you,” Lance answered. “Or how much I was gonna miss you.” he added, whispering quietly under his breath like he hadn't meant for Keith to hear it. 

 Lance rubbed at his eyes again finally noticing his cry hadn't stopped,  _“Ugh,_ I'm sorry I don't know why I'm being such a crybaby? it's stupid, I can't stop crying,” he laughed nervously.

 Keith smiled, “Hey, it's _okay_ to feel,  remember?”

 Lance’s eyes widened as he realised Keith was using _his_ words. The words he had told Keith, the first time Keith had snapped in anger immediately bursting into tears after Shiro had gone missing again, or everytime after that when he had yelled at the team and specially at Lance, but regretted it later going to apologise.

 This seemed to make Lance even cry harder, “You're _not_ helping, Keith!” he whined.

 Keith smiled shyly, handing him the small piece of paper he'd taken from his room, “Maybe this will.”

 Lance took the paper, “What is it?”

 “The blade gives each of us a communicator and a frequency they can send written orders to while we're on missions. That's _mine,_  you can,  _um,_ use it if you need to ... talk to me,” Keith barely managed to say, feeling his face warm up.

 Lance stared at the paper before his signature grin came to his lips. It was in clear contrast with his red eyes, “I can't believe I just got a hot alien's space number without even _trying,_ and they say my game is _weak!”_

 “Don't make me take it back,” Keith threatened, though internally, he was trying not to melt at the fact that Lance thought he was hot.

 “No!” Lance said holding the paper to his chest as if he thought Keith would actually take it from him.

Keith couldn't help laughing at him.  _Well,_ here came the hard part, “So, there's one more thing I wanted to give you.”

 Lance wiggled his eyebrows, “Ooh, I know where this is going,” he winked.

 Keith raised an eyebrow in question at him before realising what he was joking about, “Asshole!” he said, shoving a laughing Lance.

 “But seriously, what did you want to give me?” Lance asked though he still did wink at ‘ _give.’_

 Keith sighed. This was probably as serious as Lance was gonna get. _Well, at least he isn't crying anymore._

 He took out his earring out of his ear, holding it in front of Lance, but Lance refused to take it.

 He just looked at Keith, “You're returning my gift?” if Keith didn't know better he'd say he sounded offended, but Keith _did_ know better, that was Lance’s sad voice.

 He took Lance’s hand in his own, placing the earing in his palm and closing it, “I'm not returning it, I'm _lending_ it to you. It has my quintessence in it, right? so this way even if I'm not here, you'll have a part of me with you, maybe this way you won't miss me so much?” Keith teased at the end.

 Lance blushed a little as he opened his hand staring at the earring, which was understandable, Keith had spent a lot of time staring at the stone too, admiring it. What, however, was not _understandable_  was how red Lance was getting in the face the more he looked at it. His entire face, ears and neck were red by the timehe looked up  at Keith, then again at the earring,  _“Oh god.”_

 This time when he looked at Keith, his eyes were shining with something Keith couldn't decipher. But unlike him Lance looked liked he'd just figured out the universe's secrets,  _“Oh my god,”_ he whispered again.

 “What?” Keith asked.

 “Nothing, just ...  _nothing.”_

 Keith wasn't sure he believed him with how disoriented  he looked. He frowned as Lance tried to give back the earring.

 “I can't take this, I got it for _you,_ so _you_ would wear it”

 Keith took the tiny box, that contained the other pair, out of his pocket and shook it in the air, “I only need one.”

 “Huh, I guess,” Lance realized. 

 “Plus at least this way you won't try to steal my gloves again,” Keith added teasingly. _Yeah,_ Pidge had definitely told him about that.

 Lance turned red again, busying himself replacing his old earring with the new one.

 _I was right; red is definitely his color._  Keith waited till he was done before rolling the box on the floor towards Lance, “Can you help me with mine?” he bit his lip nervously.

 “Sure,” Lance smiled, picking up the box and opening it but then he saw the stone, “you have to touch it first,” he held the box to Keith.

 “Or you know, _you_ could do it?!” Keith said hoping that Lance would understand.

 “But then it would take my quintessence.”

 Keith suppressed a groan; _he's gonna make me spill it, isn't he?!_  “Well, maybe that way I won't miss you so much either,” Keith blurted out, trying not to blush.

 Lance stared at him for a moment before smirking,  _“God_ Keith, I had no idea you were such a _sap.”_

 “Shut up ...” Keith said, though the word Lance stuck in his mouth as Lance touched the stone.

 It immediately began glowing blue,  _obviously,_ but not any blue, no; dark blue. The exact same shade as Lance’s eyes. But as Keith leaned in to get a closer look he saw there was movement in it, like water, he realised. Tides like the ocean. Small waves that crashed against the stone from inside. He'd thought his earring had been amazing, but this one he could spend hours watching.  

 “Aw, look at the tiny shores! I'm almost tempted to keep this one for myself,” He winked at Keith, “don't worry, I'm not _going_ to,” he said leaning in towards Keith, for some reason that made his heart beat faster. and for some reason he felt disappointed as he realized Lance was only trying to put the earring in his ear. Though Lance didn't took back his hand instantly, instead he brushed Keith's hair behind that ear, “I guess we match now.”

 Keith _knew_ his face was red, though he didn't make a comment, as Lance’s face was just as red as his as he quickly took back his hand. 

 The stone was cool against his ear, it was soothing.

 “You know Pidge is gonna have a field trip over these,” Lance said, touching his own earring.

 Keith smirked, “I _know,_ I'm just hoping by the time she realizes I'll be gone.”

 Lance squinted at him,  _“Now,_ who's the asshole here?” 

 They laughed, both falling silent after that, but not an awkward silence, no a comfortable one. One that Keith enjoyed as they just sat there together.

 He did notice when Lance eyes closed and his head lolled to Keith's side. _Okay, that's a lie,_ his head lolled to the other side but Keith moved it, so it was resting on his shoulder. In his defense; he didn't want Lance to get a neck cramp, tomorrow … _okay, that's a lie too;_ he just wanted Lance’s head on his shoulder.

 He rested his face on top of Lance’s head and let the other boy's warmth drift him off to dreamland. _He feels like a dream_ , was his last thought before he fell asleep, though he wouldn't remember thinking it.

 

 He woke up to someone shaking him, “Keith, dude,  _wake up!_ you're crushing me.”

 He opened his eyes to see, _once again_ that week, he was sleeping in Lance’s arms. _I mean technically last he was in my arms._ This was actually warm and kinda nice. _Really_ nice.

 Lance was looking at him with laughing eyes,  _“Jesus_ Keith, how fat are you?” ... scratch that last thought.

 Keith scoffed, sitting up, “I'm _not fat!”_

 Lance sat up, holding his hand, the one that had been under Keith not a minute ago, up, “Tell that to my hand, I don't think I'm ever gonna feel it again.”

 Keith just glared at him, Lance sticking his tongue out at him, but then his eyes saddened, “What time are you gonna leave?”

 Keith tried to focus on the question and not the sadness,  “Kolivan wanted me back at the base before night … so around 11 I think?”

“Oh, okay see you then,” Lance said and somehow managed to vanish before Keith could say anything.

As it turned out, Keith had overslept for the first time in, well, his entire life. _Guess Lance is that good of a pillow._ He only had one hour left, so he had to gather his things quickly and meet everyone at his ship's hanger.

 Unfortunately, Lance once again wasn't anywhere to be found. Keith really _really_ hoped he would show up.

 He said goodbye to everyone. They all had a group hug. Lance still wasn't there.

 Keith was ready to leave, _but Lance?!_ Wasn't he gonna show up? He tried to stall some time.

 “Aw, man, I can't believe you're not gonna be here,” Hunk said, crying. Keith smiled at him.

 “Yeah,” Shiro agreed ruffling his hair, Keith couldn't find it in him to be mad like he usually got when he did that.

 “I'm just upset we're not gonna get anymore of Lance’s pancakes until you return,” Matt teased.

 “Yeah, um, where _is_ he?” he asked.

 The others looked at each other, “No one has seen him since … yesterday. Sorry man,” Pidge offered.

 _Oh,_ so they didn't know he'd talked to Lance last night or this morning. Keith took another look to the hanger's door, his shoulders slumped as there was no trace of Lance, “Well then, goodbye guys.”

 He walked to the ship, still no Lance _. I just want to see him one more time._ He walked up the stairs and took a last look back. _No Lance._ Keith sighed and walked in the ship.

 “Took you long enough.”

 There, sitting on the pilot seat, with a hand under his chin and a grin on his face, was Lance. It took everything in Keith not to run and hug him.

 Lance stood up walking to him, “Aw, why the long face, Keith? You didn't think I was gonna let you leave without saying good bye, _did_ you?” he said with that smug tone of his that did things to Keith.

 “You,  _you ... you're_ definitely the asshole here!” Keith said, pointing a finger at him.

 “Nah, I just like surprising people,” he laughed and suddenly pulled Keith in for a hug.

_No wonder he likes surprising people he's so good at it._

 Lance hid his face in Keith's neck and hair, “Not gonna lie, I'm gonna miss your stupid mullet.”

 Keith groaned as he wrapped his hands around the other boy too, “Are you _ever_ gonna let my hair go?!”

 Lance laughed, his breath touching Keith's neck, sending shivers down his body, “Never Keith, _never.”_

 And then he said something to Keith. 4 words that stayed with him as Lance suddenly said goodbye, pulled away from the hug and jumped out of the ship. 4 words that stayed with him as he turned the ship on. 4 words that stayed with him all the way back to the blade. 4 words that would stay with him months after that, “Come back _to me.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out _way_ more sappier that I intended to.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _*Arrives 10 days late with a 10,000 word chapter in hand ; "I'm so sorry"_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> But seriously I'm sorry for the delay, this was a long chapter and I had a lot to do this week. 

  _He was screwed._

 That was the conclusion he'd come to that morning. When he'd woken up to Keith _snuggling_ ,him because really that was the only word he could use for the way Keith had been cuddling him. Keith _on top_ of him, _pressing_ down to him, his body heat warming him up, let's just say Lance had been sure his face was red. The fact that Keith nuzzled his nose to Lance’s neck, his breath ghosting the sensitive skin, sending shivers up and down his body, wasn't helpful _at all!_ Though Lance hadn't made any move to get away from the other boy.

  _Okay,_ maybe he'd made one move, but not to move away, but to push the hair out of Keith's face to get an actual look at it. Hoping the action wouldn't wake him up. Because maybe if Keith didn't wake up, they could just stay there, curled up against each other.  Maybe if Keith didn't wake up, he wouldn't leave.

 But after at least an hour of Lance watching Keith sleep, admiring his face, remembering every little detail for when he was gone, he was forced to wake Keith up. _Really_ forced to, because he'd been pretty sure if he ignored his asleep hand any longer, it would fall off _and_ Keith had started drooling on him.

 It had been weird to have Keith, _stubborn_ Keith, _tough_ Keith sleep next to him, _on top of him_  his brain unhelpfully provided, so peacefully like that. To have Keith's hands, hands that have _fought,_ that have _killed,_ curling around him so gently. To see this soft side of Keith.

 But that really wasn't fair, was it? Because Keith have shown him that side more than a few times. And seemed to be showing it more as time went on. The side that wasn't just angry and stubborn. N _o,_ the side of him that was soft and vulnerable, kind and gentle, sweet and caring, the side that he didn't show to everybody.

 Lance felt a warmth blooming in his chest at the thought that Keith had allowed _him,_ of all people, to see that side, and his stupid smile widened.

 The same stupid smile that hadn't left him as he'd told Keith to come back _to him,_ because it appeared he had lost _all_ sense. The smile that hadn't left him even as Keith had Left, even as he returned to his room. The _dopey_ smile that Lance was sure would tell anyone who saw it that he was in love.

 That was why he was screwed because he was without doubt _in love with Keith._  
It had hit him like a wave. Last night, when Keith had come to his comfort, when he'd given Lance the earing, saying that that way he would stay with Lance, that had been the last straw. It had hit him like a wave, like a cool, yet warming wave of the ocean that surrounded him leaving him feel fuzzy inside. The acceptance had came to him in a second: he _loved_ Keith. It wasn't a crush, it wasn't just liking, He was in love with Keith. There was no going back, no denying it, no more ‘ _shut up brain’s._  He was utterly in love with Keith.

 He didn't even know how or when it had happened. But somewhere along the line, somewhere between all the fights, all the teasings, somewhere between them having each other's back, somewhere between them going to each other with their problems, somewhere between the rare sleepless night talks, somewhere between them checking on each other after each mission to make sure the other was fine, somewhere between everything, Keith had stopped being his _rival,_ he'd stopped being _just his friend,_ somewhere along the way Lance had started to fall for him.

 And yes now he would admit it, that he had been attracted to Keith back at the garrison. but that had been different, that had been more physical attraction, a curiosity, a crush. And While all those were still there, this _this_ was very different. This ran deeper than anything Lance had ever felt. He cared so much about Keith and now he knew why. All he wanted was to see Keith be happy, to see him laugh that cute laugh of his.

 Was it even possible to be in love with someone you haven't kissed or _even_ held hands with?! Apparently it was, because _he_ was. And technically they had hold hands a few times before. _Jesus, what am I?_ a third grader with a crush?! Why was he getting so worked up about holding hands or kissing? ... Kissing, _oh god_ _kissing Keith._ Kissing those pink, soft looking lips he'd spent so much time staring at. Because _yes_ he had found himself staring at Keith's lips more than a few times, he just hadn't acknowledged it.

 How the hell hadn't he noticed this before? Was he really _that_ deep in denial that he hadn't realized his own feelings or how deep they went? After all the times he had flirted with him?! After _everything?!_ After the way he'd opened up to Keith?! _just_ to Keith?! _Always_ to Keith?!

 It was so confusing, and yet so simple, so obvious. it suddenly made everything make more sense; everything he felt around Keith; why he had always been drawn to him, why no matter where he looked his eyes always went back to Keith, why he had felt like he had lost a limb these past few months, why it felt like he couldn't breath when Keith wasn't there, like he couldn't be him if Keith wasn't there.

 But that was the sad part, wasn't it? Cause even if he needed Keith, even if he opened up to Keith, even if he trusted Keith with everything, at the end of the day Keith never had done the same. _Sure,_ he was more open to Lance now, he had done everything to comfort Lance, he shared intimate things with Lance, but he didn't fully trust Lance, _did_ he? Lance thought back to all the times he'd asked him questions, and Keith had shut him down or shied away;  _No,_ _he didn't_. Even during this week, everytime Lance had asked him about his time with the blade or his reasons he would just change the subject.

 And Lance tried not to push. He got it; Keith didn't like to share. But it _still_ hurt, and now it hurt even more, cause he knew why he had opened up so easily, and why Keith hadn't. Because he was in love with Keith and Keith in the best case scenario was just interested in Lance, he tried not to think about the worst.

 But the things Keith had done, the way he'd cared so much, the way he complimented Lance, the way he'd looked at Lance when he walked into the ship, _Jesus christ,_ he'd given Lance his space number! that wasn't something you did for a friend, was it? But then again, Keith hadn't really had a friend before, had he? so maybe he thought this was normal, that this was how friends acted, maybe he was just trying to show Lance that he cared.

 Lance optimistically decided he wanted to choose the former one. That even if it was tiny, Keith still felt _something_ for him, too. Lance had always wanted love, hadn't he? So what if he had to try to make Keith fall back in love with him?! He _could_ do it and he would do it because he wanted _this,_ he wanted this to be with _Keith._

 Keith, that tried to hide it, but cared too deeply about every small thing. Keith, that didn't made friends easily, but when he did he would do anything for them. Keith, that rarely laughed, but had the most genuine contagious laugh. Keith, that tried to act like he didn't care, but his eyes sparkled at every adventure, every little challenge. Keith, who tried not to laugh at Lance’s jokes, but his lips always quirked up. Keith, that was so kind, so selfless, but hated to show it. _Yeah,_ he wanted to be with Keith and he was going to make Keith love him too.

 Excitement filled him up as he happily took the phone thingy Pidge had made and put in the frequency Keith had gave him,

  - **Hey Keith, by the way I'm really hoping this is you, it would be so weird if I sent this to another marmorite, I hated to see you leave, but loved to watch you go ;)**

 He felt his entire face going red? Was he really gonna send that? To _Keith?!_ He hit send before he could back down.

 Trying not to stare at the screen, waiting for an answer, he walked to the kitchen still excited, taking a seat at the dinner table. Hunk, Pidge and Matt were already there.

 “Hey,” Hunk acknowledged him, looking down to the goo before his head snapped up again,  _“Lance?!_ What are you doing here? And why are you smiling?” he practically screamed, making the other two look up at Lance with wide eyes. _What's up with them?!_

 “Well, this _is_ the kitchen, so I'm assuming I'm here to eat dinner and why shouldn't I be smiling?!” Lance answered, taking the spoon to his mouth.

 “Because Keith _just_ left. You should be sulking in your room; mopping over Keith!” Pidge answered.

 “I don't _mop_ over Keith.” but his brain, _once again unhelpfully,_ provided him with various pictures of him mopping in his room over Keith these past months. _Really, brain?! you wanna go back to me telling you to shut up all the time?_

 “I don't think even _you_ really believe that anymore,” Matt said making Lance’s head turn to him, _what is he some sort of mind reader?!_

Unfortunately, the action made Pidge get a good look at his side, “Hold on a second. Is that ... is that Keith's fucking earing?”

 Lance was torn between blushing and smirking at the looks on the three faces, he ended up doing a weird mixture of both,  _“Maybe.”_

He picked up his glass, drinking some water to hide the stupid dopey smile that without doubt had found its way back to his lips.

 “I knew I saw something blue on him! So what, did you two switch earrings? Are you two like engaged or something now?” Matt said. _What The Hell?!_

 Lance choked on the water, “What … the …fuck … Matt?!” he managed to say between coughs.

 Hunk handed him the glass of water back, “He was just joking, Lance.”

 Lance didn't even get a chance to catch his breath before Pidge squinted at him and grinned, “Wait, is that where you two were last night?  _Together?!_ Were you two Fucking each other?”

Lance choked on the water _again._

 “You seem to choke a lot today Lance, could it be an aftermath of your last night activities?” Matt wiggled his eye brows.

 _That_ did not help Lance’s coughing at all. he was sure his face was red both from the coughs and all the really inappropriate pictures of him and Keith his brain was now producing.

 Once he could finally breath again he glared at the holt siblings, “What _the hell_ is wrong with you two? Why would you say _any_ of that?!”

 Pidge shrugged, her grin still intact, “What? We all have seen the way you look at his as— ”

Lance had put his fingers in his ears, “La la la la la, I can't hear you,” he _really_ did not want Pidge to give him _anymore_ mental pictures.

 “Jesus, Lance, calm down!” Hunk said, removing his fingers and stopping his singing, “they're just messing with you.”

  _“Why,_ Pidge?!  _Why_ would you make me think of that? why?” Lance cried.

 Pidge rolled her eyes, “Oh, don't tell me now you're gonna lay awake at night thinking about Keith's—”

 Lance clasped both his hands in front of her mouth before she could say _another_ word, “Don't you dare, Pidge,  _don't_ you _dare_ finish that sentence!”

 The mischief that sparkled in her eyes promised him that she was _gonna_ dare.  
He retracted his hands instinctively as she bit her.

 “Dick,” she finished victoriously.

 He hid his face in embarrassment, “Why, Pidge?! I was _perfectly_ fine not imagining Keith in _situations like that!”_

 She wiggled her eyebrows, “Oh? What situations are you _fine_ imagining him in?”

 He was pretty sure his face couldn't get anymore red, “I _don't_ deserve this! All I did was put on an earring, but if you're gonna be such jackasses about it, I'll just take it off,”  and he tried he really did he just _… couldn't!_

 “You okay there, Lance? You look kinda stuck,” Matt teased.

 Lance crossed his arms, “I don't wanna take it off, okay?!” he mumbled, pouting, his hand going to the earring protectively.

 Pidge raised an eyebrow, smirking, “Careful Lance, or some people are gonna start thinking you _do_  actually have feelings for Keith.”

 _Nope, that's it. I'm out._ He got up from the seat, _“Some people_ can go screw themselves.”  He turned to leave. Even if he knew he had feelings for Keith now, no way in hell was he gonna admit that to Pidge. _I mean, come on,_ she was acting like this when he hadn't. he would _never_ hear the end of it if he did, case in point what she called after him as he was walking out;

 “Can't wait to tell your kid their dad sold them to get a present for their other dad, just to get closer to getting the D from him.” 

 His face was red at her insinuation as he ran into Shiro just out side the kitchen.

 “Hey, Lance.” He squinted at Lance, “is that—”

Lance interrupted him, “Yes, it's Keith's earring. You got something to say about it?” he said defensively.

 Shiro looked at him with shock before something mischievous flickered in his expression, _nope, not doing that,_ “Yeah, well you can take it to the grave, cause I'm _not_ hearing it!” he huffed and walked past a laughing Shiro.

 “Don't worry! we already told him _everything_ needed to say.” he heard Matt's voice from behind, making him stump his steps to his room. _They're horrible!_

 He went to his bed, taking the phone thingy off it when _... Holy shit!_ Keith had sent him an answer. He really hadn't expected him to sent anything back. And not just _one_ answer;

 **-What the fuck, Lance?!**  
**-I gave you the frequency to talk to me if something _important_ happened, not for… whatever the hell _that_ was**  
**-and you sent it to me _just_ as I finished talking to Kolivan! Do you know what would've happened if he knew I've given anyone outside the blade that frequency ?! He'd throw me out in a second or tick or whatever the fuck time measuring they use!**

 Lance laughed as he read the separate messages. This was so weird. What was this like space texting or something?! He shrugged whatever it was, was letting him talk to Keith and that was all he cared.

**-you do realize that only makes me want to send you more of these space messages just to get you caught and sent back here, I already miss your stupid pout!**

 Lance hit send and stared at the device nervously, trying to put the delay in answering on the space texting. it couldn't be as fast as normal texting, right?  _Thankfully,_ he only had to suffer for a few minutes.

  **-but I haven't even been gone for _a_ _day?!_ or half a day for that matter!**

**-and _yet_ here I am missing you ;)**

Did he really just sent that?! _Oh god,_ he hugged his pillow waiting for an answer. This time the answer even came later;

**-uh … thanks?!**

 Lance snorted. _Yup_ he'd definitely done it he'd freaked Keith out. Lance could just imagine him standing awkwardly, saying ' _thanks'_ in a questioning voice and that cute faint blush.

**-so Pidge found out about the earring. It was _awful._ You can't even imagine the embarrassing things she said. She's already horrible on _her own_ and now she has a minion too!  _Believe_ me, it's a miracle I didn't murder both of them after the things they said. You owe me one for making me go through that alone.**

 He sent it. Were they really having a casual conversation over space texting?! _This is so weird!_

**-but Matt is older, so doesn't that make Pidge _his_ minion?! And I really doubt you could take Pidge down in a fight!! Plus I didn't _force_ you to wear the earring, so I don't _owe_ you.**

 As soon as Keith's answer arrived, Lance started typing knowing too well he was smiling.

**-no no no Keith, Pidge is obviously the crazy overlord that will rule the universe one day, so Matt's _her_ minion. And _how dare you?!_ I could totally win Pidge in a fight! I'm way ahead of her in the training levels! And you _did_ kinda force me, looking at me with wide eyes that clearly said; ‘ _oh please Lance accept this from me or I'm gonna start crying!’_**

 He smiled waiting.

**-That first part was true, and you _could_ handle her in a fight, but she'd probably pull a cute face at the end so you'll let her win, and If I remember correctly  _you_ were the one who was crying half of yesterday.**

 Before Lance had a chance to react a second message arrived.

  **-sorry, that last part was kind of mean**

  _Aw,_ why does he care so much?! Lance hugged his pillow.

**-you're so right about Pidge, she would _totally_ cheat like that! And don't worry, it wasn't mean. I was a real cry baby last night, wasn't I?!**

 Really, he couldn't have helped it. The news that Keith was leaving had crushed him, actually _crushed_ him. He'd been so happy planning so many things they could do together. And Keith had dropped that bomb, _again._ Keith's response stopped him from going inside that twirl of thoughts.

  **-yeah, you kinda were**

Uh _rude!_ How dare he agree?!

   **-Keith you're not supposed to agree! You're supposed to say, _‘no Lance you're so brave and badass! you could never be a crybaby'_**

 Lance grinned, he could just imagine Keith rolling his eyes when he read that.

**-so I'm supposed to lie?!**

 Lance could even hear his teasing tone!

**-rude, Keith _rude!_ I'm truly hurt! **

**-By the way it's not just me right?! this space messaging is so weird! It feels like it should be different than normal texting but it isn't?! it just takes longer.**

 He just had to acknowledge that! it was so freaking weird, to think that Keith was galaxies away but they could talk like this so easily.

**-don't worry _you'll live._ And I don't know I've never texted before.**

  _What?!_ What did that mean?

  **-what do you mean you've never texted before?!**

 How could he not have texted before? How was that even possible.

  **-I didn't own a phone until like 2 years before we were sent to space? And even then I only knew Shiro and he was my roommate, I didn't need to text him. So I guess I never really had a friend or any one to text to.**

 That was so sad. Lance’s heart went to the other boy. To how lonely he had been. Keith didn't deserve this. He deserved to be surrounded by friends and people who loved him. Why couldn't Lance had let go of his stupid rivalry back at the garrison and tried to be Keith's friend then?! Maybe Keith wouldn't have been so alone if he had. _Guess I'll just have to make it up to him now._

**-well now you do :)**

 When he didn't get any answer after about half an hour, he decided Keith wasn't going to answer.

**-good night Keith**

 He turned the lights off and slept.

 

 The first thing that he saw next morning was that Keith _had_ apparently answered him;

**-good night … and _thank_ you**

 It was such a small word; just a thank you. but he knew it had meant a lot to Keith. He smiled going to the kitchen, saying good morning to everyone.

  _“Lance?!_  What are you doing here?” Allura asked.

Lance tried to ignore Pidge's snicker and took a seat, “Will you people stop asking me _that?_  It's the kitchen! I'm here to eat, or is there some other thing you guys come here to do?!”

 Allura squinted at him and shrugged.

 Lance ignored Pidge for the rest of breakfast.

“You're not still mad at me, are you?!” Pidge said tilting her head to the side so she was in his vision.

 He momentarily considered saying that _yes_ he was still very mad at her for making him have wet dreams about Keith, but somehow he doubted that'd improve the situation at all. so he just turned his head to the side.

 But Pidge only moved closer, “Aw, but you can't stay mad at your Pidgey,” why the hell were her eyes so big and innocent right now?!

 Lance almost caved in but then Allura asked, “Why's he mad at you?”

 Pidge grinned at her, “Cause I suggested a few things he and Keith should do.”

 “Ooh, like what?” Allura wiggled her eyebrows.

 “And to think I was about to tell you the brilliant idea I just had,” Lance huffed.

 “Idea? what idea?!”Pidge looked at him with curious eyes. _Gotcha!_

 “Wouldn't you like to know?” Lance said, knowing full aware he had her on a hook.

 “But now I'm curious, you _have_ to tell me!” she practically screamed in his ear, both her hands on his arm.

 Lance cupped his chin with one hand making a considering face, “Okay, but if only you promise not to tease me about _… that stuff_ anymore?”

 She retracted her hands immediately; “Teasing you about Keith is like _half_ of my daily routine. I'm not giving _that_ up!”

 Well, Lance expected that much, “How about just for two months?”

 “One day tops!”

 “One month?”

 “Three days.”

 “Two weeks? I'm not getting lower than that!”

 “Five days, last offer.”

 “A week?!”

 “Deal,” she shook his hand.

 Matt shook his head, “You guys have a weirder relationship than we do.”

Coran though, looked like he was in tears. he whispered something like “I've taught you well, my young paladins,” before saying “You two are coming to the Unilu shop with me next time.”

 Pidge rolled her eyes at him and looked back at Lance,  _“Pay up_ and I swear if the idea is not good, I'm making your life hell.”

 Lance smirked, “Oh,  _it's good._ We could have a Halloween party!”

 Her eyes sparkled and she jumped up from her seat making the chair fall backwards,  _“Oh my god!_ We could have a halloween party!” she clapped her hands together.

 They both started throwing ideas until Shiro cleared his throat, “Sorry to burst your bubbles, but _that's_ not happening.”

 Lance pouted, deflating, “What? why not?! Don't be a party pooper! it's not like we have anything else to do.”

 Allura threw him a glare in which he responded with a shrug. _What?!_ It was the truth; they hadn't really done anything in months. _Sure,_ they've helped a few planets and answered a few distress calls but nothing beyond that.

“Actually we _do,”_  Shiro declared, “remember the shows we talked about for extending the coalition. it's finally time for those. We're gonna get pretty busy these next few weeks.”

 Pidge sighed and sat down muttering quietly, “Let's just hope that's the _only_ way you're getting busy and not with my brother”

 Lance barely held back his laughter at the looks on Shiro and Matt's faces. _Ah, Karma, you are so sweet._

 And really, he couldn't say that he minded the change of the plans. He'd always loved anything _acting_ related. The idea that _you could play as anyone you wanted to, anyone you wished to be, anyone that wasn't you,_ just seemed really appealing. Unfortunately, in this lame turn of events he got to play as himself. but hey at least this way he could make himself look cool. _Well, cooler than I already am …_ _like even you believe that_ …  _nope, no Self-deprecation comments allowed._ He was in a good mood and he very much wanted to keep it that way.

 He practically jumped on his space phone as soon as he got to his room,

 **-finally it's razzle dazzle time!!**  
**-we're going in show business!!!**

The answer came quicker than he expected;

**-yeah. Kolivan mentioned. this is one of the rare times I don't miss being there to bare that shame**

  _Wow,_ these guys worked fast! did Shiro tell Kolivan before he told them?

**-excuse you?! we're gonna show _so hard_ you're gonna take that back!**

Lance was gonna make sure of that.

**-we'll see**

**-we will Keith, we _will_**

 But as the day went on, it turned out Lance could not have been _more_ wrong.  
He went back to his room after they came back from the hospital, groaning as he saw Keith's message;

**-so did you show _so hard?!_**

 Lance hated that he knew Keith was smirking writing that. _That's a lie,_ he loved it he loved that smirk that tugged on Keith’s lips when he was teasing. It did so many things to him.

  **-noooo, Keith it was so horrible! By the time we were done all 10 of them had left! I think that was by far the most embarrassing moment in my life.**

 And Coran looked so horrible afterwards. He probably should go check on him before he sleeps.

   **-knowing you, I _really_ doubt that it was. And I hope tomorrow will be better.**

  _Well, he's not wrong about the embarrassing part._

    **-huh, you're probably right ... and thanks Keith. Who knew you could be nice?!**

 Keith would be glaring at him so hard right now.

**-…don't be an ass**

 Lance laughed.

**-sorry, I guess you just bring out the worst in me!**

 Actually Keith brought the best in him, he always wanted to be better, try harder when he was near that boy.

**-...I'm gonna go sleep before the urge to punch you becomes _too_ much**

**-if it becomes too much, would you come back here just to punch me?! cause in that case I'm gonna start being annoying as fuck!**

 It wouldn't be _that_ hard. Lance already specialized in being annoying.

**-you really would risk getting punched to get me back there?!**

**-Keith, I would do _anything_ to get you back here**

_Crap,_ he bit his lower lip nervously. he shouldn't have sent that. He really should tone it down a bit before he seriously freaks out Keith. What was wrong with him?! He literally just found out about his feelings two days ago, why can't he have a bit more self control?! Then again, just because he didn't know what he was feeling before, doesn't mean that he _wasn't_ feeling it.

**-I mean not _anything_ anything but you get the point**

 He sent quickly to soften the blow.

**-that only makes me feel bad for leaving**

**-you can always come back if you feel bad! Really no one's forcing you to be there.**

  _Damn it!_ he was pushing again, wasn't he?!

  **-Lance**

Keith's message confirmed his thought.

**-sorry I know you have your reasons, I shouldn't be pushing you so hard. it's not my place. It's just ... I don't wanna go months without seeing you again.**

  _God,_ Lance shuddered at the thought. But it really wasn't his place. Because he, well he was just a friend to Keith, wasn't he?  
His shoulders slumped down at the thought that he wasn't special to Keith. But one day,  _one day_ he was gonna be. He would make sure of that.

  **-I … I'll try to find a way to visit the castle more often**

Lance didn't expect that. the blade were really strict and Lance highly doubted they were gonna allow Keith do that easily.

  **-you are? why?**

**-I don't want to be the reason you're sad**

 Lance’s breath hitched. That was _so_ sweet; Keith was going out of his way for _him._

**-god, who knew you were such a softie?**

**-you can't ever let a moment be serious, can you?!**

 No, because if he did right now, he probably couldn't control the things he would say.

**-nope :3**

**-…is that a cat face?!**

**-yup :3**

**-I'm gonna go sleep now**

**-goodnight Keith :3**

**-goodnight … and stop it with the cat face**

 After talking to Keith Lance could say it was a good night too.

**\- :3**

 

 Unfortunately, the next day wasn't an improvement at all.

  **-I thought yesterday was bad, but today was worse! Coran made another time mistake, seriously I love the man but he's _horrible_ at calculating anything time related, and we ended up a day late. Which by the way the guy wouldn't _shut up_ about! like,  _ok we get it you only have one clear day, we made a mistake shut up already!_ and then _of course_ a gigantic Swathian meerakeet showed up! Even though I just found out what they are I already hate them! hope we don't have to deal with one ever again**

 He complained to Keith.

  **-wow, I didn't understand half of that but sounds like you had a day**

**-yeah, _no kidding!_ I really don't think Coran can handle this show business! I should probably go talk to him, he seemed quite down after we returned.**

 Lance went to check on Coran but _holy shit_ he found something much better

**-oh my god! OH MY GOD, Keith! I went to check on Coran but he threw me out of his room he was acting kinda weird but that's not really important now, I was walking back here when I caught Matt sneaking out of Shiro's room! I didn't even say anything before he turned red and said he had left his _underwear_ there and he'd went to pick it up and they weren't doing anything, and I was like _dude, it was not that bad and then you tried to fix it and made it much worse!_**

 Lance hadn't even tried to hide his laugh at the scandalized look on Matt's face.

**-well, fucking finally! That's been overdue for years!**

**-I _know,_ I mean I've only known Matt for months now but that was so freaking obvious!**

_Was I that obvious too?! At least Matt's lucky Shiro feels the same_. He sighed looking up from the phone but His eyes roamed over the clock on the screen12:06 ...wait it was past midnight;

  **-Happy Halloween!!!**

**-...halloween?!**

 Lance laughed; how did he managed to sound shocked even in text?!

  **-yes _halloween,_ I'm sure even you have heard of it; you know spooky day, wearing costumes, trick or treating, Candies, any of these ring a bell?!**

**-I know what halloween _is!_ I just mean we're in space, in a middle of a war we can't remember every little holiday**

**_-ugh,_ you sound like Shiro, Keith it's sad enough that we don't even know when almost all of our own birthdays passed all this time. what kind of people would we be if we didn't at least acknowledge halloween?!**

**-...let me guess halloween is your favourite holiday?!**

**_-yup_ it involves candy and fun, it's my second favourite holiday _right_ after my birthday**

**-...I was not aware your birthday was a holiday!**

**-of _course it is_ I'm a national treasure ...** **now a universal one**

**_-right_**

 Lance was 1000% sure Keith was Rolling his eyes this time.

 

  
 It became a routine for Lance to message Keith about, well, almost anything that happened in the castle. He was pretty sure Keith must be getting annoyed but for some reason he kept answering. Lance was practically inseparable from his space phone. He took it with himself everywhere, even on the sets which was like signing his death warrant if Coran would caught him, with how crazy the man had been acting.  
But their talks were never about anything important mostly just joking around.

**-hey do you think I should go with basic old roses or alien flowers?!**

 The answer came pretty quickly;

**-I have si many questiond about that nd I would ask them if I wadn't in a middle of a mission right now**

 How dare he mess around when Lance’s fans were on the line?!

  **-Keith, this is important! it has to fit my outfit. I can't disappoint my audience!**

**-by aufienxe you mran the stick nopdles?!**

**\- Keith that's _rude! but very true_ and yes. just answer the question**

**-finr, roses art boring go witg thee aliem oned**

**-okay but which one?! There's this big pink one which kind of looks like a Venus to me. I'm kind of terrified to touch it and there's this other tiny lilac colored ones and type like a normal person there's like a gazillion typos in there!**

**-can you atlwast lekt me finisj these guys befire you srart going to details hu78 about fuckimg flowers**

  _Wait,_  Was he being serious before?!

**-Wait, are you actually in a fight right now?!**

  _Please be joking, like I initially thought!_

**-yeaj**

  _Oh god! He's crazy!_ Keith definitely brought a whole new level to recklessness.

**-why the hell are you answering me in a middle of a fucking fight?!**

**-because _you're_ talking to me**

 Lance looked up; _god, why is he so adorable?!_ The worse part was that Lance was pretty sure Keith wasn't doing it intentionally, which made it even more sweet.

  **-Keith I would very much like to see you in one piece the next time you’re here so _please_ put your space phone away. my fashion crises can wait after your mission.**

The lack of an answer showed that Keith had listened to him. _God, that boy needs an impulse control._

 

 They continued their routine. Honestly, sometimes Keith said some things that really made Lance hopeful he might feel a few things for Lance too. It was about a week later when Lance came back from one of the bigger shows and saw Keith kind of spamming him;

**_-what the fuck?!_**   
**-how flexible are you?!**   
**-this … this can't be normal**   
**-seriously this seems unnatural**   
**-why are you able to bend that much?!**   
**-just out of curiosity how far are you able to bend?! _CAUSE THIS IS NOT NORMAL_**

  _What is he talking about?!_ Lance was too tired after the show, Coran was making it way too hard to use his brain.

**-um, what on earth are you talking about?!**

 Wait the show _… oh my god!_

 **-oh wait I see what this is about**  
**-looks like loverboy Lance has taken another victim ;)**

 Had Keith really seen the show?!

  **-...pffft lover boy Lance? is that really what they're calling you?! Clearly they've never seen how your pick up lines _never_ work!**

_Excuse me?!_

**-how dare you?! My pick up lines work perfectly! I bet they even work on _you!_**

  _Wait, wait,_ Lance didn't meant to send that.  _no no_ no. He began seriously panicking when Keith didn't answer after a few minutes.

  **-guess, we'll never know until you try**

 w _hat?! WHAT?!_ That suspiciously sounded like Keith wanted him to. _What is going on?!_  
Only a few seconds later another message came.

  **-so what are they calling me?**

**-lone wolf Keith, though I did suggest Keithen the heathen, but for some reason Coran didn't accept. I suspect Shiro was behind it**

**-…you're an ass**

**-uh I think you mean I have a cute ass ;)**

 Lance was sure Keith was gonna answer with something snarky and he wouldn't have to ponder if Keith had actually meant that earlier text.

**-if you say so ;)**

  _Is that a wink?! Keith doesn't wink!_ …  _that's it,_ Lance clearly needed help on deciphering Keith. But whose?

 Allura was out of the question considering all the times he'd flirted with her. So was Pidge, she would tease him to no end. Hunk _was_ his best friend but Lance didn't want to admit to him the exact thing he'd denied a thousand times before, he really didn't want to hear the 50 chorus of _‘I told you so’_. Coran could probably give him some good advice but unfortunately the man couldn’t hold his tongue, Lance was pretty sure the whole castle would know in a day.

 Shiro, Shiro _would_ be the perfect choice; he knew Keith better than anyone, but no way was Lance telling him, his hero that! not to mention there was a chance, even though slight, that Shiro would tell Keith about this.

 That only left Matt. Conveniently, Lance found him chilling alone in the lounge playing a video game, Lance seated himself next to him on the couch, “Hey.”

 “Hey, I'm almost done with this level, if you wait a few minutes we can do the next—” 

“Actually I wanted to talk to you.”

 Matt only raised his eyebrows as in go on.

 Lance bit his lip, “Um, it's kinda important so can you not tell the others? especially _Pidge.”_

 That finally caught Matt's attention enough to put away the controller,  _“Ooh,_ now, I'm listening.”

 “You can't tell anyone, okay?” Lance asked again making sure, Matt nodded. _Ugh, what should I say?!_ He started by explaining the frequency and how he and Keith had been using it to talk to each other.

 Matt started laughing,  _“Wow,_ those frequencies are so important to the blade. They're so secretive about it, I can't believe you two idiots have been using it to space text each other!” he stopped his laugh, “but seriously Keith could get in real trouble with the blade if they found out, they probably would throw him out.”

 “Yeah, Keith said that too,” Lance couldn't help his smile.

 Matt's eyes widened, “Wait, he _knew?_   _And_ he risked it anyway just to talk to you? he really cares about you a lot, doesn't he?” there was nothing teasing in his tone.

 Lance couldn't help his blush but at least Matt's statement gave him enough courage to continue. He showed Matt the messages.

 “So?!” he asked biting his lips nervously.

 Matt raised his eyebrow, “So? so what?!”

 _Ugh,_ was he gonna make Lance say it?  _“So_ do you think, he, um, doyouthinkhelikesme?” he blurted out.

 Matt looked at the phone and then up at Lance before bursting into laughter. _What?_ Was he making fun of Lance?! Lance shrunk into himself. _I knew it was wishful thinking, of course Keith didn't feel the same._

 “Oh my god! How dumb are you?”

_“Hey!”_

 Matt managed to tone down his laughs a bit _finally,_ “Dude, if you didn't have enough reason to figure this out _already,_ this guy is on a super important mission and he still makes time to talk to you, which by the way he doesn't even do with his practically brother, about show business and compliments you on your _‘bendiness!’_  And you think he doesn't like you?! That's dumb, Lance!”

 “You think he likes me back,” Lance happily stated, more to himself than to Matt. _Wait ..._ _oh, crap!_

  _“Back?!_ Aw, so you finally figured your feelings? Congratulations, you're almost the _last_ one to know!” Matt teased.

 “Oh, shut up.” though he wasn't even mad. Could Matt be right? Lance was pretty sure he would be the luckiest person in the world if Keith liked him …  _god, I sound desperate_.

 Matt picked up the controller, continuing the game, “and here I thought you were gonna say something important, I can't believe you wasted my time with what _everyone_ already knew.”

 Lance ignored his complaints, “You _really_ think he likes me?” he asked hesitantly.

 “Yes!” Matt paused the game once again looking at him with a thoughtful expression, “you're really insecure under all that bravado, aren't you?” he asked quietly.

Lance chose not to answer that. His insecurities weren't something he liked to discuss with anyone … well anyone but Keith,  _apparently._

 “Thanks for the _talk.”_

 “Anytime”, Matt gave him a smile.

 Lance returned it, he was way too happy not to. If Matt was right; Keith liked him. Even if it was a little bit, that was all he needed. _Get ready, Kogane, you're falling for me whether you want it or not!_ He went back to his room;

**-so how did you even saw the show?!**

**-one of the blades showed it to me on his tablet, while we're on the subject tell Allura to stop frowning so much she's making me look broody.**

 Lance snorted. _That's rich!_

**_-she's_ making _you_ look broody?! _you?_  the emo king of pouting and broodiness?!**

**-…shut up and yes so tell her!**

**-yeah _No way_ I'm risking that! she's so in character she might just pull a sword and stab me**

**-…I've never actually done that**

**-but you thought of it a few times in the first few months, I could totally see it in your glares**

**_-…maybe,_ but you could be such a little shit sometimes.**

**-thanks, I _tried_ ;). And Pidge's a little shit _all_ the time! I don't remember you wanting to slice her up**

**-it's _different?!_  you were confusing … still _are_ to be honest**

  _That,_ Lance understood that.

  **-well I hope you figure me out soon ;)**

  _And let's hope it's in the way I want it to be._ Keith didn't answer.

 

  Lance actually started to hang out more and more with Matt. He was a cooler guy than initially thought and thankfully,whenever he teased Lance about Keith, he could tease him back and if it became too much he threatened to tell Pidge, which Lance was 110% sure was fully aware of, that he'd caught him out of Shiro's room. _Boy,_ that guy was afraid of his sister, which to be fair was a completely comprehensible fear.

 Lance was sitting on the couch messaging Keith. Matt reading and commenting on everything, which was kinda rude but Lance was used to it at this point. And really could he blame the guy?! there was only so much you can do on a castle ship.

**-Coran is really getting twitchy … well _extra_ twitchy. I'm pretty sure Allura was this close to throwing him out the airlock yesterday. He's getting even on my nerves and I freaking love _anything_ theater related.**

**-yeah I know, you were such a theater nerd back at the garrison.**

 Well well well, would you look at that?!

  **-how do you even know that?! The theater was in a totally different building?! Looks like someone paid a little _too_ much attention to the cargo pilot ;)**

 He was teasing of course, but really how else could Keith have known _that?! ... Holy shit,_ could that really be true?! Lance smirked.

  **-what?! Don't be _ridiculous,_ Shiro used to go there a lot so I saw you.**

 Before Lance had a chance to get disappointed Matt laughed, “Ha,  _as if!_ I'll change my name if Shiro has ever set a foot in a theater his entire life.”

 Lance’s smirk came back wider than before.

  **-I detect a lie, Kogane ;)**

**-I'm not lying! Shiro was there all the time so I saw you a few times**

  _“Nope,_ he's lying through his teeth! this is just sad now,” Matt reassured him with an evil grin that reminded Lance too much of Pidge.

  **-well Matt seems to disagree! so you're just digging a hole now ;) you might as well just admit it**

  **-wait you told Matt about us?!**

  _Finally we're getting somewhere!_

  **_-us?!_ ;)**

**-…I meant you and me texting**

 Lance tried not to deflate.

**-yeah, I needed his help with something, and he's a way chiller dude than I thought.**

“Aw, thanks bro,” Matt said wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

 Lance rolled his eyes, “Don't believe everything you read, Matt.”

 Matt shoved him, but didn't really look hurt.

   ** _-oh ..._ I guess I didn't know you guys were that close**

**-we're starting to be... why Keith, _jealous?!_ ;)**

**-no?! why would I be jealous?!**

 Lance did deflate this time. How could Keith be _that_ out of the loop?! Matt patted him on the shoulder, “There _there,_ he's just a bit more oblivious than you.”

 Another message caught his attention;

  **-I told Ryu you said that and he keeps laughing?! I have no idea why?**

 Who the fuck was Ryu?!!

  **-who’s Ryu?!**

**-one of the blades, the _only_ tolerable person in this place. Remember when I told you someone had shown me you guys' show?**

 Lance did remember. He hadn't thought much of it but now … who was this guy?! and why did Keith trust him enough to tell him he was messaging Lance? He stiffened.

  **-he reminds me a lot of you actually.**

 That … why did that hurt?! _Because it feels like he's replacing you_. Lance ignored the thought, because it was _ridiculous,_ Keith would _never_ do that to him, and all he had done was say two sentences about the guy.

 “Dude, calm down. I can practically feel the negative vibes coming from you, Would you rather he hadn't made a single friend all this time there? That he would be alone?” Matt tried to calm him down.

 “No,  _of course_ not.” 

 Matt was right. This was better than Keith being on his own while he was there. Lance had to stop being insecure and jealous.  
A message which was immediately followed by another took both their attentions;

 **-why Lance, _jealous?!_**  
**-I'm sorry Ryu told me to send that, I have no idea what it's supposed to mean?!**

 _Wow,_ how quick the tables have turned. And how much Keith had talked to the guy that even he knew about Lance’s feelings?! Lance already did not like this guy … _at all._

**-yeah, well tell him to shut up**

 He probably shouldn't be telling that to a total stranger and a _blade_ one of that, but _he_ started it.

**-and don't think you're throwing me off course, For someone who claimed to not even _remember_ me from garrison till not that long ago, you seem to have had your eyes following me around a lot ;) could the great mullet have been wanting a piece of McClain?! ;)**

The thought put him back in his good mood. Matt made a tiny laugh next to him and whispered, “Poor guy.”

   **- _stop talking nonsense, stop winking and it's not a mullet!_**

 “Aw, my baby is still in denial,”  _… oh god please don't have said that out loud, please don't have said out ..._

 “Your _baby?!”_  Matt said, wiggling his eyebrows.

 _Yup, definitely said that out loud._ He felt his face going red, “Shut up!”

**-I can't believe you're still denying it after all this time, it definitely _is_ a mullet!**

Let's give the guy a bit of slack before he starts having a heart attack.

**-it's not.**

**-it is**

**-it's not**

**-it is.**

**-it _is not_**

**-it _so is_**

**-fuck you, it's not!**

**-fuck me, it is!**

 Matt burst into laughter next to him.

 “What?” Lance questioned, but got distracted by Keith's reply which probably was another ‘ _it's not’ ;_

  _**-WHAT?!**_

  _What?_  His eyes roamed over his last _message. Oh god,_ His face got warm again _Oh god_ ,  _oh god._ He yanked Matt's, who was crouching holding his stomach from laughter, shoulder, “Why didn't you tell me to fix it, you _asshole?!”_

 Matt wiped a fake tear of joy which Lance wasn't very sure it was fake, “Because it was _too_ good.”  _Ugh_

**-you! I meant _you!_ fuck you! _not_ fuck me! fuck _you!_ definitely fuck you!**

“Wow, that's _not_ making it any better.”

 Lance shoved the still laughing Matt off the couch, “Shut up, you're banished from the couch!” _unfortunately,_ he really didn’t seem to mind.

  **-okay, calm down**

 Matt stood up from the floor, “Well, I'm off to check on the other half of the broganes, feel free to find me anything _that good_ happened again!”

 Lance ignored the last part, “The broganes?!”

“You know Shirogane, Kogane, the _broganes?!”_ Matt explained with a wide grin.

 _Oh my god,_ Lance jumped up to Matt shaking his arm excitedly, “Oh my god! I can't believe I didn't think of that! Matt, That's like the coolest name ever, I love you!”

 Matt's grin turned evil, “And here I was thinking you loved Keith.”

 Lance’s face turned red again, “Shut up! why can't you just take a compliment?!”

 “Wow, you're face is redder than your lion. You're not even denying it anymore, are you?” Matt wiggled his eyebrows.

 _“Ugh, shut up!_ fuck you!” Lance said, unconsciously trying to hide his face.

 “I'm sorry, I thought you wanted Keith to fuck you?!”

_That Bastard!_

 “You're  _horrible!_ this friendship is cancelled,” Lance turned to leave.

 “Aw, but then who are you gonna fangirl to about Keith?!”

 _“Cancelled!”_  Lance yelled, walking out the door frame the lounge, ignoring that he could still hear Matt's laughs.

 

 For the coming weeks, Lance made sure that he talked to Keith everyday. He still missed him _a lot_ , but it wasn't like the first time Keith had left, when Lance didn't know where he was, what he was doing or even if he was _alive_ for that matter.

 What made this even better, was that Keith talked to him, opened up to him. Not that much, just random things and a few details about his missions. But it still counted. It still warmed Lance’s heart that Keith was trusting him. And once in a while, Keith said something a compliment or a sweet thing that made Lance really hopeful.

 Lance tried to keep his flirting on the minimum but he was a verbal person,  _sue him!_ he voiced his opinions, _well most of them_ , quickly and it wasn't that different with texting. So sometimes he couldn't help it, he took the compliments, the flirting _too_ far. Fortunately, Keith didn't seem to have a problem with that. If anything he seemed to even flirt back more than a few times. Unfortunately, Lance had a feeling Keith wasn't really _aware_ he was doing it. Like Keith had started to call him _loverboy._ And Lance tried not to think much of it, since he was sure Keith was only mocking the nickname. But _come on,_ you can't just call someone that planetonically, _platonically? Ugh whatever!,_ Even if Keith did, it made Lance go red in the face everytime which resulted in Matt teasing him about it.

 And then there was the problem of Ryu. Keith mentioned him regularly and it looked like the two were becoming friends. Lance doubted it was anything more than that but an annoying nagging part of his brain kept suggesting otherwise.

But _all in all_ , Lance was good, a bit depressed over Keith being that far away, but still good. A bit depressed over other stuff about himself, but still pretty darn good. Apparently the others felt that too. He was passing the kitchen one of the nights when he heard Hunk and Pidge talking;

 “I think missing Keith is making him go haywire,” Pidge said.

 “I _know,_ yesterday I passed his room and I heard him laughing, he was _alone_ in there!” Hunk agreed.

 “And have you noticed he takes that tablet with him _everywhere?!_ something is up with him.”

 Lance barely held his laugh at her suspicious tone. He probably should tell them. It was selfish of him to be the only one who was able to communicate with Keith. But _so what?!_ He wanted to be selfish, he wanted to be the only one Keith talked to, he wanted to be special to Keith, and it's not like Keith had tried to give the frequency to anyone else,  _not even_ Shiro. So _no_ he wasn't going to tell them yet.

 

 It had been almost 2 and a half months since Keith had left _again._ Lance was in the observation room, the one that was his and Keith's. It wasn't _theirs_ technically, but Lance liked to think of it that way. He had even brought a pillow and a blanket there since he spent so much time there.

 They had done the last show that day and it turned out there was a reason why Coran had been so fidgety. Lance was informing Keith about Coran's brain worm and shuddering because _gross,_ when Keith messaged him that Kolivan and he were making a video call to the castle in a few minutes.

 Lance practically ran all the way to the main deck in excitement. Though, he did made a quick stop at his room to take a look in the mirror. _What?!_ Keith was seeing him after 2.5 months. He _couldn't_ look bad.

 Coran, Shiro and Allura were already there,  _naturally._ They all looked back as Lance stormed in, he made a quick gesture with his hand, “Sorry, don't mind me go back to whatever you were doing.”

 They all stared at him a few seconds, before getting back to, Lance could guess, discussing strategies.

 He started moving around the deck deciding where to stand to look cool.

 _“Lance, what_ are you doing?!” Allura demanded.

 “Nothing,I said don't mind me.” eventually he decided on leaning against one of the pillars, he crossed his arms and smirked as he saw the call alarm.

 “We have a incoming call from the blade, princess,” Coran informed.

 Allura made an announcement through the castle for the others to get there while Shiro squinted at Lance.

Pidge, Matt and Hunk got there pretty quickly. Though it felt like a life time for Lance, “will you hurry up?! we're getting a call from Kolivan.” he said excitedly.

Pidge dropped her self on her seat, “Well that explains why you look like it's Christmas.”

 He didn't answer her considering that he could barely keep himself in place as Coran hit answer.

Kolivan was taking half of the gigantic screen, though Lance didn't even see him, his eyes immediately going to Keith. Keith with that cute little hood and those pretty eyes which _god_ now Lance realised how much he'd missed.

 He made a greeting gesture with his fingers, a quick one so Kolivan wouldn't see it but the way Keith's eye stayed on him and his lips quirked a little, Lance was sure he'd seen it. It made his smile go even wider.

 _Honestly,_ Lance was only focusing on Keith as Kolivan rambled on and then Shiro rambled on but he sighed and tried to pay attention as he realized Shiro was planning something important about Naxzela. _Holy shit,_ they could …

 “We could take back one third of the empire!” Pidge finished his thought excitedly.

 He listened carefully as Shiro explained his plan and tried not to think too much of the fact that he was the only one who didn't get a task to do outside voltron.

 Once they were finished discussing the plan Kolivan wanted to end the call but thankfully Shiro, _seriously bless that man,_ asked if they could talk to Keith alone. Kolivan reluctantly accepted.

 Keith waited until he was out of the room before turning back to them with a smile, “Hey guys!”

 That was the last straw Lance took a few steps forward excitedly, “Hola, Keith!” he winked. Everyone else greeted Keith too.

 “So what's been going on while I was gone?” Keith asked with a smirk one that Lance mirrored at him both knowing that Keith was fully aware of everything that had happened in the castle.

 Hunk and Coran started talking quickly giving him a summary, until Pidge cut in, “And Lance has been weirdly in a good mood! What the hell did you tell him before you left?!”

 Lance didn't know whose smile was slier Matt's, his or Keith's.

  _“Things,”_ Keith said and winked. _Keith fucking winked._ Lance _was_ not ready for that. He was sure once again his face was giving red a run for her money.

 “Keith!” Kolivan's voice called and made Keith frown.

 “Sorry guys, I have to go.”

  _Nop_ e, no way Lance was letting him end the call that way. he took a step towards the picture and smirked, “What? no _kiss good luck_ for the mission?” he  pointed finger guns at him.

 Keith stared at him for a moment? a faint red growing on his cheeks, but then he rolled his eyes, “Whatever loverboy,” he said and moved his hand quickly to end the call.

 Lance was quicker, “See you soon, Keithy boy.”

 Keith scoffed immediately, “I _told_ you not to call me _that!”_

 Lance smirked wider, “And I _told_ you not to call me _loverboy,_ guess we're both not getting what we wanted, Keithy,” he winked and _he_ hit the end call button. Thankfully, Keith's frustrated _ugh_ came through before the screen went black.

 Lance stared at the dark screen, “Guess I'll just have to kiss you after the mission.”

 “WHAT THE FUCK?!” Pidge's scream made him turn around to the others who were looking at him with shocked faces. Well, everyone but Matt who fist bumped him.

 Lance grinned, “What?” the two laughed at the dumbstruck looks on everyone else's faces. Lance started walking out, “Well, as much fun as this—”

 But Shiro held a hand in his way,  _“Uh uh uh,_ not so fast, how did you know they were gonna call?”

“Uh, what?” Lance was caught off handed.

 Shiro squinted at him, “Lance you waltzed in here without no reason for like the first time in two years and started _posing!_ you _knew_ they were gonna call.”

 Well, looks like it was finally time to tell them. He shrugged, “Yeah, I knew. Keith told me.”

 “Uh, buddy, how did Keith tell you from two galaxies away?” Hunk questioned.

 “With words, I assume.”

  _“Lance!”_ Shiro scolded.

 “Alright, with this,” he held up the phone thingy and started explaining.

 Once he was done Pidge snatched it out of his hand,  _“That's_ why you had it with you all the time! I can't believe you weird ass space boyfriends have been texting each other all this time.” Lance tried not to blush at the thought of him and Keith being boyfriends as she turned to Matt, “You _knew,_ didn't you? I can't believe you told my brother before you told _me!”_

“Well, I was hoping he wouldn't make as much fun of me,” Lance defended, “but if it's any consolation, he did,” he glared at Matt.

“I _did,_ Pidge, you can be sure of that,” Matt reassured her.

 Lance smirked, “Well, it's not like I didn't get back at you! I think I gave you hell over Shiro—”

 Matt nudged him pointing to Pidge, who rolled her eyes, “Matt, I know.  _everyone_ knows you and Shiro are together, it's not like you two are discreet about sneaking into each other's rooms.”

 Shiro turned red, “We're _not_ discussing _that.”_

 Lance took his tablet which was in Shiro's hands now back, “And we're not discussing _this,_ good day,” he left the deck before anyone could say anything more.

  **-so the cat is out of the bag**

**-the cat? Bag?! What are you talking about?!**

Lance laughed to himself . _Sometimes I forget how awkward he is._

    **-you're just a social butterfly, aren't you?! ;) I meant they know we've been messaging**

**-oh, I thought you'd told them a long time ago**

  _Oh_ _god!_ had Keith expected him to tell the others? And Lance had thought that he had meant it just for him?!

**-was I supposed to tell them? You didn't say anything and I didn't think you wanted me to**

**-no no, it's okay I did only meant to talk to you, not that I don't want to talk to the others  but it was meant for you okay?!**

  _Oh god,_ what was Keith doing to him?

**-I can't wait for this mission!**

**-yeah it's big**

**-but more importantly I can't wait to see you after it! _man_ I've missed your dumb mullet and your pretty face**

**-my … _what?!_**

**\- Your pretty face**

**-my pretty face? you think my face is _pretty? Pretty?!_ not even handsome?! but _pretty?!_**

 Lance grinned Keith was really having a crisis over this.

**\- did I fucking stutter?! Yes you have a pretty face, with those pretty purple eyes and that cute nose.**

**-I, I ... uh you said the others knew about us talking, right?! Can you hand your tablet to Shiro? I need to ask him something**

**-if you're gonna ask him what do I mean by calling you pretty or if I'm messing with you, let me reassure you I'm not messing with you and I'm calling you pretty because I think you _are._**

**_-…thanks?!_ You uh have a pretty face too?! Uh I have to go.**

Lance laughed;  _wow, he really doesn't know how to handle compliments._

 

 Next day was a busy one, with the rebel forces coming and going. They even saw Nyma and Rolo, who've been working with the rebels. Wow Pidge couldn't let go of Beezer. _That kid has some weird ass robot fetishism._

 Nyma was laughing at them hand on her hip and smiled at Lance, “She seems to have forgiven Beezer, is there anything I can do to earn mine?” she winked.

  _Wow,_ Lance would've jumped on that offer any other time, but now he didn’t. He didn't even _want_ to. _Fuck,_ what the hell was Keith doing to him?! ”Nah, we're cool.”

 She smiled at him and turned to help Rolo

“Never thought I'd see the day Lance said no to a beautiful girl,” Shiro said with a way too knowing smile that was making Lance flush.

“Uh, well I guess there's a first for everything?!” he said.

“I guess,”  Shiro answered his smile going wider and now Lance was definitely blushing.

  _At least I got the big brother approval. That always helps … now I just have to get his own approval, and I have to tell him first. God, how the hell am I gonna do that?! This is gonna be a fucking disaster! Can't wait for this mission!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Me:** let's write a peaceful funny chapter with no angst  
>  **My brain:** orrr we could make Lance notice his feelings for Keith and let him suffer  
>  **Me:** ...that's _horrible..._ let's do that!
> 
>  I know this isn't supposed to be a chat fic, but I couldn't just let them go on for _months_  again without even talking to each other! So you had to suffer through that _weird one chapter only space chat fic._
> 
>  Btw, I love the idea of Lance and Matt becoming best bros and gushing to eachother about the broganes!!!
> 
>  Also is anyone else upset about Lance’s vlog?! Cause I _really_ am! It's just I really had hoped that they wouldn't just make this about him being a flirt and they _did!_ :( and I know people say it's because Lance always tries to hide his problems by goofing around, so he wouldn't talk about his issues on the vlog... but _come on,_ they could atleast let him talk about his team or earth or anything!! Not just make him the loverboy, my sweet kind funny boy deserves  _much_ more than that!  
> ... sorry about the rant I have a lot of feelings right now. 


	7. Chapter 7

  Everything had been going so well.

 _‘Had been’ ,_ being the key word here, because they weren't anymore. Really, Keith should've expected it; things never stayed good for long. What was that law;  _anything that can go wrong will go wrong?!_ Well, things were certainly going wrong.

 Hunk and Pidge had done their part with the communication. Kolivan had lead Him and the rest of blade to take over the Zaiforge cannon in Senfama. Matt and The rebel forces had faced some troubles, but Keith managed to help them pull through. Even with the communications going back online, Voltron had secured Naxzela. And for a moment there, Keith thought they had succeeded, but then that moment had ended.

 That fucking battle cruiser had showed up. And Voltron _wouldn't_ answer him. He just knew it must have had something to do with that damn fleet and he _was_ right. As soon as Shiro had been able to communicate with him again, he'd told him the witch was on that battle cruiser and they had to stop her before she blew them all up, that they had to destroy that battle cruiser. That fucking battle cruiser with that fucking _impossible-to-break-through_ shield.

 “We'll never penetrate those shields,” Matt's voice came through.

 There had to be a away otherwise everyone _would die;_ the rebels, the blades _would die._ Voltron and everyone in it _would die._ The _family_ he had found after all these years _would die._ No, Keith wouldn't let that. He couldn't let that. He had to destroy that battle cruiser, no matter what.  _No matter what!_

  _Think Keith, there's always a weak spot. Something they wouldn't be expecting;_  he gasped as an idea formed in his head. A _horrible_ one, because he didn't want to die.

 He wanted to go back to the castle. He wanted to help Coran, _the crazy uncle_ as Lance called him, clean the castle. He wanted to see Allura, who had somehow managed to look pass him being galra, play with the mice. He wanted to let Pidge and Matt nerd him out. He wanted to try new dishes Hunk made. He wanted to train with Shiro, _with his brother._ Because even if they weren't blood, Shiro _was_ his brother. And he wanted to see Lance laugh that stupid lovely laugh of his. He wanted to see the mischievous smile he got everytime he teased one of the others. He wanted to hug Lance and hold him close. Because _damn_   _it,_ that boy gave the best hugs  He wanted to let Lance make stupid challenges and take him on stupid adventures. No, he _didn't_ want to die.

 But if he had to, for them to live, for them to do all those things again, then he _would._

 “Maybe not with our weapons,” he made his choice, turning the ship towards the shield.

 “Wait, Keith, what are you doing?! ... Keith,  _no!”_

 Keith tuned Matt out, heading straight for the shield. _I don't wanna die_. He closed his eyes. _You can do this. You have to do this. It won't hurt or maybe it will but only for a second. Don't think about it. It'll be over soon think about something else._

 They said your life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die. But it wasn't like that. It wasn't like everything flowed over his mind. _He_ was thinking the images. he was choosing what memory to rewatch. He saw Pidge tapping on her laptop throwing a sarcastic yet fond comment at him. He saw Coran smiling at him with so much care and kindness. He saw Allura accepting him as a friend. he saw Hunk picking him up in one of those bear hugs. He saw Shiro placing a hand on his shoulder smiling at him proudly. And then he saw Lance. Lance laughing with him. Lance explaining any references to him he didn't understand. Lance making jokes trying to make him laugh. Lance looking at him with that sparkle in his eyes. Lance having his back in the battles and always running to him after one; making sure he was okay. Lance winking at him. Lance smiling at him. Lance hugging him.   _Come back to me,_ Lance’s voice rang through his ears.

_I'm sorry._

But then he felt it; a heat. And he heard it; the explosion. He changed his course as soon as he opened his eyes; somehow the battle cruiser was destroyed. But _how?!_ He looked around for anything that could've done that. He stopped as he saw the galra ship. _Is that?! ... Yeah,_ it was definitely Lotor's ship. Why would he help them?!

 “You did it!” Coran said.

 “Good job, Keith,” Shiro's voice came.

 “It, it wasn't _me,_  it was Lotor!” Keith said confounded, “the cannon on his ship was the only thing powerful enough to take down that shield,”  _well except for me._

 

_“Attention, paladins of Voltron and rebel fighters, I know we've had our differences in the past but I think it is time we had a discussion.”_

 

 Everything that happened after that felt like a blur to Keith, like he was floating over his own body watching it do everything on autopilot. Maybe he had died and this was some sort of weird after life. He heard everyone debating on what they should do, how they should deal with Lotor, from a far. Until they told him to get to Lotor's ship, get Lotor and use his ship, since his own was broken, to get back to the castle.

 Thankfully,Lotor didn't show any kind of fight as Keith hand cuffed him to the ship. _thankfully,_ because Keith really wasn't in the mind to be able to fight with him at the moment. He flew back to the castle, parking the ship in the hanger Coran told him to, still disoriented, feeling disconnected with his own body. He opened the door of the ship.

 Now of all the ways he could've thought of the team acting when he showed up, Lance taking him by his collar and shoving him back to the ship certainly _wasn't_ one of them.

 But at least Lance’s loud yell and him shaking Keith by his hold on Keith's clothes finally connected Keith back to his body, “What _the fuck_ was that? Matt told us _what_ you were about to do! What the _hell_ made you think _that_ was a _good_ idea? What the _fuck_ were you trying to do?!”

 Keith opened his mouth to answer, “What else was I—”

 But Lance wasn't listening to him or even doing as much stopping his flow of words, “What the hell were you thinking,  _Huh?!_   _What the hell_ were you thinking? Do you want to be the hero _that_ badly to give up your own life? or do you just want to die?! is that it? Do you wanna _fucking die?!”_

 _A_ part of Keith jusy wanted to yell back, and get this over with. But he'd never never seen Lance like this. He'd seen Lance get angry, get really angry, and this wasn't that. He didn't exactly look angry more like hurt and worried. Keith had never seen him this hysterical; he was shaking uncontrollably.

“Lance, calm down so I can—”

 But Lance still wouldn't let him talk; “No,  _NO! Don't tell me to calm down!_  I won't _calm down!_ you were gonna sacrifice yourself! you were gonna _kill_ yourself, for _what? Ha?!_ What could be possibly worth you giving up _your life?Huh? W_ hat the hell could be _fucking worth your life?!”_

 Keith who finally had a chance to speak practically yelled, “The universe? Voltron? Shiro? You?”

 Lance looked at him with startled eyes,  _“What?!”_

 “It was one life against the universe, it was _worth_ it!” Keith explained simply.

 Lance finally let go of his collar, taking a step back, as if Keith had slapped him, as if Keith's words had somehow burnt him, “One life?! _One life?! ONE LIFE?!”_ He yelled louder than Keith had ever heard him. Lance was shaking so badly and when he moved, Keith closed his eyes expecting a punch to come. It never did. Instead, Lance had wrapped his arms around him tighter than ever, making both of them shake, “One life? Keith, it wasn't just one life! it was _your_ life!” he said with a cracked voice.

 “What difference does it make?” Keith asked honestly. His life was still one life.

 “What difference  _...oh, Keith,”_ Lance fell to his knees drawing Keith with him, “what the _hell_ are they putting into your brain in that place?! Don't you get it? we _need_ you! don't you get it?  _I_ need you, Keith! _I need you_! How would I ever ...?! what would I ...?! _your_ life is worth more than anything! Y _ou're_ worth more than _anything!_  If it's the whole universe against you; let it get destroyed, Keith! _Let it get destroyed,_ I don't care!”

 Lance was clutching at him desperately and even from over the suit, Keith could feel Lance’s tears falling on his shoulder, “If I had to choose between you and the whole world I'd watch the world burn, Keith, _fuck_ I would gladly light the match myself if it meant _you_ would live.”

 Keith didn't know what to say, so he only hugged Lance tighter. He'd never had that before; someone who would choose him over the _whole god damned universe,_ and specially _Lance_ of all people. _Lance,_ who would do anything for the universe. _Lance,_ who would sacrifice himself in a heartbeat but apparently wouldn't sacrifice Keith. He pushed his face to the other boy's neck.

 “I was scared,” He didn't know what made him say that but something about Lance did, something about Lance always made him open up, “I didn't want to die. I wanted to come back to the castle. I wanted to see you,” Keith himself even didn't know what he meant by _you:_  you; everyone in the castle, you; Lance, or you; everyone in the castle but specially Lance. he didn't know and right now he didn't _care._  not with the way Lance was holding him as if Keith was, for some reason,  the most important thing in the world. As if he would never let go.

 “I'm sorry,” the words flew out of his mouth involuntarily. Lance somehow managed to pushed him even closer. Keith was sure if they got any closer they would turn into one. He wouldn't have minded.

 “Don't be sorry! You don't have to be _sorry._ just don't you ever do that again, Keith. Don't you ever _dare_ to do that again! Please _please!_ I'm begging you, okay?  _I'm begging you_ don't do that,” he'd never heard Lance sound so desperate. He'd never heard Lance _beg._ no matter what had happened Lance had never done that.

 “Okay,  _okay,_ calm down, Lance. You have to—”

 “Well isn't this sweet?!”

 Fuck,  _fuck,_ he'd been so distracted by Lance he had forgotten Lotor was still there, he felt Lance who was finally relaxing a little stiffen next to him.

 “I told you we meet again, little paladin,” Lotor said.

 They both got up but Lance somehow got a grip on his wrist and wouldn't let go. _No complains there._

 “Yeah, wish I could say ‘it's _nice_ to see you again,’  it's really fucking not,” Lance said Keith finally able to see his face. He was still shaking.

 Lotor chuckled, making shivers run down Keith's spine; that guy was creepy as hell, “Oh don't be like that I saved your precious little red paladin's life, that's two times you're in my depth now.”

Lance frowned, “I'm not in your—” he stopped mid sentence, “That's why you let me go! in case something like _this,”_ Lance gestured around him, “happened.”

 Lotor tilted his head and smirked, “Not just a pretty face, are you?”

_What did he just fucking say to Lance?! “Excuse me?!”_

 “Oh, You're excused red paladin,” Keith was about to punch him, but Lance hold him back by their conjoined hands.

 “I owe you _nothing!_ I didn't _ask_ you to let me go you did that on your _own,”_ Lance said.

 Lotor hummed, “Hmm maybe, I still saved him though,” he said finally looking at Keith, “and it's clear how much you care about him.”

 “Oh _please!_ you were just trying to save your own skin. Your daddy is after you and you thought hey who can keep me from him?! oh yeah,  _Voltron,”_ Lance said.

 Oh,  _of course,_ that explained why! How hadn't Keith realised that?! There was a moment Keith wanted to look at Lance in awe considering hOw he could use his brain in the middle of mossions and in his _current_ state.

 “Oh, you're _really_ not just a pretty face are you?”

 Before Keith had a chance to react, Lance was pulling them both out of the ship, “we're done here, someone else can get prince asshole to his cage.”

 They walked into the hanger. Everyone were waiting. Pidge took a look at their conjoined hands, “Oh,  _that's_ what's taking you so long! you were _‘catching up’”_  she said, air quoting the last word. _What the hell does that mean?!_

 Lance finally let go of his wrist, running his hand through his hair and sigh, “Shut it, Pidge.”

 Keith saw that Pidge wasn't about to shut it, but as she took a look at Lance’s face she didn't say anything. Keith was sure it was because of the red eyes and the clear trace of tears on Lance’s face or the fact was still shaking. _He cares that much about me._

 Everyone hugged Keith, telling him that he shouldn't try to do something like that again. Shiro was giving him _that look;_ the look that said ‘ _we're gonna have a discussion about this later.’_  Well, Keith wasn't exactly looking forward to that, but he didn't worry about it either. whatever it was, it couldn't come even close to the one he just had with Lance.

 Hunk and Shiro took Lotor to the prison cell Coran had readied. After they came back Shiro looked at everyone, “Look alive, people this wasn't a _loss!_ even if we failed to get Naxzela we managed to get back all the other planets. It's still a win. we can figure out how to deal with Naxzela later. As for Lotor, we can deal with him tomorrow but for _now;_  you all deserve a good rest.”

 Even though it was late, no one seemed to want to sleep. So they all just went to lounge. Hunk and Pidge immediately started updating him on everything that happened that 2.5 months. Keith couldn't help smiling mischievously at Lance who was sitting next to him, like _right next_ to him. Keith normally cared too much for his personal space but for some reason he didn't with Lance.  
Lance, for the first time that night, smiled even if it was a weak one. And it was somewhat mischievous like Keith's. Because they both knew Keith knew _everything_ Hunk and Pidge were telling. In fact if anything, Keith could even tell some of the details they were missing.

 Matt caught a look a their smirks and mouthed _assholes_ at them though he didn't say anything to the others.

 At this point Keith and Lance kept sharing glances at everything Hunk and Pidge said silently laughing. _At least he's laughing_. Keith really hoped they were real laughs and Lance wasn't faking them for the sake of him. He still looked pale though.

 “... I think that's pretty much all the weird things Coran did while he had a freaking worm for brain,” Hunk said.

 “No, you forgot all the times he called Shiro _baby,”_ Keith said with a smirk. Coran made an embarrassed noise. 

 “Yeah man,  _that_ was hilarious—”

 Pidge cut Hunk's unconscious reaction, “How the hell do _you_ know about that?!” she demanded.

 Keith shrugged grinning, “Lance, told me.”

 Pidge squinted at the two, “Oh _yeah!_ I forgot you two shit heads have been talking to each other all this time!”

 Allura squinted at them too, “So how much has Lance exactly told you? Cause you couldn't have talked _that_ much!”

 Man, was she _wrong!_

 Matt wrapped a hand around Lance’s shoulder. _Okay,_ so those two _had_ become close, hadn't they?!

  _“O_ h, believe me, they _could!_   _Lance-news,_ over here informed him on everything that happened in the castle.”

 “Everything?!” Pidge questioned.

  _“Everything.”_  Lance announced proudly.

 “Even that time the bunch of bii bohs—”,

 Hunk was saying when Keith corrected him,  _“Stick noodles_ and you mean the time they cosplayed us?  _Yeah,_ he told me.”

 “What about the time we performed the show under—”

 Keith finished Hunk, “Underwater?! Yeah, he wouldn't shut up about that for days,” Lance stuck his tongue out at him, making him laugh. And Keith momentary wondered when had the action had started to make Keith laugh instead of glaring; a while now, a _long_ while.

 “He couldn't have told you everything! What about Matt finishing killbot phantasm—”

 He interrupted Pidge, “Two days ago?! I know, because _'how dare he finish it when I wasn't there?! No milkshake for that guy for a week!’_ ” he quoted Lance.

 “Oh, so that's why Kaltenecker suddenly isn't making milk any more?!” Matt said, raising his eyebrow at Lance.

 “Yup!” Lance admitted shamelessly.

 “Wait, there's no way he told you about—”

 Keith cut Hunk off, “Okay, you guys don't seem to grasp the meaning of everything, but he told me every little thing that happened, Hunk I can even tell you how many times you _threw up_ this while. Or how many time Shiro scolded Pidge for cursing. Or how how many times Coran made you rehearse everything or how..."

"Okay, we get it; He fucking told you _everything!"_  Pidge stopped him from going on.

 “I can't  believe you actually _read_ those?!” Lance said quietly.

 “Why wouldn't I?!” Keith asked frowning.

 “Because you were busy? On a mission? and I was rambling?  _A lot?_! I didn't think you would actually put the time to read all the crap I said?” Lance said as a-matter-of-factly.

 “Well, I like your rambling,” Keith said and then his face heat up as he realised what he had said, “wait no—”

 But Lance was faster as he placed a finger on Keith's lips silenting him “Uh-uh! there's _no_ way I'm letting you take that back, Keithy! we all heard it you like me rambling. I'm gonna ramble on and on for you now.”

 “Oh, shut up!” he said, moving back, ignoring the weird urge he had to lick Lance’s finger. Lance only laughed. That one was a _real_ laugh. Keith was sure of it.

 “Lance, man I can't believe you ruined it. Couldn't you like keep some things for us to tell?!” Hunk complained.

 Lance wrapped his hand around Keith's neck, “Sorry, buddy, but I couldn't keep this little guy in the dark!”

 Keith smirked, if he was right ... “Who are you calling _little?_ We're the same height.”

 “No, we're not.” Lance scoffed.

 Keith smirked even wider, “Oh, we _are!”_

 _Lance_ rolled his eyes, “I'm taller, Keith! everyone knows that.”

 Keith stood up, “Care to put your money where your mouth is?!”

 Lance stood up in front of him, “As long as you're losi ... _WHAT the_ _hell?!”_  he yelled as he realised they _were_ in fact the same height now, “what the hell? How the hell did you get 2 inch taller in 2 fucking months?!”

 Keith laughed at how high his voice had gotten, “Kolivan called it something like galra growth spurt?”

 “Aw, that's so cool and _so not fair!_ You were the perfect height.” Lance whine, pouting.

 Keith raised his eyebrow, “The perfect height? The perfect height for what?”

 “Uhhh” Lance started blushing, “Uh ... for punching _of course.”_

 “Duuude!” Matt said, laughing.

 “Shut up, Matt!”, Lance huffed, sitting down, crossing his arms.

 _Okay?! that was weird!_ Keith thought sitting back down.

 “Great, now thanks to Lance we have nothing to talk about.” Hunk complained again, glaring at Lance.

 But since none of them wanted to go to bed everyone started sharing old memories, Pidge, Hunk, and Lance telling some of their adventures back in the garrison, making Keith wonder what would've happened if he had stayed there? would they have become friends or not?

 “...out?”

 He didn't hear what Lance had asked, “Huh?!”

 “I said no one knows how you got dropped out?!” Lance repeated himself.

 “Oh, I punched Iverson,” he couldn't keep the self satisfaction out of his voice. Even if it'd gotten him thrown out of garrison he still would do it again.

  _“What?!”_ everyone in the room except for Allura and Coran asked simultaneously.

“What?” he shrugged, “he kept saying Kerberos was somehow Shiro's fault. I couldn't _not_ punch him!”

 Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose shaking his head, “Keith!” though Keith could see he was smiling.

 Pidge highfived him. Lance though, Lance was looking at him with awe, “Shiro, I'm sorry but you just lost your place as my hero to this guy. I can't believe you actually punched him, Keith! Man, I wish _I_ had punched that bastard a few times.”

 Keith squinted at him, “Why do _you_ hate him so much?”

 Suddenly Lance was avoiding eye contact with him, “Heh, who doesn't hate that guy?”

 Pidge frowned, Keith saw the way her jaw set, like she was trying yo control like anger, “I don't think it was as much as Lance hating him, as it was _him_ hating Lance. He was _horrible._ I think I would've punched him if he told me the things he said to Lance. He treated him like trash, Like he kept saying that the only reason Lance was there was because the best pilot in his class flunked out—” Pidge suddenly stopped looking between Lance and Keith and gasped as if realising something.

 It took Keith a few seconds but then it clicked for him too.

 “Oh my god, how could I not realise this before? he was talking about—”

 “Me,” Keith finished her sentence.

 “No wonder you hated Keith so much when we first got here! _Fuck,_ I would've hated him too if I were you, with all the times Iverson threw him in your face. Using him to humiliate you like that!” Pidge said looking to Lance.

 And it suddenly made so much sense. Why Lance acted like the way he had at first. The whole rivalry thing. Really could Keith say he would act any differently?! He couldn't believe even Iverson could do something like that. _Specially to Lance,_ Lance who took every word to heart. Lance who already ,even though he tried to hide it, doubted himself so much. _Great,_ now he wanted to go back to earth to get Iverson a piece of his mind ...  _again._

 “I didn't hate him,” Lance defended.

 “Could've fooled me,” Keith joked because _yes,_  now that they've moved passed that. Now that they were friends, _great_ friends, Keith liked to think, he _could_ joke about it.

 Lance looked him in the eyes, “I _didn't!_ I was just ... well, jealous,” he said embarrassingly rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.  _Oh._

And then Hunk was moving half way across the room picking Lance up in a hug,  _“Buddy!_ I'm so proud of you for admitting that!”

 Lance looked at him, clearly puzzled as Hunk put him down, “You're proud of me for admitting I was jealous?!”

 “Of course, man! It's not easy to admit that, specially not right in front of him,” Hunk said taking back his seat.

 Keith smiled at Lance, “He's right, it's not. If, if it makes you feel any better I was jealous of you too,” he admitted.

 Lance looked at him frowning, “Don't make fun of me, Keith,” he sounded offended.

“What? I _wasn't,_ I really _was_ jealous,” Keith said, holding his hand up.

 Lance narrowed his eyes at him, “But why would you be jealous of _me?!_ You're perfect?” he asked.

 Keith waited for him to say _he was messing with him_ or that _he was joking,_ but Lance only stared at him with questioning eyes. _He's serious?!_ “You think I'm _perfect?”_

 Lance sat up straight as if just realizing what he'd said, his face flared up but then he seemed to relax, “Well, I mean aside from your recklessness, yeah, you _are.”_  

 It was Keith's turn to go red. Lance thinking so highly of him really _really_ warmed his heart, “I'm not perfect, Lance. And I could give you a hundred reasons why but I'll only tell you the one that made me jealous of you; I'm not good at ... talking people and _you,_ youdid it like it was the easiest thing in the world. You would just walk up to someone and start up a conversation with them. Everyone in the garrison knew you,” it was one thing to be admitting that to Lance, but it was another to say that in front of everyone. So he kept his voice quiet, keeping his eyes on Lance, pretending that he was the only one there.

 Lance blinked at him a few times before finally saying, “Keith, people didn't like me at the garrison.”

“What?!” Keith questioned, because _that_ didn’t make any sense.

 “I was the _it's that guy again_ guy. The _he's too loud and annoying_ guy. the _he never stops talking_ guy. No one wanted to be my friend,” Lance said looking very uncomfortable.

  _But that doesn't make any sense_. Keith remembered it clearly. Everytime Lance walked into a room the whole place lit up. Lance was always so bright it was hard to not look at him and that was before Keith actually knew him. How could someone not want to be his friend? Keith did, had that only been Keith?!

 “Lance, that's not—”

 “Hunk, I appreciate the effort but _don't,_ I heard everyone enough times,” Lance said, sadly. Who the hell had said bad things to this kind boy? What the hell kind of assholes had made Lance feel like that? Keith would like a one on one match with them,  _right now!_

 “Okay, they did. but they were all _idiots,_ Lance and _I_ wanted to be your friend,” Hunk assured Lance, making him smile.

 “Yeah, so did I! even, even if I didn't always act like it,” Pidge said.

 “Me too, I mean I do ... like your rambling," Keith managed to say blushing. But it was worth it as the way Lance’s face lit up and he looked at Keith with happy eyes, as if Keith had just given him the world. _See? Who could not want to be near this boy?!_

 And then of course the conversation got about what everyone missed about earth. Keith hoped no one would notice he's quietness, because if they asked, he had nothing to miss back on earth, maybe his bike? Everything he had, _everyone_ he had were in this room.

 “Man, I miss the sea and the beach. I miss the oceany smell and that feeling you get walking on the soft sands, you know _that_ feeling.” Lance said, looking at him for agreement. _Great._

 “I actually don't. I've never been to a beach,” Keith answered.

 _“What?!_ What do you mean you've never been to a beach? Are you telling me you haven't even seen the sea up close?” Lance said looking like Keith he was an alien or something. Actually scratch _that,_ he hadn't reacted this severely when Keith had told them he was half-galra.

 Keith unconsciously smiled at that. Because Lance had been the most supportive after Shiro when he told them that. He hadn't acted any differently towards Keith. infact the first thing he had said was, “Galra or not that mullet is still a bad choice, man!” it had helped a lot to know Lance didn't look differently at him.

 “Nope,” he honestly answered. It wasn't like he had any time to, with his dad being sick until he, _died_ and then it wasn't like the orphanages or the foster cares were gonna take him to a beach. So _no,_ he hadn't been to the ocean but he _knew_ he would've liked it. because he liked Lance’s oceany smell, he liked Lance’s oceany eyes, not to mention the boy's quintessence had taken shape of one.

 And Keith was very fond of that stone on his ears. It had helped him feel closer to home, to this place while he was at the blade. His hand brushed over the earring fondly.

 “That's _unacceptable,_ Keith! That settles it; I’m taking you to Varadero beach first thing when we go back. Man, you're gonna love it there, and you have to try mom's garlic knots. They're like _the reason_ I believe there is a god! Oh and then you have to meet mi familia. Boy, if you think I'm bad, my sister's gonna give you hell over that mullet! my cousins are gonna _love_ you. Oh, specially Leo; he is in love with sharp things _too,_ he's gonna love that Marmora blade! but the first thing we're doing is going to the beach, I mean water is my element! you can't not know _my element,”_ Lance said excitedly bouncing up and down in his seat.

 Keith always liked watching him talk about his family; Lance always get so carried away easily, describing them like he could see them there with him, and hegot a smile on his face that Keith could only describe as _homey._  

 So yeah, he enjoyed Lance mentioning them but right now, he was melting inside at Lance's words. He never tried to think about what would happen after this war ended, after they defeated Zarkon. Because he didn't want to think how everyone would go back to their lives, their families and he would lose them all. But now, it didn't look like Lance had any plans of leaving him or letting him go. He smiled at Lance.

 “Oh, I can tell you a few ways you can introduce him to your _‘element!’”_ Matt said air quoting _element._  voice filled with tease, which Keith didn't get.

 “You can keep those ways for Shiro,” Lance glared at Matt.

 _Oh yeah, that_ had happened, “Hey, I almost forgot about that! Thank god you two finally got together,” Keith smirked at Shiro who visibly blushed.

 “Oh, we're not talking about that.”

 “Yes, we are, do you know how many times I had to hear you say ‘ _I don't have a crush on Matt’_  in garrison?” Keith said.

 “Aw, Takashi! you're adorable,” Matt said making Shiro squint at Keith.

 “You know I can just as easily tell everyone who _you_  said the exact same thing about in garrison,” he said raising an eyebrow.

 Before Keith had a chance to tell him to _shut the fuck up_ or throw something at him, Lance sat straight, “You had a crush on someone in the garrison? who? Who was it? Oh, I bet it was that Liam guy, wasn't it? man, everyone liked that guy, even though he was such a dickhead,” he scoffed crossing his arms.

 Keith thanked god Lance could be thick as a brick sometimes. it was a long time ago and Keith didn't even know if that's what it had been; He probably had just wanted to be friends  with Lance. Plus he didn't want anything to risk the first friend he had found in ... well, ever. Shiro didn't count, it was like counting your mother as your friend. “I have no idea who you're talking about?” he told Lance honestly.

 “You know; Liam, yay high, blond, muscly!”

 Keith remembered something, “Oh _yeah,_ that guy he was an asshole, totally hot though.”

 “I _know,_ right?” Lance agreed.

 “Are you two idiots actually bonding over some _other_ guy being hot?” Pidge said with an incredulous look. In fact now that Keith noticed almost everyone else in the room  were giving them the same look or face palming themselves. _What's that about?!_

 Lance practically screamed and placed his hands on Keith's ears, “Pidge, you know you can't say the ‘B’ word around Keith! it triggers him.”

 “Shut up,” Keith laughed jabbing his elbow to Lance’s ribs.

 Lance only laughed, “Make me.”

 “Oh god, I want to! you have no idea _how much_ I want to,” really sometimes he wished there was a way to silence Lance for a few seconds.

 For some reason Lance stared at him with wide eyes. His face turning redder with every second, He kept opening his mouth to say something but closing it immediately, Keith barely held back his laugh; _he looks like a fish out of the water._

 “I _can't ..._ just,someone else deal with him for now,” Lance finally said hiding his face on Matt's shoulder, saying something Keith couldn't hear but it made Matt laugh and pat him. Maybe Keith was staring a little but those two had _really_ become close, hadn't they?

Matt caught his eyes and the little shit had the audacity to mouth _‘jealous?’ a_ t him.

 Keith was glad Matt hadn't said that out loud, as he felt his face going red, because he _was_ jealous! But _why?_  Matt was with Shiro and even if he wasn't, why would Keith care that he was getting close to Lance? Was this the friend jealousy thing he'd heard of?

 “Did you only knew Shiro in garrison by the way?! Because then you had a worse social life than me and I had no social life there,”  _thankfully,_ Pidge's question stopped the confusing thoughts.

 “I knew Matt a little bit too?!” Keith offered.

 That finally made Lance look up to him from Matt, “You can't have known just two people?”

 Keith shrugged. Because he apparently _could._ He was surprised when arms were wrapt around him suddenly. Lance was hugging him, _again._  No complaints, though.

“I'm sorry.”

 _Uh, what?!_ Keith sent a questioning look to the others but they all looked as clueless as him, “It's not your fault?!” he half asked half said.

“Yes, it is,” Lance said pushing his face to Keith's shoulder, making Keith blush because everyone were looking at them, “If I'd let go of that stupid rivalry stuff back then we could've been friends sooner ... then you wouldn't have to be so alone,” he whispered the last sentence, so only Keith could hear and suddenly it didn't matter that everyone else was looking, his hands wrapped back around Lance automatically.

 “I, uh,  _thanks.”_

 _So what_ if he held on a little too long? Who could blame him?! Lance gave the best hugs and they were _so_ addicting. They were so soft, so warm, even so _safe_ and they made Keith feel like he was home. Because he _was_ at home here.

 

 They talked for a few hours till Pidge started yawning like 20 times in a minute, and activated Shiro's dad mode, sending them all to bed.

 Now, Keith would've thought after such an emotionally draining day, he would go to sleep pretty quick—specially since he was back in his own comfortable bed, not the stony one at the blade, no this soft familiar one and his bed was filled that awfully lovely scent?! though his brain could be making that up—but _clearly_ he had thought _wrong. H_ e was restless; he didn't know why but something was keeping him up. He kept moving around, so maybe a position would be comfortable enough. but eventually he just gave up. Maybe drinking some water would help?  He tiredly got up walking out of his room. though he didn't get to go more than a few steps away from the door as something caught his leg sending him crashing to the floor.

 He used his hands to keep his face from smashing to the floor, “What the—”

 “Watch where you're going, man, will you?” _Lance?!_

 Keith moved around on the floor barely seeing Lance holding and rubbing his own foot. Keith appreciated Coran trying to make the castle look so aesthetically pleasing at nights, but it would've been better to be able to actually see where you're going at nights.

 “What the hell are you doing outside my room, Lance?!” he asked as he quickly got up turning on the lights in his room and making the door stay open so there was actually some light in the damned hallway.

 Lance closed his eyes as if the light was too much for him. How long had he sat there?! “I mean technically this is outside my room too.”

 “Lance,” Keith said seriously, sitting next to him on the floor.

 “What? It _is!”_ he insisted.

Keith rolled his eyes, “Lance, come on. Why are you here and not sleeping?”

 “I can't sleep, alright?” Lance admitted quietly. _Please don't be about what I think it is._

 “Why not? after a day like _that,_ You have to be tired enough to fall sleep as soon as your head hit the pillow.”

 “Yeah, well I don't see you sleeping either?” Lance said.

 _Lance, I can see what you're trying to do, not happening!_ “I was thirsty, what's your excuse?” Keith raised an eyebrow.

 “Maybe I was thirsty too?” Lance answered.

 _Wow,_  the length this boy would go to not to talk about his problems, “And what? You were looking for water on the _floor?!_ Come on, Lance, why are you camping out side my door?”  _Please don't be about what I think it is._

 “I can't sleep,” Lance repeated.

 “You already said that, why would _you sitting here_ improve that?” Keith asked. _Please, Please don't be about what I think it is._

 “I can't sleep. Everytime I close my eyes I see you, I see you ...” Lance swallowed gesturing an explosion with his hands.

 _Of course, it's about that_. Keith'd thought after all the talks that night, Lance would've forgotten about it, but of course not. “Lance,” he quietly said but Lance didn't pay any attention.

“And I thought maybe if I sat here, if I knew you were okay in there, if I knew you were breathing it would help. It _doesn't,_ I just keep imagining how you would feel when ... I just keep imagining how would we find you, would you be just a, _dead_ body floating through space, in whole or in pieces or would there be nothing left of you,” if his cracked voice, or the way he was trembling wasn't enough, the way he was looking forward with unseeing eyes told Keith he was imagining the picture right now.

 Keith placed a hand on his arm, taking his attention, “Lance, hey, stop. Don't think about that! Why are you torturing yourself like this? I'm alive, I'm _okay,”_  he reassured Lance.

 “But you could've died, Keith.  _you_ could've _died!”_

 “Lance, we're in a war _and_ we're part of Voltron. We could die everyday,” Keith reminded.

 “I know that. Don't you think I know that?! But that's _different,”_ Lance shook his head, “We have each other's back when we're in Voltron. When we're in Voltron, we ... _I_ can stop you from doing something like _that,_ and if there isn't enough time I could just take your place so you wouldn't ... but when you're that far away? Keith, you would've died and I wouldn't even _be there,_ you would've died and I wouldn't even _know,”_ Lance looked the other way but as his jaw tightened, Keith could see  the shine of tears running down his face.

 No way he was gonna let Lance cry because of him,  _again,_  “Hey, come here,” he pulled Lance to his hold. The other boy obliged, pushing his face to Keith's chest, gripping at his shirt. Unlike Keith had intended, it didn't seem to help his crying but actually worsening it. He didn't get a chance to comfort him.

 “I'm sorry,” Lance said, voice muffled.

  _Great,_ Keith groaned internally; he couldn't wait to know what Lance had found this time to blame himself for.

 Lance pulled back looking Keith with those teary but still beautiful eyes, “I should've known something was wrong when you kept going back to the blade. I should've known there was a problem. I don't even know what we've done to make you think you're _expendable,_ to make you think we could go on without you. Because we can't, Keith, and I don't mean just Voltron, _we_ can't. It's not just that we want you here, we _need_ you here. I- _I_ need you. If you think that we could ever move on from you if you ... if you had died you're wrong. _God, you're wrong;_ it would tear us to pieces.”

 Keith had realised that much from Lance’s earlier reaction. But it was ... it made him feel better to know that they needed him too, that Lance needed him, too. That they wanted him there, too. He smiled wrapping his hand around Lance’s arm squeezing it reassuringly. 

 “Don't do that,” Lance said lips thinning to a line. Keith didn't get to ask what he shouldn't do as Lance continued, “you're always comforting me. You almost died today, I should be the one making _you_ feel better, but here we are again _you_ comforting _me._ And I do want to comfort you, I _do!_ you just won't let me. Why don't you let me take care of you for once, too? No matter what I do you don't talk to me, you don't open up to me! no matter how much I try you won't _trust_ me! Keith, why would you not tell me when something this big was bothering you? what do I have to do for you to trust me?” Lance gripped Keith's wrists.

 _Jesus,_  how many emotional rollercoaster could this boy go on in one day?! Not to mention what he'd said, and clearly thought wasn't trough at all. Lance had proven himself to Keith enough times. He, in his own way, had always been there, when Keith had needed someone, again and again no matter what. And Keith _had_ opened up to him. Lance probably knew more about Keith than anyone—maybe except for Shiro. But most of the things he knew was because he'd dealt with Keith's social workers and had read his file—It was different with Lance; with him, Keith had _chosen_ to tell him things about his past. And surprisingly, yet unsurprisingly, Lance hadn't pushed him or pressed him to say anything. Keith had done it on _his own,_ in his own pace because Keith _did_ trust Lance, more than anything.

 Keith put his hands on either side of Lance’s shoulders, making him look back up again; “Lance, _what_ are you talking about? I trust you. What do you mean I'm the one who comforts you? Do you know how many times you've done that for me? Do you know how many times you’ve stopped me from doing stupid things? I can't even count them, that's how high the number goes. And when I do mess up, you're _always_ helping me fix it, and not just when I was here,” Keith paused smiling at him, “do you know how many times in this past two months you calmed me down or made me cheer up when I had a shitty day? because let me tell you Kolivan does not like to make my life easy, so everyday I looked up to what text you would send me; because no matter what they would say, or how stupidly _Lancey,”_ Keith felt relieved when Lance made a tiny laugh at that, “they would be, I _knew_ they were gonna make my day. Stop blaming yourself for things that aren't even _true!”_

 Lance gave him a very genuine smile. He rubbed his eyes, half laughing, “Aw man, at this point there is no way I can fix my reputation; you're 100% percent thinking I'm a crybaby.”

 Keith smiled back knowing _that_ was Lance’s way of saying it's okay move on from the subject. That was one of the amazing things about Lance; no matter how hurt he was he could bounce back in a matter of seconds; so it was okay to tease him a little, right? “Yup.”

 Lance pouted, “I'm _not_ though! I swear I don't cry this much. But it feels like I've been crying everytime I see you.”

 Keith tried not to think about that it was probably because Keith kept finding new ways to hurt Lance and tried to lighten to the mood, “Maybe you're allergic to me?” he suggested.

 Lance smiled that sly smile of his,  _oh no!_  “Maybe, orrr,” he drawled, leaning back on his hands on the floor, “I'm just allergic to pure gorgeousness.”

  _“Pure gorgeousness?!”_  Keith repeated, a little questioning his hearing ...  _okay; a lot._

 Lance hummed in agreement.

 _Alright then,_  back to the old issues he was having with Lance. Lance had started to give him compliments a lot, _a lot_ more often. While it was okay when they were through texts, cause that way only Rou could see how frustrated he became.

 The only reason Rou knew about the texting was because he'd seen one of Lance’s messages on one of Keith's more careless days. Keith had waited for him to run to Kolivan but he hadn't, cause apparently he felt like some of the blades' rules were stupid too.

 The point was when he was away, Lance couldn't see how much he blushed over a few words but here?! Keith was sure even in this dim light Lance would be able to see his flushed face. _Say something, anything! throw him off._

 “Nah, that can't be it. I don't remember seeing you cry every time you see Allura or any of the other aliens we met,” he highfived himself in the head, _nailed it._ Buthe faltered as he saw Lance's reaction.

 Lance tilted his head to the side, raising his eyebrow playfully, “That's why I said _pure_ gorgeousness and not just gorgeousness,” he winked. _And that does it_. Keith's face was on fire.

 Lance chuckled, flicking his cheek gently, “There's the cute blush I was missing.”

 _Oh great,_ now his _so-called-cute_ blush was gonna get even worse. He stood up before Lance had a chance to comment on that too, “You're not gonna get any sleep tonight, are you?”

 Lance’s face became serious, “Don't worry about ...” he stopped and sighed, “who am I kidding? no, probably not.”

 Keith stood inside the door to his room, gesturing in with his head, “Come on in then, loverboy.” he teased.

 Lance stared at him with that serious face for a few seconds, scanning his face for something?! before his sly grin was back, “Are you inviting me to stay the night in your room? You're not trying to seduce me Keithy boy, are you?” 

 Keith mustered the flattest face he could, “Don't make me take back your _so called_ invitation,” he raised his hand threateningly to the panel to close the door. It was really impressive how fast Lance got up and jumped inside considering they both knew Keith didn't actually mean it.

 “Too _late,_ I'm already in here.”

 Keith rolled his eyes. “I'm gonna go get some water, um, make your self at home?!” he said awkwardly.

 Lance sat down on the bed, smiling at him, “Oh _believe me,_ I feel at home here. I spent quite some time here while you were gone,” he said, patting the bed.

  _Oh,_ so Keith hadn't imagined his scent on the bed. Well good to know he hadn't gone that crazy,  _yet,_  “Why?!” he asked honestly.

 “I don't know how many times you're gonna make me say this, but I missed you.”

 Keith tried not to think about that or how genuine Lance’s eyes looked too much, as he also tried to ignore the weird ass reaction his brain was having to seeing Lance on his bed. For some reason the room felt a lot warmer because of that.

 “Weren't you gonna get water?” Lance’s voice brought him back. _Yes, right, the water._

 “Do you want some too, you know since you're, uh, dehydrated?” he said trying to avoid saying the word.

 Lance snorted, “Keith, you can say crying, okay?! I think you've earned that much considering you've seen me cry more than I've seen me cry.”

 Keith nodded, “So do you want me to get you some?!”

 “Oh, I wanna get some,” Lance said, wiggling his eyebrows.

 Keith stared at him in confusion before realizing. He pinched the bridge of his nose,  _“Water!_ I meant water! Do you want me get you some _water?”_

 “Sure, why not?!  I _am_ dehydrated. Can't say crying is my favourite way for that though, I prefer much more enjoyable ways to dehydrate—”

 “Lance!” he said turning around and leaveing before Lance could see his face had flared up again. _Jesus,_ how many times can someone blush in one day? The fact that he could hear Lance’s loud laugh as he turned the hall wasn't helpful at all.

 He was tempted not to bring Lance the glass of water after _that_ comment. But then he remembered why the other boy was crying in the first place. He walked back to his room. Stopping in the open door.

 _Well,_ Lance sure as hell had made himself at home. He was now _lying_ in Keith's bed hugging one of the pillows pushing his face to it. There was something so adorable about the scene that made Keith smile, “Comfortable, are we?!”

 “Keith!”

 Keith didn't even try to hide his laugh at the quick way Lance sat up, almost falling from the bed. _Oh,_ his face was putting ~~Keith's~~ his own lion to shame. Keith smirked at how red his cheeks were. At least there seemed to be some fairness left in this universe.

 He handed Lance the glass, sitting next to him. Lance put down the empty glass on the drawer after. He looked around the room a bit, still hugging the pillow. Lancee drew his legs up in a childish way, “So ... what's the plan?”

 Keith raised an eyebrow at him, “I don't know about you, but I could use some sleep,” he said already crawling to the side of the bed that was against the wall. He wasn't gonna lie; the last two times he'd slept ~~with~~ next to Lance had been the best sleeps of his life, so he was, just a little bit, looking forward to this, as awkward as it probably was gonna be. So he deflated when he saw how Lance had taken the pillow and was moving to the floor, “What are you doing?”

 Lance gave him a puzzled look, “Sleeping?”

 “On the floor?!” Keith questioned.

 “Where else?” Lance gave him another puzzled look.

 “On the bed? It's a pretty big bed, I think it can fit both of us,”  Keith waited for Lance to make a joke about how that bed really was not that big.

 But Lance looked down, bitting his lip. Was he blushing?! “I, uh, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable.”

 That was actually kinda really sweet, “It's okay. I'm not gonna be uncomfortable,” Keith reassured him fighting the urge to hug Lance really tightly with how shy he looked right now, “hop on,” he joked, patting next to himself on the sheet.

 “Okey-dokey,” Lance said,  _he's such a dork,_ before turning the lights of. He lied on the bed on his side, facing Keith.

 Lance was close, he was _really_ close. _It should be weird,_ Keith felt like he should feel weird having Lance that close but he _didn't._ it was nice and it was warm and Keith enjoyed the way he could feel Lance’s body heat radiating off him.

 “I'm gonna say one more thing about what almost happened and then I'll promise to try not to mention it again, but I just need you to know this,” Lance said taking Keith's hand in his own and pressing both to his chest, “I don't think I could live in a world that you're not in it. So please, next time you're in a situation like _that,_ which god I do anything so you won't have to be, think about that; don't jump to sacrificing yourself at first second even if it is to save others cause there can always be another way. Think about the fact that you would be killing part of rest of us too, that you would be killing part of me, too. I can't even imagine what I would do if you were ... gone. You mean a lot to all of us Keith, _you_ mean a lot to _me,”_ Keith's heart jumped in his chest when Lancekissed the back of Keith's hand, keeping it back to his chest.

 Keith didn’t know what to say or do. There was a part in his brain that suggested something and it wasn't like he hadn't thought about it before but he couldn't do that so he effectively ignored it and his brain. ... and his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that chapter was an emotional rollercoaster!
> 
> Also if you think I'm not gonna write the shut up-make me prompt into all of my fics, you are wrong ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next one were supposed to be one, but it was getting too long so I decided to break it into two chapters. this one being somewhat happy, and the next being super angsty.

 “Keith!” Lance leaped forward. His heart was pounding, trying to get out of his chest. Feeling the rush in his veins, his breath hitching, He looked around with fear, but he no longer was in the open space. It took him a few moments to recognise the familiar walls of the castle. He wasn't in his room though; he was in Keith's, he remembered.

 _Keith,_ he looked next to him where Keith was lying still just like he had in the dream. _He's just sleeping_. Lance told himself but couldn't help looking closer to the rise and fall of Keith's chest to be sure. _He's alive._ It was just a nightmare. _He's alive._ Lance repeated to himself, trying to stop his trembling. _It was just a nightmare ..._ _But, god, it was so vivid. It looked so real ... but it wasn't, this, he is real._

 Lance’s hand reached for Keith, he just needed to know he was _there,_ that he was _real,_ that he was _okay._ He tucked a piece of Keith's hair behind his ear and cupped his face. _See; real._ He panicked as Keith moved, thinking that he was waking up, but Keith only leaned in to the touch. _He's_ okay.  
Lance removed his hand carefully not bothering the asleep Keith.

 When he'd watched Keith fall into sleep, he hadn't planned on doing so himself. He knew the nightmares would happen, but next to Keith, while his warmth was surrounding Lance, he just felt so safe. he felt like everything would be okay; his eyelids had closed without his permission.

 Burying his face in his hands, he sighed. His body was dripped with cold sweat, _I have to get a grip_. It wasn't like he wasn't used to getting nightmares. Because He _was._ it came with the job; It had started just a few days after the first time someone had almost died on the team, which coincidentally had been him, and it never stopped. He had nightmares of others in the team, his family in space dying, he had nightmares of them getting captured by the empire _again,_ he had nightmares of Zarkon attacking the earth killing his family there. So yeah he'd had his fare of nightmares and _sure_ since Keith had left, the nightmares had been more focused on him but they were never like _this_ one. They were never so vivid. They never felt so real and they never were a projection of the _truth._

 Keith had almost died. Lance’s breath hitched again. He took another look to Keith to calm down. It wasn't a new thing, almost all of them had had near death experiences. They were voltron paladins after all; the saviours of the universe, it came with the job description and It was inevitable. Lance knew that . He understood that. He _did._ But what Keith was going to do was different. It wasn't in the heat of the battle. It wasn't an unconscious reaction. he had _chosen_ to do it. He had said so himself. Keith, who'd never given up in a fight, had jumped to the last solution in seconds.

 _That_ didn't sit well with Lance, he understood the reasons. He knew. It still scared him. Because he didn't want Keith to do it.

 It scared him, because it made Lance realise he would do anything, _absolutely anything,_ to keep Keith from being in a situation like that, from trying something like that again.

 It scared him because he couldn't even imagine what would've happened if Lotor hadn't showed up. If Keith ... if Keith had _died._ How would the world go on? It seemed impossible to Lance that it could, because Lance knew he _sure as hell_ wouldn't.

 And It scared him, because when he'd told Keith he would choose him over the universe,  he _meant_ it. He still meant it, if he had to choose between _anything_ and Keith, he would choose Keith without a second thought. And _that_ frightened him to no end. Because when had Keith became that important to him? When had Keith became more important than the _entire fucking universe_ to him? When had Keith became his _world?_

 He sighed, smiling at the way asleep Keith pushed his face to the pillow. _He's absolutely adorable like this._ The constant furrow of his eyebrow was gone, but the little pout was still on his lips. Lance kinda wanted to kiss the pout away. _Yeah,_ it scared him like hell that Keith was his world now. But he couldn't think of anyone else that he'd rather be his world. He knew Keith wasn't perfect. He was reckless, he was a hot head with serious anger issues, abandonment issues, and a lot of other flaws, Lance _knew_ that. He still thought Keith was perfect anyway. He thought Keith was perfect _for him._ They balanced each other out perfectly. _Let's hope he'll think the same way too._

 He got up, silently laughing at the way Keith whined in his sleep. It didn't feel okay to just leave without saying anything but he didn't want to wake Keith either. He went to his room taking a pen and paper back;

 

 

 

 

> **sorry I had to leave mullet, see you at breakfast ;)**
> 
> **PS: you totally snore in your sleep**

  
 It was a stupid and totally couply thing to do. And even if Lance wanted them to become a couple, he was very unsure of where Keith stood on that. He put the paper in his place on the bed anyway.

 Lance went back to his room taking a quick shower. He checked the time; _5:30 am._ it was early, _really_ early, but this wasn't something that could wait. He made his way to Shiro's room. He was still mad at Shiro but this wasn't about that, this was about something much more important. Taking a breath in, he raised his hand to knock on the door, “Shiro?”

 The lack of answer made him knock again after a few moments, “Shiro?” he said, this time louder.

 “Lance?!” Shiro questioned from behind the closed doors.

 “Yeah, can I come in?”

 The door slid open, revealing Shiro sitting on his bed in pyjamas. But that wasn't the part that took Lance’s attention;  _nooo._  It was the shirtless Matt half sitting next to him. _Oh god,_ had he interrupted them in the middle of anything?  _Oh,_ he really should've thought this through before coming. He felt his face going red, “Shiro, what the fuck, man? why would you let me in if you two were ...” Lance grew quiet the indication being clear.

 Shiro immediately blushed, “What? no we weren't—”

 Matt interrupted him, “Lance, we were _sleeping,_ like normal people do in this unholy hour. It's not even 6 yet, what the hell are you doing here?!”

 “I need to speak with you,” Lance faced Shiro.

 Matt laid back down on the bed, raising the blanket over himself, squinting his eyes at Lance, “If you think I'm gonna give up this perfectly warmed up bed, just so you can complain about your boyfriend's recklessness to Shiro, you are _out_ of your mind!”

 Lance felt his cheeks going more red. Shiro who clearly was holding back his laugh, glanced at Matt from the corner of his eyes, _“Matt.”_

  _“What?_  I know it, you know it, he knows it. Why shouldn't I call him his boyfriend in here?! Lance, come on spill up and it better be good, you don't see me bothering you when you're _“sharing”_ the bed with Keith,” Matt wiggled his eyebrows, air quoting the _sharing._

_Okay, how the hell does he know about that?_

 Shiro's head snapped to Lance, looking at him with raised eyebrows, making Lance go even more red, if possible. He shook his hands, “It, it wasn't like _that!_ I just slept with him,” he stuttered but immediately realised the words weren't making it any better, “I mean I didn't _sleep_ with him, I just _slept_ with him ... not slept _with_ him, we just slept together, not _together ..._ next to each other. We were just sleeping next to each other!” he face palmed himself in embarrassment as he failed at explaining.

 Shiro wasn't holding his laugh back anymore, needless to say Matt was over the rooftop. He wiped a fake tear from the corner of his eye, “Oh man _that,_ on its own, was worth waking up this early.”

 Lance threw a glare at him. He was going to kill him later for all this. Matt just tried to hide behind Shiro using him as protection, but Shiro moved away from him, “Matt, stop teasing him. He must have something important to say if he's here this early.”

 Shiro smiled at him encouragingly, “What's bothering you?” he pointed to the space next to him on the bed for Lance to sit.

 Lance eyed the bed hesitantly. _Of course_ Matt read his mind, “We haven't done anything there,  _yet ... well,_ at least not this morning,” he said smirking. _Wow, he must be really sleepy,_ because normally he blushed _a lot_ more talking about Shiro.

 Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose, “Matt!” he scolded, but his tone came out too fondly. Lance took the drawer next to the bed and moved it a little sitting on it. He sent an apologetic look to Shiro, but he was _not_ risking _that._

 Looking down at his hands he tried to find a way to word what he wanted to say.

 “Today, Lance,” Matt complained when he took too long.

 “You can't let him go back,” Lance blurted out deciding to jump right in.

 Shiro gave him a puzzled look, “What?” 

 Lance took a breath in, “You can't let Keith go back to the blade,” he said, this time clearing up.

 Shiro's expression changed quickly, “Lance I—”

 “No, I know Shiro. I _know_ what you're going to say; _you can't tell him what to do. It's his choice._ But Shiro you _have to,_  we can't let him go back. I don't know what they're teaching him there, but whatever it is, it's really fucking  with his brain. They're making him think like he's replaceable and we're _allowing_ them to do it. We should have never let him leave in the first place.” 

 Shiro shook his head, “I can't tell him what to do; if he wants to leave then that's _his_ choice.”

 “But he _doesn't_ want to leave, can't you see that? He wants to stay here, but he thinks he's not needed, if we don't do anything he'll continue to think that,” Lance countered but Shiro still refused.

 “Shiro, come on. _I_ can't tell him what to do I don't have a place like that in his life. Y _ou_ do, you can, You're Practically his brother, Shiro he'll listen to you.”

 Shiro was looking at him with something too close to pity, but Lance was too desperate at the moment to care. if only he could get Shiro to talk to Keith. He had talked to Keith himseld; but he wasn't sure if he had succeeded at making Keith realise how very much needed he was. How important he was.

 “What if he does something like this again? What if he ...”  Lance closed his eyes, taking a breath in to get rid of the lump rising in his throat. He didn't want to cry in front of the man he looked up to, even if he was mad at him, “We can't lose him,” he said in a quiet voice.  _I can't lose him._

 Matt who had walked next to him during his half breakdown, hugged him, “And you're not _going_ to. We're never letting him do something that stupid again.” he tried to reassure Lance.

 It didn't work, “How are we gonna stop him, Matt? We couldn't even help him. Lotor, _fucking Lotor,_ was the one who helped him! and we told Keith ‘Good job!’ I know we didn't know what he was planning to do then, but to _him,_ we still told him good job after he tried to fucking kill himself,” the rush of words left him without control.

 Shiro's voice made him look up, “Lance, let me ask you something: what would _you_ have done if it had been you? would you let us die?”

 “What? N _o!_ Of course not! I, I would do the same,” the words left him without needing to think. He knew what Shiro was trying to point out, “But that's _different,”_  he defended.

 “How is it different?!” Shiro demanded.

 _Because then I would be dead, not him!_ He didn't say it out loud, instead he quietly said, “Will you talk to him or not?!”

 Shiro stared at him with a serious face, “I’ll talk to him about his recklessness. And I will suggest that he could stay, But I won't force him to change his mind.”

 Lance beamed up, jumping from his seat, “Thank you, Shiro! that's all I'm asking for,” because _really_ he would never force Keith to do something he didn't want to, either. but he just knew Keith _wanted_ to stay. It was clear from the things he'd said yesterday.

 “I'll let you go back to ‘ _sleeping,’”_  Lance said with a grin before leaving.

 He still had a whole hour before the rest of the castle would wake up. Maybe Hunk would be in the kitchen? Unfortunately, He wasn't there. Lance picked a quick snack. He reluctantly ended up in the training room. Right now, anything was better than being alone with his thoughts. They seemed to want to roam back to the dangerous territory of the events of the last day, and he'd already had enough breakdowns over that, so _training_ it was. He started  the training sequence, activating his bayard. It took him a few levels to actually get into it.

 “That's new?!”

 Lance’s head snapped to where the voice had come from. Keith was leaning to the door frame with crossed arms, “Keith!”

 Unfortunately, in Lance’s momentary loss of attention the bot sneaked past him. He turned back as soon as he caught the movement in the corner of his eyes, but it was too late the bot used its staff to hit him in the head effectively throwing him a few feet and to his back.

  _“Lance!_  En _d_ training sequence!” Keith yelled, running towards him. Lance slowly sat up holding his head, _fuck,_ that hurt.

 “Lance, you okay?” Keith's voice was coated with laughter, but the way his eyes were filled with concern made Lance’s heart flutter in his chest. _Aw, he's worried about me ... Jesus Christ, Lance, get a grip. You just hit your head, it's natural for him to worry._ He still smiled.

 “Don't worry, Keithy, I'm fine. I'm used to getting hit in the head by that bot by now, just ask Shiro,” he took the helping hand Keith was offering to get up.

 “I don't think getting hit in the head is something to be that proud of, Lance,” Keith answered, raising an eyebrow. He handed Lance the bayard he'd dropped, “I liked the double pistols though, they're new.”

 “I know, it's so cool! I figured it out a while ago,” Lance exclaimed with excitement. Because it _was_ so cool.

 “Do you think you can teach me to do the same?”

 Lance stared at him for a second until the question settled in, then he practically screamed, well internally; _Keith_ was asking _him,_ of all people, to teach him something.  
He beamed up, “Hell yeah, I can!” he said even though he had no idea how to do that.

 “But with swords? Like With my bayard?”

 Lance watched as Keith's expression turned sour as soon as the words left him, it took Lance a moment to realise why; Keith _didn't have_ a bayard anymore.

 Lance stared at the red bayard in his hand; _Keith's_ bayard. How had he forgotten about that?! he had taken Keith's place from him  he'd taken his lion from him. he'd taken his bayard from him. Wasn't it bad enough that Keith had left, _even if partially,_ for his sake?!

 His mouth went dry as another set of thoughts set in; Keith had went to that place _because of him,_ which meant Keith had almost died _because of him._

 _I should've stepped out. He_ had taken Keith's place from the team. _He_ was the reason Keith felt like he wasn't needed.

 “Sorry, I forgot—”  Keith stopped mid sentence as Lance offered the the bayard to him.

 “Here, let me show you,” it was the least he could do.

 Keith eyed the bayard and then him as if considering it.

 “It's a good practice for when you come back,” Lance offered because at that moment he decided it didn't matter _how,_ he was finding a way for Keith to have his lion back.

 Keith's eyebrows furrowed But he took it eventually. It took only a few minutes of Lance’s explaining before Keith was able to turn the bayard into double swords, _he is always a natural with everything._

“This is awesome!” Keith said excitedly. Lance smiled at his enthusiasm. He always looked happy when training. _It's cute._

 “Come on, let's try them,” Lance said walking out of the deck as Keith started the training levels. It took him a while but he got the hang of it. Lance watched him, the sight of him training had always been interesting to Lance. He whistled clapping his hands when Keith finished the level. Keith's cheek took a red flare as Lance walked to him, “Not bad mullet, not bad at all!” he grinned.

 It died pretty quickly as Keith held the deactivated bayard up to him. He didn't want to take it. He didn't want to take it from Keith _again._

 “Thanks,” Keith whispered.

  _F_ _or what, letting you use your own bayard?!_ Lance took the bayard reluctantly. He would find a way to give Keith back his place in the team. He vowed to himself.

 “So, how about a round of hand to hand?”Keith asked hand on his hip.

 “What?” 

 “Hand to hand? Come on I wanna know how much your close range has changed,” Keith insisted with a way too adorable expression which was not _fair;_ Lance didn't want to have his ass kicked in a fight.

“No way!” he said.

 The way Keith looked at him with round purple eyes would've been enough to make him accept but Keith pouted, “Come on, _please?!”_

 Lance swallowed and thanked god Keith usually didn't take that tone with him, because Lance wouldn't have been able to say no to that,  _ever._ He caved in without control,  _“Okay, s_ top looking at me like that!”

 “Like what?”

 Now see, Lance would've believed Keith's innocent expression, if it wasn't for the small way his lips had quirked up and the mischief in his eyes that clearly said he knew exactly how well his puppy dog eyes effected Lance. _God damn Pidge,_ why had she decided to teach Keith that?! Lance squinted at him, “Playing innocent, I see how it is.”

 Keith just smirked as they took their places for the fight, it took him a few minutes to pin Lance to the ground, sitting on top of him victoriously. But, hey, considering the last time it took him less than a minute to do that, it counted a serious win for Lance.

 “Wow, you've improved a lot,” Keith smiled down at him. Lance felt his heart miss a beat at the praise in his voice.

 “I know?!” he tried to act it cool but his voice came out too high, almost questioning, which wasn't _his_ fault; Keith was sitting on _freaking_ top of him, with the biggest _freaking_ smile in entire _freaking_ universe. So sue him if he was a little bit too happy and very aware of every point of Keith's body that was in contact with his own's.

 “I mean it, Lance. I'm _impressed,”_ Keith insisted, looking at him proudly leaning closer.

 “Uh, thanks?" he said quietly because _fuck_ Keith was too close and still he wasn't as close as Lance wanted him to be. _And what the hell?_! how was Keith not noticing their closeness or their position?! Like was this not affecting him too _at all?!_

 “You still have to work on your stance and—”

 “Keith, that's nice but can you get off of me?!”, his voice came out too harsh at the end because of the urgency.

But Keith only frowned, “Lance?” he questioned moving his legs, leaning closer to get a better look.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck,_ Lance needed him off his hips right _now_ or he was gonna have a problem that was a little _hard_ to hide. Lance laughed at his own pun. _Not the time to be funny, Lance!_

 “What's so funny?” Keith asked with puzzled eyes.

 Lance was tempted, for a second, to tell him what he just thought and see him burst into a blush that probably wouldn't fade until the end of time, but he had a feeling he would have the same problem, too. He improvised, “Your stupid mullet.”

 Keith rolled his eyes and smirked leaning even closer, _fucking hell?!_ did he have no clue,  whatsoever of how suggestive their position was? _God, will he stop straddling my hip while having that sexy smirk?_ “Keep mocking my hair and people might think you actually like it,” Keith was clearly joking but _boy,_ if he knew.

 Should he? He _really_ shouldn't dig himself any further down, but ... something sparkled in his mind, “I _do_ like your hair.”

 Keith's expression turned into a lost one in a fraction of a second, “What?!” Lance laughed at his tone; he clearly was questioning his own hearing.

 Lance smirked, “I said I like your hair, it's so soft and fluffy. I keep wondering how how it would feel to run my fingers through them,” he said, raising his hand to the absolutely mortified Keith, who was looking at him with redder than red face, _and_ who for the love of him, didn't even seem able to move. Lance changed the course of his hand to the boy's shoulder, using  his momentary shut down to flip them over so he was on top.

 “Ha, gotcha!”

 That was better,at least Keith wasn't pressing on him anymore but as he looked down, he decided that it, very much, was _not_ better. Keith was looking up at him with wide eyes and an open mouth, his hair had moved out of his face. And he looked _absolutely_ adorable. Lance groaned internationally,  _jesus,_ couldn't he catch a break from this guy?!

 Keith's expression slowly changed into a frowned one, “Lance ... what the ... hell?!”

 Lance chuckled at the way Keith was struggling to find words, which made Keith go even redder in the face. _Too cute._ “What? I never said the fight was over! I _win,”_ he smirked down at Keith. Lance highly doubted he was gonna be able to get _this_ sight out of his head any time soon, if _ever._

 “The fight...?!” Keith questioned and then his face turned mad,  _oh crap,_  “you didn't win, You cheated!”

 Lance couldn't help it, because he thought by now Keith would be throwing him to the wall, which from experience he knew he was absolutely capable of, but Keith hadn't and that in Lance’s mind was a good reaction, a _really_ good one. He placed his hands on either side of Keith's head, which momentary made Keith falter, focusing on them. But his eyes went back to Lance as he leaned in closer hoping that he really wasn't pushing his luck, “And how did I do that; Keithy boy?!” he questioned in a low voice.

 Keith's blush was back, actually it never went away, “You, with my hair and, and the hand ...” he struggled, getting the words out.

 Lance looked at him innocently, “What—”

 “Okay, I don't know what the hell is going on here, but Hunk said the breakfast is gonna be ready in 15.”

 Matt's voice made him jump off Keith and out of whatever kind of trance that had made him act so bold. His entire face warmed up.

 Then he remembered what a little shit Matt had been earlier,  _“You!_ what the hell was that this morning?” he yelled, following Matt.

 Matt grinned, “Man, I would've thought you'd be in a better mood after whatever was going on in there,” he winked.

 Lance blushed at the reminder, then proceeded to panick as he saw Keith enter hallway, too, “Oh my god, Matt, you have to hide me! He's going to _kill_ me. I don't know what the hell made me do that?!” he whispered.

 “Really?! Cause to me it looked like he was quite enjoying himself, like _really_ enjoying himself,” Matt whispered back.

 Lance was like, 99% percent sure that wasn't true. Keith was going to slice him into pieces. Why couldn't Lance had controlled himself?! _Damn Keith,_ and his simultaneous hotness and cuteness.

 But as Keith walked closer, he didn't look like he was out for blood. In fact, Lance would've thought he'd actually imagined the whole thing, if it wasn't for the still redness of Keith's cheeks. Well, if Keith could let go of it, Lance could, too ... at least for now because he was sure _that_ was gonna keep him awake for _many_ nights to come.

 He slowed down a bit, so he could walk next to, a little behind Matt, “Man, I can't believe I have to take another shower this morning,” he complained.

 “This morning?!” Keith repeated the little mad in his expression vanishing as worry overtook his features, “Lance did you sleep _at all?!”_

 There was no reason to worry Keith, and _technically,_ he had gotten sleep if it was a short nightmarish one, “Of course I did. I need my beauty sleep.”

 “No, you don't.”

Keith's words were too quiet that Lance barely heard them. He stopped in his track. He doubted he'd heard correctly. Because why would Keith say that?! that kind of implied that Lance was beautiful, “What?” he questioned.

 Keith as if realizing what he'd said turned red again but then he said, “What?”

 “You just said ...?!”, Lance asked scared of saying it out loud in case Keith hadn't and his mind had started to go on a whole new level of wishful thinking.

“What?” Keith asked.

 Okay, was Lance actually imagining it or had Keith's lips quirked up a bit?! “Matt, please tell me you heard him,” Lance asked, hoping against the hope.

 “Heard what?” Matt asked looking back and making Lance pout, and did Keith's lips quirk up even more?! _Oh man,_ Lance was never _ever_ gonna get a compliment like that again, even an indirect one like that.

 Keith fully smirked at him as he still hadn't move, “Come on, loverboy, if you don't hurry up you won't have time for your shower.”

 Lance resisted the urge to stump his foot to the ground. This was not fair, this was _so_ not fair. And it wasn't fair that Keith kept calling him _loverboy_ not knowing exactly how true it was.

 “You know, I have a way for you to have a shorter shower and save some water; you could take one together instead,” Matt pointed between him and Keith, “well actually that might make it take longer,” he wiggled his eyebrows.

 “Matt!” Lance shrieked, feeling his face go redden, “keep your suggestions for Shiro, will you?!”

 “Who says I didn't?! We had a _very nice, very hot, very long shower.”_  Matt answered.

 Keith made a face, clasping his hands over his ears, “Ew,  _ew,_ don't ever share details about your sex life with my brother ever again.”

 Matt smirked mischievously, “Oh,  _that_ wasn't sharing details. Sharing details would be me telling you about his—”

 Lance took pity on Keith, he covered Matt's mouth with his hand, “Matt, that's enough. I think he's blushed enough for one morning already.”

 He heard Keith's quiet ‘ _thanks,’_ and let go of Matt.

 Matt narrowed his eyes at him, “What are you? His knight in shining armour?!”

 Before Lance even had a chance to reply, Keith burst out laughing, _really_ laughing and for a long time that it would've started offending Lance if his laugh wasn't too cute; Lance crossed his arms, “Okay, mullet. It wasn't _that_ funny!” he told Keith who was bending down from laughter.

 “Yes, _yes,_ it _was!”_ Keith broke into another set of giggles, “I mean even ignoring the part where he called you _knight,_ what part of me looks like a damsel in distress?!”

 Lance contemplated his answer; he'd already gone too far that morning and he didn't want to freak Keith out anymore, but Matt nodded at him encouragingly and Lance just went for it, “Your super pretty face?”

 Keith's laugh stopped. He looked at Lance with wide eyes, “What?!”

  _Seriously,_ why did it still shock him so much with all the times Lance'd told him that over the texts?! No complaints there though, Lance loved the way Keith's face flared up in response. “I said ‘your pretty face,’ cause unlike some people, not saying who, I'm not scared to actually say it,” Lance answered, challenging.

 Keith's eyebrows tangled together, “I'm not _scared!”_

 Lance grinned, _he still falls for that,_ “Well then, the floor is yours,” he gestured with his hand.

 Keith stared at him opening and closing his mouth a few times, curling his fists until he finally turned around walked away without a word.

 Lance let him go first, even though their rooms were next to each other. He wasn't disappointed; Keith had already reacted better than Lance would've thought that morning. And it wasn't like he expected Keith to call Lance beautiful because, well, he _wasn't._ He knew he wasn't bad looking. Everything was in harmony in his face and in place but that was just _it,_ he wasn't good looking either. He was just ... well,  _average._ That was why his beauty routine was so important to him, because he couldn't risk lose any.

 “Hang in there, buddy,” Matt said patting him.

 Lance took a quick shower, _again,_ and went to the kitchen. Hunk was the only one there, “Hey.”

 His greeting went ignored by Hunk. _Is he still mad?!_ “Come on, Hunk,”Lance said, tilting his head to get in his view.

 Hunk side-glanced at him, frowning and moving to place a plate on the table, “Two and a half months, Lance! Two and a half freaking months and you didn't tell me you were talking to him.”

 Hunk had been mad about that ever since Lance had told the team. Well, he was gonna find out about the _other_ part too, so Lance might as well just say it on his own, as a way to make it up to him for the secrecy, “Sorry, big guy, but if I had told you, I would also have to tell you that I figured out that I, uh, I like him and I didn't wanna hear you say ‘ _I told you so’_   _forever!”_ he said, feeling the heat rush to his face at the admission.

 And _wow,_ Hunk did not even miss a beat, “But I _did_ tell you so! _So_ many times! I told you a dozen times at the garrison, and then when we showed up here, and then when you tried denying the bonding moment, and ...”

 Lance just looked at him with a raised eyebrow until Hunk finally trailed off.

“Fine, I can see what you meant ... but you told _Matt!”_  Hunk said pouting.

 “Aw, buddy are you jealous? you know you'll always be my best friend,” Lance wrapped an arm around his shoulder, “How about we have some bro time tonight?” he smiled.

 “Yeah, okay,” Hunk nodded smiling back. “Sooo, about your cruuuuush,” he drawled.

 Well, Lance knew he was gonna get a lot worse than that after all the times he'd teased Hunk about Shay. “It's, um it's actually not a crush anymore,” he said, feeling the rush of heat to his cheeks and ears.

 And suddenly Hunk was picking him up,  _“Aw,_  who knew all we had to do for you to figure it out was to leave you alone.”

 “Figure what out?”

Keith's voice made them both jump, Actually it made Hunk jump, letting go of Lance. Thank god he regained his balance quickly and didn't crash to the floor. That would've been embarrassing.

 “Jesus, Keith, what are you a ninja or something?! We gotta buy you bell if you keep being so sneaky,” Lance said, taking the seat, next to the one Keith was sitting down on.

 Keith rolled his eyes, but there was a smile on his lips. Lance noticed how his hair was still wet, dripping water to his shirt, “Wow, did you take the shortest shower in the history?”

 Keith squinted at him, “So did you?”

 “But I have short hair. it takes like three seconds to wash it, there is no way you could've shampooed all that hair this quickly!” he reasoned.

 Keith shrugged, “I didn't, I rarely wash it.”

 “What?!” Lance was sure his shriek reached even the farthest corners of the castle.

 “Lance, I think you just raptured my ear drums.”

 Lance ignored Hunk's complaint and looked to the startled Keith, “Keith, I know you like to be _Mr. Tough guy_ , living in a shack, probably opening beer bottles with your teeth but _what_ do you mean you _rarely_ wash your hair?!”,he demanded. Because there was just _no_ way anyone's hair would look _that_ good without regular washing and conditioning! This was _so_ not fair! Were even Keith's hair naturally good at everything?!

 Okay, maybe he'd reacted a little too much?! Because now Keith looked like he was afraid of how Lance would react if he repeated his answer, “I, uh—”

 Lance sat back down on his chair and cut him off, “Don't _do_ that anymore! I'm lending you some of my shampoo and conditioner later, okay?”

 Keith looked even more lost now, “Uh ... okay?!”

 Lance couldn't help teasing him, “What? I'm not risking anything that would make that hair stop being so sof—”

 He didn't get to finish the sentence as Keith shoved a spoon into his mouth, “Don't start!”he said, avoiding eye contact with Lance with a not-so-subtle blush. _Aww, he is so god damned cute._

 “And I don't _snore!”_

Keith's words stopped Lance’s laugh, he took the spoon out, “What?”

 “I forgot to tell you ... earlier, I don't snore.” Keith said pouting.

 _No you don't, you're like the cutest sleeper ever._ Lance wasn't gonna tell him, though; it was way more fun to tease him. He smirked, “Hate to break it to you, mullet, but you _do._ And so loud! I was actually debating strangling you with a pillow to get some sleep.”

 Keith's pout grew even deeper before he suddenly smirked, “I thought you said you couldn't live in a world without me?!” he raised an eyebrow.

  _Did he just ...?!_ Was he joking about it? Lance frowned, “Keith, don't, don't joke about _that._  It's not funny,” he didn't mean for his voice to crack, it did anyway.

 Keith's eyes immediately went soft, “You're right, I'm sorry,” he apologized and placed a hand on top of Lance’s, squeezing it. Though immediately took it away as Hunk spoke.

 “Guys, I'm so happy for you!”

 Lance mentally face palmed himself. For a genius, Hunk could act like such an idiot some times. He threw a look at Hunk, as in _‘shut up’_  and another that said _‘this is exactly why I didn't tell you!’_  God, he was gonna have to sit Hunk down and have a long speech with him _before_ he would throw any tiny chance Lance had with Keith to the wind by freaking him out.

 “Um, why?!”, Keith asked clearly having no clue. _God, he is so oblivious._ Lance couldn't help but find that dear. Seriously, at this point anything about Keith was dear to him, even his flaws. Lance kept surprising himself by how much he felt for that mullet-headed oblivious boy ... _wait._

 “Keith, just out of curiosity do you know any Spanish? Like any at all?”  he asked.

 Keith was startled enough by the question to forget his own, “I mean I remember like three words from school but no. Why?”

 “Oh good,” Lance smirked, “Dios eres un idiota pero un idiota muy lindo Espero que pronto seas mi lindo idiota (god you're an idiot but a very cute idiot, hopefully soon you'll be my cute idiot)”

 Keith stared at him eyes growing round as his cheeks grew more red, for a horrifying moment Lance thought that maybe he did knew _, oh god no, this is not how I planned it happening!_ “You said you don't know Spanish!”

 “I _don't!”_ Keith answered quickly.

“Then why are you blushing?!” Lance questioned.

 Keith's blush immediately went ten times worse, “I'm _not!”_ h _e_ deniedin a high-pitched voice.

 “Yeah, you are.” 

 “No, I'm not!” 

 “Yes, you _are,_ ” Lance insisted picking up a tray so Keith could see the half reflection, “trata de negarlo ahora, guapo (try denying it now, hot stuff)” _wow, I can get used to this,_ to telling Keith whatever he wanted without him actually knowing.

 Keith's face was even more red,  _somehow,_  “Stop doing that!”

 “Doing what?!” Lance earnestly asked, puzzled by Keith's reaction.

 “Speaking in spanish,” Keith answered.

 To Lance, that felt like a slap to the face. Keith didn't like it?! As much as Lance loved talking in english, Spanish was something else to him. It was his first language, but it was more than just that; it was a reminder of his home, his family. Sometimes when he felt too homesick, too alone he would find a quiet corner, talking to himself in Spanish outloud, pretending like his family were there. and Keith didn't like it? “You ... don't like spanish?” Lance asked, feeling miserable about it.

 As Keith blushed even more, that there wasn't a single part of his face that wasn't red now, looking away, whispering something Lance couldn't hear, Hunk broke into laughter, “Buddy, I don't think him _not_ liking it is the problem here _at all,_ if anything he's liking it a little bit _too much.”_

 Lance had no idea what that meant or why it made Keith glare at Hunk. But he didn't get a chance to ask either, as that's when Allura and Coran walked in. After everyone else joined them and ate their breakfast, Allura announced that they all were about to go meet with Lotor. Allura and Shiro laid down some ground rules about when they were gonna speak to him. Lance sighed internally, he had the pleasure, _more like displeasure_ , of talking to Lotor twice now, he couldn't say he was looking forward to this. They'd readied a room, one close to Lotor's cell for them to talk.  Lance didn't think it was gonna end well.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith, baby I love you but you're an idiot.
> 
> Also Keith is weak for Lance speaking Spanish, and he doesn't even know it. Sorry if I got any of the spanish wrong, but this was the best I could do with translator.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the angst begin!

 If Lance had thought it was gonna be bad, he was wrong, _very_ wrong. Oh _no,_ it was much _much_ worse than that. He didn't know how but Lotor knew too much about everyone, even _Matt._  As soon as they set foot in there, he started antagonizing them one by one, directing his words to everyone’s issues.

 It was bad enough that it made them each leave the room. Well, actually Coran had to drag Allura out, because she looked ready to rip Lotor's head off with bare hands. No one would blame her for it, with the way Lotor taunted her about Altea and its destruction and her father. And then Shiro had to drag Keith out of the room to stop him from slicing Lotor when Lotor fucking made Pidge cry and run out of the room. The bastard made Pidge,  _Pidge,_ strong, badass Pidge cry. Lance wanted to punch him to the other side of the world. But at least, there was a good point to it; that Keith actually left before Lotor got to speaking to him. Lance thanked god for that.

 Lance watched as Lotor made everyone else leave one by one. He didn't understand why Lotor was acting like this. _He_ came to their door step. _He_ wanted to talk to them, and granted they kinda were holding him as prisoner, but what else had he expected? And honestly, at the moment Lance’s felt like they were the ones stuck under his paw. Still, it didn't make sense why was he acting like this.

 It didn't take long until only Lance and Shiro were left in the room. Lotor spoke to Shiro about his champion-ing days. Talking about hoow he'd wanted to meet the blood thirsty gladiator, the merciless killer Haggar had created. He didn't stop torturing the man with his words until Shiro left, too.

 Lance internally gulped as now it was only him and Lotor left in the room. He really was hoping Lotor hadn't planned on that. _fat chance._  Even if Lotor was handcuffed to the table, with everything he just told everyone else, with the way he tormented them, Lance was terrified of him, or more precisely of what he was gonna tell him. He kept a cool exterior, though.

 Lotor smiled that predatory smile that Lance couldn't say he would miss if he never it saw again, “Ah finally, little paladin, it appears it's once again just you and me.” yeah, he _definitely_ planned for that.

 “You know, I've been told I have a way of staying in people's mind. So tell me, is it true? Tell me all this while did you think about my question? The one I asked you on the station?” Lotor asked.

 Lance tried not to react because _yes,_  yes he had. Lotor's word were like a stamp of approval on his insecurities and they had stayed with Lance. But he sure as hell didn't want Lotor to know that.

 Unfortunately it seemed like not answering wasn't working, “You did, hmm ... you didn't get an answer, did you?” 

_Don't react._

Lotor leaned in his chair, tilting his head, “Or maybe you did, just not one that you liked. You agree with me, don't you?!”

 Lance took a breath in. _Don't react._

Lotor looked too far pleased with himself _, “_ You realised I was right, didn't you?! You have no place on this team. you probably never had and never _will.”_

 _Don't react ... okay, you know what? Screw that!_  “You know, you're the one who came to us! You have to stop acting so horrible if you don't want us to throw you out the airlocks!”

 Lotor's smile widened, _oh no,_ Lance shouldn't have reacted, “Oh, we both know you wouldn't do that.”

 “You don't know that!" Lance half-screamed, “we could do it, one less enemy to worry about. Or maybe we could make a deal with Zarkon; get him to give up a few galaxies in exchange for you. He sure as hell seems to hate you badly enough to go for it,” Lance threatened emptily and out of spite, because he was spiteful; he'd had to watch Lotor torment his friends,  _his family_ all morning.

 Lotor though, didn't seem to fall for it, not even for a second? “Oh, my dear paladin, for threats to work you have to actually mean them.”

 Lotor had no way of knowing that he didn't mean them, except for the fact that he clearly seemed to be able to read people so easily. Lance ignored that, “You think I don't?!”

 “Oh, I _know_ you don't, in fact I doubt you'd even let the others do something like that,” Lotor answered.

 Lance clenched his teeth, “Oh and you know that because you know me so well?!” he mocked.

 Lotor's smile didn't waver, “No, but you had a chance before and you _didn't_ hurt me, remember? You had a perfect shot at me and you _didn't_ take it. In fact you had the perfect shot at least for ten whole dobashes and you, still didn't take it ... Maybe you just can't hurt me.”

  _How dare he?!_ Lance knew the others were probably watching the video footage from the bridge, _god,_ what were they gonna think?  
“Is that so?!” Lance snarled bitterly.

 Lotor tilted his head again, and Lance had a feeling he was gonna say something terrible, “Or maybe your loyalties don't really lie with Voltron.”

  _What the fuck did he just say?!_ “Excuse me?!”

 Lotor smiled victoriously, “Little paladin, You let me live. your enemy, the heir to the empire and you didn't even _try_ to shoot. Any of your comrades would have. Your princess would've shot me. The champion would have without hesitation. your fellow paladins would've done it. Even your red paladin would slice me up but you, dearest Lance,  _didn't._ Could it be because you're not loyal to them?! Maybe your heart doesn't lie with them, which is perfectly understandable because theirs _definitely_ don't lie with you.”

  _The bastard! the fucking bastard! How dare he even suggest that? And how the hell does he even know my name?!_  “Fuck you, my loyalties are exactly to whom they should be! I hope they _do_ throw you out the airlocks!” he snapped, turning to leave.

 “No need to be so feisty, It was merely a joke,” Lotor called, sounding amused.

 _A joke?! A JOKE?!_  “Jokes are supposed to be fucking funny!” Lance rebuked glaring at him from the corner of his eyes.

 “Oh, but it was little paladin, it _was.”_

 Lance left the room. Standing outside the closed door, he rested his head on it. _Fuck him, the manipulating piece of shit!_  
He slowly made his way to the main deck, thinking about what he was gonna say. Because he didn't want them to think, even for a second, that Lance wasn't ... that he wasn't  _loyal._

 He took a deep breath walking in, keeping his eyes on the floor, _please don't let them believe him,_  “I didn't shoot him because it would only attract more soldiers and get me caught, no other reason, not because ...” he tried to explain but his breath caught. _Please don't let them believe him._

 “Lance, we didn't say anything,” Allura's voice made him look up, the princess looked a lot calmer now.

 “You were thinking it,” he quietly said, because he knew Lotor had a way with words. Or maybe that was just him?

 She smiled at him reassuringly,  _“No,_ Lance, _nobody_ doubts your loyalties.”

 “And there were some good ideas there, maybe we could use him with Zarkon,” Shiro said.

 “Shiro, you _can't_ be serious,” the words escaped him quickly; the idea of giving anyone to Zarkon, _even_ his own kind of a jerk son, just felt wrong.

 “Oh, don't tell me he was _right!”_  

 “What?!” Lance asked startled by Keith's tone. Unlike the princess Keith didn't look like he'd calmed down, even a little. He took a few steps forward until he was standing in front of Lance, looking at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“You really expect me to believe you didn't shoot him because you were _afraid_ of getting caught?! _You,_ selfless you, who would sacrifice himself at any given chance? _Bullshit_ Lance,  I don't buy it!” he yelled.

 Lance’s blood ran cold. What was Keith saying?! Did Keith, _Keith_ of all people doubt him in something like this?! “Fine, I didn't shoot him because he didn't have a weapon and he wasn't attacking me. That doesn't make me a _fucking traitor!_  It just means I _have_ a heart. Not all of us can murder people in cold blood, Keith!”

 He regretted the words as they left his mouth. Why did he say that?! It wasn't true. It wasn't true _at all!_ He knew Keith hated it. Even if Keith tried to hide it, to act like it didn't get to him, Lance haf seen the way he always quieted down, shrinking to himself after missions like that, missions that involved actual killing and not just blowing ships up from a far.

  _Oh god,_ an _d_ the way Keith's expression changed, the hurt in his eyes. O _h god,_   _what the fuck is wrong with me?!_  “I'm sorry, Keith. I-I didn't mean that, I'm so sorry. That guy just has a way to get under my skin,” _That's not a reason to say something like that! what is wrong with you?!_

 Keith didn't say anything, just turning around. Lance reached for his arm, “I'm really sorry, Keith, I shouldn't have said that. It's _not_ true. You, you don't do that. You're _nothing_ like that. I really didn't mean it.”

 Keith smiled sadly, “It's okay, I know. And I wasn't calling you a traitor either, Lance. I just ... I'm sorry, too.”

 Lance smiled back at him. Though internally he didn't stop scolding himself; _How could you say that?!_

 “Moving on from those two, what the hell are we gonna do about the douchebag prince in there?”Pidge asked. Lance’s fists curled at her red eyes.

 “Maybe we can ask the blade here? get Kolivan talk to him? That guy is scary, if anyone can make Lotor talk, it's him,” Hunk offered.

 “Good idea,” Shiro approved.

 But it _wasn't._ Turned out, prince asshole had the ability to get under the calmest most contained people's skins too. Nobody said anything when Kolivan broke a chair to tiny pieces after his talk with Lotor.

* * *

 

 

 It had been two weeks the mission. Two weeks that Lotor had made everyone's life hell. The whole team was on edge and at each other's throats. Lance had lost count of the times the fights they'd had during this time. Even Coran had lost his temper a few times,  _Coran._ That's how bad Lotor was tearing them apart.

 Nothing they've tried made Lotor talk. All he did was to piss them off, throwing snarky comments instead of giving them the useful information they all knew he had. He taunted anyone that spoke to him. But kept his worst for Lance. At least Lance thought that. _Or maybe I'm just the weakest._

 Lance sighed in his seat. They were having an emergency meeting with a few of member of the blade in order to find a solution for the problem at hand. Lance had tuned them out after a while; no one seemed to have any useful idea. That is until one of the blades suggested torture. Lance expected everyone to brush past that without a second thought, but they _hadn't._ They were actually debating on it. They were actually _debating_ it.

 Lance couldn't believe it. Hunk looked very uncomfortable, too. Matt and Pidge seemed to consider it as a not very unreasonable option, but were clearly trying to give any ideas just to avoid it.

 Keith, though, he had stayed silent and kept glancing at Lance. Something in his look told Lance he was thinking about the comment he'd made a few days earlier. _Why did I do that?!_ He'd apologized a few more times and Keith kept saying it was fine but he still felt like shit about it. _you should._

  _Goddamn Lotor,_ his taunts had made Lance’s self depreciative comments to return, not they ever really stopped, worse than ever. he hated that he was this weak, that someone like Lotor had this much control over him.

 Lance decided that he didn't want to hear anymore once they started seriously considering torture as an option. He quietly snuck out. Keith saw him but he just smiled at Lance and Lance knew he wasn't gonna say anything.

 He started roaming the halls _, I can't believe it!_ they were Voltron, they were supposed to be the saviours of the universe, the defenders of people and here they were, debating _torturing_ someone, even if it was someone like Lotor who in hindsight probably deserved it.

 He didn't know how but he ended up in Lotor's cell.

 “Why aren't you talking? _Y_ _ou_ came to _us!_ You said we should discuss. So why aren't you _talking?!”_ he demanded.

 To his surprise, Lotor didn't answer him with a nasty comment like he always did.

 “They, we're going to torture you,” Lance said, unsure of why he said it. Actually,  _no,_ he did know why; he didn't want any of his team to stoop that low, to do something that vile. if Lotor would just talk willingly.

 Lotor looked up but didn't look surprised, “I suppose I considered it as a possible out come.”

 “Do you _want_ to get tortured?!” Lance asked, angrily.

 “No, but it seems like a necessity,” Lotor answered in his never ending calm exterior.

  _Necessity?!_ What the hell was he talking about? “No, it's _not!_ you can just talk.”  _please just talk, I don't want my team to go down that road._

 “But if I do that, they won't believe me,” Lotor answered.

 “What?!” Lance asked, truly puzzled.

 For some reason Lotor actually explained, “If I just talk that quickly, they won't  believe anything I say. they'll think it's a trick. If I make it too easy, they'll think its a trap.”

 Well, that ... that kinda made sense but _still,_ “And if you don't, they torture you.”

 And with that Lotor was back to his usual self, he tilted his head to the side, “Why do you care about it so much?! could I have been right you don't—”

 Lance was not in the mood, he interrupted, “Screw you, have fun getting tortured,” He said, turning around to leave.

 He stopped in his track as Lotor called,  _“Wait.”_

 “I'll talk.” 

 Lance turned around so quick he was afraid he'd get a whiplash,  _“What?”_

 “Iwill talk, but I'll talk only to you,”  Lotor said.

 “What?!” Lance questioned.

 “I will speak but only to _you.”_

 _No no no no,_ “No, you have to talk to Shiro, he's the leader or princess or even Kolivan, not, not me,” he said. Even if Lance'd come here to get Lotor to agree to talk. He really,  _really_ didn't want to spend any more time than necessary with him. He wasn't looking forward to that.

 “That is my condition, that's the _only_ way I'll speak,” Lotor said with a vicious smile, like he knew he had Lance like a butterfly under a pin.

  _“Fine,”_  he pressed his lips together, even if he hated it, it was still better than letting his team do something that low.

 He half ran to the ball room, which was currently being used for the meeting, bursting to the door.

 Everyone's head turned to him, “Lance? what the ...?! when did you leave? I made it clear —”

 Shiro sounded like he was going into scolding mode so Lance interrupted him, “Doesn't matter, he’ll talk.”

 “What are you talking about?” Shiro asked.

 “Lotor, he is going to talk.” he explained.

 Surprisingly, and yet _unsurprisingly,_ Keith was the first one to react: he stood up from his seat, “What did you do, Lance?” he sighed.

 “Nothing I just—”

 “You went to see him, didn't you?!” Keith asked clearly already knowing the answer.

 _Damn it,_ since when did Keith know him so well?

 Once again everyone's eyes snapped to Lance. He held his hand up, “I just talked to him, saying that he would get tortured if—”

 “Why would you tell him _that?!_ We just lost the element of surprise on our side,” princess demanded with angry eyes.

 “ _Does it matter_? He wouldn't talk so we wanted to torture him, and now he does so shouldn't we be doing that instead of _this!_ talking to him? getting the information?” he rebuked at her.

 “He's right,” Shiro said in a final voice.

 This time only Allura and Shiro were going in. The rest of them watching the feed from the main deck. Lance sat nervously; he'd skipped on a pretty important detail there.

 “We've been informed you agreed to share information with us?” Allura asked coldly.

 Lance damned the video quality of the camera; he could still see the creepy smile on Lotor, “Yes, but I’ve conditions, two of them.” _Of fucking course he does!_

 Shiro gestured for him to go on.

“I want to rule the galra when we're done.” ...  _What?!_

 “Excuse me?!” Allura asked, clearly already fed up with him.

 “When you defeat Zarkon, You can't kill every galra in the universe now,  _can you?”_ Lotor paused, looking at her, “you wouldn't kill an entire race, _right?_ You wouldn't want to be just like my father now, would you?!” he taunted the princess. “I want to rule the rest,” he finished.

 “Let's see what you know first, if it's even useful, then maybe we'll consider it,” that was a blunt no from her.

 “Your second condition?” Shiro asked.

 “I'll only talk to the former blue paladin,” he smiled victoriously at the two like he knew Lance wouldn't have told them.

 “Excuse—”

 Lotor interrupted Allura, “That's not negotiable princess, I'm not shortening on that one. It's the _only_ way I'll speak.”

 Allura and Shiro shared a helpless glance, “We have to check with him first.”

 Lotor smiled even wider, “Oh,  _don't worry,_ Lance has already agreed to it.”

  _Oh great_ , he heard gasps from everyone, of course the loudest one was Keith's, “Tell me you didn't, Lance. Tell me you didn't agree to _that,”_  Keith said, walking up to him.

 Lance bit his lip nervously; _he looks angry_.

 Keith took that as a yes, “You _did?_  why the hell would you agree to something like that?!”

 Lance tried to defend, “Well, what else was I supposed to do? you guys were considering—”

 He was cut off as Allura and Shiro stormed in. “Lance, care to explain why you left _t_ _hat_ part out?!” Allura half-yelled.

 “Look, you were gonna torture him—”

 Keith interrupted him for the thousandth time that day,  _“So what?!_ why do you care if he's gonna get tortured or not?”

  _That,_ that finally made Lance snap “Will people stop saying that? I don't care that _he_ gets tortured. I care that _we_ would be torturing him. We're the _Voltron,_  we're the good guys! We shouldn't even be discussing something like this, let alone actually planning to do it. It doesn't matter whether Lotor deserves it or not, which no one deserves to get tortured,  _we_ can't do something like this! we're the defenders,  are we really gonna do what Zarkon would do?Are we gonna go that low?  _We're the good guys!_ ” he finished breathlessly and desperately.

 Everyone stared at him. It felt weird to be lecturing Allura and Shiro and even Kolivan, since he was in the room too, they were the leaders, and he was just him. he was just the temporary leg and now temporary hand of Voltron. And yet funnily enough his words seemed to get through. They actually _worked?!_  

 They actually listened to him, agreeing to give it a go, deciding that he would talk to Lotor that evening.

 

 Lance was on the way there when Keith joined him. He walked quietly next to Lance for a while before speaking up, “Sorry I yelled at you, I just,” he sighed, looking at Lance, “Lotor always gives you so much crap. I know you don't want to do this.”

 Lance didn't say anything because, well,he _was_ right. He just shrugged, trying to play it off as nothing.

 Keith reached for his arm, stopping him? “Stop acting like you're okay with this, I know you're _not,”_  his voice was too gentle.

 Lance debated for a second if he should just say he's fine. But it was Keith. It was Keith asking him with concern, it was Keith looking at him with caring eyes, “Of course I'm not. You think I'm looking forward to staying alone for the whole day for god knows how long with the asshole that made everyone on edge for days now?!”

 “Then _why?_  Why did you agree to this? If you don't want to do this, you don't have to, Lance. _no one_ can force you to,” Keith said, getting a look in his eyes that clearly said _I'll kill anyone that tries._

 And as much as that warmed Lance, to see that Keith cared so much, “I wanna help the team, Keith. I want to be _useful_ to the team, again,” he admitted.

 Keith sighed, closing his eyes. He whispered something like _‘of course it's about that’_  and opened them again, “Lance, You've _always_ been useful to the team, you don't have to do this.”

  _No, I haven't! What useful thing have I ever done for this team?! At least I wasn't damaging the team before and now I'm doing that by taking a place that doesn't belong to me._ He didn't say that to Keith, he knew Keith would only try to comfort him and talk him out of this.

 “I know, I'm still doing it,” he said.

 Keith shook his head, “Why are you so stubborn?!”

 Lance didn't hold back his laugh, “Keith, I can't believe _you,_ of all people, are calling me stubborn. That's like ... actually I don't think anything that ironic has _ever_ happened!”

 Keith rolled his eyes, he still smiled at Lance, “At least you're not going to be alone in there.” Lance raised an eyebrow. “I'm coming with you,” Keith explained looking proud of himself.

 Lance gave him a puzzled look, “But Lotor said—”

 “Who the fuck cares what _he_ said! I've talked with Shiro and Allura and they agreed; I'm coming, too,” Keith said.

 _Oh,_ he had gone far enough to even ask Shiro and Allura's permission so that Lance wouldn't be alone in there?  _God, why is he so sweet?_ Lance gave him a smile hoping it showed exactly how grateful he was for that,  “Thank you,” he whispered.

 Keith smiled before he put his hand on the door's panel, “Ready?”

 “To face that douchebag?! Not in a million years,” he stepped in anyway.

 “Well well well, look who it is,” Lotor said as soon as Lance walked in. He frowned as he saw Keith following in too, “I think I made my self clear; I only want Lance in here.”

 “I don't give a fuck what _you_ want! you're a prisoner,” Keith said as he and Lance took the seats across the table from Lotor.

 “Oh _am I?_! I assure you red paladin; I am not a prisoner, I could leave _whenever_ I want to,” Lotor answered with a smile.

 _Please leave sooner._ Lance frowned at his own thoughts Lotor, could have very useful information

 He saw as Keith's hands closed around the BoM blade, “Oh, I _hope_ you try and see what happens.”

 But Lotor ignored him, turning his head to Lance, “I thought you agreed on talking alone, are you really that scared of me, little paladin that you need a protector? What kind of coward paladin are you?!”

 Lance gritted his teeth but Keith was the one who answered, “He _isn't_ scared of you! like hell I was gonna leave you with him alone after what you fucking did last time!” he said, voice already rising.

 Lotor smiled, “Ah, yes Ezor mentioned that ... truly unfortunate. but I guess I can see why you doubt his abilities to defend himself, you think weak of him.”

_Shut up._

 “Don't twist my words, you bastard!” Keith snarled at him.

 But Lotor turned his horrible eyes to Lance again, “And Isn't that what the cameras are here for, so we wouldn't be alone?!”

 Lance tried not to react on how Lotor knew about the cameras, “They're here so I won't miss any details on what you'll say,” he said opening the tablet to the questions Allura  and Shiro had readied.

 “Little paladin, does your team think you'll miss a lot of what I say? They think you can't even do a _simple_ task like that?” Lotor gave him a toothy grin, “Do they think _that_ stupid of you? They don't have a lot of faith in you, do they?! if they doubt you _that_ much.” 

_Shut up!_

 “What my team thinks of me is none of your damn business; I'm the one asking the questions here,” Lance answered trying not to let the words get to him.

 But of course, _of course_  Lotor didn't stop there “Really I'm not that surprised about that, what I _am_ surprised is that they even trusted you to be able to do _this,”_ he tilted his head, “then again you were the disposable one. They don't really have a problem with you catching the cross fire. After all, they did send you alone to me last time, seems like they don't care what would happen to you.”

  _“Shut up!”_ Lance finally snapped. Why? Why did Lotor always knew where to push? How did he always knew Lance’s fears?

 Lotor smiled, leaning forward “And why should they? Why should anyone? You're in every meaning of the word replaceable. I've analysed enough of Voltron fights to know that for _sure;_ you're not a good fighter, you don't act smart,” _shut up, shut up, shut up, “_ you really can't handle _any_ close combat;  looks like even your red paladin agrees on that one. You can't even fly either of the lions well and you keep messing up in Voltron. You're just the burden to them—”

 “ _Shut the hell up!”_ Lance said. Lotor's words were hacking into his brain.

 “You're a place holder and a really _bad_ one at that. Really, I'm surprised they haven't kicked you off their team. No wonder you haven't succeeded at defeating my father. Even lacking one paladin would be better than having a burden like you; a weak link to the Voltron,”

  _“I said shut up,”_  he said the words coming out too weak,  _shut up, shut up, shut up, please shut up._

 “You know that's why I chose you _because_ you are the weak link, the naive one, the one easiest to break”, _the seventh wheel,_ Lance shrunk in himself as his own brain added to the words. _Weak link, weak link, I'm not,_ he yelled in his brain as the words kept repeating them selves.

 Fingers locked in his own, pulling him out of his spiralling thoughts. Keith gave him a look and a smile, Lance felt himself calming down, even if it was the tiniest bit, as Keith rubbed on his hand with his thumb.

 Yet he could see Keith's eyes and the amount of anger in them. He was holding back but clearly it wouldn't last that long before it was gonna burst at Lotor. _Good._

 Then Keith turned to Lotor and Lance didn't think Keith had ever looked at anything with that much hate, “Are you done you fucking liar? Cause not one single thing you said—”

 Lotor interrupted him, “Oh, the red paladin to the rescue. This does remind me of the last time you rescued him, oh _wait,_ no it _doesn't,_ because you _didn't,”_ he leaned forward, “tell me red one, if you, any of you, truly cared about his well being then where were you the last time I was breaking him? Huh?! oh, that's right you _weren't there ..._ he was all alone in my clutch,” he took a quick glance at Lance, smirking as his eyes were back on Keith, “I could've done anything I wanted with him, kill him, torture him, keep him as a pet. Oh, there were so many options. He's only alive because _I_ let him. but maybe I should've kept him, I'm certainly growing quite fond of that look in his eyes.”

 Lance felt Keith's hand grip tighter on his own, Lotor better shut up if he didn't want a broken jaw. Lance wouldn't have minded if he got one; at least then he would shut up.

 But alas Lotor didn't, “You know that look, don't you? The one he gets when you say something that hurts him. Oh, it's absolutely beautiful you can see every little feeling in his eyes: the fear, the desperation, the hurt, the damage. You can actually see how his heart breaks in his eyes, it's really ... something.”  _What the fuck is wrong with him?_!

 Keith was red with anger.

 “Tell me, Keith have you ever been the reason for that look in his eyes, that absolute wrecked look? You have, haven't you?! ... Maybe you even did it _on purpose,”_  Lotor smiled as Keith flinched back, “oh, you _did_  ... maybe you _enjoy_ hurting him.”

 Lance had a second to pull Keith back before Keith had activated the BoM blade. Lance held him back by his arms, the other boy shaking with anger in his arms, “Keith, calm down.”

 Lotor tsk-tsked, “Careful there, Keith, your galra is showing. You wouldn't want everyone to see your animalistic nature.”

 “Shut up!” Lance yelled at him, dragging Keith out of the room before he would rip Lotor to pieces.

 As soon as the door closed Keith kicked it, then again and again. Lance slowly let go of his arms so he could relieve his anger easier.

 “That mother fucking piece of shit! I should've killed him the moment I set eyes on him,” he said, once he'd calmed down a little.

 Lance rubbed his eyes with one hand, “Keith, I think you should stay out.” 

 “What?”

 Lance didn't react at the harsh tone; he knew it was meant for Lotor, not him. “I don't think you should come back in,” He quietly _said._

 _“What?_  No! absolutely fucking not! I'm not making you talk to that piece of shit alone, in fact I'm not making you talk to him _ever_ again! That son of a bitch.”

 For a moment Lance wanted to cave in; let him join back, but what was the point of the both of them getting played by Lotor's words? What was the point of making Keith share this torment? He wasn't letting Lotor hurt Keith like that, “You’re not making me do anything, Keith. No one is.  _I'm_  doing it,” he sighed, “look, its obvious he's using us against each other. Just let me talk to him? I can handle him,”  _can I?!_ He continued anyway, “you _do_ think I can handle him,  _right?”_ he looked at Keith.

 Keith looked stuck in a corner, clearly didn't want Lance to speak to Lotor alone but didn't want to say he doubted Lance, either. Lance hated the tactic he was using but if it would keep Keith out and away from Lotor's taunting, it was worth it.

 Keith sighed eventually with a clenched jaw,  _“Fine!”_

 He turned to leave but then stopped, looking back at Lance with a soft expression, “Just ... don't believe what he says about you, okay?! Because it's not true, not even a little, Lance.”

 Maybe not all of it was true but to Lance most of it waswhich was why it hurt more to hear it from someone else. He smiled at Keith anyway, “Yeah, okay.”

 Keith frowned at that, he looked like he wanted to say something but didn't. Lance watched him walk away with curled fists.

 He stared at the door, _I really don't want to do this._ He went in anyway.

 “You should really put a muzzle on your dog,” Lotor flashed him a toothy grin.

 “Shut the fuck up,” he didn't want to put up with him anymore. Looking at the question list in front of him, he sighed. _Ugh, fuck it!_ if he was gonna do this, he might as well ask the questions that were burning into his brain, “How did you know he was the red paladin?”

 Lotor stayed silent for a few moments, “You called him Keith, back in the ship when you were being a needy—”

 “And how do you know his name, or _mine?!”_ Lance asked.

 Lotor tilted his head, “You should always know your enemy, Lance. And even if we didn't know already, you all did broadcast a documentary on yourselves across the whole universe. Not the smartest move by the way, really the information the empire probably got from that!”

 Lance gasped internally; _that, why had none of them ever thought about that part?!_

 “And once I heard the Voltron stoop _that_ low, I had to see it for myself, not gonna lie I quite enjoyed the show. If you failed at defeating the galra, you could have a chance in theatre,”  he added.

 _What?! How could he have done that?_ “How the hell could you have done that?! someone would've recognized you!” Lance questioned.

 Lotor smiled at him, “Oh, dear Lance,” he began morphing right before Lance’s eyes. Lance gasped as he took form of one of the Bii-bohs, “Why do people always forget that I'm half Altean?”

Lotor continued changing between different forns and species.

 “Okay, stop. I get it,” Lance said as Lotor took form of a nasty looking creature.

 “What? you don't like this form, how about I change to something you _do_ prefer?” Lotor asked viciously. Lance watched in agonising horror as Lotor morphed into ... he morphed into Keith's body.

 _Oh god._  It was wrong, it was so _so_ wrong. He may have looked like Keith,  _physically_ but he was nothing like Keith. He didn't feel like Keith, and he didn't have that shine, that fierce life in his eyes, instead he had a disgusting cunning smirk like Lotor’s, because he _was_ Lotor.

 Lance closed his eyes, “Change,  _right now,”_  he said through gritted teeth.

 “Okay.”

 Lance was surprised at the quick acceptance but realised why when he opened his eyes. Lotor had certainly changed, He had changed to galra form, just not _his_ galra form; yellow eyes, purple skin, but black hair. He had changed into what Keith would've looked as a galra.

 Lance needed him to change _right now,_ he knew the others were looking from the camera and he didn't know how would Keith react to seeing himself like that, “ _Change back, you bastard! right now!_ ” he yelled.

 Lotor smiled viciously, “What? you don't like seeing him like this? let me guess; none of you would care about him if he was showing his true self.  _Even you_ probably wouldn't have, would you?! you'd probably _hate_ him if he looked like this, like the rest of us galra.”

 Lotor may be talking to him but He was taunting Keith. Lance knew that and he wasn't gonna let Keith think, even for a second, that what Lotor was saying was true, “Shut up. We're his _family,_ we don't care what he looks like. And I would care about him no matter how he _looks!_ I don't give a damn if he takes the galra form fucking tomorrow; he still would be Keith, _our_ Keith. And he's _nothing_ like the rest of youv... and I don't mean the galra, cause I've met some amazing galra. No, I mean anyone who works for Zarkon.”

 “So don't you ever put _him_ and yourself in the same group, you hear me?! He's better  than you could ever be or could ever even imagine!” he added.

 Unfortunately Lotor's reaction wasn't one he liked. The former prince chuckled,  _“My,_ I knew you were acting _too_ desperate at the ship so you must've cared. but oh _my my,_ I would've never thought _this_ was why!”

 Lance glared at him; _what the hell is he taking about?!_

 “Oh, It appears blue wants to make purple, but does red want the same thing? I highly doubt it ...” Lotor spoke.

 _No no no,_ of all the ways Lance wanted Keith to find out, _this_ was never one of them. Lance needed him to shut up before he would say anything too obvious for Keith to realize.

 He jumped up in his seat, _“Shut up!_ shut up right now or I _swear_ to god—”

 Lotor interrupted him by changing form. _No, not again._

 “You wouldn't hurt me, would you?” he asked. he had changed into a little human girl’s form. A little girl that looked _far too_ familiar.

 Lance gasped, stumbling backwards until his back hit the wall as he recognised her. Tears watering his eyes, his breaths came out too quick and too broken. _how? how? “How?!”_

 Lotor changed back ... no, he changed into a human form of himself, “I told you; you should always know your enemy. I was sent to earth as soon as we gained knowledge the rest of the paladins are from the same planet as the champion. You five are quite the celebrity there, apparently your families refused to let you go and believe garrison’s lies.” He tilted his head, ”you have a lovely family Lance, so warm and welcoming, your siblings? So pure, and your mother? So kind and her cooking, it's simply divine.”

 It took Lance some time to register what he'd said. But then Lance saw blood, he slid in front of the table picking Lotor up by his clothes, “What have you done to them, Lotor?I swear to god if you have hurt them, if you have laid a single finger on them, I'll kill you!” he screamed. He would. 

 “Oh, calm down Lance. I only watched from a far. Your family is fine.”

 Lance didn't let him go, he didn't know what he would do if Lotor had hurt his family.

 “Lance, Allura says we're finishing early today.”

 Lance looked back at the door to see Keith standing there. He hadn't even heard the door opening.

 “Looks like your team doesn't think you can handle me,” Lotor chuckled. Lance didn't hesitate to punch him square in the face. He saw how Keith smiled at him at that.

 Together they took him back to his cell, thankfully, _or unthankfully_ Lotor didn't say or do anything all the way. cause if he did, Lance didn't care that he was a better fighter, he would've found a way to murder him. 

 “Lance, I'm sorry for everything I said,” Lotor said, when they closed his cell's glass door.

 _Y_ _ou've got to be fucking kidding me_. Lance glared at him with rage.

 But Lotor kept his eyes steady on him, “Remember what i said about it being too easy? They won't believe me if I talk too fast. that's why I said everything. I am truly sorry, but I'm going to do it again tomorrow and the day after that after that and... so just ignore it.”

 “You may think I'm stupid but I'm not _that_ stupid. Do you really think I believe you threatened my family, that you used me as your personal barbecue just because  you didn't want everyone to think you were being easy?!”

  _“Yes,”_ Lotor simply said.

 “Fuck you, I don't believe you,” he _didn't._

 Lance rested his head on the closed door as soon as he and Keith exited.

 Keith finally broke his silence, “Whose form did he take?”

 “My, my niece, Maya,” Lance said, feeling his panic rise again. What if Lotor had hurt them? What if he'd hurt her? She was just a kid.

 “I'm sorry,” Keith said resting a hand on his shoulder.

 Lance looked at him finally breaking down, “Keith, what if he's hurt them? mi sobrina, Maya, she is so small. What if he's killed ... Keith, what if he's _killed_ them?! Mi familia, they're my _family,_ Keith! I can't survive ...”

 He quitted down as arms wrapped around him, Keith pulling him to his hold, “Hey, hey, I don't think he has. I think he's horrible enough of a person to say so if he had.”

 That made sense in a way. Like how you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. You can trust a horrible man to be horrible. And Lotor certainly was a horrible man.

 Lance curled in, resting his forehead on Keith's shoulder. Using the comforting embrace trying to calm down the horror he was feeling. _They're safe, they're okay. God, please let them be okay._

 _Just a few seconds_. And then he moved put of his safe place, “I'm sorry about what he did with the galra form.” 

 “Not your fault,”, Keith smiled at him, “and what you said, that ... It meant a lot.”

 Lance mustered enough energy to put a smile on his face, “I meant it, you could turn purple right now and it wouldn't change how I ... we feel about you the _tiniest_ bit,”  
Keith smiled at him, squeezing his hand in his own. Lance was grateful that he didn't let go once they started walking, not until they reached the main deck. he really needed the support.

 “Lance, oh my god he's _horrible!”_ Hunk said, picking him in a hug as he walked in.

  _“That,_ he is,” he agreed quietly.

 Matt and Pidge patted him, “Thank fucking god, You don't have to deal with him again. Allura said she's not sending you in there _ever_ again,” Pidge said clearly thinking that was a comfort to Lance.

 Lance turned to Allura, “What? why not?!”

 “I'm not going to send you to him like that, he has no right to talk to my paladins like _that._ We can find another way to make him speak,” Allura said, sounding absolutely enraged.

 “But I can handle him,” Lance insisted. 

“The thing is, Lance, You don't _have_ to,” Shiro smiled at him reassuringly.

 “You ... you don't think I can do this. Do you?” Lance breathed in.

 “Of course you can, Lance why would you—”, Shiro stopped, frowning, “Is this about what he said Lance? we don't think any of that, we don't think you're the weak link or any of that stuff.”

 Maybe it was because he was too worried or maybe it was how emotionally exhausted he was, but Lance huffed,  _“Really?!_ Cause I do and you know what? so _do you,”_ he said looking right at Shiro. He knew he was about to burst. He'd been mad at Shiro for days about that and now he was on edge because of fucking Lotor.

 “Me? why would you say that?” Shiro said having the audacity to look hurt.

 “I _told_ you we should leave!” he finally erupted like a volcano.

 “What?” Shiro asked clueless.

 “On Naxzela, I _told_ you we should leave! I _told_ you something was wrong. I _told_ you that I had a bad feeling about it but you didn't _listen!_  Because you never fucking listen to _me._  You would've if it was Keith or Allura or Pidge, hell you would've listen if it had been Hunk saying it but you didn't because it was _me!_ Because Lance can never be right about anything, right?! But maybe if you would've listened we wouldn't have lost! maybe if you would've listened Keith wouldn't almost kill himself!”

 Lance immediately regretted the words. Everything he'd said was true but he shouldn't have put it like that; that way it sounded like it was Shiro's fault.

 He ran a hand through his hair as silence followed his out burst, “Sorry I—”

 Shiro held up a hand, interrupting him; "No you're _right._ I'm sorry I should've listened to you. A good leader should always listen ... to everyone and I didn't. I, I made a mistake,” he paused glancing at Keith and back,  _god I shouldn't have said that,_ “one that could've  cost us a lot but I'm human too, you know? I make wrong choices sometimes.” he finished looking guilty.

 _What's wrong with me?! First Keith and now Shiro?!_ Who was he gonna yell at next? Hunk? Or Pidge?

 “No, Shiro, I didn't mean to—” he tried to apologize

 “It's okay,” Shiro interrupted him again putting a hand on his shoulder.

 “I can do this, I _know_ I can. please just trust me?” Lance said, more like asked.

 Shiro let go of his shoulder, “Alright, if that's what you want.”

 He wanted to be useful to the team, he nodded. “So what are we gonna do about his handcuffs?” Lance asked.

 “What about them?” Pidge questioned.

 Lance gave her a confused look, “They don't work?”

 Coran let out an offended noise,  _“Excuse me?!_ those belonged to my great uncle! They _work.”_

 Lance didn't know what to make of the confused faces around him, “They didn't work when he was in other forms?”

 Coran paled quickly, “Oh _my,_ I'll find him some specific for alteans right away.”

They really hadn't notice that?!

 “Good thinking, Lance,” Pidge _praised?!_

“It really was,” Keith said, looking at him with something too much like awe for Lance’s comfort.

 Lance beamed up at the praise until a thought occurred to him; what if they were trying to cheer him up?! What if they had noticed but acted like that to make Lance feel better about himself.

 Dinner was rather quiet. Lance was usually the one to start conversations but he wasn't in the mood. Matt and Hunk tried their best but eventually everyone broke into silence. The thing was after his anger and his worry had calmed down. Lotor's words had began their work, repeating themselves in his brain. And Lance yelling at them to shut up wasn't stopping them.

 _Tomorrow's gonna be better_. He reassured himself as he drift off to sleep.

 

 He was wrong _again._ Tomorrow was _not_ better. It was worse, much worse. Lance almost ran out of the room when it was time for lunch break. But at least Lotor seemed to answer once in a while, even though the questions were only meant for them to know if Lotor was telling the truth, which of course Lotor didn't fail to let him knew that he was aware of, and his answers weren't really useful. But he was talking, right?! so it counted as an improvement, _right?!_

 It didn't feel like an improvement to Lance. Lotor was a snake, knowing exactly where to sting. by the time they were done for the day Lance was so emotionally drained he decided to skip dinner, heading for the observatory room instead.

 It didn't surprise him when Keith showed up after half an hour, sitting on the floor next to him, these days it felt like Keith always knew where he was, what he was doing. However, It did surprise him when Keith placed a bowl in front of him. Keith had brought him dinner. _that's  nice._

 “Thanks, but I'm not really hungry,” Lance said.

“You have to eat, if you get any more skinny you'll vanish into oblivion,” Keith answered.

 Lance could see he was going for the banter angle to lighten him up so he tried; he really _did,_ “How dare you say I'm skinny?” he really did try to sound offended, it just came out as quiet and weak. _Just like you._

 “Lance, if you don't eat every time Lotor's being a dick, you literally will fade into nothingness.”

 Lance flinched not at Keith's words, no at the fact that ‘is that such a bad thing?’ popped in his head. _Goddamn Lotor,_ Lance had never once thought something like _that._

 He took the bowl. _Screw Lotor_ , Lance refused to give him that much power over him. It tasted better than normal goo, probably Hunk's work.

 Keith smiled at him, “Thanks.”

 Lance snorted, “Are you seriously thanking me for eating my food?! I feel like a stubborn five year old.”

 Keith placed a finger on his chin; “Hmm, stubborn? yes, five year old? yes, yeah that definitely sounds like you,” he said grinning.

 “Shut up,” Lance laughed nudging him with his shoulder.

 Keith waited till both their laughs had quieted down, “Are you okay? I still don't think you should do this,” his tone was too worried and caring for Lance to handle, he resorted to joking before he would do something crazy like kiss him.

 “Aw, you _do_ care!”

 Keith clearly tried to give him an unimpressed face but his lips quirked up at the corner, “Lance, I'm serious.”

 “I know,” Lance answered hugging his knees, “I'm ... fine.” _am I?!_

 “Are you?!” Keith asked.

“Yeah, mullet, I can handle him. Really, it's your ugly hair I can't handle,” he tried to change the subject before he would do or say something that proved he in fact wasn't okay. 

 Keith rolled his eyes, “Lance, make up your mind, you can either like it or hate it, you can't keep changing your mind.”

 “Hmm, can I hate the hair cut but like it on you? Because _damn_ you can definitely pull it off,” Lance asked making Keith blush. _Changing subject; successful._

 

 It was a few days later, Lance was in a bad mood. Well, he was always in a bad mood these few days. But today Lotor had been _extra_ nasty with him. Lance had lost count of the times he felt himself tear up since that morning, but had to control it in fear of the things Lotor would say if he did cry in front of him.

 He'd chosen red's hanger to go after instead. Both because he needed her support more than ever and Because he wanted to avoid everyone, _specially Keith._ Keith had showed up every night at the observatory room and Lance was pretty sure he would start crying if he saw Keith tonight and Keith asked him if he was okay. Because he wasn't. He so _so_ wasn't.

  _Of course_ Keith showed up there too. A little later, probably looking for Lance. Keith slid down next to him, leaning back to red's paw.

 Lance rested his head on her paw, looking up, trying not to make eye contact with him. _Please don't ask me._ Lance had lasted a week without crying since he'd started talking to Lotor. It felt like he would be letting him win if he did. But if Keith asked him, he wouldn't be able to hold back.

 “How are you feeling?” Keith asked quietly and carefully like he was approaching a hurt deer.

 Lance would've laughed if he had the energy in him. He didn't answer for the longest time before finally admitting “Like I want to cry.”

 “So cry. What's stopping you?” Keith asked turning to face at him. _Stop._

 “I don't want to give him the satisfaction,” Lance said lacking the energy to grit his teeth. “And I don't wanna cry infront of you ... _again,”_ he added.

 “What if I don't look?!”

 Before Lance had a chance to ask him what he meant, Keith pulled him by his hand into his embrace. _Jesus,_ what was with Keith these days and surprise hugs?! Not that Lance was complaining. Lance had decided it was his favourite place; There in Keith's comforting arms. Where he was safe from almost everything. Unfortunately not from his own mind. He rested his forehead on Keith's shoulder.

 “There, now I can't see. It's like no one will know,” Keith offered running his hand in Lance’s hair. That was the last straw for Lance.

  _“He'll_ know,” he said as tears flooded his face. He felt Keith's hands wrapping tighter around him. He gripped at Keith's shirt as ugly cries escaped him.

 He didn't know how long passed with them like that; seconds? minutes? even an hour?! But Keith just stayed silent, letting Lance let it all out, until his cries began to die out.

 That's when Keith finally spoke, “We should've just tortured him.”

  _God,_ Lance wanted to agree. He wanted to so badly. But all he said was “Keith.”

  _“What?_ now he's torturing you,” he must've felt Lance was about to protest from his body movement because he continued, “no, he _is,_ Lance. It may not be physical but he is torturing you.”

 Lance was too tired to disagree, “Well better me than the whole team.”

 Apparently Keith didn't feel the same way because he pulled back looking at Lance, “No, _no_ that is not better, Lance.”

 Nut Keith was wrong. It _was_ better. The team wasn't on edge anymore, no longer being at each other's throats. It was Lance’s way of finally contributing something to the team.

 But Lance knew Keith enough, by now, to know that when he got the look, that he was having now, in his eyes he wasn't gonna change his mind, so he just decided to agree, not because he really did agree but because he simply didn't have the energy to _disagree,_ “Okay, you're right.”

 Keith pulled on his wrist, making him look from the ground to Keith's frowned face, “Don't do that, don't hold back what you're thinking.”

 Lance looked at him with wide eyes. He thought _he_ knew Keith so well, apparently Keith knew him even better, “Mullet, since when do you know me so well?”

 “Lance, tell me what you were thinking,” Keith insisted pulling on his wrists tighter.

  _“No.”_ Lance said.

 Keith's expression turned into a hurt one, “Why _not?!”_

 “I'm sorry but if I tell you, you'll just try to change my mind about something that I _know_ is true,” Lance said avoiding eye contact with Keith. He knew those beautiful worried eyes would make him spill his guts. He moved from infront of Keith to his original seat next to him. He could feel the way Keith's eyes bore into him.

 Keith didn't say anything but Lance heard him sigh. After a few moments he finally spoke again, “Do you believe him, Lance?”

 “What?” Lance questioned, turning his head to face him.

 “Lotor. you don't believe the things he says?you know he's just trying to hurt you, right?You know none of it is true?!” Keith asked.

 Unfortunately, Lance looked away a second too late, Keith reading his answer in his eyes “You ... _belive him?!”_

 Keith banged his head back on red's paw, closing his eyes, “God, Lance. I knew this was a bad idea.” He turned his head to Lance, “do you believe the things he said about us?The things he said about me about me wanting to—”

 Lance interrupted him quickly, “God no, never Keith,  _never._ I know he's lying about you guys,” he reassured Keith. Nothing,  _nothing_ in this world would make Lance think bad of Keith.

 Keith frowned even more, “But you still think the things he says about you are true.” it wasn't really a question, like Keith already knew the answer. So Lance didn't answer.

 Because well maybe Lotor was just taunting the others but in Lance’s case the things he said were mostly true. They were things that Lance’s own brain told him sometimes too. It just hurt because it felt like someone else was approving the thoughts and repeatedly reminding him of them.

 “Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?” Keith's question brought him out of his thoughts. He stared at Keith's fingers as they laced with his own, “don't believe him. Not for a second, Lance. he's wrong. he's so wrong god, I wish you could see how amazing you are. How selfless you are, how brave. You're always making everyone else laugh _even_ when you're upset. I swear I have no idea how you can be so strategic in the middle of a battle. You kept me from blowing this whole team to pieces. I wish you could know how much you do for this team.”

 Lance looked away before Keith could see his tears. What Keith was saying was so nice, it warmed Lance’s heart and yet it hurt him. because it was so untrue, Lance didn't want to see the disappointed look Keith would get once he realised those things weren't true, “Thanks Keith, that, that means a lot, and thanks for the ... thanks for letting me, uh, literally use you as a shoulder to cry on.” he laughed.

 Keith stared into his eyes as if trying to figure something out he pressed his lips together before finally sighing, “Yeah, well what else is new?”

 Lance sighed in relief internally, thanking whatever god there was for Keith not deciding to pursue, _this_ was familiar territory, _this_ was safe; “Don't be an asshole, Keith.”

Keith still had his frown on, still analysing Lance but he laughed, “Lance, I think we've established this you're the asshole here.”

 “What?! When did we establish that?” Lance shrieked. Grateful that they've moved on from the topic. And really he was feeling much lighter after the cry.

 

 His mood improvement didn't last for even a day, because even if the others didn't comment on his red eyes. Lotor, sure as hell did. He made sure Lance knew exactly how weak he was for breaking like that.  
Lance did cry that night too and the next and the next, and Keith, god Lance seriously owed him for this, continued to comfort him every night.

 But as Lotor continued to mention Lance’s red eyes everyday, taunting him about it every single day to come. Lance stopped, he stopped crying, he stopped going to the observatory or red's hanger in fear of Keith comforting him or seeing that Lotor was right, that Lance was weak.

 It was bad because Lance was an expressing person, and when he couldn't do that, he couldn't let his feeling out the right way, the pent-up emotions added on each other like a pile until he released them by snapping at someone. After he blew up at Hunk for mistakenly taking his tablet, and yelled at Pidge for changing the songs order in his playlist which weren't things that should've made him so angry, he decided to avoid everyone all together to prevent hurting someone else with his yells.

 But that was worse, because once he was alone with his thoughts Lotor's words would repeat themselves and they had stopped being in Lotor's voice. they've started to sound as Lance’s own thoughts. Most of the time his brain added on to the words.

 Lance supposed it was worth it, specially when Lotor started giving some real information to them, useful information, details about empire's weak spots, prisons. It didn't mean he'd stopped taunting Lance, he did make Lance go through hell for every little detail he told them. He tormented lance for every question he answered.

 He didn't know what to make of the fact that Lotor continued apologizing to him every night. If Lotor was really sorry then why did he kept doing this to Lance?! though he had offered a reason the first day, and if he wasn't then why did he keep apologizing?!

 Lance wasn't stupid, _you are,_ he did notice when Lotor started to reduce his hurtful words after a few weeks. He did. He just didn't want to mention it or even question it, because _god,_ it felt nice not to hate himself all the time, not to feel like shit every second of the day.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been 10 million years since the last time I updated, I'm so sorry.

 Keith went to talk to Shiro the first day Lance talked to Lotor, blaming himself on the way. He shouldn't have lost his temper like that; maybe if he hadn't Lance wouldn't have asked him to stay outside, maybe if he hadn't Lance wouldn't have to deal with Lotor's shit _alone._

 The fact that Lance had snapped at Shiro like that, proved to Keith of exactly how much Lotor had managed to affect him. Because Keith was aware of exactly how much Lance looked up to Shiro and respected the man, for him to yell at Shiro like _that_ indicated of the horrible way he must've been feeling. Which, really, who could blame him?

 Lotor had said two paragraphs to Keith and Keith currently wanted to murder him, he couldn't even imagine what Lance could be feeling. Not to mention he'd threatened Lance’s family, and family was everything to Lance. 

 Keith had kept a worried eye on him during dinner, and even though Lance had smiled everytime he'd caught Keith's eye, he had barely said a word, or eaten anything.

 Keith sighed knocking on Shiro's door. After five whole minutes of knocking, it opened up to reveal a clearly just woken from sleep Matt.

 “Can I talk to Shiro?” Keith asked.

Matt looked at him with an unimpressed face, placing a hand on his hip, _“Ugh,_ you pinning messes are _killing me!”_

Keith gave him a puzzled look. Matt rolled his eyes, ignoring it, “Let me guess: you're here because you're worried about Lance?”

  “Uh, yeah?” Keith answered, well more like questioned.

 “First him, now you. Why do _I_ have to sacrifice my sleep because you two idiots can't communicate to each other like fucking normal people?” Matt whined but gestured for Keith to go in.

 He pointed his index finger at Keith, “You better _not_ be here when I come back,” he warned. “Takashi, the short tempered half of the oblivious couple is here!” He yelled to the bathroom.

 Keith glared at him, confused as Matt left the room muttering “what are they, taking turns or something?”

 “Sorry about him” were the first words that came out of Shiro's mouth when he emerged clothed from the shower.

 “Matt's crazy, what else is new?” Keith sarcastically said.

 “Just a little,” Shiro said smiling at the ground with a way too fond look.

 _Ew,_ Keith made a throwing-up noise, “You know you're making actual heart eyes right now? you guys are disgusting,” he said even though he was happy for them; for Shiro having someone. God knew after everything the man had went through, he deserved something good in his life.

 Shiro squinted at him, “Oh, that's rich coming from _you,”_ he laughed, making Keith feel confused; _what is he talking about?!_

 Shiro clearly read his mind, “Don't worry, you'll understand in like _10_ years or so, when you finally figure this out, and trust me then we'll _both_ be laughing at your confused self.”  
 

 That only made Keith feel more lost, Shiro continued, “Anyway, I'm guessing you're here to talk about Lance?”

 Now, if Lance hadn't _just_ talked to Lotor and had a semi break down at Shiro over it, and everyone weren't currently worrying about him, Keith would've gotten really annoyed at everyone just assuming that, it wasn't that obvious. He nodded, sitting down next to Shiro, “I seriously doubt this whole thing with Lotor is a good idea, Shiro.”

 "I know where you're coming from,” Shiro nodded, “but I really think it's worth the risk. Lotor has important knowledge of the empire, knowledge that we _could_ use, Keith. If Lance is the way to get it, I think we should let him.”

 "Lance isn't a tool for you to get information!” Keith snapped at Shiro.

 _Damn it!_  seemed like Lotor's word were still affecting him too. Poor Shiro, seemed like today anyone who was mad at Lotor snapped at the poor guy. Keith rubbed the corner of his eyes and sighed, “Sorry, I know that's not what you meant”

Shiro only gave him a kind smile that made him feel _more_ guilty, “It's okay,” he said, “you're worried about him. I understand.”

 "It's not that I don't think he can handle this, it's just ... Lance is just...” Keith struggled; trying to explain without actually telling Shiro things, _fears_ that Lance had shared with him in private. “He believes words _too_ easily, okay? He just takes them straight to heart, and Lotor has a horrible way with words. I don't think that's a good combination, Shiro,” he blurted out, his voice carrying exactly how concerned he was to Shiro.

 “You guys have come a long way, haven't you?” Shiro smiled at him. He took a breath in, “I'll tell you what I told him; I can't tell him what to do, this is his choice, if it's what he wants then he is entitled to do it.”

 _Of course it's not what he wants, but of course he'll do it._ The idiot somehow had gotten the idea that he wasn't good enough for this team, that he wasn't doing enough for this team, and no matter how many times Keith told him otherwise, it didn't seem to be changing his mind. Keith sighed defeated.

 “Wait when did you tell Lance that? And why?” he questioned.

 “He came to see me after your little ...  _stunt,_ before me and you had our talk about your recklessness,” Shiro glared at him, “saying that he doesn't think you should go back to the Blade,” Shiro hesitated, as if debating on whether he should continue, “I don't think I've ever seen him like that; that _scared_ before.”

 Neither had Keith. He pressed his eyes together at the reminder of how Lance had been the first few days; how he always followed Keith with worried eyes, or how he had black eyes indicating of his sleepless nights because of Keith. Keith tried not to relate Lotor's today's words to that.

 “I know,” he quietly agreed. He sighed, “um there is one more thing I wanted to talk about, about what Lance said about Naxzela”

 “It's okay, I'm fine. I know he didn't mean it.”

  _Wow, okay awkward._ Shiro thought he was gonna talk about that part?! He wasn't, “I think he's right.”

 As he saw the hurt look on Shiro he quickly cleared, “Not about the Naxzela part, about the listening part.”

 Shiro frowned, crossing his arms, “go on.”

 “It's not just _you,_ we _all_ do it, okay? We never listen to him, I guess I used to do it more than anyone else”, he acknowledged more to himself than to Shiro, “We always ignore what he says or his suggestions, brush them off without a second thought. I guess I really haven't noticed it until he said it,” Keith admitted. He knew Lance's outburst was a result of Lotor's words, yet Lance had looked hurt while saying them, like it was something that been bothering him for some time and knowing him Keith knew that it probably had. 

 “Well, he does joke around most of the time,” Shiro offered.

 Keith shook his head, “Doesn't mean we shouldn't take him seriously when he's serious. He is more perceptive than he lets on. And most of the time he is joking around, it's for _us._ To help us. Haven't you seen that he does it even when he's upset?” for a moment Keith couldn't help but smile. It amazed him how Lance could be so upset, or scared; but would joke and laugh to make others feel better. He was _that_ selfless.

 “Shiro do you know how much he did for this team when you ... when you were gone? I know I was the one piloting black but _honestly?_  he was the one leading Voltron. Do you know how many times he kept me from killing everyone? He was the one who planned our missions, trying to find strategic ways, and I wasn't really even helping. If anything, most of the time he had to hold me back from messing everything up. He did so much and yet everyone, even _me,”_ Keith guiltily noted, “forgot that as soon as you came back. Shiro, he deserves to be heard when he suggests something, he deserves to be listened to at least as much as everybody else.”

 Shiro stayed silent for a while before finally saying, “Alright, I'll try to listen to him more often and take him more seriously, which I _did_ plan on doing, even before you gave me a lecture about it.”

 “Sorry,” Keith said, raising his shoulders.

 “You're not gonna stop him from talking to Lotor, are you?” he asked again. Shiro shook his head. Keith sighed, “well in that case, I should probably get going, before your crazy boyfriend comes back.”

 Keith stood outside the door, sighing. if Shiro wasn't stopping Lance, there was a rare chance Lance _would._

 

 That rare chance turned into _nothing_  as Lotor started to give valuable information to them. Keith didn't know what to do. This was bad, on one hand the information was really useful, but on the other hand this was clearly affecting Lance, _hurting_ Lance.

 But the determined look Lance got on his face every morning before going to talk to Lotor told Keith that he wasn't gonna give up on doing this, _even_ if it was ripping him apart.

 Keith didn't blame anyone when they stopped watching the feed of Lance and Lotor talking after a few days. But he did ask Pidge to send the videos to his tablet daily. He watched them as much as he could; he needed to know what to help Lance with later, to know where he was hurt.

 So he watched them, even as they angered him, making him hate Lotor for every horrible thing he told Lance. And it wasn't the moments that Lance snapped back to Lotor that really got to him; it was the moments that Lance grew silent that got to him. Moments of Lance shrinking to himself, looking like he’d rather be anywhere in the world but there. Moments that worryingly _increased_ with everyday.

 And with everything that Lotor told Lance, Keith really didn't blame the boy for breaking every night. It didn't mean that it didn't hurt Keith everytime that he saw Lance cry so broken on his shoulders. It made him want to strangle Lotor as Lance grew quieter everyday.

 The castle seemed so quiet these days. It wasn't that Lance used to talk all the time before, but when he was in the room, _even_ if didn't say anything he gave that feeling of liveliness to everything. _Now,_ now he was so quiet all the god damned time. Mostly just sitting in a corner in silent, and he kept zoning out, like he was doing right now.

 They were all sitting in the lounge, as they normally did in the evenings. Everyday Lance would talk to Lotor till midday. he gave a brief summary and the written answers to Shiro and Allura afterwards, one that Keith would share to the blade. They all would hang in the lounge after that.

 Lance was sitting next to Keith, but with the way he'd been staring at a corner for the past half hour, Keith knew his mind wasn't there.

 “Castle-ship to Lance,” he said.

 “Lance,” he repeated when Lance didn't move.

  _"Loverboy,”_ he teased but Lance seemed too deep in thought to respond. Not wanting to get the others attention by raising his voice, he grabbed Lance’s arm gently, “Lance.”

 “Huh?”

 Lance finally turned to him, eyes staying unfocused for a few seconds before staying on Keith, “Sorry ... was I zoning out again?”

 Keith nodded. “What did Lotor say this time?” he asked.

 Lance rolled his eyes, making a dismissing gesture with his hand, “Oh nothing new; that I'm nothing, that I'm useless, that I should just leave. _Blah blah blah,_ you know the usual stuff.” 

 Keith clenched his jaw. He hated that Lance considered all  _that_  ‘the usual stuff’. Really, he understood that they needed Lotor's knowledge, but wasn't there a _better_ way to do that? A way that didn't involve hurting Lance? Breaking him to the core? A way that didn't involve making Lance stop laughing?

 When was the last time that Lance had laughed or even smiled? a _genuine_ smile, not the ones he did for Keith's and others' sake. Keith honestly did not remember. he couldn't help saying “I miss your smile.”

 Lance’s eyes rounded at him for a few seconds before a small smile tugged at his lips. But it was so sad it made Keith say earnestly, “I miss _you.”_

 Lance’s sad smile deepened, “I'm so sorry, mullet.”

 Before Keith had a chance to tell him; he had nothing to be sorry about, his brain started shutting down as Lance leaned towards him.

 His Eyes stayed rounded even after Lance moved away. His hand went to his cheek, feeling the blood rushing to his cheek where Lance’s soft lips had been just a second ago. Lance had just kissed his cheek, Keith wasn't sure of why that made his brain shut off or his heart to pound so loudly in his chest.

 The confusion stayed with him, as he watched Lance take away Pidge's laptop.

 “Hey, give it back!” she protested.

 “I just want to play some music, and then you can have it,” he held on to the laptop, “I can't believe I have to do everything myself,” he said, shaking his head.

 Pidge let him have it. Lance tapped a few things on her laptop before a happy song started playing, he handed Pidge back the laptop, “Yup, this'll do.”

  _“Do?!_ Do for what?”

 Hunk didn't even finish his sentence before Lance was pulling him and Coran to their feet, “For you bunch of stick-up-the-asses people to bust a move for once in your life.”

 Lance took the two of them to the middle of the room. Forcing both of them to dance, not that Coran seemed to need any push, before returning to the couch, “You too, my dear princess,” he wiggled his eyebrows at Allura.

 “No, Lance. I'm fine—” she tried to say, but Lance had already threw her towards where Hunk and Coran were.

 And then he was picking Shiro and Matt up. Keith couldn't help his laugh as Lance pushed Matt to Shiro's chest, making the two of them blush, pushing them both towards the little dancing group, “Go have fun, kids.”

 He set eyes on his next victim then,  _“Pidgey.”_ He pointed finger-guns at her walking across the room with a beat, swaying his body to the rhythm. 

 _Man, he can move his hips._ Realizing he was staring Keith averted his eyes quickly, feeling his cheeks warm up again.

  _"No_ way Lance,” she said pushing her glasses up her nose.

But Lance pulled the laptop out of her grip, trying to pull her to her feet, “Sorry Pidge, no exceptions!”

 “Not happening, Lance,” she refused.

 Lance was not one take no for an answer, “Yes happening, Lance.”

 “If I have to go through this torment then so does _Keith!_ Make him dance first and we'll talk then,” Pidge pointed to him. Keith glared at her,  _the little traitor_.

 Lance locked eyes with him before smirking, _“Nah,_ Keith can't dance.” Keith couldn't even bring himself to be upset; _God, I missed that mischievous smirk._

 _“Oh?!_ and exactly When have you seen him _dancing?”_ Pidge wiggled her eyebrows at Lance, “was it in _private?_ Bet there weren't really any clothes involved either, just the—” 

 “Shut up, Pidge!” 

Keith and Lance said at the same time.  _The little gremlin!_ His face reddening again, Keith glared at Shiro for not scolding her, but he seemed too busy laughing to notice, as were everyone else.

 Lance seemed to be trying to move on from the comment, with a red face he said, “Don't you remember? The party they threw for us on planet myr? They set us our dance partners for the whole night and since I just got the _best_ luck in the universe, I got stuck with this guy,” Lance said pointing to him. Matt said something in Lance’s ear that Keith couldn't hear, but whatever it was made Lance nudge him in the side and glare at him before continuing, “Anyways,   _trust_ me; he can't dance and I mean he really _can not_ dance. Seriously, a piece of stick would've done a better job,” Lance grinned at Keith.

 “Shut up, Lance,” Keith glared at him.

Lance leaned down to where he was sitting and poked his cheek, Keith didn't even get a chance to say _‘what the hell'_ before Lance said, “Don't pout, Keithy, I can always teach you”

 “What?!”

 Keith questioned but Lance had already took his hands in his own pulling him to his feet, “I'm teaching you how to dance,” he announced.

 The words ‘ _I'm pretty fine not knowing_ ’  dried in Keith's mouth as he saw the happy sparkle in Lance’s eyes, because _damn it,_ Keith would do _anything_ if it meant that sparkle would stay there.

 “Since your level is, well,  _below_ zero we're gonna start with the basics. Pidge switch to something slower, don't wanna go too hard on the newbie,” Lance winked at him, and okay Keith _did_ glare at him; _below zero_ , _how dare he?!_

 It took only a few moments for Keith to realize  Lance was, in fact, right; he _was_ below zero at this. Lance laughed, “Jesus, it's not rocket science Keith, and you _know_ rocket science”

 After a few more minutes of Keith failing and Lance not even _trying_ to hide his laugh at his failure. Lance said, “Wow, it's not that hard, Keith!”

 It _so_ was!

 When Lance face palmed himself, Keith had had enough. He turned to go sit down, “You don't _have_ to teach me.”

 But Lance pulled him back laughing, “No, we can do this, just ...” he bit his lip looking at Keith, “don't get mad, but can you ... just follow my lead?”

  _Why would I get mad?_! Keith nodded, following Lance’s steps and directions, and  _surely_ soon enough he began to get the hang of it. Lance could be a good teacher.

 It was a few songs when he heard Lance whisper, “It's just cheating at this point, how can you go from _that_ bad to this amazing in just a few minutes? Why are you so fucking perfect? It's not fair on my heart!”

 Keith wasn't sure what shocked him more: the words, or how fond Lance sounded when he said them. He stopped in his track,  _“What?!”_

 With the way Lance suddenly looked up with horror, his face turning red, Keith realised Lance hadn't meant to say it _out loud,_ however Lance still held his gaze, shrugging, “You _are.”_

 It was Keith's turn to blush.

 “Aw, don't blush, Keithy,” Lance winked and let go of him going to Pidge's laptop. “Now, let's try this with a real song,” he said Scrolling on Pidge's laptop until he chose something.

He walked back to Keith, bowing down in front of him, “May I have the honour?” he said offering a hand as the song started.

 _Idiot!_  Keith just made a face at him, trying to muster the flattest look he could.

 “Oh, _Come on!_ if we're doing this, we might as well go all the way,” Lance looked up to him still bowing down.

  _“Please?”_ he asked looking at Keith with blue pleading eyes. _Fuck,_ No way in hell Keith could say no.

 “Fine, you may have the honour,” he said taking Lance’s hand, but he made sure Lance saw him rolling his eyes.

 Funny how now that he wasn't focusing on learning, all he could focus on was how his hand fit _perfectly_ in Lance’s. He wasn't sure why was that such an important notion, but his brain seemed unable to let go of it, which was probably why he didn't hear Lance calling his name the first few times.

  _“Keith!”_

 "What?” he finally, said looking away from their conjoined hands.

 Lance only shook his head laughing,  _“Nothing.”_

 he picked up Keith's other hand, putting it on his shoulder, before putting his hand on Keith's back. Keith couldn't help the tiny gasp that escaped him as Lance pulled him closer to himself.

 _Whoa,_  Keith swallowed. _T_ hey were _really_ close like this. Something in Keith felt like it should be awkward; but all he could feel was Lance’s warmth and how comfortable he was next to Lance.

 “Is that ... the song from _Finding Dory?!”_ he asked, noticing the song.

 Lance raised a questioning eyebrow at him, looking shocked.

 _“What?_  I watch movies!” Keith answered.

 Lance squinted at him, _“D_ _o you?”_ he questioned.

“Yes! What else do you think I did for a whole year in the desert?” Keith asked.

 Lance made a considering face, “Hmm, let me think: Pouting in a corner, staring at your knife, oh, and _definitely_ making up conspiracy theories?”

 Keith tried to keep a neutral face; _No way_ was he letting Lance know that's how he had spent like 60 % of his time. Trying to change the subject he asked again, “Are we really gonna dance to this?”

 Lance smiled and got a fond look in his eyes, one that Keith wasn't sure he could handle being directed at him, “Why not? you're pretty unforgettable.”

 _Don't blush, don't blush, don't blush ..._ _too late for that!_ as he heard Lance’s chuckle, he knew he was blushing. The song agreed with his thoughts for a second; it was incredible that someone as unforgettable as Lance thought _he_ was the unforgettable one. But it was really sad too; because he doubted Lance would think of himself as even close to unforgettable.

 “Says the guy who forget about his bonding moment with me,” he said trying to cheer them both up.

 “Jesus Christ, are you still upset about that?” Lance laughed, Keith just pouted. “I remember it, you happy?” Lance admitted.

 Keith smirked,  _“No?!_ I want a written admittance _and_ apology printed out and put on every wall of the castle,” he teased.

 “Don't be the asshole, Keith,” Lance Laughed, Keith alongside him. However, Lance’s was a short one that quickly gave its place to a smile that turned into sad eyes after a few seconds. Lance had quite the sad eyes these days.

 Keith squeezed his shoulder with the hand that was resting there, “Are you okay?”

 Lance made a small laugh, “You know if I had a penny for everytime you asked me that, we could buy Zarkon's empire and get this whole thing over with.”

 Keith smiled, but that wasn't a real answer; “That wasn't a yes, Lance.”

 “Shush now! you're not supposed to talk this much during dancing,” Lance quietened him.

_Seriously?!_

 Keith raised an eyebrow; was _Lance_ of all people telling _him,_ he talked too much?! Lance just laughed.

 Keith was about to say something else when he noticed something; they had started the dance standing pretty close to each other, but When had they gotten _this_ close?! Close enough for Lance’s breath to ghost over his skin, _Shouldn't that be weird?_  Shouldn't that bother Keith? But it didn't bother him, _at all._ If anything he was actually enjoying it.

 _Is that normal?!_ Was that normal with friends? Did friends love the way their hands held onto each other? Did they warmed up all over because their friend's hand was on their back? Did friends loved their faces being so close to one another? Because Lance was his friend, the first friend he'd ever found.

 He swore Lance was looking at him like he wanted Keith to do something, _pleading_ him to do something. Keith just had no idea what, or maybe he was just scared. Instead he moved away from Lance, pulling his hand out of his.

 “Thanks for, um, teaching me”

 Something like hurt flashed across Lance’s face, but it vanished quickly enough that Keith doubted it even was there. He just smiled at Keith, “Anytime, mullet.”

  _“Ugh,_ you two are killing me! just k—”

 Matt didn't get to finish his sentence, “Shut it, Matt,” Lance turned to him, clear warning in his voice.

 Keith returned to his seat quickly. Shiro gave him a look, “Had fun?”  
Keith didn't know why but that made him blush.

 He watched as Lance danced with everyone else, making Pidge dance too, unable to keep the smile out of his face.

 Lance suggested they watch a movie, they even decided to do it while having a sleep over. Which is how hours later, they were all sleeping next to each other. And _okay_ maybe Keith couldn't help himself from sleeping to the side so he could watch Lance; there was just something so calming about how Lance looked when he slept, _okay?!_

 At least there _was,_ until Lance curled in on himself, his breaths quickening. A few moments later Keith saw the shiny droplets that were escaping the corner of his eyes.

 "Lance?!” he quietly called but Lance didn't even move a muscle. Keith called him once more just to be sure but Lance didn't move; he was sleep. He was crying _in his sleep._ Keith felt his heart wrenching at the sight. _Oh Lance._

 He didn't know what made him do it, but something made him reach for Lance’s hand taking it in his own carefully not to wake Lance up; _I'm so sorry, Lance._

 He _was_ sorry; sorry that they weren't stopping this with Lotor, that they hadn't stopped it earlier. Just because they wanted information, they were breaking Lance for _information._ Keith felt like a horrible person, and yet funny enough the fact that he still was holding on to Lance’s hand seemed to have stopped the boy's sleep crying.

 

 Now, when Lance stopped coming to the observation room, when he stopped opening up, when he started avoiding everyone, Keith should've known something was seriously going wrong; Lance became silent when something was really hurting him.

 But unfortunately that coincided with Kolivan and a few of the blades arrival at the castle, And with their stay there, Keith was too overloaded with work, that he didn't have time to put on Lance. Later, he would regret his ignorance.

 With the information Lotor was giving them both the Blade and Voltron were always busy: On missions to prisons, to empires weak points around the galaxy.

 And with all the missions Kolivan and the blade had to leave again. However before they did Kolivan confronted Keith, telling him off for sharing the Blade's secret frequency—he had no idea how Kolivan had found out about itin the first place, _bet it's that Touka girl_ , she hated Keith from day one, opposed to him joining the Blade—and how he had betrayed the Blade by sharing it.

 Kolivan made sure that Keith knew if he endangered the Blade's secret ways again he _would_ be kicked out before giving him his new mission: _to stay in the castle and keep an eye on Lotor._ That's why he didn't leave with the Blade.

 As he told the news of him staying with the team, Lance smiled for the first time in _days._

 “You're staying?” he pounced up and down on his heels, like a kid who's just  been given a bunch of candies.

 “Yeah,” Keith smiled.

 “They're not sending you on a mission?” Lance asked.

 Keith tried so hard not to falter his smile, but lying to his team, lying to _Lance?!_  He hated doing that.

 He had no choice though, Kolivan had made it clear what would happen if he said anything about his missions. And he couldn't risk it; he no longer was a paladin, he didn't know what he would do if he lost his place as a blade too. He shook his head; “No.” he added, “not for now.” At least this time he made sure Lance and the others  knew he wasn't staying permanently.

 Lance’s shoulder slumped down at the second comment but he still smiled at Keith, “Hey, it's okay, buddy. You can help _us_ with the missions,” Lance offered, already making Keith feel guilty.

 

 But It was Keith's mission, so he started watching the feed of Lance’s conversations with Lotor more and more, which is how he noticed when Lotor started to reduce his insults, his _taunts_ on Lance. That rang alarms in Keith's head: Lotor was up to something.

 It wasn't like he could tell the others; what would he say? _I'm upset that Lotor's not treating Lance like shit anymore?!  Yeah,_ somehow that argument didn't sound like a winner. But Lotor was planning something, and whatever the hell it was Lance seemed to be at the center of it.

 And then the others started meeting Lotor along Lance; Shiro and Allura sometimes to ask details, and Pidge and Matt to ask about their father's whereabouts and weirdly, Lotor didn't annoy them, he acted nice, charming and even _fucking_ funny. and after a while they started leaving the room with smiles.

 And as if that wasn't all kind of wrong already, Keith noticed Lance had started to visit him at the cell, after his hours. Even if Keith hadn't veen tasked with keeping a close eye on Lotor, he still would have tried to listen in on _that;_ mostly Lance asking about Zarkon and Haggar. Honestly, Keith didn't know what the hell was up with that.

 Though, he eventually got fed up; he walked to Lance one morning. “I think I'm joining you today.” he announced.

 “Got any questions to ask him or ...?!” Lance looked at him curiously.

“No,” Keith answered.

Lance just shrugged and smiled at him, “Suit your self,” at least he seemed to be doing better. Though Keith couldn't help but think that was somehow Lotor's intention. Still _Lance feeling better_ was a gain. Even if he was still quiet most of the time, he had started to laugh and make jokes again, and Keith did feel his heart warm up everytime he saw that bright smile back on Lance’s.

 Once they walked in the room, Lotor greeted Lance with a smile, “Well, if isn't Lancey Lance.”

 Keith gritted his teeth; _did he just fucking call Lance by his favourite nickname?! Who the hell does he think he is?!_

 “I told you not to call me that,” Lance said.

 Lotor smiled, “Well, you don't seem to like _dear Lance_ or _former blue paladin.”_

 To Keith's surprise Lance just scolded him, “Don't be a douchebag, just _Lance_ is fine.”

Lotor hummed and turned to Keith, “And greetings to the former red paladin.”

Lance sighed, _“Seriously_ Lotor?!” 

“Alright, alright, I appologise. Nice to see you again, Keith,” Lotor said,  _fucking laughing._ Keith could only stare _._

 “Yup, that's better,” Lance said.

Keith had to keep his jaw from dropping to the floor; Lance was treating Lotor as a friend, _barely_ but _still._ _What the hell is going on?_

 “Lance, I need to talk to _him_ alone,” he commanded.

 “What?” Lance looked at him, hesitant.

 “Can you leave? I want to talk to him alone,” Keith said.

 “Well, what ever it is you can say—” 

but Keith interrupted Lance, _“No,_ like I said I need to talk to him alone.  _leave.”_

 Hurt flashed across Lance’s face; clearly offended that Keith wouldn't say whatever it was in front of him, “Keith—” 

“Get out, Lance!” Keith ordered. He knew he was being harsh but he really needed to make his point to Lotor, and he couldn't do that with Lance there.

Lance scoffed, getting up.

 Once Lance left the room, Lotor turned to Keith making a tsk-tsk sound, “You upset him.”

Keith glared at him, “I don't need _you_ to tell me that, don't act like you know him!” 

 Lotor smirked, “But I _do_ know him, Keith. We spent _quite_ some time together.”

Something about Lotor and the way he said that made Keith want to hiss at him, then again when _didn't_ he want to do that? he restrained himself to growling, “You think you have everyone fooled? I won't fall for your fucking act, whatever game you're playing, you're _not_ winning it. I'm on to you.”

Lotor gasped, _“Ah,_ you wound me, Keith. I'm not playing anything, Voltron and its paladins have helped me see the error of my ways, and I'm truly trying to earn my redemption here,” there was nothing about Lotor's malicious smile, or his mocking tone, or the words themselves that made Keith feel like he was telling the truth.

 He stood up, leaving. he'd said what he'd come here to say, and had no reason to tolerate Lotor's shit.

 He was by the door when Lotor spoke, “I always win, red paladin.”

 Keith frowned, leaving;  _no, you won't_.

 Lance was leaning to the opposite wall outside, arms crossed and frowning. Once he saw Keith was out, he mocked a salute, “Am I allowed to go in, _sir?”_ he glared at Keith, “or do you have more talks with Lotor I'm not _authorised_ to hear?” 

 “Lance, don't be upset, it was Blade’s business, and Kolivan's being a pain my ass right now, so I kinda had to kick you out,” Keith answered. technically that wasn't a lie. _Yes, it is._

 “Oh,” was all Lance said but he did give Keith a quick smile before going back in, one that made Keith feel even more guilty, _Lance_ always forgiving too easily.

 

 Things didn't get better after that. Lotor somehow was managing to improve his relationship with everyone in the castle, even the princess.

 It was a few days later, when Keith smelled something delicious from kitchen. Hunk was in there making some fancy food.

 “What's up?” Keith asked sitting on one of the chairs.

 “Lotor claims some galra dish is the best thing in the universe, and I am going to prove his royal highness _wrong,”_ Hunk answered.

 Keith stared at the amount of effort Hunk was putting on the dish, “You do realise he's a _prisoner?"_ _or am I the only one remembering that?!_

 “And soon he'll be a _‘I admit I was wrong and you're best chef in the universe’_  prisoner,” Hunk said not even looking up from the food.  
Keith just shook his head.

 

 It was a few weeks later, that the bomb finally dropped. Keith was coming back from the training room, when he heard the team debating in the lounge, he walked in.

 Lance’s head turned to him immediately, smiling as he did everytime he saw Keith, “Mullet, _finally!_ We can actually start this talk now.”

 “What's going on?” he asked slumping to the  seat next to Lance.

 Lance wrinkled his nose, “Dude, you stink.” 

 Keith was too tired, he'd spent hours on this level at the training room, but he hadn't been able to complete it, the gladiator kept defeating him, so _yeah_ he was a bit cranky too, so he wasn't in the mood to think, _“You_ stink!” 

 Lance snorted, nudging his shoulder with his own, “Wow, the great Kogane can't think of a come back, that's a first.” he looked at Keith with a fond look. God, Keith was too exhausted to even think, he just wanted to put his head on Lance's shoulder and sleep for a few hours. 

 Allura's voice turned both their attention to her, “I'm sorry am I interrupting something here? We were in a middle of a serious talk. _”_

 _she sounds intense. “R_ ight sorry, what's going on?” Keith asked.

 “I'll tell you what's going on, Lance has completely lost his mind, that's what's going on,” Allura glared at Lance.

 “Allura, it's not _that_ crazy, you can at least consider it,” Lance answered.

 Okay, what was going on?! “Seriously, someone tell me what's going on,” he demanded.

 Princess pointed to Lance, “He wants to set Lotor free.”

 _what?!_ Keith sat up straight. 

 “Wait,  _no,_ that's not what I said,” Lance quickly said.

 _Wait,_ they were serious?! Of all the crazy stupid things Lance had suggested ...

 “Right, I forgot, you want to give him a room in the castle, too,” she added.

 _“What?”_ Keith asked looking to Lance.

 Lance held his hands up, “Whoa hey, before you get mad, just give me a chance to explai—”

 _Too late for that_ , Keith was already mad, _no_ he was _furious,_ he jumped up, “Have you lost the little brain you had?”

 Lance stood up too, “Look All I'm saying is that we can't keep him in that cell _forever.”_

 “And why the hell not?” Keith asked, he was aware his tone was raising quickly, he could not help it.

 Lance frowned, “Keith,  _he's_ a person, we can't just treat him like—”

 Keith interrupted him, “A person? A person?! _God damn it_ Lance! What's wrong with you? What the hell is wrong with you? he's the fucking enemy! quit acting like he's your bestie.”

 “I don't act like he's my ... can't you just listen for a second?” Lance asked.

 “No! not when you're being _this_ stupid. You're playing right into his game,” he yelled.

 Lance pressed his eyes together, taking a breath in, “Keith, why can't you just trust me for once? _Huh?!_ Just _once_ it would be nice for you to fucking believe in me!”

 How dare he suggest that Keith didn't believe in him?

 “I do fucking trust you, it's that bastard I don't trust.” He said.

 “Oh, yeah? You trust me? is it because you _trust_ me so much that you keep watching the videos?”

 Keith faltered. Lance _knew?_

 “Yeah, I know about that. what?! did you think I couldn't handle it? Did you think I was gonna break?”

 Keith felt his blood boil; he'd done that because he'd been worried about Lance not _this shit,_ “So what if I did? I'm _right;_ You _can't_ handle it! you _are_ being weak and you _are_ breaking! He's playing you like a god damned puppet, you're trusting the maniac!”

 “I'm not trusting ...”, Lance sighed pressing his lips together until they were barely visible, “you know what? yeah, let's say I'm trusting him, _you_ said it was a good thing that I trust easily. You said it's what makes me me, you said it's what makes me amazing”

 Keith was too angry, too worried and too tired to even register Lance’s words, let alone his own, “Oh _please,_ don't be _stupid,_ Lance! don't believe everything you hear. I lied.you were crying like a whiny baby and I needed you to fucking stop mopping around, so you could be actually god damned functional for _once_ in this team. I needed you to actually be _useful_ for once in Voltron, so I _lied._ But guess what you couldn't even fucking do that!”

 Finally something snapped in Keith, the anger leaving him entirely as he realized everything he'd just said, his hand clasped infront of his mouth but it was too late as he saw something break in Lance’s eyes.

 Broken blue eyes bore into his memory, “You ... _lied,_ good to know,” Lance said in the smallest voice, barely audible.

 _What the hell did I just do?_ Keith wasn't able to even move still processing what he'd done as Lance left the room. Keith stared at the empty space in shock of what he'd just said to Lance, _why?_ why did he say all that? How could he say all that?

_“Keith!”_

_“Dude!”_

_“Keith, what the hell?”_

 Sinking back to the seat, Keith couldn't really hear any of the blaming words, or the disappointed ones from the others. the only words he could hear were the ones he just told Lance, and louder than all of that he could hear Lotor's words from months ago, on repeat: ‘ _maybe you enjoy hurting him.’_

 Keith didn't enjoy it, he _hated_ it. But he sure as hell did hurt Lance a lot. Again and again.  
How was he gonna fix this? _Could_ he even fix it? How many more times was he gonna hurt Lance before Lance would just give up on him? Just like every one else had? with the difference that this time it would be Keith's own fault. With the difference that this time he _deserved_ it.

 “He isn't trusting him, you know.”

 Keith looked up to Pidge standing in front of him, “what?”

 “Lance, he isn't trusting Lotor,” Pidge repeated herself, “he asked me to make this.”

 She handed him her tablet, tapping on the screen to show a prototype, “It's a wrist band,  more like hand cuff. It has a tracker in it. it'll electrify Lotor if he goes somewhere he's not supposed to, if he tries again it'll knock him out turning the castle alarms on. It would do the same if Lotor tried to take it off, really if he does anything we wouldn't want him to, it would knock him out.”

 Keith took the tablet, staring at the picture; Lance had thought of that. he supposed in his angry state he hadn't even gave Lance a chance to explain.

 “Yeah, he wasn't just suggesting this blindly,” she said, “or _stupidly.”_ she gave him a look.

 Keith rubbed his face, a bitter laugh escaping him, “What the hell did I do?”

 He'd broken Lance’s heart—he'd seen it clearly those shattered blue eyes—and it seemed like he didn't even have a reason to justify it, _great._ He turned to Allura, “Allura, I need you to change your mind.”

 

 It was a few hours later, it had taken some convincing to make the princess agree. Keith'd been looking for Lance, he hadn't dared to go to the hangers, he could feel red's anger at him. And for the first time ever he was feeling blue in his head, and _boy_ did she currently hate him. Well, at least they all agreed, because he hated himself right now too.

 But thankfully, he found Lance in the observatory room. The glass door to the observatory room was closed, Lance sitting on the ground leaning on it from the other side. Keith had no doubt it was locked.

 He sighed, walking to the door, “Lance?” he could only see Lance’s back side, but Lance still didn't seem like he moved a muscle.

 “Lance can we talk?” he asked.

 “Come on Lance, please?” he asked again.

 “Go away,” Lance said not even looking back.

 Keith tried not to shiver at the cold tone; he deserved it, “I just want to talk.”

 “Leave me alone, Keith,” Lance answered.

 Keith slid down to the floor, leaning back to the glass door in mirror of how Lance was sitting, “I need to talk to you.”

 “Well, I don't want to talk to you,” Lance said.

 “Lance I—”

_“Go away, Keith!”_

 “Lance please just hear me out,” he pleaded.

 “Why? so you can _lie_ to me again?” Lance asked.

 Keith sighed to his hands, why was he like that? Why did he always act like that when he was angry? “Lance, I didn't mean that.”

 An ugly laugh escaped Lance , a laugh that was nothing like Lance; it wasn't warm and welcoming, it was just sour and hurt, so _so_ hurt, _“Oh,_   _You didn't mean it.”_

 “Are you sure? or are you just here to make me _functional_ again?” he said.

 “Lance—”

 “You know you hate Lotor _so_ much, but what you said? It sounded exactly like the things he used to say.”

 _Ouch,_ that one hurt, but it wasn't untrue. “I _know,”_ he admitted, “I'm sorry, I didn't—”

 but Lance interrupted him again, “The difference is that: he was a stranger and an asshole and _you,_  you're my ... good to know how you really feel about me,” Keith hated himself for every little broken part in Lance’s voice.

 “Lance, no,” he buried his face in his hands, “I don't feel that way, not a single word I said was true. I didn't mean them. I was just angry.”

 “People are honest when they're angry.”

 “What?” he asked.

 Lance repeated, “People tell what they really think when they're angry.”

 “I _don't,_ I don't say things that are true, I say things that are horrible. I say things that I know _will hurt,”_  Keith sighed, “I guess it's a defence mechanism, it's an awful one. I'm sorry, I really am.”

 Lance didn't say anything so he continued. “I really didn't mean what I said. it's not true Lance, not one word of it, not even a little.”

 “You didn't mean it?” Lance asked quietly.

 Keith shook his head, but realising Lance couldn't see him he said, _“No.”_

“You _really_ didn't mean what you said?” Lance asked again.

 “No Lance, _god_ no,” 

“Good,” Lance accepted his apology.

 Lance _accepted_ his apology, just like that. Keith had yelled at him all his insecurities, all his fear were true and Lance just forgave him. God, Keith wished Lance would yell at him or punch him, it would feel better.

 A few minutes of silence passed between them before Keith asked, “Are you gonna let me in?”

 “No,” Lance answered.

 “You could fall sleep there,” Keith said.

 “I won't.”

 “You _could,”_ Keith insisted.

 There was a moment of silence followed by a sigh, “I'm not gonna fall sleep tonight, Keith.”

 “Because of what I said?” he wasn't really asking it; he already knew the answer.

 “Yes,” Lance answered anyway.

 “Lance, I didn't mean—”

Lance cut him off, “I _get_ that! Doesn't mean they're not gonna repeat themselves in my head over and over, until I agree with them.”

  _“Lance.”_ Keith said, a little shocked by the words.

 Lance quickly said, “Sorry, I guess that was too much insight into Lance McClain's brain.”

 Keith didn't have a chance to react before Lance tapped the panel opening the door. with the way Keith was leaning his back to the door, it resulted in him losing his balance, sprawling all over the floor.

 The scene  would've normally made Lance laugh for minutes, but now he didn't seem to even muster a smile, so Keith sat up next to him quickly, closing the door so they could lean on it again, this time both on one side.

 “I'm really sorry,” Keith said, facing Lance who seemed determined on looking straight forward. Well at least now Keith could see his face, not that the tear tracked face was comforting. how many times had he been the cause of that look on Lance? the cause of him crying? More times than necessary.

 “I'm not stupid”

 “What?” 

 “I'm not _stupid,”_ Lance repeated.

 Keith stared at him, “Of course you're not.” 

 “I'm not _weak,”_ Lance said still looking forward.

 Keith's heart sank as he realized Lance was repeating _his_ words, “No, you're the strongest person I know,” Keith admitted.

 “I'm not a baby,” Lance’s voice was breaking more with every word.

 “No, no you're not,” Keith reassured. 

 “I'm not _useless,”_ he said a tear rolling down his cheek, “I'm not, _I'm not,_ ”

 Keith's heart ached as he realised the other boy wasn't repeating that to Keith, but to _himself,_ like _he_ believed them.

 “I'm so sorry, Lance,” he said. _For everything._

 Lance finally looked at him, teary broken eyes looked at him and Keith knew he would never forget that look, “Please don't ever say things like that to me again, even if _I_ think them all the time, even if _I am,_ please don't _you,_ of all people ever say that.”

  _Lance,_ all Keith wanted to do was to hug Lance, to hold him and tell him he was sorry, but he wasn't sure Lance would react well to hugging right now; instead he reached for the other boy's hand, interlocking their fingers together, squeezing Lance’s unusually cold hands, “I'm sorry.”

 Hesitantly with his other hand he reached to Lance’s face, wiping away the tears, Lance’s eyes rounded for a second before closing, so Keith kept his hand on his cheek, catching the new tear that was falling with his thumb, “Don't cry because of _me.”_

 “I'm the asshole, remember?” he reminded, feeling like he was given the world when he saw the tiniest upward tug at the corner of Lance’s lips. He let his hand fall back to his side.

 After a few minutes, once Lance had calmed down Keith spoke up, “I made Allura agree to letting Lotor out, I still think it's a bad idea.”

 “Then why did you agree—”

 Keith interrupted Lance’s question, looking at him, “Because I _trust_ you, more than you could ever know ”

 Lance mustered a smile, which Keith knew was for his sake, “You probably should've started with that.”

“I didn't want to make you feel like you _had_ to forgive me,” Keith said.

 “I never said I forgave you.”

 For a moment panic filled Keith, what if Lance wouldn't forgive him? what if he's done it, what if he's ruined this friendship with Lance? But then Lance continued, “I _do_ forgive you, because I know how much anger issues you have, but Keith, the things you said, they were really fucked up,” he locked eyes with Keith, “don't do something like that again.”

 Before Keith had a chance to say he wouldn't, Lance continued, “I don't think I can handle hearing them again, not from _you.”_

 Keith didn't know what made him do it, but he took Lance’s hand, the one that was in his own to his chest, kissing the back of it, “I _won't.”_ he promised, more to himself.

 If he didn't know better, he'd say Lance was blushing by the time their hands were back to the space between them.

 “Can I ask you something?” he asked. Lance hummed, “why are you so insistent on letting Lotor out?”

 “I feel sorry for him.”

 “What?” Keith asked because he couldn't have heard correctly.

 “I feel sorry for him,” Lance repeated after huffing a laugh at Keith's reaction.

 “You ... feel sorry for him?! For the heir to the galra empire? For the guy who's been killing people for ten thousand years? for the guy who's been agonizing _you_ for months?” Keith questioned because _surely_ even _Lance_ couldn't have _that_ big of a heart.

 And yet Lance surprised him _again,_ cause apparently he _could,_ “Yeah man, can you imagine what it must be like to be Zarkon's son? And Haggar's son? I've heard some of his stories about his child hood, about the way Zarkon treated him, and let me tell you; it's not nice. And like I'm not saying that it justifies the horrible things he's done, or the horrible person he is, I'm just saying maybe we could give him a second chance? don't everyone deserve a second chance?”

 All Keith could do was stare at him with a wide mouth, how could anyone have this much compassion? For someone who's been hurting them for so long?

 He was _amazed_ by Lance, _awed_ by him, and about a thousand other feelings, because there didn't seem to be _a word_ for how much he was adoring Lance right now. And he couldn't help it, he pulled Lance by his shirt, hugging him, “I knew you had a big heart, but _this?_ You're amazing Lance,” he felt Lance trying to protest so he hugged him tighter putting his face to his shoulder, feeling the scent of ocean filling him, “you _are._ You want to give a second chance to someone who's had ten millennia of second chances, you feel sorry for someone like _him._ Do you know how rare that is Lance? Do you know how unique that is? How unique you are? you're freaking one in a million. No that's not true, that's not enough, you're one in the entire god damned universe.”

 Lance’s face was as red as the red lion when Keith pulled away from the hug and it stayed that way for at least the next ten minutes, “Now who's the one with the cute blush?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith is so in love with Lance and he doesn't even know it, wake up you absolute idiot! And stop yelling at the poor boy, he's already going through so much.


	11. Chapter 11

 The thing is; on the contrary to what everyone even Keith, well _specially_ Keith, seemed to think, Lance did not like Lotor. He wasn't even sure if he'd stopped hating him. At best case scenario; he tolerated the guy. _Because_ he pitied him.

 He couldn't help it, the stories Lotor told him were just too sad, too upsetting. And even if sometimes he felt like Lotor was exaggerating, most of the times, it seemed like the prince was telling the truth. and the truth was _horrifying;_ How could someone, even Zarkon treat their own child like that.

So _yes,_ he did, in fact, feel sorry for Lotor. Even though having terrible people for parents, did not justify the things Lotor had done or the way he had treated people for _10-fucking-thousand_ years. Maybe that had been his way of dealing. Maybe instead of getting hurt, getting destroyed himself, he'd chosen an alternative of destroying others. Maybe he was so vicious, so cruel, because all he'd seen had been cruelty.

 Lance had always been a firm believer of ‘ _evil isn't born, it's created_.’  And maybe, just _maybe_ if they showed Lotor there was more to the world, better things in the world, he could change.

 Lance knew how big of a _maybe_ that was, and he knew what he'd suggested to the team was even crazier; 10,000 years was a long time for someone to suddenly start changing now. But they could _try,_ wasn't that their job? to help the universe, to save as much as people as they could?

 So _yes,_ as crazy as it was, he really was going to give this a try. And now thanks to Keith convincing the princess, and the team, he could.

 Still, He was surprised to see Pidge had readied the tracking hand cuff by the next morning. To be fair, that probably had more to do with the fight Lance had with Keith last night. Hunk, Pidge and Matt were all walking on egg shells around him during their breakfast. Lance had a feeling if anyone else was in the kitchen right now, they would've been too. And He knew Pidge had probably stayed awake all night to build that to make Lance feel better; which honestly, she did not need to, he was pretty cheered up right now.

 Placing his palm under his chin, he made a dopey smile, one that he _knew_ looked sheepish and dumb, but there really wasn't anything he could do to stop it from overtaking his features. “He called me amazing, _amazing._ And he said I had a cute blush, can you believe that?” It took everything in Lance not to giggle like a 5-year-old.

 Matt rolled his eyes, “Yes, I _can,_ actually. Considering you haven't shut up about it since you set your foot in the kitchen.” Matt glared at him, “I miss your silent old denial-over-loving-Keith days.”

 “I _fucking don't!”_  

 Lance, Matt and Pidge, who immediately looked up from her tablet 'cause this rarely ever happened, stared at Hunk with rounded eyes a shared thought:  _did he just curse?!_

 “Sorry for the language,” Hunk said, placing a tray on the table with a little too much force, “but I just really,  _really,_ don't miss those days. You two have no idea the amount of head shaking I had to do at the shit he did and said at garrison.”

 Lance immediately defended himself, “I wasn't _that_ bad.”

 Hunk gave him an unimpressed look, before making a face gesture, “ _Hunk, I hate him. I hate him so much. Who does he think he is, just because he can fly like he was born to do it? Why are his eyes like that? They're so purple, Hunk! That's not normal! And who even has mullets anymore? he should cut it, wait he shouldn't. it does look kinda soft, wait no what am I saying? he should cut it.”_

 Lance just stared at him with an open mouth, as Matt laughed, because Hunk had quoted him word by word, “How do you even remember that?!”

 Hunk just shook his head, “Because buddy, and I mean this in the least mean way; you never _ever_ shut up about him. You once gave me a 30 minute monologue on his hair _alone,_ and that was like two weeks after meeting him.”

 Lance felt like his cheeks warming up, while Matt dissolved into another series of giggles.

“It's not my fault! It was love at first sight, okay? I just wasn't aware!” he said.

“Still can't believe he called me one in a universe!” Lance felt the return of the sheepish smile to his face and his cheeks getting more red at the reminder of the way Keith had praised him last night. Keith had _praised_ him of all people, as if in any universe that would make sense. He traced a small pattern on the back of his hand where Keith's lips had been. Did that actually happen? It felt so surreal.

 “Oh yeah, maybe we should let Him yell at you more often,” Pidge finally spoke, voice dripped with sarcasm.

Lance frowned. He did not like to think about the earlier part of last night, the _fight._ Keith was the last person he _ever_ wanted to hear those things from. Keith had given him an approval of everything he already thought about himself. Not wanting to start spiralling in those kinds of thoughts right now, that was reserved for his nights when he was alone and no one could hear him crying, he flicked Pidge's elbow, she was sitting next to him. “That was uncalled for,” he said.

Without missing a beat Pidge answered, “No what's uncalled for was half the shit _he_ said.”

 Lance sighed, he really _really_ didn't want to think about it. “Look, He apologized for it a lot, like really _a lot_.”

 “Still though he was a dick to you, the only reason I didn't say anything to him last night was how traumatized he looked. But I am so going to change his warm and cold water shower settings for the next month.” she said, voice upset.

  _“Aw Pidgey,”_ Lance pulled her to a half hug.

 “Ew, did you just kiss the top of my head?” she made a face at him.

 He ruffled her hair, “You're being sweetly overprotective of me.”

 “Whatever, you're like as annoying as my brother,” she said with a dismissive tone but did give him a shy smile.

  _“Hey!_ get your own sister,” Matt complained.

 “I have my own sister, she's just very far away,” Lance said before realizing how much of a mood ruining thing it was, he quickly added, “So, your crazy one’ll have to do for now.”

 Pidge squinted at him, still trying to tidy her hair, “Okay, You know what? maybe we should just let Keith have his way with you from now on.”

 Matt snickered, _“Ooh,_ poor choice of words sis, ‘cause I'm pretty sure Lance would _looove_ to let Keith have his way with him,” he wiggled his eyebrows.

 Lance felt his face heat up again. He threw his spoon at him, which resulted in Matt laughing and ducking.  _“Shut up,_ Matt!”

 “What did you do this time?”

 Shiro's voice made them all turn around to see Shiro and Keith walking in, probably after their morning routine training. It took everything in Lance not to say, ‘ _good morning sunshine_ ’ to Keith. Settling for a quite _hey_ and a wink, Keith smiled at him.

 “Just stating some truth, _as usual,”_ Matt said, batting his eyelash Shiro.

 Shiro raised an eyebrow, “Uh-huh, I'm pretty sure that's not true.”

 “Whatever Takashi! you love me,” Matt said pulling the man passing next to his chair for a kiss.

 Everyone else at the table groaned. Hunk once again proving that he was a blessing said, “No offence guys, but literally _nobody_ here wants to see that.”

 Matt just poked his tongue at them, while a blushing Shiro took his seat clearing his throat.

 “Never thought I'd see the mighty head of Voltron blush that much,” Keith teased, taking the seat infront of Lance. Which is probably why Lance didn't catch any of the conversation going on at the table. Seriously though he'd spent half his time staring at Keith, and he still found new little details he loved; like how cute his nose was. How had he never noticed it before? It was just so tiny and straight and adorable. Lance kinda really wanted to kiss it.

 It took Pidge and Matt nudging him from either side to realize Keith was calling him.

 “Lance, you're staring at me.”

 “Babe, with a face like _that,_ everyone should be staring at you,” the words escaped Lance without his permission or without a second for his brain to process what he was saying.

 “Why? is there something on my face?” Keith asked honestly, making Lance and everyone at the table groan at his absolute obliviousness.

 But then his eyebrows arched together, “Wait did you just call me _babe?"_

 Lance deciding it was time to flee, took Pidge by the back of her shirt, “Come on Pidge, time for work.”

 He did not stop walking and dragging a _too-busy-laughing-to-care_ Pidge, until they were two hallways away from kitchen. He let go of her covering his red face in his hands, _“oh my god!”_

 “Subtle Lance, _really_ subtle.” She said laughing.

 “I can't help it, Pidge! Do you know how much energy I'm spending on toning it down and not pulling him into kisses everytime I see him? And then he goes and does stuff like _this!”_ he cried. 

 “He didn't do anything?” she raised her eyebrow, “other than being too blind, that is,” she added teasingly.

 “What do you mean _didn't do anything?_ He was looking too damned cute,” he said. That boy was not good for his heart ... or his dignity.

“But He looked like his normal self?!” Pidge questioned.

 “Well, his normal self _is_ too cute,” seriously how could she not see how absolutely pretty Keith was?!

 Pidge shook her head as they started walking, “See, this is why I don't like love, it makes people act so irrational.”

 “Yeah, we'll continue this talk when you fall for some hot half-alien half-robotic chick,” he wiggled his eyebrows teasing.

 “Shut up!”

 he laughed at her red face.

 Lance took the box Pidge was handing to him, opening it to reveal the tracking hand cuff. Doubt filling him again, he'd spent so much time weighing this. Still uncertainty managed to crawl its way back to him. Hw sighed, “Maybe this is a bad idea? Maybe I really am going out of my mind.”

 “You always have crazy ideas, nothing new there. But if you think it's worth the risk, you should take it, you're good at recessing risks.” she said.

 He stared at her. This whole Pidge being nice to him was kinda freaking him out; was he really in that bad of a state that even Pidge couldn't be mean to him. Still he put up a smile, “Since when do you give me compliments?” he said trying to ruffle her hair.

 “I swear to god Lance, I _will_ throw you out the airlock!” she threatened dodging his hand.

 Lance went back to examining the hand cuff; it almost looked like a normal bracelet, white and blue like everything else on the castle, “Are you sure it works?”

 Pidge scoffed, “Of course it _works,_ remember who you're talking to.”

 “I know, I just ... we can't take any chances,” Lotor was too dangerous to be underestimated. Specially since this all was Lance’s idea, he had to be sure nothing would go wrong.

 “It works perfectly. I checked everything like 10 times, so don't worry.” she said.

 Lance still stared at the thing.

 “Hey, I worked too hard on that thing for you to give up now,” she squinted.

 Lance hummed in agreement, he wasn't gonna bail now. He already had set his mind on it, recessing all the pros and cons days before bringing the idea up. And He might be a lot of things, but he was no _quitter._ “Thanks, Pidge.”

 Pidge let out a breath, “Your whimsy ass better not back out on me, McClain.” she poited her finger threateningly at him.

 “Nah,” Lance reassured, “and my ass is not _whimsey.”_  

 Pidge smirked and Lance feared what she was gonna say, “Oh, we'll let Keith be the judge of that.” 

  _“Pidge!”_  

 

 Lance had a quick talk with Coran and Allura,. Much to Allura's displeasure, Coran told him which room he'd readied for Lotor: the one next to Lance’s. _Come on, seriously?!_ Just because it was his idea, did not mean he wanted Lotor to be that close to him. Also it meant Lotor was just two rooms from Keith and that was just asking for conflict. Though one look at Allura's face and he decided he wasn't gonna object, she looked like she would cancel this whole thing if a word came out of him. Really, how Keith had convinced her in the first place was beyond Lance.

  _Alright then_ , here came the hard part. Box in hand, he went in the room. The utter surprised look on Lotor's face as Lance explained everything to him was quite funny. _Take that prince 'I'll predict your every move and word before you even think of them.'_ Lance had to remind himself that he was doing this to help Lotor, and he should try not to grin too much Lotor's dumbstruck reaction.

 He closed the tracking cuff on Lotor's right arm, before opening the hand cuffs that enclosed his hands to the chair. Lotor moved his hands freely, looking at Lance, “I truly can not believe you were willing to do this, let alone convince the others.”

 “Yeah actually, you have Keith to thank for that part,” Lance said, a bit in guard. He expected Lotor to attack at any moment, even though it made no sense for him to do so.

“Somehow I doubt it was him,” Lotor gave him a knowing look.

 Lance ignored it, “Your freedom doesn't come without an expense, there is something you'll need to do for me in exchange.” _Alright,_ so maybe he went a little dramatic about it but nevertheless he was serious. Lotor would have to do this.

 Lotor just looked at him, tilting his head as if _reading_ him until he eventually gestured for Lance to go on.

 “Apologize to everyone.”

 Lotor stared at him, it took him a while to find his voice. Clearly he hadn't expected that, “Apologize? For what?”

 _Seriously?_ Lance raised an eyebrow, “I don't know; how about for being an absolute _dick_ to them?”

 “But I haven't done that in—”

 “In a while, I know,” Lance interrupted him, “but you _did_ do it in the first place and you shouldn't have. You crissed a line with them, attacking their fears. No one likes to be treated that way. Would you?”

 Lotor hummed, “In that case, I'm sorry.”

“What ... No, I meant the _others,”_ Lance explained.

 “But I did treat you the worst, so I suppose you're the one who I should apologise the most,” Lotor countered, smiling.

 Except that in Lance’s case, the things Lotor had said were just the truth.

Lance stood up, pointing for Lotor to follow him. He did stop the man at the door, “One last thing,” he looked right at the yellow eyes he both feared and pitied, “ _don't_ make me regret this.”

 

 Lance gave him a quick tour around the castle. Lotor wasn't allowed to go into most of the rooms without someone else giving him authorization on their tablet, so it would signal it to the cuff: training room, hangers, armory, any of the others' rooms. Really the only places he _was_ allowed, was the lounge, hallways, kitchen and his room.

 Lance showed him to his room, Lotor took a quick look inside and then turned to Lance’s room, “Whose room is that?”

 _Of course,_ leave it to Lotor to know the room was occupant with one look. Lance sighed, “Mine.”

 “Oh, may I take a look?” Lotor asked.

 _No, you may not ..._ _Deep breaths, Lance, you're trying to be friendly,_ he nodded, tapping on his tablet quickly allowing Lotor to enter his room.

 Lotor took a look around, “It looks very ... _you,”_ he stood in front of Lance’s family picture. It had taken a lot work from Hunk and Pidge, and a lot of Lance begging them to do it to take the image from the melding head bands and print it.

 “Ah, your family,” Lotor said.

 Lance took the frame out of his hand angrily, “Don't _touch_ that!” he still remembered what Lotor had done that first day.

 Lotor held his hands up in peace, “I apologize, I meant no offence.”

Lance sighed, _come on Lance you're supposed to be giving him a chance, not yelling at him._ putting the photo down on the small desk, “come on,” he pointed to the door.

 Lotor stopped at the door next to Lance’s, “I'm assuming this is the red paladin’s room,” it really wasn't stated as a question and Lance had long gone given up on how Lotor knew things he shouldn't. He was the most intuitive person Lance knew. Some days he even felt like Lotor could read his mind. The option still wasn't completely out of the question.

 The door opened suddenly with a whoosh Keith walking out, stopping when he noticed them.

 “Hey mullet,” Lance automatically smiled, Keith did not return it, eyes passing over him and staying on Lotor. He frowned, turning and walking away without a word.

 Lance sighed. Lotor, however, chuckled, “He really does not like me.”

_You have no idea._

 By the time they were done with the tour, it was time for lunch. As much as Lance dreaded putting Lotor and everyone in the same room, it was the fastest way to break ice.  
As it turned out: it was _not._ In fact, if anything it was creating icicles big enough to blow a hole in the Voltron. Nobody said a word for the first 10 minutes. It was, by far the most awkward meal they've had. Until Lotor cleared his throat, “I would like to say something.”

 He stood up from his seat, “I'd like to officially apologize from all of you, for the things I've said to each of you. It's been noted to me,” he made a quick look at Lance, “that I've been cruel and mean. I'm sorry for hurting you with my words. If possible I would like to make it up to all of you. And if not, I'm still sorry.”

 Once Lotor sat down, everyone stared. But not at him; at Lance. Lance almost shrank back at everyone's gaze on him.

 “Dude, _what the hell?!”_ Matt asked looking at him with wide eyes.

“Um, what?” Lance raised his shoulder, still unsure of why everyone where looking at him like that.

 “That settles it: you're a _galra whisperer,”_ Matt said.

 “I'm not a ... galra whisperer,” Lance furrowed his eyebrows, “what does that even mean?”

 Matt answered, “Uh, You so very clearly _are._ I mean first it was Keith; this guy used to have a stick so far up his ass, you could actually see it from his throat. I can count the times I saw him laughing in garrison on one hand, And you make him fucking _giggling_ at things and actually fucking sociable. then you made best friends with _Kolivan,_ I mean that man even had a more of a stick up his ass and yet I swear I heard him use a meme the last time he was here. and now _this?!_ you just made the meanest most assholish person I've ever met apologize to us. you're a fucking galra whisperer.”

 Lance felt everyone else nodding with him. “That's ridiculous, I'm not a galra whisperer,” he grinned, “if anything I'm a people whisperer.”

“Yeah _right,”_ Pidge said pointing her eyebrows in a not-so-subtle way at Keith.

 “Shut up, that's different,” he quickly said. “but I _am.”_

She still looked at him with mockery and disbelief. Lance squinted at her, before a light bulb went off in his head, he turned to Matt, “Come on Matt, tell us how much Pidge is attached to her headphones.”

“Are you kidding me? she would chop my hands off if I do as much as _look_ at them. there's no way I'm talking about them,” Matt answered looking absolutely horrified of his little sister. Which everyone _should_ be.

 Lance smirked self satisfyingly, “Well, I've been using them almost every night now.”

 _“WHAT?!”_ Matt questioned sounding betrayed.

 Pidge shrugged, “What? he kept complaining about all the others I made him, till I did.”

Lance arched his eyebrows up, “ Exactly.”

 Pidge stared at him for few seconds, clearly realizing the tactic Lance had used, “Oh, I _see_ what you did, you little shit.”

 Before Lance could open his mouth, there was a spoonful amount of goo on his face.

 “Oh, sweet gooey revenge—”

 Lance did not let her finish before retaliating with throwing goo at her, “Oh, it is _so_ on.”

 Soon everyone were throwing food at each other. Everyone but Keith and Lotor. The first time some goo hit Lotor, it had been an accident. Everyone grew silent, as the former prince cleaned the part of his hair that had been, well _goo-ed,_ with a napkin in a very elegant way. Once he was done he flashed a toothy grin at Shiro, “Really black paladin, you can't just ruin the hair I spend so much time caring for and _not_ expect me to retaliate.” He said and threw a spoonful of goo at Shiro, aiming at man's hair. Everyone just stared at Shiro's little white floof that now was green and burst into laughter.

 A few minutes later even Lotor was covered in goo. _Yeah,_ this had been a good idea for breaking ice.

 Well expect for Keith, who was sitting on his chair, intact, and clear from a single bit of goo. Nobody seemed to even dare aim at him with that scowl and the horrible aura of ‘ _don't even think about it’_  he had going on. And he was glaring at Lotor in a way that if looks could kill, Lotor would be burning in hell right now.

 Lance nudged his side, “Keith, it's a food fight. _No one_ can pass a food fight,” he said, trying to shield himself with a plate from Matt's attack.

 Keith didn't answer him, he just continued glaring at Lotor, his jaw set and arms crossed.

“Keith, _come on._ You agreed to this, you kinda made it happen.” Lance said.

 Keith sighed, pausing his glare at Lotor to give Lance an upset look,  _“For you,_ but I never said I was gonna _like_ it.”

 “Keith—”

 “No Lance, I'm not letting my guard down around him.”

 Lance stared at him while he stood up from his seat and left the kitchen. Lance sighed, rubbing his eyes. At least Keith hadn't broke into a fight with Lotor. That was still a plus.

 

 

 Lance sighed tapping his finger on the tablet. It's been around a month since they've let Lotor out of the cell. Lotor's relationship with almost everyone had improved, he helped Hunk in the kitchen, helped Coran with the castle. Shared ideas with Matt and Pidge for their projects, he even had managed to make Allura tolerate him.

 What worried Lance though, was even if Lotor had managed to open his way to the team, had the opposite happened too? Lance had no way of knowing whether they had found their way into Lotor too. And that was the whole point of doing this.

 And then there was Keith, who was always scowling, seriously Lance was worried it was gonna stay on his face forever. He had tried untangling Keith's eyebrows a few times but Keith always yanked his hand away, not ungently and frowned even more. Lance tried to not take it personally, it was meant for Lotor.

 Lance hated, hated how closed off and on guard Keith was being. And worse he seemed to be only acting like that with Lance. Lance had worked so hard to get into those wall Keith had around him. Nothing, _nothing_ was worth losing that progress.

 He sighed returning his attention back to the digital map on the tablet. Lance tried to keep an eye on Lotor at all times, just to be safe. But _come on,_ he couldn't check on the man 24/7, so he did check the tracker quite often instead. Lotor had never went to any of the places he weren't supposed to or had done anything to activate the shocker. He mostly just took the route he was supposed to.

 But based on his tracker feed he seemed to keep going to these 4 empty rooms, which were placed on the same level, on each of the 4 towers of the castle ship.

_Well, that's not suspicious at all._

 He picked up the tablet, going to see Pidge. Lance knocked on the door of the room which Pidge called her ‘ _work shop_ ,’ pushing it open, “Got a second, Pidgeon?”

 “Not for _that_ nickname,” she glared at him, “this better be important or I'm making Hunk spit in every meal he'll ever make for you from now on.”

 “Come on, Hunk would never offend the sanctity of his food like that.” Lance said walking in.

Pidge squinted at him, “He _would_ if I threatened him.”

 “Fair enough,” Lance admitted. _okay then,_ the stakes were high. He explained the situation to Pidge.

 Pidge nodded reviewing the tracker feed, “So you wanna check the rooms out?” she asked.

 “No, I've checked them out on myself, they're just empty rooms”

 “Then why—”

 “Because I want _you_ to help me check them again,” Lance cut in, “maybe there’s something I didn't see or notice.” _or I was too dumb to notice_.

 “Why me, though?” Pidge asked with a sly smile.

 Lance squinted at her, “Pidge, you fishing for compliments or something?! literally everyone knows you're the brain here, and probably the smartest person in the universe.”

 Pidge who looked satisfied with the answer closed her laptop, getting up from the seat, _“Alright,_ you can stop kissing my ass. I'll help.”   

 “Let's go see if Lotor's trying to murder us all,” She clearly joked, pointing him to start walking, “and really you should keep all your ass-kissing strictly exclusive to Keith,” she teased.

 He shoved her shoulder slightly, feeling his face getting red, “Shut up.”

 

 Lance let out a frustrated sigh as they walked out of the last room; Pidge hadn't found anything either. “This doesn't make sense; why does he keep coming here?”

 “Maybe he just likes it here,” Pidge shrugged, “we all have places we go when we want to be alone.”

 “But not places that are symmetrically placed all across the castle, on the same floor,” he mocked.

 “Maybe it's his favourite longitude,” she mused, making him feel more frustrated,

 “Why aren't you finding this suspicious? you're supposed to be suspicious. You're the _curious_ one!” he asked.

 Pidge pushed up her glasses on her nose, “I _am_ the curious one, and I like to dig, but when there's _something_ to find. and There's nothing to find here,” she pointed to the room they were now a hallway away, “there's literally,  _literally,_ nothing there. There isn't even furniture there, Lance. unless he's planning on changing his room, I don't see how this is threatening.”

 Lance sighed, taking his steps with a little too much force. Pidge looked up at him, tilting her head, “What's with the paranoia? I didn't know you were keeping this close tabs on him. I thought you trusted him.”

 Everyone for some reason _did_ think that. It wasn't Lance’s fault that even now that Lotor could spend his time with others or alone, he still seemed persistent on spending most of his time with Lance. If anything Lance just wanted a day off.

 “I trust him as far as I can throw him,” Lance said, “and let's face it: I'm no Keith.”

 Pidge seemed to take this as a getaway to change the subject, “Speaking of Keith—” 

“Were we? I'm pretty sure we weren't.” 

“—when are you going for the big D?”

 Lance almost choked on his breath, _“What?!”_ he squeaked.

 “What?” Pidge said before making a face at him, _“ew,_ I meant the big date, not whatever perverted thing you thought!”

  _She says that like she isn't the one who's been implying that a thousand times a day!_ Lance tried to ignore his heated cheeks, “The big date?” he asked.

 “Yeah, you know; _the big date,_ when you're gonna tell him you _looove_ him, ask him out. all that jazz,” Pidge wiggled her brows.

 _Okay then,_ the return of the heated cheeks, “Okay a) you don't just drop an _I love you_ bomb on someone, that just freaks them out, and if that someone is _Keith,_ it'll probably cause him to run away to another universe or something,” he joked making Pidge laugh, but his mood take a down turn, his shoulders slumped down, “and b) I ... I don't know if I _should.”_

 “What? Why _not?_ You better not chicken out on me now, Lance. I have money betted on you being the one who confesses first,” Pidge poked his side, clearly trying to help his mood, it did not work but he did muster a smile for her sake.

 “I just ... it doesn't feel like the right time. I mean you've _seen_ the way he's been treating me.” He admitted, biting his lips.

“Oh _please,_ he's just throwing a tantrum. It'll wear off. He'll get over it,” she smiled at him.

 

 Keith did _not,_ in fact, get over it. If anything he got worse.

 It was a week after that, Lotor had been bugging Lance for the last few days, saying that he wanted to train, that he couldn’t risk getting out of shape, until Lance got fed up and agreed to let him use the training room while he was there. Though he made sure there weren't any real weapons there before letting Lotor in.

 And _of_ _course_ Lotor wanted to spar with him, and _of course_ he wouldn't take no for an answer; which is how Lance kept ending up on his back in less than a minute with a training sword pointing to his neck and a grinning Lotor standing in front of him for the fifth time in a row, “Admit it; I'm a better fighter than you.”

 Lance rolled his eyes, “You literally have 10,000 years worth of experience in fighting, and I'm more of a shooter? so _yeah_ of course you're a better fighter. Did you really needed to fight me to know that?!”

 The former prince just laughed and began to offer his hand ...

 “ _Get that sword away from him!_ ”

 A literal growl made them both turn to look at the training room's entrance where Keith was walking, _running_ in with his BoM blade activated.

 Lance looked at his and Lotor's position; Lance sitting on his ass on the floor, Lotor pointing the sword to him, of course Keith had imagined the worse. Lance got to his feet immediately, before Keith would start slicing Lotor, _“Whoa,_ Keith calm down. He-he wasn't attacking me.”

 Keith yanked the hand Lance was trying to put on his chest to calm him down away, “He had a sword to your neck!”

 “A training sword,” Lotor offered showing the handle of the sword.

 “He's not allowed in here,” Keith insisted, sending daggers at Lotor, the blade still activated in his hand.

“I let him in, we're ... training,” Lance said.

 Keith's eyes moved back to him, it took him some time to digest tge words, “You're _training._ _You're training?!”_

 Lance gasped as the daggers in Keith's eyes were now directed at him.

Keith scoffed, _“Of-fucking-course_ you are,” he shook his head, turning and leaving without another word.

 _Okay,_ obviously he'd taken offence in that. Lance went after him, “Keith, wait!”

 Keith did not stop or slow down. “Keith, come on,” it was a hallway away when he finally managed to get a hold of Keith's arm stopping him.

 Keith shook his arm out of Lance’s hold. “You know I fucking had to _beg_ you for you to even consider training with me, and all he has to do is ask and you'll do it. Even though you know how dangerous it it! he could've _killed_ you!”

 “It was a training sword Keith, and he's been on my nerves for days about this; I didn't _just_ agree to it. And the guy hasn't trained in months, so I let him,” Lance tried to explain.

 “I mean I did made him tell me what shampoo he uses in return,” he tried to go for the humour angle.

 Keith didn't look like he was in the mood, he frowned even more, “You don't even _like_ sparing! And yet you were, _with him,”_ Keith said glaring at the training room.

 _It's not like I wanted to._ Lance said in his head but looked at Keith's expression, there was something Lance couldn't decipher, “Why is this such a big deal?”

 Keith's glare was back, “Why is this such a big deal?!” he gritted his teeth, huffing, “he's not fucking _Zuko,_ Lance! He's not gonna just change, people don't just ... are you fucking _laughing?”_

 “I'm sorry, I'm _sorry.”_ Lance held his hands up in peace, unable to hold in his laugh, “I'm just surprised you even know who Zuko is.”

 “I didn't live under a fucking rock, Lance,” Keith said looking very much  _not_ amused.

 “But you lived in a shack, in the middle of a desert; that's about as close as it comes.” Lance teased.

“Whatever,” Keith shook his head, “why do I even try? You're too busy playing bestie with him.”

“Keith, come on,” Lance called but Keith had already left. He sighed.

 

 Things took a turn for worse after that; Keith started to get into fights all the time, unfortunately not with Lotor, but with Lance. Lance tried to stop them as much as he could, Keith still kept picking fights with him.

 It was a few weeks later everyone but Coran, who was busy working on a part of castle, and Keith, which Lance had sent Hunk to go fetch because he was too afraid Keith wouldn't come if _he_ asked, were in the lounge.

 Hunk came back, a crossed armed and _of course_ frowning Keith followed him, “What's going on?”

 “We're having a game night,” Hunk said.

 “Why?” Keith asked.

 Matt pointed at Lance, squinting, “Because Lance is forcing us.”

 Lance shrugged, “What? we haven't had one since Lotor arrived, plus I'm _so fucking bored.”_ he ignored Shiro's ‘ _language._ ’

 Keith took a look at him, “I think I'll pass.” 

 Before Lance had a chance to feel disappointed, Pidge jumped up from her seat, “Get your ass back in here, Kogane, or I swear you _will_ regret it for a _very_ long time,” she threatened in a tone that showed exactly how serious she was. Lance thanked any god there was that even Keith seemed to be afraid of her. He came back. Lance sent a grateful look to Pidge, and tried not to feel hurt when Keith didn't take his usual place next to him, and instead sat down at the farthest corner of the room from him.

 Through the night Lance tried to avoid team-up games as much as he could. Considering Matt and Shiro, and Pidge and Hunk, always paired up and neither Keith nor Allura would tolerate being in the same team as Lotor, Lance would have to.

 Surprisingly he successfully managed to do that, apart from a few games here and there. But he made sure the altean board game wasn't in sight, that was a total different story; there was no way in hell he would _ever_ pair up with anyone but Keith in that.

 Of course the universe, once again, had to prove it had it in for him; Lotor got a glimpse of the game, reaching for it and taking it out from under the pile of games, “We should play this one. it's one of my favourites.”

 No one had a chance before Keith scoffed, “Of course it is. You know, it's one of Lance’s favourites, too,” there was something in Keith's voice that Lance didn't like.

 “I don't think I'm really in the mood for it,” Lance said.

 “Why not? you _love_ playing this game,” Keith said looking at him. 

  _With you, I love playing this game with you_. Lance answered in his head but outside; “I don't want to play it right now.”

 “Why? you have your partner, right? we might as well play it,” Keith was smirking but it wasn't his usual playful one, it was rather angry and almost unkind. _That's not like him._

 “Keith ... _don't,”_ Lance said.

 Keith raised an eyebrow, “Don't _what?_ What's the matter?!”

 “I don't want to play it with _him,”_ Lance said the last part quietly, trying not to offend Lotor.

 “Why not?! you sure as hell didn't have a problem playing with him up until this point!”

 Lance tried to keep his cool, “This is different, and you _know_ it.”

 “I can team with Lotor if—”

 Allura began to say.  _wow,_ they must really sound bad if Allura was willing to team with Lotor to stop this, both of them interrupted her at the same time, “Stay out of it!”

 Keith's eyes roamed back to Lance, “Actually I _don't_ know, so enlighten me: how's it any different?” Keith's smirk was outright cruel now, and Lance hated it. He hated how Keith was acting, how unlike himself he was being.

 “It's _our_ game okay?! I don't want to play it with anyone else,” Lance said sounding exactly as vulnerable as he felt.

 “I _really_ don't mind teaming with Lotor—”

 Princess once again got interrupted, this time only by Keith though.

 “No need, I don't think I want to team up with Lance. It's not like we made a good team, anyway.”

 Lance gasped in. He knew he'd denied the bonding moment but that was almost three years ago, after all this, all they've been through together. It hurt to hear Keith say that, even if it was in a moment of anger because he knew Keith remebered it just as well as he did which meant Keith was aiming for it to hurt. Lance just stared at Keith as he left the room, trying to hold back the tears that were swelling up in his eyes. “You're definitely the asshole!” he yelled after him.

 

 Keith kept fighting him and Lance tried not to fight back, not to say anything. But Keith had a way of goading him into it. He just wanted this to stop. Honestly, at this point he'd stopped thinking the fights were about Lotor anymore.

 They were all hanging in the lounge. Lance was trying to work on his tablet, but Keith's communication device kept buzzing and distracting him, “You seem to get a lot of notification from the blade,” he eventually pointed out.

 It wasn't an accusation but Keith seemed to take it as one, he scowled, “And that's your business _how?”_

 “Well, you're not even on a mission so you're really important, huh?” he was honestly trying to give a compliment, to lower the tension radiating from Keith.

 Unfortunately that's when Lotor looked up from the book he was reading, “Unless he _is_ on a mission.”

 “What, no, he's—”

 Lance stopped as he saw the look Keith was giving Lotor, “—not, _right?”_

 “That's my business,” Keith said.

 “It's to keep an eye on me, isn't it? your so called _business,”_ Lotor asked, but not really, it was clear that he was stating a fact.

 The way Keith glared at Lotor was all the confirmation they needed.

 “Why didn't you tell us?” _Why didn't you tell me?_

 Keith locked eyes with him, “You're not part of the blade, why should I have?”

 Lance couldn't help feeling hurt; Not only Keith hadn't told him about it. He'd said he wasn't on a mission. It wasn't really lying though, right? the blade was secretive, and Lance wasn't one of them. Yet, that never had stopped Keith from telling Lance things before.

 

 A few weeks passed, Lotor wasn't that bad to be around, and thankfully he'd stopped being on Lance’s case all the time, sometimes talking to Shiro and Allura.  
Which meant Lance had more free time, and for once that wasn't welcomed; all he could think about was Keith and how he was acting.

 Keith started fights with him over every little thing. There weren't even real fights, just petty fights. And Lance had tried apologising a few times, wanting this to just be over, to have Keith back but Keith hadn't returned the apologies.

 It was about three months after they'd let Lotor free in the castle. after a rather severe fight with Keith, Lance was, _well sulking_ in the hanger when Hunk joined him.

 “You okay, buddy?” Hunk asked sitting on the floor next to him

“No Hunk, I'm not,” he wasn't for so many reasons. But right now it was only the Keith related ones that he wanted to talk about now, “He's mad at me and I don't even know _why_ he's mad at me.”

 “Lance, He's not mad at you—”

 Hunk began, but Lance interrupted him, “But he _is._  He's _so_ mad at _me ... all_ the time. I _hate_ it, he can't even _look_ at me without starting a fight,” his voice came out too small, and he hugged his knees trying to hide how small he felt. He just wanted to have Keith there, so he could rest his head on his shoulder while Keith comforted him.

 Not that there was anything wrong with Hunk comforting him. Hunk was his best friend, had been for so many years and he was a kind, squishy cinnamon roll. But Lance just wanted Keith. Why did the asshole have to go and act this way? Lance wanted him to say what Lance'd done wrong, so Lance could apologize and make up for it, he wanted Keith to apologize, too.

 “I thought we were past _this,_ I really thought we were getting somewhere and now ...” Lance sighed, “When I mess things up, I usually know where I fucked up, Hunk, but I don't even know whet is it I did that pissed him off _this_ bad.”

 “Lance, you didn't mess things up,” Hunk tried to reassure him.

 “Yes, I _did,_ I clearly did something wrong, I just don't know what,” Lance said hiding his face between his arms. He felt red tughing at his mind trying to comfort him.

 Hunk put his hand on his back, in a comforting way, “Lance, oh man okay, I really don't wanna share things about Keith. But there's just no way I'm letting you blame this on yourself. He's been acting like this because he's ... jealous.”

  _What?!_ Lance looked up from his arms, “What?”

 “He's jealous,” Hunk repeated.

 Now, you see if it'd been anyone but Hunk, he'd have thought it was a joke, but it was Hunk; he would never joke around when Lance was this upset. “Hunk, that's ridiculous, what does he have to be jealous of?” why would anyone be jealous of Lance?

“I don't mean _of_ you, he's jealous ... of Lotor,” Hunk cleared. actually he didn't clear anything, that even sounded more confusing to Lance.

Maybe the joking wasn’t _that_ out of question, “You clearly had too much dinner.”

 Hunk laughed, “Dude, come on, it's _so_ obvious.”

 It was not, “Why would he be jealous of Lotor?!” Lance questioned.

“I think, well, with all the time you and Lotor have been spending. I think Keith's assuming you're more than, uh, friends,” Hunk explained.

 “More than ...,” Lance trailed off when he realised what Hunk meant.

  _Ew!_  “Ew ... ew ew ew ew, _ew. Never,”_ Even if Lance wasn't head over heels in love with Keith, he still wouldn't even consider Lotor. “ _Ugh,_ not in a million years!” he shuddered making a face. No offence to Lotor, Lance was trying to help him after all, and he considered him a weird friend that creeped the hell out of Lance. But, _“no,_ just _no.”_ he clarified.

 “Dude, I'm not saying it's true. I'm just saying that's what _Keith_ seems to think,” Hunk said holding his hands up.

 “That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! why would Keith ever think that? it doesn't make any sense!” Lance exclaimed, because what the hell?! why would anyone ever think that?

 Hunk smiled, “Yeah but love doesn't steer by logic,” he said shrugging.

 Lance blinked at him, “But Keith isn't in love with me.” _F_ _uck,_ who knew it hurt so much to admit something you already knew out loud. Lance couldn't help his face from turning to a hurt expression.

 Hunk rolled his eyes, “Yeah _okay,_ buddy if you say so,” he said in a mocking tone, but as he saw Lance’s lack of response he continued, “look even if he's not. we can both agree that he at least likes you, right?”

 Lance did think that Keith did, at least before this shit show began. “I guess.”

 “So it is possible that he's jealous, right?” Hunk asked.

 “I mean,  _yeah,”_ Lance’s voice trailed off as he started thinking back on how Keith had acted and the things he'd said. And it wasn't just a possibility anymore, “Oh my god, he's _jealous!”_ a laugh escaped him, “he's _totally_ jealous.”

 “Wow, it really surprises me how you can go from being on verge of tears to grinning like a maniac in 2 seconds,” Hunk said, shaking his head.

 “He's been such an _ass_ about it, but he's just jealous, that's ... kinda cute,” Lance admitted.

 Hunk countered, “Well, you certainly didn't think he was cute when he was yelling at you 5 minutes ago.”

“Okay, but _now,”_ Lance shook Hunk's arm, “I know why he's been acting like that, and it's not because he hates me.” Now that he actually knew the problem, they could fix it.

 “Thanks, Hunk,” he smiled.

 “Aw, come here, buddy” Hunk said enveloping him in a bear hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Pokes keith, handing him a note:  
> You're so in love with lance, stop being an asshole and just go kiss him!
> 
> There's only two, (maybe three?!) Chapters left, I'll probably post them before the next week finishes.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for 200 kudos! :)))
> 
> I feel like I need to point this out; unlike the other chapters, this chapter keeps going from Keith's Pov to lance’s pov.

 It was around lunch that Keith was done with his trainings, so he decided to head for the kitchen. Everyone else were already in there. of course, Keith's eyes immediately went to Lance, they _always_ did. And yet he didn't like the sight he was greeted with; Lotor, who's sitting next to Lance _as usual,_ was handing him a plate, Lance thanking him, and smiling at him brightly. And then Lotor said something funny, and Lance laughed, _at him._ Keith gritted his teeth, feeling anger flare up in him.

 He walked up to them, “You're sitting in my seat,” he told Lance.

 “Keith!” Lance jumped up for a second, “Your seat?” he asked.

“Yes”  
Lance raised his eyebrow, “Keith we don't even _have_ seats, we just randomly sit. and There's like 10 extra seat at this table,” Lance said pointing to the big dinning table.

 But Keith wasn't in the mood for reason, “And yet, you’re in my seat.”

 Lance stared at him for a second before saying, “Fine,” and moving to the empty seat next to him. That wasn't what Keith wanted, he wanted Lance to answer back.  
“Now you're in Shiro's seat,” he said.

 Lance dropped his spoon to his food bowl with a thud, “Come on, I don’t think Shiro has sat here in at least a _year.”_

 “It's still _his_ seat,” Keith insisted.

 “you know what?” Lance said picking his bowl, standing from the sat, and sitting on the ground. “there, now I'm in nobody's seat.”

 “You're in the way,” Keith pointed out.

 Lance huffed, “What do you care? you're about to seat down.”

 “guys, that's enough,” Shiro said, neither of them paying attention to him.

 “You're preventing transit,” Keith crossed his arms looking at Lance.

 Lance snorted in a not so laughing way, “the transit of what? The air? Or your too much of denial to admit what your real problem is?”

 Keith ignored the comment, because he himself didn't know what his problem was, “Someone could trip and fall.”

 “Who? everybody's already sitting at the table!” Lance pointed at everyone, which Keith was fully aware were watching them.  
Keith tried to think of a comeback, Lance’s expression turned soft, his tone gentling, “Keith, can we not? I just want to have a peaceful meal, _please.”_

 Keith didn't like his tone, it made him feel guilty for some reason, so he answered before he would have time to think about it, “Can we not _what?”_

 _“Fight,_ I know you're trying to pick one with me. I'm not,” Lance said looking up at him.

 “I'm not trying to pick a fight,” he _was._

 “Okay you're right, can we eat now?” Lance said in a way that one would agree to a stubborn child.

 Keith scowled, “Don't _you're right_ me, I'm not trying to pick a fight!”

 Lance Stood up, pinching his nose, laughing a frustrated laugh, “Keith, you're literally trying to pick a fight with me over not trying to pick a fight with me.”

 “I am not,” he stubbornly said.

 Lance’s face turned gentle, he took a step forward lowering his voice, as if to make the moment private, even if everyone in the room could hear them, “Keith, just stop, okay? I don't wanna fight.”

 Keith opened his mouth but Lance held up his finger, “Just let me finish; I'm tired of fighting, can't you just... _please_ can't you just tell me what's really bothering you, so we can move past all this and go back to how we were?”

 Lance continued immediately, “actually I don't want to go back to where we were, I just wanna skip over all this get to the good stuff.”

 Lance was sounding too gentle and too fond, and Keith was too angry, “What are you even talking about?!”

 Lance sighed, “fine, you need more time? I've got all the time in the world, take as much as you need.” He said, giving him a knowing look, which wasn't fair Keith really didn't know what he was on about.   
Keith stared at him as he left the room.

 “Keith, you're not that dense, why do you keep acting like you are?” pidge asked him.

 “that's _it!_ I've had it with you!” Matt said getting up from his seat.

 “Matt...” Shiro began but Matt interrupted him, “No, Shiro. don't _Matt_ me, it's time for an intervention and it's time for it _right now!”_

 “I'm actually with him on this,” Hunk said standing up.

 “What the...” Keith asked as each of them took one of his arms, dragging him out of the kitchen.

 Keith tried getting out of their hold, “I can walk on my own.”

 Matt and Hunk let go of him, Matt held a threatening finger to his face, “Fine, but don't even _think_ about weaselling out of this.”

 “Out of what, exactly?” his question was ignored by the pair.

 “we gotta find someplace Lance won't walk in, I mean I doubt he'll leave his room for the next few hours,” Hunk paused glaring at him, Keith tried to act like he hadn't seen it. “but still,” Hunk continued.

 “Training room?” Matt suggested. Hunk nodded, “Yup.”

 “Are you sure? he might show up there with Lotor?” Keith said feeling so bitter.

 Matt gave him a disappointed look, “Can you not give us sarcastic comments, when we're trying to give you an intervention on the very same matter?!”

 “You can blow some steam off, if you want.” Hunk offered as they walked in the training room. Keith tried not to think about how Hunk knew he was angry. _I don't know how about the way you treated Lance just a few minutes ago._ H _e_  shut his brain off. “I'm fine, so how about you get this over with,” he said crossing his arms.

 “Sit down,” Matt said. At Keith's lack of listening he put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a slight push downward, _“Sit down,_  Keith,” he said in a serious tone.  
Keith huffed sitting down, both of them sitting in front of him.

 “You're being an asshole to him, Keith, and I know you guys have this weird thing of calling each other asshole in a fond way. But you're just being an absolute grade A asshole to him.” Matt said.  
  
 Hunk stopped Matt, “uh, maybe I should do this?” Matt gestured for him to go on.

 “You know Lance once broke his collarbone, actually _he_ didn't. it was my fault; we were skating and I pushed him, joking. I didn't see he was standing on the ledge, I didn't mean for him to fall but he did...”

 Keith rolled his eyes cutting in, “Is there a point to this?”

 “Yes,” Hunk said, “I honest to god thought he was dead; falling from that far. but he just got up playing it as nothing, _as usual._ I didn't even notice something was wrong until hours later, when I tried to grab for his shoulder and he cried in pain.”

 Keith got up, “I don't have time for this.”

  _“Sit back down,_ I _have_ a point.” Hunk said looking at him harsher than he ever had. Keith complied.

 “I cried the whole way to the hospital, telling him I was sorry, and he kept saying how it was nothing and it didn't even hurt. even the nurses were surprised at him. he had to get a surgery the _next_ day.” Hunk stopped, looking at him expectantly.

 “I, still don't get the point?” Keith asked.

“Keith, clavicles are one of the most painful bones to break. He must've been in massive pain, But he wouldn't say anything because he didn't wanted to upset _me._ My point is that when he cares about someone, he won't tell them if they're hurting him.”

 “That's my problem, Lotor is hu...” Keith began but stopped when Matt flicked his temple, "ouch, what the?"

 “You idiot we're not talking about Lotor, we're talking about _you.”_

 “What?” Keith questioned.

 “Lotor isn't the one who's hurting him, at least not anymore. _you are,”_ Matt said.

 Keith questioned even more, “What?!”

 “Dude, you pick a fight with him, when he does as much as breathe next to you,” Hunk said.

 “I don't ...”, Matt interrupted him, “Yeah, you _do._ and it's killing him.”

 Keith looked at Matt, “Do you know how much he breaks down after every little fight you have?” Matt asked. “And he's always blaming himself for them, even though _you're_ the one who starts them!”

 Hunk intervened, “I mean not anymore, cause I had this talk with him last night, but still. you know he keeps staying in his room to avoid you, just because he's scared you'll start a fight with him.”

 “He does?” Keith asked voice lowering.

  _“Yes,_ he's always asking me whether you're in the room or not before coming in,” Matt said.

 Keith, did _not,_ infact know all this.

 “I mean I'm this close to shoving you both in the closet, so you can kiss and make up and I would already if I wasn't too worried you would murder him,” Matt half glared at him.

 “I would never ...” _hurt him,_ the words stopped in his mouth because he _had,_ so many times. And from what he just had heard, he'd been for the past weeks. For a second, he wondered why Lance hadn't come to him with all that, before remembering that you can't expect someone to come to you for comfort, when _you'_ re the one hurting them. And yet Lance had apologised to him. oh god, _Lance_ had apologised to _him,_ even when he had nothing to be sorry for. And Keith had walked away everytime, too angry to think.

 “I just... I get _so_ angry everytime I see him with Lotor. I don't even know why but I just really hate that Lotor is always next to him. I _hate_ it,” it wasn't really that he was afraid Lotor would hurt Lance, he just got angry everytime he saw Lotor standing so close to Lance, which was _most_ of the time. He got so upset everytime he saw Lance smile at him. Why did Lance keep spending so much time with him? Why did Lance treated him as a friend? Keith hadn't been able to think about anything else in weeks, which made him frustrated and angry all the time, “Why does lance keep doing it?” he finished.

 “I mean he once told me he pitied him, or something?” Matt offered.

 Keith blinked at him, a memory resurfacing; Lance had told him that, Lance _had told_ him why, “oh my god, he told me that, he _told_ me. how could I forget?” it wasn't even that long since then, only 3 months. Was Keith really that blinded by anger, he'd forgotten about that?

 “Well jealousy _is_ blind,” Hunk offered with a smile.

 “I thought that was love?” Keith questioned.

 “uh...Let's deal with the jealousy part for now”

 Keith frowned but didn't know what Hunk meant by that so he let it go, “what does jealousy have to do with this anyway? I'm not jealous,” his voice trailed off at the end because it actually made sense, it explained why he was so angry. Why he felt so annoyed everytime he saw Lance with Lotor. And he had took it out on Lance, even if Lance had told him why he was being nice to Lotor, Keith bad forgotten, _how could I?_ And he just assumed... what had he assumed? and why did it made him feel so jealous?

 “I mean I had to explain this to Lance, but I can't believe we have to explain this to _yourself,”_ Hunk said.

 “No, you're right. I _am.”_ Keith admitted, “I just... why?” why did it hurt everytime he saw Lance laugh at Lotor, or bitter of Lotor getting to close to him. Actually come to think of it, Lotor did always smirk at Keith before he did something like that.

 “Why what?” Hunk asked.

 “Why am I jealous of Lotor just because ...he gets to spend time with Lance?” Keith questioned, somehow expecting the others to explain what _he_ was feeling to him.

 Hunk just laughed, “Okay, back to the dense part.”

 Matt raised his eyebrows, _“Seriously_ dude? I mean I knew were bad at feelings, but _wow!”_

 Hunk put a hand on Matt's arm, “Matt, I think he's had enough revelations for one day.” He gave Matt a look.

 “Ugh, _fine._ you're as bad as Shiro.” Matt complained. Keith could only watch, confused by the interaction.

 Matt returned his eyes to him, pointing a finger, “You, you're going to give Lance one hell of an apology for being such an ass. and then you know what? you're gonna dress up for the party and give that boy a dance, because _damn it,_ the poor bastard has earned that much  with all the shit you made him go through.” Keith just nodded.

  _“Now!”_ Matt yelled.

 Keith held his hands up, “Jeez, okay I'm going,... I don't think I like your bossy side”

 That made Matt grin, “Fine by me Shiro, sure as hell seems to like it.” _Ew_  
“Tmi Matt, tmi as usual.” Hunk said.

 

 Keith stood outside Lance’s room, staring at the door. Seriously, this was getting ridiculous. How many times can one person mess something up? And this time it hadn't been a spare of the moment thing, he's been doing it, hurting Lance for weeks.

 He knocked on the door, “Lance, do you have a second to talk?”

 There were a few seconds of silence, before he heard footsteps. the door stayed closed, though, “Depends on whether you're gonna be an asshole.” Lance’s voice came through.

 “fair enough I deserve that one,” Keith admitted.

 “Yeah, you _do.”_ The door slid open to reveal a smiling Lance.

 Keith forgot what he was about to say, “Why are you smiling?” he asked, honestly how could he smile at Keith right now?

 “Because you're here to apologise,” Lance said

 “I ... How do you know?” Keith asked, a bit surprised.

 Lance just shrugged, “you don't have that guarded tone in your voice anymore”

 “I...” sometimes he forgot how much Lance knew him.

 “Come on,” Lance gestured him to follow in, sitting on his bed.  
Keith stood in the middle of the room, thinking of where to start.

 “I'm not getting any younger, here.” Lance said looking up at him. _You don't need to,_ seriously what was with that skin? why the hell did it look so soft? Lance was definitely on to something with his skin care routine, _not the time, Keith._

 “So I've been a complete ass to you,” Keith began saying.  
_“True”_  
“And..” Keith lost track of what he was saying by Lance’s interruption, “you don't have to agree so _quickly!”_

 Lance arched an eyebrow, “But it's _true.”_

 Keith sighed, looking down, “Yeah it is, so I'm sorry.” _again_

 “I just ...I don't even have a reason this time. I guess I was just... jealous. I don't even know why, but I couldn't stop feeling angry all the time and I'm sorry that's just such a half ass excuse for fighting with you for weeks but I don't...”

 Keith felt Lance standing up from his bed, but he couldn't bring himself to look at him, “Keith, calm down.”

 “I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for fucking up,  _again._ I'm sorry for hurting you,  _again._ I don't know why I keep doing this, I don't want...” his voice muffled as Lance took him into a hug. As selfish as it was Keith let Lance comfort him. He stood there with his face pushed to Lance’s shoulder, feeling like he was in the middle of the ocean, “I'm sorry,” he whispered, hugging lance back tightly.

 “you know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you're a bit touch starved,” Lance said in teasing voice as he both them both to sit down on the bed, “seriously though, who designed this castle; why isn't there a single chair in our rooms?! Alteans are _weird,_ man.”

 Keith felt a laugh escape him, finally allowing himself to look up at Lance, only to see him smiling, “there we go.” _Stupid Lance,_ trying to make him laugh, even when he was here to apologize.

 Lance let them both settle on the bed. leaning back to the wall, sitting next to each other that theit feet touched, “look I'm not gonna say that you didn't mess up, because you kinda did. the past weeks, they really _really_ sucked, okay?” Lance looked at him, “but the worst part is that I missed you. you were here and I missed you. because you weren't _here.”_

 “I'm sorry,” Keith repeated.

 Lance took his hand in his own, “Stop saying _you're sorry,_ I'm not saying this to make you feel sorry,” he squeezed Keith's hand, as if trying to send the message, “You look like you're doing a fine job of that on your own. I'm trying to say: apology accepted.” Lance smiled at him.

 Keith bumped his shoulder, “I hate you.”  
Lance stared at him, clearly realizing Keith didn't actually mean it, he laughed, “what?! why?”

“why do you have to forgive that easily? can't you just punch me or something?” Keith pouted.

  _“Nah_ that's not really my style,” Lance said once again squeezing Keith's hand.

 Keith stared at their hands, “I hate this.”  
Lance immediately retreated his hand away looking hurt, and _scared?!_

 Keith quickly reached for it, “not _that,”_ he took their conjoined hands to his lap, staring at their interlocked fingers. Friends held hands. It wasn't weird, was it? Even if it was, Keith didn't care. He loved holding Lance’s hand. Lance’s hands were always warm, but not too warm or sweaty, and not cold, just a little bit warmer than Keith's. His fingers were longer than Keith's, and besides from making Keith want to stare at them all the time, they made their hands fit perfectly together.

 “Then what?” Lance asked, lowering his head to take Keith's attention.

 Keith returned his look, “that it's becoming a routine for me to mess up, then come running back apologising.”

 “buddy, do you know how many times I've messed stuff up? _Uncountable_ times” Lance continued jokingly, “and not just because I'm bad at mad.”

 Keith laughed, Lance added, “Keith, you're human it's okay to feel and not know what you're feeling.”

 “Besides, this actually puts us in an equal state,” Lance grinned, _“finally.”_

 Keith sent him a puzzled look, “I was a total jerk to you when we first got here.” Lance explained.

 Keith shrugged, “Not really, I mean it kind of made me feel like I was part of all this.”

  _“Aw,_ that's sweet,” Lance replied, “ but I was.”

“Still that was two? Three? years ago and this?! ...wasn't cool, at all,” Keith said.

 “Hmm, I'm still okay with it. It gives me the advantage of calling you _the asshole,”_ Lance smirked, winking at him. For a moment Keith thought of Matt saying them calling each other asshole was meant to be fond.

 Keith smirked back, “oh yeah? Guess we'll just have to wait for you to do something dicky so I can say it again.”

Lance arched a perfect eyebrow, “Okay, firstlydid you just say _dicky?_ I don't think that's a real word and secondly, I don't think you're gonna have to wait _that_ long.” Keith _did._

 “I'm not getting grammatical lessons from the guy who says shut your quiznack.”

 Lance face-palmed himself laughing, “Oh my god Keith, do you _ever_ let anything go?”

“You _still_ call me _mullet!”_ Keith countered.

 “And you _still_ haven't let it go,” Lance said grinning.

 “Guess we're both too stubborn, huh?” Keith said his voice coming gentler than he intended. “I missed this, I missed you too.” Keith quietly said, still leaning to the wall, he turned his head to the side, resting one side to the wall, facing Lance completely.

 Lance mirrored the action and hummed in agreement, “Let's never have a fight again.”

 Keith laughed, “I don't think that's humanly possible.”

 “Well you're part galra, so it could happen,” Lance offered.

 “I think it's the galra part that's responsible for me acting like this, in the first place,” Keith admitted.

 Lance frowned, “Keith, you being galra, is not a bad thing. It never was and never will be. what you are doesn't really affect on who you are and even if it _did,_ then it's making you amazing.”

 Kith sighed, closing his eyes, “Yeah, I don't feel so amazing right now.” He felt like the embodiment of anger issues.

 He opened his eyes to the feeling of hands oneither side of his face, “Keith you messed up, so _what?!_ get over it. I still think you're amazing, short tempered and more jealous than I initially thought, but _amazing.”_ Lance said smiling at him.

Keith felt his face warm up as Lance moved his hands away, “I still don't know why I felt so jealous though... it's weird.”

 “not really,” Lance looked at him like he knew something Keith didn't, “but I'm giving you as much time as you need on this to figure it out.” He said.

 Keith squinted at him, “you're being weirdly wise and I hate it, 'cause it's making me feel so petty over having a 20 minute fight with you over the remote control yesterday.” He pouted.

 “Well, that _was_ a petty fight.” Lance mused, “But, it makes a funny story to tell to our ch...” Lance suddenly choked on his breath, “ _people,_ in the future.” He continued away.

 “okay?” Keith said.

 Lance looked down, face going red while muttering something like ' _oh god, that was a close call, can't believe I thought of that_.' That really didn't make any sense to Keith, so he didn't think much of it.

 He brushed one his bangs out of his eyes, “So, Matt's kinda forcing me to take you to the party tonight.” He said.

 Lance snorted, “Keith, it's not a prom.”

“what? no, I didn't mean it _that_ way!” Keith felt his face warm up, “Anyway, you don't wanna go, do you? I can tell him you didn't wanna go, right?” he said giving Lance the puppy-dog-eyes he'd learned from pidge, which weirdly always seemed to work on Lance.

 Lance’s expression turned soft, Keith was sure he was gonna accept, then Lance suddenly put his hand on Keith’s eyes, which Keith figured it was so he couldn't see them, _wow, they really work on him, don't they?_ “Na ah ah ah ah, you're not getting out of it _that_ easily, I worked my ass off for this party.” Lance said moving his hand away.

“Why?” Keith questioned.

 “Dude, _seriously?!_ how far up your butt your head has been? I was on party planning duty.” Lance said.

 “wait, so You did all the fancy stuff outside?” Keith asked in amazement. He'd only gotten glimpses of the celebration site outside, it still looked amazing.

Lance shrugged, “Well _yeah,_ Allura dumped all the work on Coran, and he dumped it on me. And let me tell you buddy, parties might be fun, but party planning nope, nada, not even a _little_ fun.”

Well, that really didn't help Keith's case, “so that's a _no_ on me wanting to sneak out of going to the party?”

 Lance gave him a flat face, Keith couldn't help teasing him, “or it's a yes?”

Lance rolled his eyes, laughing, he shoved Keith to get off the bed, “get out of here, I've gotta get ready.”

 “There's like 4 hours left?” Keith questioned, standing up.

Lance, without losing a second, answered, “Perfection takes time.”

 “How would you know?!”

Lance put a hand on his heart, “Okay, _ouch!_ that one hurt.” And as much as he was just being Lance, there was something in his eyes that seemed to agree with Keith and Keith was gonna have none of that, “Don't worry, you _would_ know.”

 Lance smiled at him, eyes looking at him with that too fond look he sometimes, _most of the times,_ gave Keith. The one that Keith really couldn't handle, “alright then, I better go get ready.” he said.

 Lance snickered, “Yeah I'm assuming that mullet of yours takes _for ever_ to ready”

 “More like two minutes,” Keith corrected him, noticing his mistake a second too late. Lance jumped up from the bed, “What?! _No!_ what happened to the shampoo and conditioner I gave you?”

 “uh, It finished months ago?!” Keith said making the best innocent face he could.

 “you could've gotten more from me, or Coran.” Lance countered, both hands on hips.

 “I don't know, it takes too much time.” Keith said.

 “Keith, _no!_ wash it! _Okay?!_ or you're gonna get bald before you're 30, I _will not_ stand for it.” Lance pointed a finger at him, looking like Keith not taking care of his hair was a true offence to him.

Keith held up his hands in surrender, “Alright I will, you happy?!”

 Lance’s face turned playful again, “I don't know, are you gonna use the conditioner too?”

  _“No”,_ Keith told him with a flat face.

 “Well... I guess I'll have to compromise,” Lance shrugged, “See ya, later, mullet” he said as the door closed behind Keith.

 “You _know_ I have a name, right?” Keith called through the closed doors.

 Lance laughed, “Nah, didn't catch it in the last five years, _mullet.”_

“See, now _you're_ being the asshole”, _yeah,_ Matt was right, they did say it fondly.

Well since he wasn't actually gonna start getting ready this soon, he headed for the training room.

 

* * *

  
 Lance looked at the mirror. Since this party was a big thing for coalition, they'd taken over 2/3rd of the empire now, it was all fancy and elegant. Which meant they had to wear fancy clothes too. Coran had been on outfit duty, Lance was truly impressed by his work.

 The outfit looked like it belonged in a fairy tale or a Disney movie, come to think of it, his clothes did look a lot like that costume beast had in the _beauty and the beast,_ with long coat and vest and all that _fancy stuff_ and it was just so soft.

The only problem? it was blue. Apart from the vest and a few parts that were silver or turquoise, everything else was blue. And not like, he had a problem with the color, no he'd always loved blue. It was the color of the ocean, the sky, most of his families eyes. but out here, in space, it meant something else, still he had asked Coran why blue.

 “for blue paladin, of course.” The man had answered.

 Lance had held back the _I'm not the blue paladin_ and the choked sob, because of how excited the man looked.

 Well, he did still wear the blue armour, and Allura was probably gonna wear pink, or her normal clothes, or something so _whatever._  Still looking in the mirror, it felt wrong; like he wasn't supposed to wear it, like he didn't _deserve_ to wear it. _Well you don't._

 Lance tried to distract himself from tge thought, trying to make his hair stay up, but it had gotten too long. He had to take care of that soon, or he'd have to start calling himself _mullet._ The name brought a smile to him, eyes immediately going to the reflection of the red earing in the mirror. He hadn't taken it off since Keith had given it too him.

 With a slight blush he went back to dealing with his hair. _ugh_ why did this planet had to be so humid? his hair was all curly now. Even though he'd spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to straighte it, his hair still seemed to be rather uncooperative today. That was why always he kept it short, he hated that it would get so curly as soon as it got a bit long.

 With a frustrated sigh, he gave up on making it look good and decided to go to the party site, things weren't gonna organize themselves. Plus, this was too important, -there were members from the coalition, the blade, the rebel forces coming- for him to fail; why did Coran put this on him? Lance'd been obsessively going over every little detail for days now, to make sure nothing would go wrong.

 Actually, he had a idea of _why,_ Coran wanted to distract him from all the fights. boy, was Lance glad _that_ was over now.

Thankfully, once the party started, he could finally take a relaxing breath. Though everytime he looked at his clothes, he felt his chest tightening.

 

* * *

 

 Between losing time in training, those five extra minutes of washing his hair, which he entirely blamed Lance for, and figuring out how to put on the outfit Coran had readied, seriously, were all those parts needed?, Keith ended up being an hour late, even before he set foot out of his room. He took one last look in the mirror and tried not to give much thought to the fact that his clothes, save from the black vest and some gold parts here and there, where mostly red. He stared at his hair for a second, deciding to put it in a tie. Really, if he didn't like it at this length, he would cut it; just to see how Lance would react to him not having a, well, mullet. He had a feeling Lance would be traumatized.

 He smiled making his way out of the castle, and to the party. Once he arrived, He stared around with an open mouth, had Lance really managed all this? _how_ had he manage all this? They only had been on this planet for a few days.

 The decorations were sectioned into 6 colours; five colours of Voltron's lions and purple, obviously for the Blade. Even the drinks and deserts seemed to be coloured like that. There were tables dedicated to each of the planets of the coalition. there even was one dedicated to earth.

 _Holy crap,_ it looked absolutely amazing. Remind him to sing some praises to Lance later. _Where's he, anyway?_ It took him only a few seconds to find him, Lance did always shine so _...bright._

 Keith felt like there wasn't any air around him as he laid eyes on Lance, or maybe he'd just forgotten how to breath. Lance was beautiful, Keith always knew that, how could he _not?_ With that sharp angled face and smooth sweet caramel toned skin that screamed classical beauty. The soft pink lips that Keith stared at quite a lot, not knowing really why, the playful smirk that usually tugged at them, the straight yet slightly pointed upwards at the tip nose.

 There wasn't just one feature that made Lance’s face look beautiful, but if Keith had to choose he'd go with the eyes. The blue eyes that had tides in them, the ones that displayed every emotion, the ones that were so captivating.

 Keith often wondered how did people turn Lance down so easily, his appearances alone should've been enough, even if he didn't have that heart of goal. So yeah, Keith knew Lance was beautiful. But tonight, he looked ... Keith didn't even know what word to use as he just stared at him with an open mouth, a warmed up face, and a too fast beating heart, for some reason, from across the dancing area.

 The blue suit seemed to match his eyes perfectly, and match his body perfectly. _That's weird, don't think that_. Keith almost laughed at himself; he'd passed weird at least five minutes of solid staring ago, so he let his eyes back on Lance. The wind was moving a few curls of his hair... _wait, curls???_ Keith felt his eyes doubling as he took in the sight of the not-so-short curls, that were surrounding Lance’s frame. Had Lance curled it for the party? or had it always been curly Lance straightening in? And if so, why? It looked so fluffy and... touchable like that, making Keith want to touch it. Though, his hair seemed to getting a bit long, keith should tease him about that later.

 But Lance’s eyed seemed to be glued to the drink in his hand, his shoulders a bit slumped, he was leaning to a table. He looked sad and tired, _why does he always look sad these days?!_  Keith finally took control of his legs, moving towards Lance. If he had one job tonight, it's be to make Lance laugh, he had a feeling the sight would be out of this world.

 He stood next to, Lance leaning to the table like him, “why so blue?”

 “huh?” Lance’s eyes finally left the glass in his hand, moving up to Keith, when they suddenly rounded in a well, _cute_ way. Keith felt his face heat up at the way Lance’s eyes roamed up and down over him before returning back to his face and staying there. _“holy shit,_ Keith,” he whispered with a blush.

“uh, you look good,” he could give his friend a compliment, right?

 _“I_ look good?! dios, Keith! Have you seen yourself? you look absolutely _gorgeous,”_ Lance immediately continued, “uhm, wait no that's not what I meant. I mean not that you don't look gorgeous because you _do. So much,_ wait no, his isn't helping. You look good but not like... I mean I don't want to freak you out...”

 _Wow, he_ certainly seemed to be the one freaking out. Keith had to hold back his laugh at the way Lance's entire face was turning red, even his ears, which actually was kind of adorable, and his neck, okay maybe Keith should stop him before he'd have a heart attack.  
“...scratch that. that didn't come out right either. What I'm...”, Keith interrupted his panicked rambling, _“Lance.”_

 Lance’s eyes came up to him from the ground, “what?”

  _“breathe,”_ Keith said putting a hand on the other boy's arm.

 “okay, right. breathe, I can do that.”, Keith couldn't help his laugh back anymore, which didn't help Lance’s blushing state.

 Lance looked down taking a few breathes, rubbing the back of his neck, looking embarrassed, “you look good, too. that's what I meant to say.”

 Keith said a quiet thanks, letting Lance’s skin color return to normal before saying: “you didn't answer my question; why so blue?”

 Lance’s mood seemed to drown at that pretty quickly. Keith bumped his shoulder, “come on, that's like the funniest thing I've said in my entire life.”

 Lance’s eyes stayed on the ground, “but I'm not the blue paladin.”

 Even if the sentence wasn't said so sadly, the wording would upset Keith ; because Lance hadn't said _I'm not the blue paladin, anymore._ He'd said _I'm not the blue paladin,_ as if he'd never been the blue paladin.

“Lance...” before he even had a chance to begin Lance interrupted him, “Keith, it's a party. I'm sure there are better things for you to do than psychoanalyze me.”

 Keith stared at him, he was right it was a party. Keith was gonna find out what Lance had meant about the comment, but _tomorrow._

Keith stared at the dance floor fidgeting with his clothes, “so, Matt kinda threatened me to have at least one dance with you.”

 Lance, who seemed to be staring at his clothes mustered a smile, “it's okay, you don't have to. I'll tell him you did.”

 Keith poked his elbow with his own, “come on teacher, don't you wanna know if I remember any of the sweet dance moves you thought me.”

 “I'm sure you remember all of it,” Lance said putting his fingers on the table. Keith stopped leaning on it, moving to stand infront of Lance, “Lance McClain saying no to a dance, something must be really wrong.”

 “not really, just not in the mood” Lance said, tapping his fingers like his mind was somewhere else. What was with his down mood? He seemed quite happy earlier. Or had that been for Keith's sake? Well, either way, _drastic times call for drastic measures._  
“just remember; you forced my hand here,” Keith said, finally making Lance look up. he made a gesture of taking out an imaginary whip, swinging it over his head, throwing and catching Lance in the imaginary lasso.

  _“what are you doing?!”_ Lance said looking at him with a flat face.

 Keith started pulling the imaginary rope towards himself.

 

* * *

 

 “you know how dumb you're looking right now, right?”

 Keith just smiled, pulling the imaginary rope he apparently had around Lance toward himself, “come on, no one can say no to invisible rope.”

 Lance really was not in the mood for dancing. Everytime he laid eyes on his own clothes, he got reminded of the fact that he wasn't the blue paladin, that he was never meant to be the blue paladin. And everytime he laid eyes on Keith's outfit, his first thought -actually his first thought was how attractive Keith looked, _Jesus christ_ the boy looked out of this world tonight. The red clothes fitting him perfectly, specially to that narrow waist. And Lance couldn't stop thinking about how much he wanted to tug at the hair he'd tied behind his head- but his second thought was how he had taken the red paladin's place from Keith, who was the _real_ red paladin.

 And yet it was sweet that Keith was actually putting so much effort into this, even pulling the lasso move, so Lance decided to cave in. He smiled, starting to move toward Keith with the beat, like the rope was actually pulling him. And _boy,_ the way Keith smiled back at him was totally worth it. He stood in front of Keith, wrinkling his nose, “I keep forgetting you're Texan.”

 Keith raised his eyebrow, “so you're okay with me being part of the purple maniac aliens who want to dominate the works, but the Texan part, that's what you have a problem with?”

 Lance smirked, “yup.” he said, drawling the _p_.  
 Keith made a small laugh, rolling his eyes.

 “one dance, mullet,” Lance said, pointing one finger up.

 “wouldn't dream of more, loverboy,” Keith said and _fucking_ winked. Seriously, in what universe was this fair?; he wasn't even aware of the things he was doing to Lance’s weak heart.

 Keith took his hand, pulling them through the crowd to a corner of the dance floor, before turning back and putting his hands on Lance’s shoulder. Lance tried not to blush as he placed his hands on Keith's waist. Though he did, for the first time that night, curse Coran for the outfits; did they had to be this tight to the body, that he could still feel Keith's hip bone over three layers of clothing?!

 Lance shook his head, trying to distract his mind from how warm Keith was. Thankfully, there were a lot of distracting things in front of him; Keith's shining eyes, the slight faint of red on his cheeks, his pink lips... _seriously Lance, get it together._

 The song finished but considering they hadn't even danced for a minute, Lance decided to take the next one as well. Well actually, now that they were dancing, Lance didn't feel like he was so upset anymore. Something about having Keith so close to him, made the upsetting thoughts stay away.

 _♪ The best thing 'bout tonight's that we're not fighting_  
_Could it be that we have been this way before? ♪_

 As soon as the new song started, and he recognised the familiar lyrics that matched their situation perfectly, Lance threw a glare at the DJ table, only to see Matt grinning back at him. _God, I knew it was a bad idea to put him on music duty._ He held up the finger for Matt.

 _♪ I know you don't think that I am trying_  
_I know you're wearing thin down to the core ♪_

“love you too,” Matt yelled across the dance floor. Keith tried to turn around, “what…”

 _♪ But hold your breath_  
_Because tonight will be the night_  
_That I will fall for you over again ♪_

Lance held him in place, “nothing , Matt's just being a dickhead.”

 _♪ Don't make me change my mind_  
_Or I won't live to see another day ♪_

“oh, so the _usual.”_ Keith smirked. And _god,_ Lance could pull him for a kiss just for that comment, instead he smirked back, “yup”

 _♪ I swear it's true_  
_Because a girl like you is impossible to find_  
_You're impossible to find ♪_

“this party is impressive, by the way” Keith smiled at him. The party did actually look like a success and Lance was quite proud of that. Even Allura had told him he'd done a good job before Lotor and Shiro pulled her back to the ambassadors.

 “thanks, but I think the real credit goes to Hunk. I mean, have you seen the food? Those garlic knots are almost almost as good as my mom's ” Lance said a bit homesick.

Unsurprisingly, Keith seemed to sense that, “oh? maybe I should try one later; though I wouldn't be a good judge, I've never had one before.”  
Lance gasped. He'd never eaten garlic knots before?! Oh, sometimes Lance forgot how much of a lack of life Keith had before Voltron.

 _♪ This is not what I intended_  
_I always swore to you I'd never fall apart ♪_

 _“don't,”_ Lance said, “If you've never eaten it before, then the first time you'll try it has to be my mom's cooking.”

 _♪ You always thought that I was stronger_  
_I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start ♪_

 Keith blinked at him a few times, “you…” he began, “you still want to take me to your family?”

_♪ Oh, but hold your breath ♪_

_“yeah,"_  Lance answered without needing to think. maybe it was weird but even if Lance wasn't madly in love with Keith, he still would've wanted to introduce this goddamn amazing person to his family. “unless you don't want to,” he added.

 _♪ Because tonight will be the night_  
_That I will fall for you over again ♪_

 “no, I do,” Keith quickly said, “I just… I didn't think the offer would still be standing after everything I did.”

 _♪Don't make me change my mind_  
_Or I won't live to see another day_  
_I swear it's true♪_

 Lance’s heart ached at the scared look on Keith's face, ached for the boy who'd been left behind so many times, that he was afraid people would abandon him everytime he did something wrong.

 _♪Because a girl like you is impossible to find_  
_It's impossible♪_

“Keith, people don't just leave you because you made a mistake, they stay and tease you and blame you but they _stay_ with you. that's family. That's... love,” Lance said fighting the blush that wanted to find its way to his face, even if Keith was going to take this as a familial love, it still felt like an admission to Lance. But the shy smile Keith gave him, the happy sparkle in his eyes, was worth it.

 _♪So breathe in so deep_  
_Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep ♪_

  _I'm yours to keep_ , he was, wasn't he? It didn't matter whether Keith would return his feelings or not, It seemed impossible for Lance to ever not love Keith. Not love those purple eyes that had given him a new definition for how stars should like.

 _♪And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap_  
_And remember me tonight when you're asleep ♪_

“I thought you had straight hair?” it took a few seconds for Lance to understand the words.  _stop ogling him, you're gonna freak him out,_ but Keith seemed to busy staring at his hair. Lance smirked, “it's as straight as I am.”

 _♪Because tonight will be the night_  
_That I will fall for you over again ♪_

 Keith looked at him a bit confused, “but you're bi?!” _oh baby, if only you knew how bi for you I am._  
_“exactly.”_

 _♪Don't make me change my mind_  
_Or I won't live to see another day ♪_

 Keith's only answer was to stare at his hair more, which was making Lance insecure. He already hated that hair, no need for Keith to make it worse. “look, I know it's ugly and…”

 _♪I swear it's true_  
_Because a girl like you is impossible to find ♪_

 “it's _not_ ugly!”

 _♪Tonight will be the night_  
_That I will fall for you over again ♪_

 Lance stared at Keith, surprised by the sudden out and the way Keith was glaring at him as if offended by Lance calling his own hair ugly.

 _♪Don't make me change my mind_  
_Or I won't live to see another day ♪_

 Keith's eyes glanced back to his hair, “it's not ugly,” he said this time gentler, “it's fluffy, and cute and touchable.”

 _♪I swear it's true_  
_Because a girl like you is impossible to find_  
_You're impossible to find ♪_

When had they stopped moving? When had Keith's face gotten that close to him? Lance could only watch as, Keith's hand began moving up from his shoulder to his hair, “so _so_ touchable.” Lance’s eyes closed automatically, at the contact, at the feel of Keith running his fingers threw his hair, over his scalp gently.

 And yet Keith didn't move his hand away not really, instead he lowered it, cupping Lance’s face. Lance opened his eyes, gasping at the sight because Keith wasn't looking at his hair or his eyes, he was looking at his lips. his thumb slowly brushing past lance’s lower lip, making him feel on fire.

 And _oh,_ he _shouldn't._  he hadn't even told Keith he liked him yet, he'd told him would give him time to figure it out just a few hours ago. Yet he couldn't held himself back from leaning in towards Keith. But he stoped himself midway, he wasn't just gonna put this on Keith. If Keith wanted this, if he _really_ wanted this, then he should take part. So Lance looked at him, asking him, _needing_ him, _begging_ him to close the space between them.

 Keith glanced at his eyes, down at his lips and back up again, before closing his eyes and leaning in. Once their foreheads met, their noses brushing another, their breaths ghosting each other, Lance closed his eyes too, letting himself believe that it was happening, that Keith wanted this, too, that Keith wanted _him,_ too.

 And yet the contact never came. Keith's lips never touched his own. when he couldn't feel Keith's warmth next to him anymore, Lance opened his eyes, feeling empty and alone as he saw a red figure rushing away from him through the crowd. He let his hands fall back to his body, trying not to let the feelings of rejection, of heart break drown him.

 _It's fine, he just needs more time,_ he told himself, as tears began to roam down his face as he made his way back to the castle.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, we're here. It only took 80k+ words to get here, and we didn't even get a kiss. :)  
> Sorry, I just really like slow burn and pain.
> 
> Also season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5 season 5
> 
> Sorry, I really needed to get that out of my system.
> 
> The song is called Fall For You, by Second Hand Serenade, if anyone wants to know.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Space mom and dad have a talk with their oblivious child.
> 
> I hc that Matt's space mom, and no one can take that from me.

 There were a lot of things Keith had done in his life that he wasn't proud of, but _this,_ this definitely took place in the top three.

 He'd ran out on Lance, like a fucking coward. Honestly, he'd expected Lance to act at least disappointed with him the next morning, and Lance, surprising Keith once again, hadn't.

 He'd just smiled at Keith, and treated him so normally that Keith had started to think maybe he'd imagined the whole thing. But then Hunk had asked why Lance had left the party so early, and Lance had choked on his drink, looking at Keith in such a scared way, Keith's heart ached for him. That's when he'd finally noticed Lance’s red and puffy eyes, Lance had looked away quickly, playing it as nothing. and if Keith wasn't such a coward he would've talked to him, instead he'd walked out of the room the first chance he'd gotten.

 He'd been avoiding Lance since then, but everytime he did see Lance, Lance just smiled at him and acted normal. the last three days had proved to Keith that unlike what he always thought of himself; he indeed was a coward.

 The problem was; he didn't know what he should do or think, he didn't even know what he was feeling. He'd been so adamant on calling this a friendship, but had it been just that? Keith... wasn't really _sure._ Because he thought Lance was beautiful and amazing and kind and funny and adorable and cute and brave and selfless and .... Keith could go on forever. because he liked holding Lance’s hands, he liked holding Lance, he liked being close, _too_ close, to Lance, he liked how warm, how comfortable, how at home it felt. Because he liked staring in Lance’s eyes, those god damned beautiful blues. Because he'd liked the feeling of running his fingers through Lance’s hair. because he'd missed Lance every second he'd been at the blade, but that could all be friendship, right? How was one supposed to tell the difference?  
Why were feelings so confusing? How did you know when you liked someone?

 Why the hell didn't they taught these things at the school? Instead of all the crap they did? Like sine and cosine, when had Keith even, for once in his life used that, -technically he _had,_ since he was a pilot and those things actually mattered in landing and taking off, but that was besides the point- why didn't they teach things that actually mattered? _Seriously, fuck garrison._

 Now, Keith wasn't stupid; he knew Lance liked him, or at least was interested in him. It was too obvious, with the pick up lines, the compliments, the way he looked at Keith with admiration, the never subtle blushes.

 Truthfully, Keith had been sure that Lance hadn't been aware of it. He hadn't thought it was more than Lance’s usual crushes, that got forgotten in five minutes, and yet it _hadn't._ It had stayed, and grew bigger and more genuine that Keith had ever seen, it had made Keith feel warm inside everytime he had thought about it. But he'd never thought it was more than just sheer interest. It seemed impossible that Lance would be... Lance would be in love with him. Yet now that Keith thought back of the things Lance had told him, _that's family, that's love_ , the memory of Lance’s eyes at that second bore into his head. _Okay,_ _maybe it's not that out of the question._ Well great add that to everything else Keith was freaking out about.

 Keith had never felt more confused in his life. Why did Lance always have to be so confusing? Even back at the garrison. First he was _Lance_ , _the shark boy_ ; who always shone so bright. Then _Lance, the rival;_  who always started fights with him, yet still was fun to be around. Then came _Lance, the team mate;_ who challenged him on everything, but also had his back. Then there was _Lance, the friend;_ who teased him, and made him laugh and be happy, who supported him. then finally _Lance, the family;_ who always urged him to get better, to be better, who was always there for Keith, and stayed there no matter what. and now? what was Lance to Keith, now?

 _Ugh, my head hurts_. Was this how Lance felt everytime he thought about Keith? Because then Keith owed him one hell of an apology.

 _Why are feelings so hard?_ He never had these kind of problems when he was living by himself in the desert. A voice in his brain reminded him that back then, he hadn't had a castle full of people he cared about, his family, either. Back then he didn't have Lance. _He didn't have Lance._ Keith tried to imagine his life without Lance, and his breath hitched. He wanted Lance, he _needed_ Lance in his life. no matter what.

 Well, it was clear he couldn't deal with this on his own. _But it's too late to talk to Shiro right now._  He could do it tomorrow, right? He shut his brain off, trying to sleep. But everytime he closed his eyes, he saw Lance from the party, looking at him, only a few inch between them, eyes literally shining, lips…Keith groaned into the pillow.

 _Ugh, fuck it._ Clearly he could not wait more than he already had. He practically ran out of his room. He did saw that the monitor of lotor's room saying empty as he walked past it, But he couldn't pay attention to it. His brain was too occupant to care right now. 

 He strode to Shiro's door, banging on the door. “Shiro, open the door!”

 A few seconds later Shiro answered with a raspy sleepy voice, “Keith?... it's the middle of the night?!.”

“It _can't_ wait.” Keith answered with urgency.  
The door opened, showing a Shiro who was quickly getting up from his bed, “What's wrong? did something happen? is the Blade under attac…”

 Keith interrupted, him taking a step in, “How do you know when you like someone?”

Shiro stopped moving frantically, and turned to look at him, “What?!”

 “How do you know when you like someone?” Keith repeated.

 Shiro stared at him, “You barged in the room _at 2 am_ to ask me _that?”_ he asked sounding dazed.

 “Yes.”

 Shiro laughed sitting back down on the bed, “Sit down, then.” Keith sat on the lower end of the bed.  
Shiro laughed again, “so, Lance finally made a move, huh?”

 Keith's head shot up quickly, “how?” how did he know?

 Shiro's response was to laugh harder. _You know what? doesn't Matter right now._ “how do you know when you like someone?” he asked again, before adding, “How did you know when you liked Matt?”

 Shiro shrugged, “I just did.”

Keith gave him a flat look, “well that's helpful, _not. Come on,_ Shiro! I'm going crazy here. what did you see in him that made you like him?”

 Shiro seemed to take this a bit more seriously, “that won't really be helpful; the things I like about Matt, aren't gonna be the same as the things you would like about Lance.” He stroke his chin. “How about I tell you _how_ I figured out?”  
Keith nodded.

 “Well… you already know we met at garrison. he was all smart and funny and he was my best friend, but I thought he was cute, _really_ cute, and uh, well we were _taken._ I was worried. _god,_ I was worried about him, and at ...at arena he was _so_ scared, I hated them for making him that scared and I _…his leg…”_

 Keith stopped him, the man was shaking and he had that scared lost look he had whenever he talked about his captivity days, “Shiro, _stop.”_ He placed a hand on his shoulder.  
Keith might be a lot of things, but he still hadn't gotten _that_ selfish to make the man who was a brother to him, relive that much pain, just because Keith felt confused.

 He stayed silent for a few minutes, letting Shiro's breaths to go to normal. “No offense, but I don't want your love story. I already have to listen to Matt oversharing enough disgusting details about it.” He attempted at a joke. Thankfully he succeeded as Shiro made a short laugh. Keith continued, “it wasn't really helping, anyway. I guess need to know... um, how you feel, around him? I don't know.” Keith asked, blushing a little.

 “Um, well,” Shiro scratched his head, “how do I feel? ... I get happy when he's happy. even if I don't really have anything to be happy about, just him laughing makes me laugh. And I miss him when he's not here and those two _years?”_ Shiro shook his head, “I thought about him so much. Everytime I was close to dying, he and his nerdy glasses was the image that came to my mind.” Shiro smiled, “I guess seeing him upset, or scared, or anything bad makes me feel bad. And I know he has flaws but I just find them endearing? cause their part of _him,_ and I just love him.” Shiro finished, face red.

 Keith always wanted to see Lance laugh, wanted to make Lance laugh. And of course he'd missed Lance when he was at the blade, how could he not? How could anyone _not_ miss Lance? Lance _had_ been the one who'd stayed in his mind when he was about to run the ship to galra battle cruiser, Lance had been all he'd thought about when he thought he was gonna die. _Of course_ he hated seeing Lance feel sad or upset, specially since he was the reason for it half of the times. Lance could sometimes be loud or melodramatic, but Keith secretly thought it was funny and adorable. Keith would do anything for him. But did that mean he liked Lance?

 “but that just tells me I care about him, how do you know when it's uh… _romantic?”_ Keith questioned.

 Shiro's eyebrows arched, “how can you _not_ know, Keith?!” he questioned, astounded.

 “I haven't ever liked anyone before. Yes, I've seen people think they look hot. but I haven't _liked_ liked someone before.” 

 _“Like_ like?!” Shiro chuckled, “you're not 13, Keith.”

 Keith rubbed his face, _“Ugh,_ just tell me how to know!”

“okay, calm down.” Shiro scratched the back of his head, thinking, “you love him, right?”

 “I _don't know!_ that's why I'm here.” Keith cried out.

 “no, I mean do you love him, as a teammate? Like Hunk or pidge,?” Shiro asked. That was weird, Keith could never say he cared for Lance the same way he did with pidge and Hunk. He'd just always thought it was because he felt closer to Lance, but _now?!_

 His conflict must've showed up on his face, because Shiro said; “let me rephrase; do you love him as a friend? If someone asked you if you cared for him, would you say yes or no?”

Well, Keith didn't need to think before answering that, “yes. of course, I do.”

 “and do you…” Shiro ran a hand through his hair, _“ugh,_ I can't believe you're making me _say this,_ but do you find him physically attractive? Do you want to kiss him and uh _you know,_ other stuff?” Shiro managed.

 Of course Keith found Lance attractive, he wasn't _blind._ Lance was all sharp edges but he looked so soft, that golden skin just looked _so_ soft. He was all long limbed and he had quite the broad shoulders, which Keith had always found interesting.

 As for the kissing part, well Keith hadn't been able to get the thought out of his head, the past few days. He wanted to kiss Lance,  _so much,_ more than anything he'd wanted before, it had taken a lot of freaking out for him to not and run the other way. He had found himself staring at Lance’s lips quite a lot though, even before. And ...uh other stuff? Well, he certainly wouldn't have minded, like _at all._ he probably would've paid to be with Lance. _That's such a weird thought._  
“yes.” He answered shortly, feeling his face warm up.

 “well, do you know want to kiss anyone _else_ on this ship? Any other one of your friends?”

 “what? No! Ew, what kind of question is that?” Keith made a face at Shiro. Shiro just smiled at him expectantly, “you love him and you have romantic feelings for him, put the two and two together, Keith.”

Keith just stared at him, realization sinking in, “I like Lance?” and then it finally clicked. “ _I_ _like Lance!”_

“well took you long enough.”  
Keith almost fell off the bed in surprise. The lump on the bed that Keith had assumed was just blanket, moved to reveal a Matt sitting up.

 “Matt? what the hell are you doing here?”

 “sleeping? It's my room?” Matt said covering a yawn.

 “this is Shiro's room?!” seriously, was Matt always here? _Oh god,_ how much had he heard?

“it's _our_ room.” Matt corrected, Shiro was still laughing.

 “What?! Since when?” Keith asked.

 “I don't know? Like two months or so? We kinda announced it, how did you not...” Matt stopped, expression turning mischievous, “right. I forgot you were too busy staring at Lance and Lotorto notice anything else!”

And then Keith was reminded that he liked lance, “oh god, that's what you meant! This is _why_ I was jealous!” Keith realized. _Oh god,_ him liking Lance actually made a lot of sense for everything he'd been feeling. Why he felt bitter about Lance and Lotor spending time with each other. Why his heart did all those fast beatings everytime he was around Lance _. I can't believe that was me having butterflies!_  Why no Matter how physically close they'd gotten, Keith had been okay with it, _enjoying_ it. Why he felt all warm and giddy inseide everytime Lance gave him a compliment. “I'm _an idiot._ I like him.”

 “I think you're using the wrong L word but _yup.”_ Matt agreed.

 Right, Matt was still here. Keith felt his face going red, “uh, how much did you hear?”

 Matt chuckled, _“enough._ Shiro's monologue wake me up,” he turned to Shiro, “which was really sweet, by the way. love you too, Takashi.” He kissed Shiro's cheek, making him blush.

 Keith cleared his throat, feeling like he was intruding. Matt's head turned to him, smirking, “but wow, _you_ were really hilarious. Man, I wish I had a voice recorder. Pidge would have the time of her life hearing that.”

 Alarms rang through Keith's head, “you can't tell pidge. She'll never let me live it down, _ever!”_

 Matt snorted, “the fact that you actually think she doesn't know, proves that you _are_ an idiot.”

 Keith opened his mouth to answer, but closed it as he realized Matt _was_ right. All the sarcastic comments pidge made suddenly made a lot of sense. And everyone else; the wiggled eyebrows, the jokes, “does everyone know?” he asked.

 Matt and Shiro laughed, “you don't know the amount of Déjà vu I'm going through here but _yes!”_ Matt said.

 “how? _I_ didn't know?” Keith asked honestly. How could they know when even he didn't know.

 “dude, it's _so_ obvious. I asked pidge if you two were a couple, the second day I was here.and the only reason I didn't the first day, was because I was too shocked by everything else.” Matt laughed, “she gave me a two hour representation on your relationship, there were polygraphs and everything. Seriously man, anyone who comes within 10 mile radius of you too can see it.”

 Matt had joined the castle more than a year ago. Had Keith been feeling this for _that_ long, without even knowing it? “how long did you know?” he asked Shiro.

 “since your _‘bonding moment’”_ Shiro air quoted.

 “what?!” Keith _did_ fall from the bed this time. _That long?_ There was just no way. Shiro laughed, helping him back up, “Keith, you looked like the love of your life had broken up with you.” He said making the already laughing Matt burst into another set of giggles. Keith glared at him. “but I didn't know he was shark boy, or I'd known it went back to garrison.” Shiro added.

  _Garrison._ Keith had liked Lance since the _garrison? What the hell?_ “I can't believe I like Lance _.” I can't believe I didn't know I liked Lance,_ was actually what he meant.

 “what's wrong with Lance?” Matt asked.

 Keith almost laughed at how offended he sounded; there was literally no one in the universe Keith'd rather like other than Lance, _“nothing,_ there's nothing wrong with Lance. He's funny and adorable and brave and so stupidly selfless. He has the best god damn laugh in the universe, his eyes close, hid head tilting back. _God_ I miss that laugh so much. And he's so fucking kind, why is he so kind and so forgiving? And he's so much better than I could ever be and…” Keith stopped as he saw the two grinning faces looking at him, and he realised he'd said all that out loud just as a second realization hit him.

 Love had always been an unfamiliar concept to Keith. He didn't believe in it for the earlier parts of his life, even when he eventually did believe in it, he never had thought he would have it, not in that way. and yet Keith loved looking at Lance when he found something interesting, loved the excited look he got in his eyes. Keith loved spending time with Lance, even when they didn't do anything, just having Lance there was fun. Keith loved letting him talk, he remembered every new detail Lance would share with him, _just_ with him. Keith loved that Lance would tease him and challenge him, and never back down from him, like they were equals, _neck and neck_. Keith loved that Lance sometimes drove him crazy, because he knew he could drive Lance crazy, too. Keith loved that Lance could make him want to talk, want to open up, _feel safe enough_ to feel it was okay to want to tell Lance anything about himself. Keith loved hugging Lance, feeling his warmth, his ocean scent. Keith loved looking into his beautiful eyes, not even needing to say anything. Keith loved that Lance could make him laugh for hours, over the dumbest stuff. Keith loved how selfless Lance was, always putting others before himself. Keith loved that Lance could just sit with him, not doing anything, and Keith would still feel like he was having the time of his life. Keith loved the care free laugh Lance sometimes did, the one he missed so much. Keith loved that shy smile Lance gave, when someone gave him a genuine compliment. Keith loved that Lance counted _him_ family. Keith loved that soft fond look Lance gave him, that said he was the only thing that mattered in the universe. Keith loved that Lance could make him try things he didn't think he liked, just because he knew Lance did, and you know what? most of the times Lance was right. Keith loved the excited look Lance got before going to a new planet and meeting new species. Keith loved that Lance would get excited over the smallest things. Keith loved that…Keith loved Lance. _Keith loved Lance._

“I love him.” he jumped up from the bed, starting to pace the room, “I _love_ him. I'm _in love_ with him. How can I be in love with him?! I didn't even know I was feeling all this 3 days ago!”

 “wow, this is hilarious.” Matt snorted. Keith glared at him.

 “Keith, calm down and sit." Shiro said, " Look just because you didn't do something consciously, doesn't mean you didn't do it. You had these feelings before, you just weren't fully aware of them.”

 Keith sat down slowly, whispering, “it's okay to feel and not know what you're feeling.” Funny he felt like he should be more shocked by his newfound revelation, feel different but he just felt warm, and like a heavy weight had been lifted from him. Like he wasn't confused thinking about lance anymore.

 “what?” Shiro asked.

 “nothing, just something Lance said to me.” He rubbed the back of his neck, “should I tell him?”

 _“WHAT?!_ What kind of question is that? of course you should! And as fast as possible! Before he goes crazy or something and does it first!”

 Keith and Shiro stared at Matt for his outburst. Matt gave them a guilty look, “uh I might've made a bet with pidge and Coran over which one of you cracks first.” He said earning a head shake from Shiro, _“of course_ you did.”

 Keith glared at them both, “bet?! I can't believe you betted on that! What's wrong with you people? Don't you have better things to do than to snoop in our love life?” he stopped,  _“fuck!_ I have a love life! What the hell?”

 The couple laughed at him. “don't blow your own mind, Keith.” _too late for that_. Matt said, “I'm not losing that bet though, so you better suck it up, Kogane.” He threatened pointing a finger at him.  
His face turned serious, “but seriously, you should tell him. He's crazy about you.”

 Keith felt the warmth he was feeling in his heart doubling, blushing.  
Shiro smiled, “yeah, I haven't seen him this serious about anyone. I saw him turn down Nyma, and that was _months_ ago.”

 “dude, that's _nothing._ You have no idea how many hot aliens and fans I've seen him turn down for Keith. That whole Voltron show really did improve his popularity with the fans.” Matt added. “but you would know all about, wouldn't you Keith?” he winked at Keith.

 Keith felt his entire face go red, both over the fact that Lance had rejected people for him, even when he had no obligations to Keith and over the fact that now he knew why he'd been obsessed with that video of the show.  
Though, Matt was grinning _too_ much for his liking, “I wasn't that bad.”

 Matt burst into laughter, “Keith, you were flirting _so much,_ he came to me panicking, thinking you were messing with him. Can't believe I had to explain to him that you liking his flexibility wasn't a _bad_ thing.”

 Keith blushed even more, “it's not my fault! He’s so _limber!_ Why is he so flexible? People aren't supposed to bend that much.”

 Matt leaned in, wiggling his eyebrows, “oh, I'm sure he would _love_ to bend as much as you want him to.”

 “Matt, let's not freak him out over his own probable thoughts.” Shiro said, voice coated with amusement.

 _Too late for that._ The thoughts of Lance and… they were doing things to him.  _oh my god, I'm so screwed._ He covered his heated face with his hands, “you don't _understand!_ I watched that video _so_ many times, Kolivan had to ban me from watching it, so I wouldn't get _distracted._ Oh god, how could I not see this?”

 “yeah, I really thought between the two of you, you would be the one who figured it out sooner.” Matt laughed, “ _but boy, was I wrong._ ”

 “Lance loves me.” Keith stated, because with everything they've said, with everything he'd seen, with everything he'd felt, there really wasn't any room for doubt on the matter. _Lance loves me_. Keith gushed in his head, feeling like that sentence was the single best thing he'd found out in his entire life. _What's happening to me?_

 “I think we passed the loving point like a year ago.” _What?_

 "What?!” Keith faltered, a year? that just didn't seem possible. “Lance has been in love with me _for_ _a year?_ ”

 "No buddy, I think he's been in love with you for _way_ longer than that. He's just known he was for a year.” Matt explained.

 That... didn't made it any better, “but _a year_? He's known for a year and he didn't say anything?” _I've known for 10 minutes and I'm going crazy!_ “how could he not tell me?” he questioned a bit hurt. _Why didn't he tell me?_ “A _year!”_

 "I mean, it hasn't been exactly a year, a bit shorter.” Matt Corrected, at Keith's lack of response he continued, “well, at first he thought you didn't like him back, then he thought you did but not _enough._ Then he thought you didn't again. Then he did again ... It's been a rollercoaster. And _someone,”_ he glared at Shiro, “wouldn't let me just tell him. And with everything else that's been going on, he didn't have a chance to tell you, did he? Look, it's not like he's been subtle about it, you're just too dense to realize.”

 “I'm not dense, I realized.”

 Matt shook his head, “I don't think you did. Keith, 90% of the things he says are either complimenting you, or flirting with you, or just about you. I mean he once told you you looked hot and you said, ‘ _of course I do. I've been training, I'm all sweaty.’_ And I remember this word by word, cause me and Pidge spent the next two days laughing over how absolutely oblivious you were.”

 Keith stared at him in shock. Sure he'd noticed Lance’s flirting here and there, but he'd thought they were rather _rare._ But 90%?! _Seriously?_ “so maybe I was a bit  unnoticing,” he ignored the way both Matt and Shiro mocked _‘a bit_ ’ and continued, “I still think he should've told me, pulled me in a kiss or something or at least slapped me in the face and tell me to snap out of it.”

 Shiro laughed, but Matt turned around, picking up his tablet from the drawer, “you don't seem to understand the panicky state he's been in.” He tapped a few things on the tablet before offering it to Keith, “here, read this conversation I had with him over breakfast a few months ago.”

 Keith took the tablet hesitantly, “why were you talking over messages if you were there?”

Matt pointed to the screen, “read, and you'll find out.”

 **What the fuck?!!**  
**What the fuck?!!**  
**What the fuck?!!**

**What?**

**He _just_ woke up! Why does he look so fucking good?!!!!**  
**Like seriously, this isn't even _fair!_ :(**  
**My heart can't take it!!!**  
**There's drool on his face and I still think he looks good**  
**He just looks so hot!**  
**Why does he have to be always so damn hot?!!!**  
**For once it would be nice to wake up, and not have his gorgeous face thrown at me!**  
**Why does he look like he was born in the stars?!**

 **Wow!**  
**That was poetic.**

 **No what's poetic is what's going on in my head.**  
**Actually it's not _that_ poetic.**  
**I really want to kiss him right now**  
**That pout is _too_ cute on him!**  
**I want to kiss it _so_ badly**  
**Like _really badly_**  
**Like I'm physically restraining myself not to.**  
**Actually I'm _always_ restraining myself not to pull him into kisses**  
**And kiss all over his face**

 **Ew**  
**I never wanted to hear someone call Keith's pout _cute_**  
**Lance can't you load your romantic crap over Hunk for once?**  
**Instead of me**

 **Can't**  
**he's banned me from talking about Keith to him**  
**For at least a week**  
**There were threats about never cooking for me again involved!**

**Pidge then?**

**Haha**  
**_No!_**  
**she'll make fun of me**

**I make fun of you**

**Yeah but she's _worse_**  
**So you're stuck with me**  
**Now back to the kissing problem**  
**Do you think it's weird if I just kiss his cheek?**  
**As a good morning thing**  
**No**  
**That's crazy!**

**I say go for it**

**No**  
**he'll probably Karate-chop my face off**  
**seriously man life sucks!**  
**It fucking sucks so bad!!**  
**I have the worst fucking luck in the world**  
**_Fuck_**

 **He won't**  
**Shiro says language btw**

 **Well _fuck_ Shiro!**  
**Sorry**  
**I forgot you already _do;)_**

 **Shut it!!**  
**He says you're grounded**

 **Shiro, you're not my real dad**  
**You can't ground me!**  
**And stop reading these messages**  
**I did not consent to you reading my private conversations with your dumbass boyfriend**

 **Stop laughing**  
**I'm serious!**  
**This is embarrassing**  
**You're our leader**  
**Maybe I don't want you to know I'm pinning over your little brother like a goddamn pine tree!!**  
**_Stop_ laughing Shiro**  
**_And_ Matt**  
**}:(((((**  
**Fuck you both**  
**No offence**

 **He says you’re still grounded**  
**Training**

 **With Keith?**  
**Cause that's fine by me**  
**There's a lot of pinning involve there too ;)**  
**_God_**  
**what's wrong with me?**

**With bots unfortunately**

**My life sucks :(**

**Lance you're staring at him**  
**_Again!_**

 **It's just...**  
**His bangs are in his eyes**  
**Doesn't that bother him?**  
**It must be uncomfortable eating like that!**  
**Should I tuck them behind his ear?**  
**I really want to**  
**But I'm afraid it'll weird him out**

 **_Ugh_**  
**Lance**  
**You two are driving me crazy!!**  
**Will you just grow some balls and do it?!**  
**50 bucks says he won't mind**

  
**You owe me 50 bucks**

 **He thanked you**  
**_And_ smiled at you**  
**How is that minding?!!**

**He looked at me weirdly**

**It was a _fond_ look**  
**You should get used to it**  
**I don't think it's gonna go away anytime soon!**

 **You're _crazy!!_**  
**Keith doesn't look at me fondly**

 **Okay! don't give me the _you're dumb_ look**  
**He does**  
**But he means it in a just friendly way**

**Buddy, nothing about you twos relationship says _just friends_**

**I know him, and he means it as friends**

**Well I knew him longer than you**  
**and I say he _doesn't_**

 **but I know him better and you know it**  
**_Awww,_ I know him better than anyone**  
**Well maybe not Shiro**  
**But still**  
**He let me in! Me, _of all people_**  
**I love that he let me know him**

**_Please_ don't start again**

**What's up with you anyway?!**  
**That's like the third time you yawned in the last minute**

**Yeah, didn't got much sleep last night**

_**Ooooooooooh** _  
**Funny cause I'm pretty sure I saw you come out of his room earlier ;) ;) ;)**

**Oh _yeah,_ we slept together. that's why I blush everytime his hand is less than an inch from mine**

**No need to be sassy**  
**And technically you _did_ sleep together**  
**_Again_**

 **We were just talking**  
**And we fell sleep**  
**_Again_**

 **Omg**  
**You guys are _so_ together**  
**Don't roll your eyes**  
**You are**  
**Though that doesn't explain why you're yawning?!!**

**Cause I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep**

**????**

**He's a cuddler!!!**  
**He's a goddamn cuddler, Matt!**  
**And the first time I thought it was cute**  
**But now, it's just testing my limits**  
**Okay, that's a lie**  
**I still think it's endearing _but_ testing my self control**  
**I even tried moving him away**  
**But he's a damn octopus, man**  
**He just latched on to me _more_**  
**Why is he so strong, even when he's sleep?**  
**And he was nuzzling my neck**  
**It was both a blessing and a curse**  
**Though he did look peaceful**  
**So I guess there's that**  
**Yeah actually that makes it worth it**  
**I would have me never getting sleep again if it means he would look that peaceful**

 **I so _so_ regret asking**  
**You're making me want to puke my _not-yet-eaten-because-I'm-too-busy-reading-these-dumb-messages_ breakfast**  
**You type really fast though**  
**I'm impressed**  
**Oh and**  
**One more thing;**  
**YOU'RE IN SO FUCKING DEEP MAN**  
**Just tell him**

 **No**  
**I don't want him to run the other way**  
**I'll take this as slow as possible**  
**He's too important to me to risk losing him**  
**_Ever_**

 **…**  
**Whatever**  
**Shiro says he can't believe Keith keeps letting you in his bed, btw**  
**Apparently even when he was little and had nightmares**  
**He would _never_ let Shiro in**  
**So don't give me the you're not special to him crap**

 **Thanks**  
**Though wipe that smirk off Shiro's face**

**_Ew,_ I didn't mean by kissing him**

 Keith looked up from the tablet feeling shocked, to face the grinning Matt, “yeah he's _that_ crazy about you.” Matt took the tablet from him. Keith would've never thought Lance was, _well_ this crazy about him. _He's over thinking everything though._

 “but I don't understand, Lance is good at reading people. If you all could tell I liked him,” he ignored his blush, “how could _he_ not?”

 “you don't love with your brain, Keith.” Matt said glancing at Shiro, biting his lip as if he didn't want to say something in front of him, but he continued anyway, “besides, we both know how insecure he is.”

 Keith ignored the confused and almost doubtful look Shiro gave Matt. Matt probably had figured out about Lance’s… _inferiority issues_ on his own. Keith doubted Lance had share it willingly with anyone but Keith. So yeah, Keith did know how insecure Lance was, more than Matt would ever know. Not to mention it had really gotten worse because of Lotor.  
And, really with the conflicted way Keith had been acting, could he really blame Lance for not saying anything. No, he could not.

 “so what triggered this sudden feelings' discovery outburst of yours, anyway?” Matt asked.

 “yeah, I didn't think you would figure this out anytime sooner than a few years.” Shiro added, teasing.

 Keith restrained himself from glaring at him, because well, he _was_ right. “he, um, tried to kiss me.”

 “oooh _finally!”_ Matt said, but Shiro just stared at Keith raising an eyebrow, _“tried_ to?”

Well, here came the embarrassing part, “I kind of... ran away.” He looked up at pair, biting his lip.

Matt practically shrieked, “what do you mean _you ran away?”_

 Keith sighed by his own actions, “I mean I turned and _literally_ ran away from him.”

 Matt's second shriek was so unholy and loud, Keith was sure his ear drums at least got injured, if not raptured, “you did _what?!”_

 Matt looked like he was a second away from beating Keith, and Shiro's disappointed look was no better, Keith held up his hand, “I panicked, okay? I wanted to kiss him!”

 Matt looked at him confused, “then why did you panicked?”

 “because I wanted to kiss him, so badly. More than I've ever wanted anything in my life.” Keith answered desperately.

 “you're a weird man Keith.” Shiro shook his head.

 Matt ignored him, “who cares?!” he practically shoved Keith off the bed, “you jackass, go back in there _right now,_  and kiss the poor guy back.”

 “he didn't… it didn't happen _now.”_  

 Matt stopped, “then when?!”

 Somehow Keith knew Matt wasn't gonna like the answer, “at the party.”

 Both Matt and Shiro stared at him with wide eyes, Matt's though quickly turned into angered ones, “the _coalition party?_ The party that happened _3 nights ago_? What the _hell_ have you been doing the last 3 days?”

 “feeling confused over it?!”

 Matt locked eyes with him for a second before picking up his pillow and hitting Keith with it, “you absolute _…ugh.”_

 “Matt stop,” Keith said, the impacts weren't really painful but they were making him lose balance, “I'm gonna fall off the bed.”

“good! you fucking deserve it.”

 Keith looked to Shiro for help from his crazy boyfriend, while trying to take the pillow from the said crazy boyfriend , “don't look at me, I'm _with_ him on this; you _absolutely_ deserve it.” He crossed his arm giving Keith what Lance called _the disappointed dad_ look.

 Once Keith finally managed to pull the pillow out of Matt's hands, he put it on his lap, “look, I know it wasn't the best move to pull but…”

 Matt interrupted him, “no Keith, that's the _worst_ possible move to ever pull on someone. The only thing worse than that would be if you reached in his chest and ripped his heart out.”

“I think you're being a bit too dramatic now,” clearly, being friends with Lance had really affected him. Keith almost smiled at Lance’s thought but covered it as he saw the way Matt glared at him.

 “no I'm _not._ You know if Shiro had pulled that kind of moves on me when _I_ kissed him, I would've broken that beautiful steel jaw of his.” Matt glanced at Shiro from the corner of his eyes, “no offence, Takashi.”

 “none taken.” Shiro reassured.

Matt sighed, rubbing his face, “well, that explains why Lance looks like he's aged 10 years in the past few days. _And_ the dark circles. Can't believe he's been dealing with this alone.”

 “no wonder I kept seeing you two apart, he's been avoiding you. Which is totally understandable, you _jackass.”_ Matt glared at him again, looking like he was ready to pick the other pillow up and start beating him again, which he probably _would_ after Keith told him Lance wasn't the one avoiding him.

“he hasn't.” the pair looked at him with puzzled looks. “he hasn't been avoiding me. He's been acting nice and normal everytime he's around me. I just… _I_ avoided _him.”_ He sighed awaiting the pillows strike.

 However he was struck by Shiro's disapproving voice instead, _“Keith,”_ Shiro sighed, “that's a really cowardly thing for you to do. It's not like you Keith”

 “I know guys, okay?! I _know!”_ Keith admitted. “so how about you come up with ideas for me to fix it.”

 Matt shook his head, “Keith, if you think it'll take anything more than just talking to him, then you clearly haven't been listening to everything we've been saying.”

 Shiro hummed, “so he's been giving you space, even after you did that, that's real mature of him. Guess he was serious about giving you as much time as you need.” He looked like he was speaking more to himself than them. He smiled looking up at Keith, “just talk to him. I told you before; he cares about you more than you know.” _Yeah,_ Keith was beginning to understand that.

 “first thing in the morning Keith, _first thing_ in the morning” Matt pointed a finger at him threateningly.

 “but we have the meetings in the morning?.” Keith might not be an expert in the Matters of the heart, _that's an understatement,_ but even _he_ knew you didn't drop something like that on someone, in the 5 minutes breakfast they had before an important meeting. Even if he somehow managed to figure out what he should say. How did you tell someone you loved them? _Why are feelings so hard?_

Matt face palmed his forehead, “fuck I forgot about that.” He ignored Shiro's whisper of _‘language’_ and turned to Keith, “after the meetings then. Now _shoo shoo!_ you've already taken enough of our sweet sleep from us.” He lied down, pulling the blanket over his head.

 Shiro looked at him, laughing, before he turned to Keith, “he's right, we have to wake up early tomorrow. Good night Keith.”

Keith got up from the bed, “thanks for _the…talk.”_ He threw the pillow in his hands at Matt's lump on the bed, “and for hitting me.”

 “you deserved it, and you _know_ it.” Matt answered without losing a beat.

 Shiro chuckled, “good night Keith, try not to be too lovesick.”

 “shut up.” Keith made his way to the door

 “don't let the bed's love bugs bite either.” Matt mused as the door closed.

 Keith just stood there, staring out of one of the halls' windows to space, digesting everything he'd just learnt about himself and Lance. _I'm in love with Lance and he's in love with me_. A part of his brain still seemed to have problems accepting that. Like it was impossible, like it was _too_ good to believe.

  _Lance loves me._

 He repeated the phrase over and over all the way back to his room, and to his bed and for the next few hours waiting for morning to come, thinking of how impossibly possible it was.

 

* * *

 

 

 Lance was eating his breakfast, trying not to think about the fact that Keith still hadn't showed up to the breakfast. Which wasn't too weird, after all Keith had spent the last 3 days avoiding him like he had the plague. as much as Lance wanted to give him all the time and space he needed and not make him uncomfortable, -while trying to convince himself that this wasn't Keith rejecting him, even though a part of his brain kept insisting on how could he ever think Keith would return his feelings, specially for someone like _him._ Lance ignored it as much as he could- it still killed a little part of him everytime Keith made an excuse to leave the room as soon as Lance walked in. Or everytime their eyes met, Lance smiling but Keith would look away quickly.

 Lance reminded himself that _now_ really wasn't the time to be obsessing over Keith, which when wasn't he doing that?, but to be trying to focus on the meeting.

 So he was surprised when the chair on his side, the side that wasn't taken by lotor, got pulled back, “this seat isn't taken, is it?”

 Every little part of Lance screamed _Keith_ at the sight of him. Keith was here. Keith was sitting next to him. Keith was smiling at him.

 “no.” Lance answered, a second too late realizing there was still coffee in his mouth. The whole table broke into laughter as it dripped out of his mouth and all over his clothes. Well, _sue_ him for being a bit excited; Keith was talking to him again.

 “here.” Keith said offering a napkin to him. Though all Lance could do was just stare at him and his beautiful smile. _I missed him._ There was a moment of Lance considering pulling Keith into a bone crushing hug. He dismissed it quickly. Keith had _just_ showed up; there was no way Lance was gonna risk freaking him out again.

 The smile on Keith's face turned into a playful smirk at Lance’s lack of answer, _god I would've paid to see that smirk again_ , he pointed to the napkin with his eyebrows “are you gonna take it or should I just…”

 Lance took the napkin out of his hand, “no, I can do it myself, mullet.” He did not just squeak that. He wiped the coffee, trying to regain his normal voice, his calmness, and his sanity, _too late for that one,_ all at once. _Come on, you spent 3 days trying to make him feel comfortable and now that he is you're acting like an idiot._  
 “thanks.” He said smiling at Keith. Before realizing everyone at the table were staring at them, “it's not a show, people.”

 He locked eyes with pidge for half a second, and it appeared all the eye begging in the world to her not to say anything to scare Keith off wasn't gonna work, as she grinned, “well, not an _interesting_ one anyway, that involves _less_ clothing.” She wriggled her eyebrows as Lance groaned internally. _Well that was a nice 10 seconds of having Keith back._

 “you're a perverted little pigeon, aren't you?!” Lance stared at Keith with an open mouth. Keith rarely noticed pidge's thousands of agonizing little comments, and even when he did, he rarely acknowledged them, and even when he did he certainly _never_ smirked. Keith caught his eyes and winked. He _fucking winked._ _Okay, clearly I'm still sleep. I Knew this was too good to be true anyway_. He was gonna wake up and Keith was never gonna talk to him ever again.

 He pinched his arm, when nothing happened he pinched his hand again, and again and again. _Of course_ Lotor noticed the action, “why are you pinching your self, Lance?”

 “I'm not!” Lance tried not to blush as everyone laughed again. _Today's really not my day, is it?_

 Keith who was still smirking and had one hand on the table, placed the other one behind Lance, on the chair. Lance tracked the movement with his eyes, instinctively leaning back, when Keith leaned forward, “don't worry, Lance. You're not dreaming.”

 _What. The. Hell?! What the hell?! What the hell?! What the hell?! What the hell?! What the hell?! What the hell?! What the hell?!_  
His thoughts must've showed on his face, cause Keith suddenly started laughing. All Lance could do was stare at him because _what the hell?!_ What was happening? What was with that smirk? Why did that smirk on Keith made it look like he knew something Lance didn't?! And why did it look so hot on him? _Don't even go there right now, brain_.

 Lance stared at the drink in his hand, trying to find an answer to what the hell was going on, “Coran did you put something new in my coffee? I think I'm showing an allergic reaction.”

 The response he got did not come from Coran but Keith; he snorted, “you're not hallucinating either, Lance.”

“is me talking to you that dreamy?“ he added teasingly.

Oh, he was really having fun over this, wasn't he? Lance looked at Keith's laughing figure, feeling a bit _, a lot_ , hurt; _Yeah, make fun of my feelings. that's real nice of you._ That didn't feel like something Keith would do though, even if he didn't return Lance’s feelings, he would never make fun of him like that. He would be that cruel.  
So exactly what else was going on?

 Some little part of him optimistically thought this meant Keith had feelings for him, another part of him was fighting that, calling it impossible. And one other part of him just suggested that Keith hated him now and this was a weird of showing. To be honest all 3 thoughts seemed crazy and impossible to Lance.

 He was so confused and now was the worst time to be confused, with the meeting. Yet the confusion stayed with him, turning more hopeful every time Keith smiled at him during their breakfast, and as Shiro, Keith, Coran and him parted from the others, and as the meeting went on.

 They've broken the team into two groups, since there were two meetings at the same time; one with the blade, and one with the rebels and coalition members. They were discussing a plan for a few planets under the empire's influence. They weren't slaved like the Balmera, it seemed that they all have given their alliance, knowledge, resources willingly to the empire  in a deal of Zarkon not attacking them. Now if Voltron, the coalition could figure out a way to get them change their loyalties, it would be great win for them, and a great set back for the empire.

Still, He couldn't keep himself from staring at where Keith was sitting next to Ryu. Technically, their seats wete set from before it still bothered Lance. He just didn't like the guy.

 Lance had acted coldly the first time Keith had introduced. Even Keith seemed surprised by that. Because Lance liked people? Lance liked meeting new people. Apparently unless they were that guy. And it had everything to do with the fact that everytime he set eyes on him, Keith's words filled his mind; _he reminds me of you, and_ with everytime Keith smiled at him and acted close to him, Keith didn't just let people in that quickly.

 “they look good together, don't they?” Lance jumped up at a quite voice next to him. Upon recognizing the galra girl, Keith once told him she didn't like him, _Touka? Takka?_ Lance decided to ignore her.

 She, however, did not plan on being ignored, “they really fight well together, most of the blade are jealous of them.”

 Lance acted like he was tapping on his tablet, “they really make each other happy.” _What the hell is she talking about?_

 “that's rare. To find a life partner that you work well that quickly. Most of us blades don't get that lucky.” _What?_

 “what are you talking about?” Lance asked finally.

“what?” she questioned.

“what do you mean _life partners?”_ what kind of stupid joke was she trying to pull?

 She gave him a puzzled look, “do you use another word in your culture for people who are together?”

 Lance froze for a second but dismissed the idea quickly, “they're _not_ together.”

“but they are?! That's the only way you can completely join the blade by choosing a partner.” She explained.

 Lance felt dread beginning to pile up inside him, but there was just no way. Keith would've told _him…right?_ “funny I don't remember Keith ever mentioning a condition like that, probably because it's _not_ true.”

 She just smiled at his accusing tone, “what reason do I have to lie?” she asked calmly. “but if you do not believe me, just ask Kolivan.”

 “fine.” He would and when he turned out to be right, he'd throw it at her face, and maybe his ridiculously scared heart would calm down too.

 He walked up to the man, “hey Kolivan.”

 Kolivan looked up from his tablet and smiled, or did the closest thing he had to a smile, “Lance.” He held his fist up.

 Lance bumped it. Sometimes he felt ashamed for telling the man, the action was a respect sign to warriors but it just looked so funny, just not right now.

 “I have a question, it's rather odd.” He began, “but do you have any conditions for joining the blade?”

 Kolivan narrowed his eyes at him, “Lance, I'm afraid you must be at least part galra to join the blade.”

 Lance blinked at him, if he wasn't feeling a bit of terror he would've laughed, “what? No Kolivan, my dude I don't wanna join; I _like_ living, thank you very much.” He mused. “I'm just curious, are there any rules or conditions?.”

 “well, I suppose there's only one.” _Please don't be it. Please don't be it._ “it's a rather personal one, but important one. We can't risk losing any of our members alliance, even to their other halves. That's why to join the blade fully, they must choose a partner amongst the blades. Though it's really not a r…”

 Lance didn't hear what he was saying anymore as the world came to halt. He glanced at where the two were sitting heads too close Keith laughing. Keith laughing at Ryu, the way he hadn't laughed at Lance for months. Dread began filling him. Oh god, it was true wasn't it?

 The blade were too strict with their rules. Keith had fully joined the blade more than a year ago. _All this time?!_

 Lance’s world began shaking. It made sense now; why Keith never returned his compliments, why Keith back downed from him. So what if he'd been jealous of Lotor, sometimes Lance felt jealous when pidge and Hunk spent so much time together, it didn't mean anything. For fuck's sake, Keith had left when Lance had tried to kiss him and hadn't said a word to him in 3 days. Lance had optimistically, _stupidly_ thought he just needed time to come in term with his feelings.

 A pained laugh escaped him; there were no feelings. He'd just been stupid enough to hope there was. _Stupid._

 As Keith's laugh once again ran through the room Lance couldn't stay there any more. He had to leave. He had to get out. The world was tilting around and he _had_ to get out. He had to go somewhere there was air. Why did it feel like all the air was escaping from him?

Somehow he managed to walk to Shiro, he was talking to someone but Lance interrupted him, “Shiro…can... I leave?” his head was becoming foggy, and he couldn’t think of the words to say.

 “Lance, I thought I was clear this morning, you can't…” he stopped as he looked at Lance, “are you okay?” he asked.

 “fine…just….need to leave,” voice barely audible, somehow Lance managed to think of the words, even if his brain was stopping to process anything.

 Shiro nodded, “okay, you can go.”

 Lance only managed to move his shaky legs a step before Shiro's hand landed on his shoulder, “Lance, are you sure you're fine?"

Lance couldn't think of any words to say, brain going blank, he just nodded. He wanted to run from there, but his body barely seemed capable of walking. He wished the world would stop tilting, he wished his heart would stop pounding so loud, he wished the air would start moving back to his lungs, he wished Keith didn't belonged to someone else.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think I was gonna let them get together that easily, did ya? ;)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning:** there's gonna be a panic attack and some self-hate, so please don't read the first part if that triggers you.
> 
> Also please don't judge me on the panic attack description part. I've had mild anxiety attacks a few times but never a full blown panic attack, so I'm really working with everything I could find on google. Tell me what you think about it.
> 
> There's a part from Lotor's POV.

 Lance didn't stop once he was outside the room, his movements were getting sluggish but he didn't stop. He needed to _get away._ His heart was beating so fast, like it wanted to get out of his chest, like it wanted to get away, too. He didn't even know where he was going. His vision was spotted by black dots and even if it wasn't he wasn't in a state to be able to think.

 His breaths were coming out quick, and yet he couldn't feel any air going in, Why wasn't there any air? Why couldn't he breath? He needed to get away from here, to get somewhere he could breathe again. He couldn't even think of what he was trying to get away, just that he needed to _get away,_ to move away; but he was getting slower every second, his legs felt light and tingly beneath him. They were going numb, why were his legs going numb? 

 Someone was trying to talk to him, but he couldn't hear them over the loud buzzing in his ears, what was that sound? And even if he could, he couldn't process the words.

 “Lance?! What are you doing here?”

 “Lance, what's wrong?”

 “Lance, can you hear me? Can you calm down?”

“Lance?”

 “here, let's get you to your room.”

 Something was on his shoulder, pushing him. Lance just wanted it away, he wanted to get away. His knees finally gave under him, something kept him in place, yet he still felt like he was falling.

 “okay, you stay here. I'll get Hunk.”

 Whatever was keeping him from drowning to the floor went away, and it sucked him in, drowning him in.  
He needed to get away but he couldn't move, the world was squeezing him. His heart was thudding loudly in his chest, trying to push its way outside. The loud thump-thump of it was all he could hear. every thud sent sparks of pain all through his body. Air, he needed air.

 “I don't know, I found him like that.”

 “well, what happene…Lance? _Oh buddy.”_

 Something touched his feet, he tried to move away but it grounded him, leaving him unable to get away. “Lance can you hear me?”

 Something filled his ears. There was a calming familiarity to it. “Lance, I need you to focus on my voice.”

 The familiar tune continued, slowly allowing him to breath, the race of his heart lessening. He didn't knew how long passed while it helped him gradually regain consciousness of his senses. The world slowly began to stop spinning and started making sense again. Or make sense enough not to make sense; His face was damp. Why was his face wet? When had he started crying? His vision was starting to clear, why was he on the floor? Why were his hands fisted in his hair, his scalp hurt, like his hair had been pulled really hard, had _he?_ Why was he hugging his knees? Why did his body feel like it'd been hit by a truck? When had he gotten to his room? Shouldn't he be at the _meeting…the meeting._

 The memories began flooding back his mind; _Keith, Ryu, partners. Not yours._ A cry escaped him. breaths growing quick again, blood pulsing to his head. He tried to held it in his hands, but something, hands, kept him from doing so. “no Lance, come on. keep focusing on my voice. Don't think about anything. Just focus on my voice.”  
The humming rang through the air again, and Lance tried to focus on it, to ground himself to it. "That's great, just keep focusing on my voice."

 He recognized the melody, it was an old Spanish tune his mama used to sing to him when he was little, and had nightmares. And he used to sing it to Hunk when he got anxious at the garrison. _Hunk…_ Lance finally processed it was Hunk sitting in front of him. And a bit further from him was Lotor.

 Lance looked at their worried expressions, the state he was in, the pain he was feeling in his chest, his fast breathing he slowly began to realize what had happened; he’d had a panic attack. He'd had a _panic attack._  
Over _what?_ Getting rejected? It wasn't even getting rejected. Not really.  
A broken laugh escaped him.

 “Lance, oh buddy, you had me worrying.” Hunk said letting go of his hands. “please say something, I'm worried.”

 so Lance did, he said the first thing that came to his mind, “why am I so pathetic?” he asked in a barely audible voice.

 Apparently, they hadn't wanted to hear that, “don't say _that,_ Lance. you're… you're not pathetic.” Hunk reassured him with sad worried eyes. Hunk might be a genius, but he was wrong. He was _very_ wrong.

 Lance was pathetic. People got panic attacks over real problems, and he got one over a broken heart. Oh, he was pathetic and stupid, _oh so stupid._ Kidding himself for all this time. How could he, even for a second, think Keith would fall for someone like _him?_  

“Lance?”

 No, no, _no._ Lance had expected Hunk's voice, but panic and pain filled him as he heard Keith's distant voice. His body tensed up. _No, no._ He couldn't do this, he couldn't face Keith, right now. He _couldn't._

 “Lance, why did you leave early? Shiro sen…” Keith stopped at the door frame, eyes taking the situation in, “what's going on?” his eyes went from Lotor to Hunk to stay on Lance, for once Lance didn't want them on him, “Lance, what's wrong?”

Of course he could tell something was wrong; Lance could only imagine the miserable state he was in, hugging himself, crying, _pathetic._

 He didn't get the time to think of a excuse, not that his brain really had any energy left to come up with one, before the sudden movement flashed across his eyes, Lotor pushed Keith to the wall, gripping at the collar of his shirt, “what the hell did you do to him?” he snarled at Keith.

 Keith looked as surprised as Lance and Hunk felt to even react. Somehow, Lance found enough strength to pull himself up, standing on his still numbed legs. “it wasn't him.” His voice came weak and raspy. And Lotor didn't seem to hear it, since he still hadn't let go of Keith. So Lance gathered all his energy and tried again, _“let go_ of him, Lotor. It wasn't his fault.” It wasn't.

 Lotor took a step back, letting his hands fall to his side, staring at Keith, looking more shocked than any other one of them at his own actions. But Lance wasn't in a state to analyze others, it was taking all his energy not to fall back to the floor. Everywhere hurt, his chest more than all.

 Still, he did feel a bit surprised when Keith wasn't at Lotor's throat the next second; Instead he took a step toward Lance, “are you okay? What's _wrong?”_ he repeated. And it was too much. The worried tone of his voice, the caring look in his eyes was too much for Lance. He needed to get away.

“get out.”

 “what?” Keith questioned.

 _“get out!_ All of you get out!” Lance yelled with more force than he thought he could have, right now.

 Whatever was in his voice seemed to work on Hunk and Lotor but not Keith. _Of course not._ Keith came closer as the two walked out, “Lance…”

 “get out, Keith!” Lance interrupted him.

 But Keith walked closer, just a step from Lance. He was _too_ close, _“no,_ tell me what's wrong.”

He sounded too gentle, too caring. He was too close, and Lance couldn't breathe again. So he shoved him, too weak to even move Keith an inch away, “I said get the hell out!”

 “la…” Lance didn't even let him begin, “get out! Get out, Keith! Just leave me alone. Just go away” _Alone._ He said trying to sound as harsh as possible, to cover the _desperateness_ of his voice.

 It seemed to have worked, Hurt flashed across Keith's face, “o…okay. I can see you need time. I'll... I'll leave.” He said turning around and leaving, he hesitated at the door, “I'll come back later.”

 Lance barely held his bitter laugh. How ironic that Keith had chosen those words. Like the universe was making fun of Lance. Like it was laughing at him. He couldn't blame it, he was laughable. _You need time._ He'd thought Keith just needed time. How could he kid himself _that_ much? How could he be _that_ blind? There was no amount of time that could make someone just fall in love with you. Talk about bringing wishful thinking to a whole new level.

 Once Keith was gone, Lance tapped the panel, locking the door. And then all the energy left him, he sank to the floor. He was exhausted and even more disappointed in himself with how he'd reacted with people who were worried about him. _Great,_ now he wasn't just a pathetic lovesick loser, he was an asshole too. He curled in on himself. Letting the tears fall.

 What he'd said was true; this wasn't _Keith's_ fault. It wasn't. Keith had done nothing wrong. Keith had never said or done anything that indicated he had feelings of that sort for Lance. The only thing Lance could blame him of, was being a good friend, of caring too much, and Lance, too deep in love to see the truth, had taken his niceness as feelings.

 How could he blame Keith for being too intimate sometimes? the boy had so little human contact, he probably thought things like that were normal between friends, and Lance had latched on to every action taking it as he wanted. _Pathetic._

 Though he couldn't understand how the others hadn't noticed Keith didn't reciprocate, either. Unless… unless they _had._ Unless they knew and they just felt too sorry for him to tell him. Unless they pitied him too much to tell him. Unless they didn't think he could take it.

 One look at the pitiful state he was in and he could see why, sprawled on the floor. He took the earing out looking at it, the flames in it, alive. It was beautiful, like Keith. Full of life and fight, like Keith. Shinning, like Keith. _Unreachable,_ like Keith.

 Lance couldn't fool himself anymore. Keith wasn't his. Keith had never been his. Keith would never be his.

He held the stone in his hand, holding it to his chest, a broken sob escaped him. broken like him. He was broken and hurt. But More importantly He was tired. He was just so tired.

Why was it that everytime he thought things were gonna get better, something worse happened? He was tired of being hurt all the time, he was tired of being sad all the time. He was just tired. He wanted to go home. And not castle home, _home_ home. He wanted to go back to his family, back to people who actually wanted him there. Back to where he could be useful.

 Had he been though? Had he ever been useful, even back on earth? He couldn't think of anytime he had been; he'd been a handful to his parents, always causing troubles. they still had sent him to garrison, even with all the loans it'd cost them. And what had he done? Jump on a spacecat in the first opportunity he'd found. He wasn't useful there  he wasn't useful here.

 Lance lied there, unmoving letting his tears fall until there was none left, for hours? A day? and yet he couldn't find the energy nor the will to move. wishing he could fall off the face of the earth, or space.

 Why did the blade have to stay? This way He couldn't leave his room, even if he wanted to; which he _didn't,_ he couldn't even imagine seeing Keith with _him_ right now. His breaths quickened everytime he even thought about it.

 There weren't many people Lance hated, _truly_ hated in his life. Yet Ryu had managed to make it to the top of that list in the last two days Lance had thrown a pity party for himself. Ryu hadn't done anything to earn such a hate.

 Except that he _had._ He had done the worst thing possible to Lance, He had taken Keith from him. Lance couldn't help but think _what if?_ What if Ryu hadn't showed up? What if Lance had figured his feelings sooner? What if Lance had managed to have enough courage to tell Keith? Then maybe Keith would've given him a chance, then maybe he wouldn't have gotten replaced by Ryu.

 But that was a misconception; Ryu _hadn't replaced_ him. You couldn't lose a place you never had. And He never had that place with Keith in the first place. That was the plain old truth; Keith had never felt that way about him. Keith had never loved him that way. _And he never will._

 How could Lance ever think he would? _Why_ would he? Why would Keith love someone like Lance? Why would _anyone_ love someone like him? What did Lance have to offer? _Nothing,_ he had nothing to offer. He wasn't smart, not really funny, nor good-looking nor talented at anything. The only thing he'd ever been semi-decent at was shooting. _Semi-decent, average._ Not an amazing leader, not a skilled fighter, not a genius, not an inventor, not anything, less than average, _nothing._

 He wasn't even a real paladin, he'd just been at the right, or rather wrong considering his inadequacy to be a paladin, time and place for blue to catch a ride to the castle. In the right place for red to let him pilot her while Keith wasn't able to.

  _Keith,_ even the thought of his name brought unimaginable pain to Lance. Could you feel real pain over heart break? Cause Lance certainly could, a tingly unenjoyable heat in his chest that threatened to take his breath away and not in a good way.

 _'Tis better to have loved and lost_  
_Than never to have loved at all._  
 Well, Fuck _that._ Clearly Tennyson had no idea what the hell he was talking about. Lance wished he'd never loved Keith. Lance wished he'd never fallen in love. Hell, He even wished he could go back to his denial days, even if he was confused all the time back then, he didn't hurt all the time.

 But that really wouldn't work would it? He'd just end up here, again. _No,_ it wouldn't work. He'd been cursed the moment he laid eyes Keith. He wished he could go back to that first day of garrison, to the first time he saw Keith stepping out of the stimulator, when he'd watched him in awe, and slap himself to look the other way, to never set eyes on Keith.

 But he Also didn't wish that. He loved having Keith in his life. He loved that Keith had let him in his life. He loved talking to Keith. He loved teasing Keith. He loved making him laugh. He even loved fighting with him. He loved Keith. Keith didn't love him. And he still loved Keith. Keith loved someone else. And he still loved Keith. It was pathetic. And he still loved Keith.

 He just wanted to run, to leave, to never face Keith again. the thought of never having to look in the Keith's eyes and know that they would never love him back, never look at him that way, was _too_ tempting.

 But he would never do that, he could _never_ do that. He knew how much Keith cared about him. True to his words, Keith'd come back later knocking on Lance’s door, Lance had ignored, him hiding behind the protection of his locked door. and yet Keith hadn't given up, he'd knocked on Lance’s door at least 10 other times the last two days. _Yeah,_ Keith might not be in love with him, but he cared for Lance, the thought still brought a small consolation to his aching heart.

 Everyone in Keith's life had left him, one way or another; Died or vanished or simply had abandoned him. Lance would never do that to him. Lance could never be that selfish. He couldn't take Keith's first friend from him. He couldn't take part of Keith's family from him. And he _wouldn't._

 And really what was Keith's fault in all this? He hadn't done anything wrong. He hadn't done anything to lead Lance on.

 Lance had no one to blame but himself.  
Himself and all the shows, all the stupid romcoms and novels for setting the bar high for his expectations of love, for making him _want_ to fall in love. There was a small sign decorating the wall of his bedroom back on earth; ‘ _There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved_.’

 Lance had read the words almost everyday of his life, it was the very thing he believed in. He was a stupid naïve kid. He'd wanted to fall in love all his life, he was a _fool;_ love wasn't happy. It hurt. It was painful. It was not being able to breath. It was being suffocated. Love _sucked._

 And yet, Lance knew it didn't, not really. he'd seen how much his mama and papa loved each other, how happy they made each other. he'd seen how happy his sister had been when she'd found her husband, how great their life had been. He'd seen Matt and Shiro. No, _Love_ didn't suck. Not being loved back _did._ Knowing that the person who your heart belonged to, belonged to someone else, hurt. It truly _hurt._ More than any physical pain Lance had felt his entire life.

 But he would have to find a way to deal with it. He would have to find a way to suck it up, to find a way to handle himself for once. To not be a mess for once. He would have to find a way to get over Keith. The thought made his stomach;  as much as he wanted to not be hurt anymore, he still didn't want to let go of Keith, he still didn't want to stop loving him. He'd never felt so at war with himself.

 Maybe he _could…NO._ he would never do that, he wouldn't try to rip two people who loved each other apart. He couldn't take Keith from someone else, even Ryu, not that he even had a chance to. He wasn't that kind of person.

 And as much as Keith not loving him hurt, the thought of not having Keith in his life at all, hurt _more._

He didn't want to stop loving Keith. But he had to find a way, for Keith and himself.

 

* * *

 

 

Keith stared at the plate full of goo, not even a little hungry for it, even if he hadn't eaten much the last few days.

 Four days. It had been 4 days since the meeting. 4 days that Lance hadn't left his room.

 Keith'd been so excited, scared, but still excited to talk to Lance, but that day had taken an unwanted turn. When Shiro had sent him to check on Lance, he really hadn't expected to find Lance like that. When he'd walked in Lance’s room, the first thing he'd noticed was Lotor sitting on the floor. for once Keith could see emotions in his face; worry and fear clear in his expression. a few feet from him was Hunk, more concerned than ever, looking like he was next to an injured animal. then there was Lance; on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest, face teary and paled.

 Keith had seen Lance in his worst, or he'd thought he had before that moment, but even he hadn't seen Lance in such a state; he just looked so vulnerable, so broken. Like the world had just crashed on him. And when he'd locked eyes with Keith, Keith had seen the absolute fear in his eyes. He looked so fucking scared. Keith never ever wanted to see him like that again.

 Everything in him wanted to hold Lance, to calm him, to whisper words of reassurance to him, but something about Lance’s aura when he'd told Keith to get out stopped him. It wasn't like him, lasing out when you're hurt wad more like Keith than him. There was a clear _stay away_ mood coming from him, and as tired as he looked he looked ready to flee if Keith didn't keep away.

 So Keith had decided to come back later, that had been a poor choice. He shouldn't have left, Lance hadn't answered him when he'd went back a few hours later, or any other times he'd went knocking at the door. He hadn't answered to anyone else, either. He hadn't said a word or left his room in 4 god damned days.

 Keith was going out of his mind with worry, the only reason, he hadn't blasted the door open to go inside and make sure Lance was fine, that he was even _alive_ in there -not a single sound had came from his room, and Keith was a worried guy, right now- was because Pidge and Coran had reassured them Lance’s vitals were coming from the room based on castle scans. Shiro had band him from breaking the door, either. So yes, it was safe to say Keith wasn't in a good state.

 As far as the general knowledge of the inhabitants of castle went; Lotor had found Lance in a bad state, took him to his room and had asked for Hunk to help. Keith arriving at the room after the two And Lance had thrown the three of them out, asking to be alone.

But Hunk had told him more, of how Lotor had brought him to Lance in a middle of an anxiety attack, which Keith had gathered on his own. Hunk looked so worried.

 It had been a tough few days for everyone.  
Even _Lotor._ Now, Keith had paid his fair share of attention to the bastard, Keith still hated him for what he'd done to Lance no matter what, so he knew how contained Lotor was, how in control of showing his emotions he was. Yet, he'd been acting rather _emotional_ in these 4 days.

 They had been at each other's throat, even _more_ than usual, and Lotor didn't look like he was capable of holding back his anger at Keith, not even infront of the others. Which who gave him the right to be angry at Keith? if anyone had the right to be mad; it was Keith.

  _Specially,_ after the stupid decision the coalition had made on their meeting; they've decided to sent Lotor to negotiate with the planets, to change the people's mind to join up powers with Voltron instead of Zarkon. Keith honestly couldn't believe Allura and Shiro had agreed to this. had everyone on this castle gone crazy?

 He stopped playing with the goo, deciding that he wasn't going to eat it, dropping his fork, it hit the plate with a thud, “I _hate_ this.”

 “but the rest of us are having the time of our lives, here.” Pidge mused dryly.

 Keith frowned, “your sass is not appreciated.”

 “I'm not trying to be appreciated,” she retorted, frowning back.

 A sigh came from Shiro, _“guys.”_

 The thing was, Lance really was what brought them together, what made them a family, even when he was quiet and didn't say anything, his very presence made everyone feel closer. So not having him there, even for a few days, had taken its toll on them. Everyone was on edge.

 There was a moment of silence, before Pidge dropped her spoon in imitate of Keith's previous action, “I hate this, too.” She sounded so upset, Keith wanted to hug her. “I don't see why I can't just hack the door open and we bring him out.”

“Lance wants some time alone, we should respect that.” Shiro said in a steady voice.

 Pidge was quick to answer, “why though? We all know that Lance would immediately bust in trying to help, if one of us did something like _this!”_ Keith agreed in silence. She was right, Lance would. But still something about the way Lance had been…

Shiro's stern face faltered, he opened his mouth a few times, looking hesitant.

 “you didn't see him.” in the end the answer didn't come from him, but Lotor. “he was…” Lotor stopped, for once in all the time Keith had known him, speechless. Though if Keith didn't know any better he'd say Lotor look pained.

 “it looked _bad.”_ Hunk finished.

  _“what_ looked bad, exactly? You haven't told us much.” Pidge questioned.

 Hunk looked conflicted. Keith knew why; on one hand he wanted to tell the others, on the other hand Lance wouldn't want them to say anything. “look, it's not like I was the one who … found him.” Right, that had been Lotor. Cause that wasn't suspicious at all.

“no, that was _Lotor.”_ Keith said.

 Lotor's head turned to him, “what are you insinuating, red paladin?”

 “I think it's clear what I'm _insinuating!”_ Keith mocked, standing up.

 “this was _not_ my doing.” Lotor mirrored his gesture.

 “yeah, right. There wasn't anyone else in the castle when you found him.” Everyone else were at the meetings, Keith and Hunk were even forced to go back to them after.

 “and it wasn't _my_ name he was crying when I found him.” Lotor looked startled like he hadn't meant to say that. Keith didn't know about that. “besides, he was fine before the meeting.”

 “he's not wr…” Keith glared Shiro to quietness, to _stay out of it._

 “don't bring the blade into this.” Thankfully, Kolivan had actually listened to Keith on not trusting the blade, so the relationship between Lotor and the blade wasn't exactly a good one.

Lotor huffed, “oh, I'm not bringing the _blade_ into this.”

 From all the fights they'd had on the same matter these past few days, it was clear Lotor was saying this was Keith's fault. Which even Keith didn't believe it was Lotor's doing, couldn't be his. It couldn't be because of the party because Lance had acted fine the days after that. And Keith hadn't even said anything to Lance during the meeting to upset him.

 Not to mention what Hunk had told him about the first thing Lance had said after: _why am I so pathetic?_ As much as it hurt Keith to even think about why Lance thought that about himself, he couldn't help but notice how it sounded exactly like what Lotor used to tell Lance. “if this wasn't you, then why would he say _that?”_ Keith refused to say _what_ in front of the others, Lance wouldn't want him to.

 _“please,_ everyone here knows you're the only one who could affect him that much.”

 Keith was thrown off for a second, but he gathered himself quickly, “you were the one who spent months breaking him!” he spat.

 Lotor did not fail to glare back, “funny you say that, because _so did you.”_

 Keith was thrown off again because Lotor wasn't exactly _wrong,_ but his instincts worked faster and apart from his brain, he took hold of the collar of Lotor's outfit, “what …”

 Something or someone interrupted his yell of anger, “what's going on here?”

 Keith's head immediately turned to the door, to Lance. Standing in the entrance of the kitchen was Lance, looking like a wreck. He was still pale, eyes red, with dark circles surrounding them. Hair and clothes disshelved, he looked liked he'd slept in them or _hadn't slept_ in them.

 Still it was one of the best sights Keith had seen, _“Lance!”_

 he was almost ready to run and hug him, which reminded him he should probably let go of Lotor. with a mutual glare he let go of Lotor's clothes. It took Lance’s attention, “really? I take two days off and you're at each other's throats as soon as I'm gone.”  
Before anyone had a chance to answer,

 Lance shrugged starting to move, “you know what? You wanna rip each other apart, go ahead.” Keith could only watch him as he pick some goo for himself and sat down because not once had he heard Lance sound so _defeated,_ so given up.

 Keith decided to sick back down and so did Lotor. For someone who hadn't eaten anything in 4 days , Lance hadn't Even opened the door to take the food Hunk or him or anyone else left him outside, Lance really didn't seem to have much of an appetite.

 Five minutes of silent was all it took before Allura spoke, “Lance, you haven't left your room in 4 days.”

  _“really?_ I hadn't noticed.” It could've been taken as a joke, if Lance hadn't said the words so dryly.

 Allura frowned, “that was very irresponsible of you. What were you thinking, or weren't you thinking again? What would've happened if we needed Voltron, were you just going to stay in your room, like a kid throwing a tantrum? You need to stop being selfish, Lance, and start putting the universe before yourself, and your personal feelings and moods. You can't…”

 “Allura, that's _enough.”_ Keith thanked god when Shiro interrupted her, because if he hadn't Keith would've, preferably with a punch. How could she scold Lance, right now? with he hurt he looked, right now?. And not to mention, the things she said weren't true.

 Lance who'd shrank to himself and looked like he'd been slapped interfered, “no, she's _right._ It was stupid, I'm sorry.” For the first time since he'd entered the room he locked eyes with Keith, but immediately averted his eyes, and that fracture of a second was too quick for Keith to decipher all the swirling emotions in them. “it won't happen again.”

 Even Allura seemed to waver at how Lance sounded. She shifted in her chair, looking uncomfortable, which Keith didn't care after her little stunt. “it's good to have you back.” She said in the end.

 That finally brought a half a smile to Lance’s face, “it's good to be back.” Keith had never heard someone and think they could mean it any less.

 

* * *

 

 

 Lotor had always prided himself on being able to manage his emotions, choose what to show. It was what enabled him to control and manipulate others easily. He couldn't remember the last time he'd lost control of his actions, or said something he hadn't meant to. Even in his anger he was always processing what he wanted to say or do before he did.

Yet, when he'd found Lance shaking, and crying, unable to move or even to breathe properly, He'd _panicked._ he couldn't even remember the last time he'd been afraid of something, let alone _for_ someone. Lance had been unresponsive, the only thing coming out of him quite repeats of the red paladins name.

 Lotor had for the first time lost control of his actions, he'd ran to the coalition meeting, ignoring that he wasn't allowed in, asking for Hunk. He hadn't expected for them to find Lance even in a worse state than when he'd left him. And when Lance had finally calmed down coming to his senses and had said that one sentence...

 Funny how Lotor had spent so much time telling Lance the very same words, knowing Lance believed him and agreed with him. Yet hearing Lance say them about himself had been unsettling to Lotor, almost _hurtful?_

 A sheer protectiveness had ran through him when Keith had showed up, when Lance had looked at him so terrified. Lotor was deeply shocked by how he reacted, even the days following.

 It was clear to Lotor now that he cared about Lance. And that was truly the most unsettling thing he'd heard.

 When he first came aboard the castle, the goal was to; help Voltron get rid of his father, then get rid of Voltron.

 He hadn't believed it when the Voltron team had given him the perfect opportunity to; letting him treat one of their own as he wished. From what he'd heard and seen; they were very protective of each other, so he'd been quite shocked when they had let him talk to Lance as he wanted. When they had chosen to look the other way. to the way he treated Lance, to let him break Lance as he wished just to get information. Specially with the way Lance called them family, their ignorant to how the paladin felt was almost _pitiful._

 Nevertheless they had presented Lotor with the opportunity, and Lotor had taken it. The plan had been simple: break the paladin completely and then put the pieces together as he wished, gaining himself a perfect little soldier.

 Lotor had had experience with torture, he knew how mental ones could affect some people more than physical ones, and from the first time he'd seen Lance He'd known Lance was one of those people. Words affected him too much, and he seemed to have had a low opinion of himself even before that. Lotor could see how after a while Lance had began to silently agree with him. Lotor had been truly surprised when Voltron hadn't stopped his daily visits with Lance, with how clearly broken Lance looked, each day more than the previous one.

 So _yes,_ the first part of his plan had been a success, he'd broken Lance successfully, it was clear in the lost look in Lance’s eyes.  
The second part, however, was faced with difficulties; where Lance seemed to think low of himself, lack belief in himself and his abilities, he thought very highly of everyone else in his team. Admiring each and everyone of them. And no amount of Lotor's words seemed to changed that or even _affect_ it. Lance might've hated himself, but he truly loved everyone in his team. Where he never said anything to defend himself, or disagree with any of Lotor's insults at him, the sparks of fight immediately flew in his eyes as soon as Lotor said something bad about them.

 It was annoying, even frustrating, to see how much Lotor had come, but because of Lance’s insistence on thinking so highly and fondly of the others his plan wasn't working.  
He had been almost ready to give up, when he'd seen the clear pity in Lance’s eyes when he'd answered something about Zarkon and him.

 Lotor had damned himself for not seeing it sooner, Lance was the blue paladin; his very quintessence, his very being was based on loyalty and caring for the others. Of course Lotor shouldn't have tried to take that away, he should've tried to _use_ that, instead. Lance’s heart was the key.

 So he'd told stories of his childhood with Zarkon and the witch, sometimes exaggerating but most of the times they were true. He knew they were heart wrenching stories, but they didn't bother him, because he didn't care about them, he hadn't in a long time. But if they were going to help him, then he had zero problem using them.

 The effect was almost unbelievable, he'd lived for 10,000 years, yet he hadn't seen that much pity and compassion in one person as he saw in Lance. So he'd chosen that path to go on.

 The others had started to visit too and Lotor found a way to influence them too, everyone but the red paladin.

 But even Lotor was surprised when Lance came with the offer to let him out, with the tracker of course, still Lance was putting a lot of trust in him. Of course Lotor was going to use that, but he was still surprised by it.

 And yet Lance hadn't stopped there, he'd treated Lotor like a friend, he’d welcomed him to his team, he'd helped Lotor find his way into each one of the team, aside from the red paladin of course. It was unbelievable to see how much risk Lance was putting to everyone even the red paladin, which Lotor could see how much Lance cherished, for him. It was like Lance was inviting him to join his family. That was indeed upsetting to Lotor.

 For 10,000 the only people he'd been in contact with had been Zarkon, the witch and his own generals. He'd had thousands of generals, they weren't that important to him, he didn't count them friends, let alone family. And he certainly didn't consider Zarkon or Haggar his family. So family was a foreign concept to him.

 He'd never had siblings, never wanted to have any. But _now?_ This kid who was fighting in a middle of a war that had nothing to do with him, that he clearly didn't want to part in, but did anyway Because he believed it was right thing to do. This kid who was willing to do anything to make others happy. This kid who had a big enough heart to not only forgive his enemy, not only let him have a life but also found enough love in his heart to offer him a family. Yeah maybe in a impossible way Lotor wouldn't have minded having him as a family. Had the situation been different.

 he would have to hurry his plan along, before he got attached to any more of these people.  
Some part of him said it was too late, that he was already attached to the green paladin and her sarcastic comments about his hair, to the yellow paladin and his enthusiasm about anything food related, to the kind yet slightly crazy altean advisor, to the chatty genius rebel, to the champion who was too kind for the title he'd gained, and even to the angry princess.

But Lotor would not let these... _feelings_ stop him. He had worked too long, too hard to give up now. No, he would go on with the plan.

But maybe he could find a way to save Lance from the fate that was awaiting the rest of the paladins.

 

* * *

 

 

 Keith stared at the ceiling. It'd been a month since Lance had left his room. After that Lance had been… _different._ He wasn't in the upsetting mood he was then, _no_ if anything he was almost like his old self; always laughing, always joking, always teasing others. But with a little difference; now it was _all_ a façade. Not one of those laughs and smiles reached his eyes. His always dark circled eyes showing of his sleepless nights. he barely ate anything. Everytime Keith asked about it, he laughed it off with a fake laugh.

 That probably was the part that worried Keith the most. Lance hadn't wore his mask in a long time, at least not with Keith. But now? It wasn't like Lance was avoiding him, because he _wasn't._ But it was things like the fact that he never let their eyes meet for more than a second. Or everytime his face turned mischievous and began to say something, but caught himself mid sentence, eyes losing their shine immediately.

 Something was seriously wrong, and Lance was seriously going out of his way to hide it.

 He'd stopped wearing his earing, _Keith's_ earing. The first time Keith had noticed had been the next day after Lance had left his room. Keith'd found him in the hanger, he had meant to ask what had happened that had made Lance react like that, he didn't think it was the right time to talk about their feelings. He'd been caught off guard when he'd seen the empty space on Lance’s ear. Lance had never taken it off before, no matter the fights, no matter how much of an asshole Keith had been, he hadn't taken it off. So Keith hadn't been able to keep himself from asking what had happened to it, Lance had claimed it was broken. But Keith believed there was more to it. This meant some thing, he just didn't know _what._

 The month had been awful, having Lance as himself and not as himself was awful. Keith was tired of it, he wanted Lance back, and he wanted Lance to be happy, _really_ happy, not fake happy.

 Keith made his decision, getting up from his bed to go talk to Lance. As soon as he hit the panel, the door slid open to reveal a Lance with a raised hand, ready to knock.

 Keith laughed, “I was about to come see you.”  
Lance mustered a smile coming in.

 “I need to talk to you.” They both said, causing Keith to smile. Well if Lance was gonna open up on his own that was good.

 He sat on the bed, “you first.” He said trying not to frown when Lance sat a good two feet away from him. What was with Lance and this new found respect for personal space? specially since now Keith knew for sure that he didn't want any personal space between him and Lance. Keith scolded himself; _now_ wasn't the time to think about that, not when something was bothering Lance this much.

 “do you want to pilot red again?”

 Of all the things Keith had expected Lance to say, _that_ wasn't one, “what?!”

 “do you want to pilot the red lion again?” Lance repeated.

 Panic filled Keith, “Lance what is this about?”

  _“nothing,_ I'm just asking you if you want red back?”

 Keith turned on the bed facing Lance’s side, “what happened Lance? Is this about you stepping out again?”

  _“no.”_ Lance finally looked at him and held his gaze, Keith was thrown back by how intense and determined his eyes were. “if I found a way for all of us to be part of Voltron, and for you to pilot red again, would you?”

 Keith stared at him, suspiciously. Where had this come from? “I get to pilot red, and you wouldn't leave or step out?” he questioned.

 “yes.” Lance answered simply. Keith couldn't help his nod, of course he wanted to pilot red, she was his lion and if Lance really had found a way to keep them both paladins, then why _not._

 “promise,” Lance demanded with his still intense gaze.

 Well, Keith wasn't taking any chances. “promise not to leave and I will.”

 “I promise not to leave Voltron.” Lance said, eyes more closed off than ever.

 Keith nodded, “okay, then I promise too.”

 Lance smiled. Keith raised his eyebrow, “so? What is this mysterious way?”

 “come on.” Lance stood up gesturing to the door with his head, “we're having a Voltron meeting.”

 He followed Lance to the main deck where everyone, except for Allura, Coran and Lotor, thank god, were waiting. Keith stared at them, clearly Lance had planned the meeting, “how did you know I was gonna agree?”

 Lance just shrugged, gave him a knowing look, and told him to sit on the red paladin's chair. He, himself stood in front of every one.

 “dude _today,_ we got stuff to do!” Matt said after a few seconds of Lance just staring at the floor, hands in pockets.

 “yeah, I mean if it's your coming out meeting, you're a bit late,” Pidge mused.

 Lance made a face at her, _“haha,_ very funny.”

 “look, I really don't know how to put this, so I'm just gonna come out and say it,” he rubbed the back of his neck before looking up, “you know how Lotor's leaving for the diplomatic mission, tomorrow?” Keith had a pit in his stomach about where this was going, “I was thinking it would be better if a paladin went with him, you know talking with the locals, I think it'd be easier to convince them…”

 Keith interrupted him, “where are you going with this, Lance?”

 Lance sighed. “I'm leaving tomorrow.”

 The world came to a stop.

_What?!_

 “you can't…you can't just _leave!_ We… we can't form Voltron without you!” Pidge got out of her seat.

 “actually you _can,”_ Lance corrected, “you don't need me, you need a red paladin and you already have him. Keith has agreed to pilot her again.”

 Keith finally got over his shock and found his voice, jumping up from his seat, “because you said you wouldn't _leave!_ You _promised!”_

 “and I'm _not!”_ Lance answered, “I'm not leaving Voltron.”

 “you just said you were.” Hunk protested.

 “I never said I'm leaving _Voltron._ I'm still a paladin, I'm just... going on a mission.”

 “a mission that'll take months!” Keith cried.

  _“so?”_  

  _So you won't be here for months, you'll be on a ship alone with Lotor, in danger_. “so the blade might want me on a mission, I can't just stay here.” Actually that wasn't really true, he'd been having a lot of doubts about going back to blade, but now wasn't the time to share that, not when Lance wanted to leave with that creep.

 Lance’s shoulder slumped, “look, I know you want to get back to … to  _them._ But I'm asking you, if you could stay just for the 3 months? _Please?”_

 Keith squinted at him, “is that why you're doing this? Forcing me to say, So I can't go back there?” he regretted what he said immediately, Lance always was supportive of his choice, even when it hurt him.

 Lance looked at him with a hurt expression, Keith's heart ached as Lance quickly covered it, “no Keith. I would _never_ do that. I _respect_ your choices.” There was something heavy about the last sentence like it had a double meaning, one that Keith didn't understood.

 _Can you respect my choice?_ Lance’s eyes asked him clearly. “tell me why you want to leave so badly.” Keith demanded.

 “I never asked you.” Lance answered quietly, “I just…I _need_ this.” _Why? What's wrong? What are you running from?_

 “look, I'm not doing this to slack off, or get out of work or… I _need_ this.” Lance took a look around the room, “I've already asked Allura and Shiro and they agreed.” Keith threw a glare at Shiro, letting him know that they were gonna have a discussion about this later. “but I won't do this if you all don't agree.”

 Everyone else nodded reluctantly, Pidge the last one before Keith. Lance just looked at him, eyes pleading him to agree. Keith didn't want to, every part of him wanted to tell him to _stay._ But all he could think about was how everyone had told him how hurt Lance had been when Keith had left for the blade, yet Lance had still told him to leave if he wanted. He deserved the same amount of respect.

 “fine,” Keith said. “but you better come back in one piece, you _asshole!”_ Keith threatened.

 Lance finally gave him a real smile, one that tugged at Keith's heart, reminding him of how much he missed Lance’s real smiles, “aw, Keithy, you _do_ care.”

 Keith punched his arm gently, _you don't know how much_ , “shut it, loverboy.” He teased.

 Lance immediately averted his eyes, smile faltering, “right...  _Loverboy.”_ He whispered.

 Keith frowned confused by the reaction, but Lance had left the room before he could ask anything.

 Hunk was looking at his track, pouting, “can't believe he's leaving without a group hug.”

 “don't worry big guy, you'll get your groupie.” Matt joked.

 Hunk made a face, “please don't refer to it as that ever again. It sounds like something people do in an orgy.”

 Matt wiggled his eyebrows, “been to a lot of orgies, _big guy?”_

 Hunk's expression was both blushing and disgusted, “Shiro, please control your boyfriend.”

 _Right, Shiro._ Keith turned to him, “you knew? How long did you know?!”

 “a couple of days, he asked us not to tell anything.” Shiro explained. A couple of days? How long had Lance been thinking about this?

 Pidge's frown deepened, “why did you agree?if you hadn't, then he wouldn't ask us.” _And leave._

 “because it's clear he really needs this, he literally said so, just now.” Shiro smiled at them.

 

 Keith didn't know how he should be reacting, apart from the surprise, everytime he thought about Lance not being there something lumped his throat. Castle without Lance in it, didn't feel like castle, didn't feel like _home._ He stared at the clock, Lance was leaving in an hour…30 minutes…20 minutes…10 minutes…5 minutes. He got up, walking to Lance’s room. Lance walked outside, with a tired, upset expression on his face, shoulders slumped, “hey.”

 “you look like shit.” 

  _“you_ look like shit.” Lance answered.

 “you gotta work on getting better insults while you’re gone.” Keith teased as they started walking toward the hangers. Lance’s expression only saddened.

 “this is bullshit.”  
Lance only hummed in agreement.

 “you don't want to leave.” Keith observed, it was obvious from Lance’s reaction. Another hum of agreement. Keith frowned, “if you don't want to, then why…”

 “you don't always get what you want, Keith.” Lance interrupted him, “I _need_ to do this.”

 “why? What are you running from?” Keith couldn't stop his question.

 “I'm not running. I messed up, now I'm trying to fix it. I'll come back, I promise.”

 Lance stopped in his track, they were at the end of the hallways, and the entrance of the hangers. He bit his lip, looking at Keith shyly, _shyly,_ “is it okay if…can I hug you?”

 Keith could only stare at him in shock, when had Lance _ever_ asked him that? Since when did he need permission to hug Keith?

 Apparently Lance took his lack of answer as no, he blushed turning around to walk away, “right, then.”

 Keith pulled him by his hand, hugging him, “since when do you ask?” he questioned.

 “don't wanna make you uncomfortable,” Lance tried to pull away from the shortest hug he'd ever given Keith, Keith hugged him tighter; keeping him in place, “I'm _not_ uncomfortable.”

 There was a moment of Lance standing there letting Keith hug him, before he wrapped his hands around Keith too, pushing his face to Keith's shoulder. Keith noticed the way he was shaking, so he hugged him tighter, “what's gotten into you Lance?”

 Lance made a sad laugh, Keith feeling the vibrations, “nothing, don't worry, Keith. I'm gonna fix this and come back. Then I'll be a real friend.” _you're already a real friend._

 This time when Lance pulled away, Keith was faced with Lance, _his_ Lance, Lance with no masks or facades to hide behind. Every part of his face was fond, screaming _I love you_ at Keith, more than ever. He smiled, _“goodbye, mullet.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry.
> 
> My poor lance, everything had just piled on to each other, he just needed one last poke to crash down, to break down.


	15. Chapter 15

 When Lotor suggested that Lance should join the diplomatic mission, Lance’s immediate reaction had been refusal. Even when Lotor had pointed that out it was clear Lance didn't wanted to be at the castle then, Lance’s answer stayed a firm no.

 But, the more he'd thought about it, the better of an idea it seemed; not only did it gave him a chance to be away from Keith, so he could ... he could get over him, it also meant he could give Keith his lion back. Lance had promised himself to do that, he couldn't just ignore the chance he'd gotten to do that.

 And well, after the mission, he could just go back, work around the castle, help Coran. That seemed like the right thing to do. After all, he wasn't a paladin, neither was he worthy enough to be one. So in the end he'd changed his mind and went with Lotor. 

 As it turned out it wasn't that great of an idea after all; It'd only been a month since he left the castle, but he already missed everyone so much, so _so_ much. Yesterday, he'd looked at his food and almost started crying because the shape reminded him of Pidge's hair, therefore Pidge. _Oh,_ how much he missed the little gremlin, and Hunk, and Matt, and Shiro, and Coran, and Allura.

 _And_ Keith. God, he couldn't even put how much he missed Keith into words. He was a disaster.

'Out of sight, out of mind.' _Yeah, right._ Who ever came up with that, had been very clearly out of his mind. Keith was a permanent resident of Lance’s mind these days. The more he tried to stop thinking about him, to stop feeling for him, the more he felt. It didn't help that he had so much free time on his hands now. They landed on a new planet every few days, but Lotor was too good at politics, all the planets they'd been to so far, joined Voltron rather quickly. 

 So, _yeah,_ Lance had a lot of free time, and for once he didn't _like_ having it. Not when he spent every moment thinking about Keith. And it still hurt, everytime he thought about him, it hurt. yet Lance couldn't stop himself.

 Why was he this pathetic, this desperate? _Just stop thinking about him._  
why couldn't it have been a crush, so he could just forget about it? Why did he have to love Keith? Why did he have to fall so deep? Why did he have to want Keith with every fiber of his being? He _wanted_ to stop, he _wanted_ to get over it, he _wanted_ not to be hurt.

 It wasn't like Keith was his soulmate, even if that's what he previously believed, or anything ... _right?_ You couldn't be soulmates with someone who was in love with another. But he and Keith would really fit together, wouldn't they? just like piece of puzzles; made to complete one another. _Don't even go there._

 The familiar pain stroke through his chest, why wasn't it getting better? Why wasn't _he_ getting better? It'd been a month, why didn't he feel any better? Why did he still feel like this? Like someone had reached to his chest, trying to rip his heart out, but had changed their mind midway and now just squeezed it whenever they wanted, which was almost _all_ the time. he could get over Keith. He _could_ … _right?_

 At this rate, Lance really didn't think so. But maybe he could at least tone it down? Maybe he could push the feelings down enough for him to be able to function around Keith? He'd promised he'd be his friend, for real this time, he had to be.

 Lance sighed, fingers wrapping around the small stone on his chest, from over his shirt. When he'd taken off the earing, he hadn't meant to wear it again. Yet, he hadn't been able to bring himself to go along with that, instead, he'd put it in a necklace, always next to his heart. Just like Keith. He really didn't think he could ever stop loving Keith.

 Keith with his shy kind smile, Keith with his angry-immediately followed by apologetic-attitude, Keith with his reckless fearlessness, Keith with his care-about-everything-too-much issue, Keith with his messaging Lance everyday on the communicator even though he hadn't answered or even read any of them, Keith with his contagious laugh, Keith with his playful smirk, Keith with his beautiful violet eyes … _ugh._

 Lance pushed his face to the pillow, trying to avert his thoughts, to avoid the pain. He turned his head to check the time: **2:30**. _Man,_ He really missed the good old days when he could sleep without much trouble, now…

 Trying to blame his restlessness on being thirsty, he walked out of his room, looking for a glass of water. Lotor's comet ship wasn't that big only a few rooms, kitchen, a control room and a training room. If there was one bonus about it; it was that it made mid-night snacks… _what was that?_

 Lance back tracked a few step, stopping in front of a door. _funny,_ he didn't remember ever seeing it before. Lance stared at the large bookshelf a little farther from there. if one would move it, it could cover the door entirely, hiding it from anyone's eyes.

 The small bit of sleep he was feeling left him entirely, what was this? A secret room? _Why?_ Why hadn't Lotor told him about it? why wasn't it even on the ship's blueprints? He stared at the door, swallowing hard. He'd come to trust Lotor, but then what was this? Lance _couldn't_ risk it.

 He went back to his room quickly, from his armor he picked the flash Pidge had given everyone on the team, apparently it was supposed to hack anything galra. _Well, let's put that to test._ He went back, putting the flash in the door panel. _Please don't let it be anything in there._ It probably would be an empty room. He could laugh at himself tomorrow for worrying too much. But he had a bad feeling in his stomach. The door slid open in a few seconds. It was not empty. _Oh no._

 It was a small room almost the size of a closet. There was only a chair with a control panel and a bunch of monitors on the wall in front of it. _Oh no._

 There was a map of all the 7 planets they've visited so far on one of the screens, Lance went through everything on the monitor and tapped some of the buttons until … _OH NO!_

 

* * *

 

 

 “It's so fucking quiet. I _hate_ it.” Keith complained. They were all in the lounge, everyone else had something to do but him. He _could_ go train. But he just wasn't in the mood. _Huh, guess there is a first time for everything_. Or first twenty times, since he hadn't been in the mood for some time now. He tried imagining Lance’s reaction to hearing about that. _God,_ they were so weird, Lance'd trained all the time when Keith hadn't been there. And he wasn't in the mood to train when Lance wasn't here.

 “never, once, in my life I thought I'd hear _you_ complaining about the silence,” Shiro raised an eyebrow at him. _“and_ watch the language.”

 Keith just stuck his tongue out at him. If Lance was here he'd say something about how much of a _space dad_ Shiro was, or about how someone could watch a language. His shoulders slouched, lowering his head, if Lance was here, it wouldn't even matter.

  _“wow,_ throw some teary eyes there too, and you'd be the spitting image of Lance when you were at the blade.” Matt joked.

 Maybe it was a reaction to what Matt had said, but Keith hugged his knees, putting his chin on them like Lance did, when it was just the two of them. Was this how Lance felt when Keith was gone? Of course, Keith had missed Lance and everyone when he'd been with the blade, _so much._ But he'd been so busy with missions, he hadn't had lots of time to think on it. At the castle though? Sure they went on missions but most of the time they were free. Had Lance felt thus hollow and empty too, when Keith'd been gone? No wonder he had been in such a bad state, this sucked.

 “I'm _sorry,”_ his quiet admittance took everyone's attention, “for leaving with the blade.” he cleared.

 There were a few rounded eyes, eventually Hunk spoke up, “it's okay man.” He took a worried look at Keith, “are _you?”_

 Keith gave him a smile, “yeah.” Hunk was a kind guy, but Keith really wasn't that comfortable with sharing his down moods with anyone but Lance and sometimes Shiro when he was alone. A guy's gotta keep his badass heartless exterior, even though no one actually bought it from him. They knew him too well.

 Pidge just gave him a knowing look, “it sucks, doesn't it?”

 Keith rolled his eyes, stopping himself from yelling ' _Yes!'_ He got up, “I'm gonna hit the hay.”

 “we _all_ miss him, you know!” Pidge called after him.

 Keith did not _hit the hay._ Instead, he went to the observation room. Collapsing down on the stack of pillows and blankets he and Lance had brought there, with all the nights they spent there talking or just watching the space together. _God_ , they were such a couple. _How could I not realise it sooner?_ for fuck's sake, lance had even brought eye mask for the both of them. He stared at the one lance had made him, he even had sewed a text on it; 

> **Keith**
> 
> **Do not remove**
> 
> **unless you're willing to face the terrifying consequences of waking him up**

and a smaller text under it;

> **(though seeing those pretty eyes are certainly worth facing anything ;)**

   _I'm an idiot!_

 He lied down, hugging one of the pillows, it smelled like Lance, sue him for wanting it to be close. He stared outside. Space was really big, wasn't it?

 Back when he was living in the desert, he used to stare at the night sky. Thinking where all the people he'd had in his life were, would he ever see them again? The answer was always _no,_ Shiro turned out to be a happy exception. 

_This_ was different; he _knew_ Lance would never leave him, always come back. he _knew_ Lance would always be there with him, and for him. Lance had already proved that to him, time and time. No matter what happened Lance never left, not permanently. Lance was always there, steady. In a way, it was like Lance was his stability. And Keith was gonna make sure he knew that as soon as put his feet back in the castle.  
_One month down, two to go._

 

 It was almost close to morning, his eyes were finally warming, insomnia was no joke, when Pidge's voice broadcasted to the castle, “everyone get to the bridge _now.”_

 The urgency in her voice, stole the sleepiness from him. He got up making his way to the hallway.

 "This isn't a stupid drill, get here _fucking now!”_

 It was the clear fear in her voice that made Keith run with all his might. He almost crashed to the door walking in, “what's going on?”

 Coran was busy with the control panel, and Pidge and Allura were too busy arguing to answer.

 "I don't _know!_ I've been trying. I tried calling the ship a hundred times!” Pidge screamed.

 "Well, it didn't just _vanish!_ find it.” The princess retorted.

 Someone bumped into him, Keith turned around Matt, and behind him, Shiro arrived.

 "What's up? Other than us, obviously?” Matt rubbed his head that had crashed to Keith's. 

 Allura turned to them, “oh good, you're her … where's Hunk?”

 The said boy ran inside, “what's happening?” he asked out of breath.

 The four of them looked to Allura, but she just pointed to Pidge. Pidge connected her laptop to main panel, “I got up early to check some things for the rebels, I mean I checked it once last night, but I felt like I should check it again. you know, cause you can never be _too_ sure, I mean you can but—”

 She was rambling, very nervous, it was making Keith worried, _more_ worried than he already was. He had a pit in his stomach; what had happened that made Pidge and Allura act like this?

 “Pidge, _get_ to the point.” Shiro commanded. 

 “I'm trying to!” she answered back, adjusting her glasses, “this was sent from Lotor's ship, a few hours ago.” She tapped on the keyboard and a video started playing.

 It was showing a small room, in the middle of it Lance, looking worried, scared, angry, almost every emotion was visible in his face. The way he looked, took the joy of seeing him again after one month from Keith. Lance was acting more frantic than Pidge had, tapping everything in front of him, “Is this thing _working?_ Why is everything in galra? Where's Keith when you need him?” he took a breath, running his fingers through his hair. Everything about him was making Keith scared, he had a feeling he knew where this was going. A bad feeling.

 “I hope it's working.” Lance looked down, “god, I don't know how to fucking say this.” He made a bitter laugh, “Lotor's not fucking Zuko, he's Azula!” 

 He locked eyes with them, “there are bombs, _he_ planted bombs all over the castle, _and_ on every planet we've been to.”

 Gasps exited almost everyone in the deck, looking at each other. Keith's fist curled. _Oh that bastard,_ he finally showed his true colors.

“I'm _sorry.”_ Lance’s broken voice returned their attention to the main screen, “I'm so fucking sorry! This is all my … if anything happens to you ... I fucked up bad this time, didn't I?” He covered his eyes with his hands, rubbing them. Keith's heart went to him, Lotor had betrayed them and Lance blamed it on himself. 

 “I'm gonna send the bombs' locations on the planets and the castle to you.” He started typing on the panel, biting his lip. That is, until his eyes changed direction, clearly focusing on something on the monitors, “oh,  fuck. _Fuck!_ He's …” Keith's heart stopped beating, he could only imagine one reason why Lance had gotten so scared.

  _“crap!_ Pidge I don't have time to send the location on the castle bombs, they're in those damned rooms, I've deactivated the invisibility cloaks, so you should find them easily … _fuck_ ” he said hurried, picking up the blaster next to him, he locked eyes with them one more time, “I'm so sorry.” 

 The screen went black. There was a moment of silence before a growl escaped Keith, “where the hell are they?” he yelled. How dare he? How dare Lotor do this? Lance was there with him, looking so fucking _scared!_

 Shiro put a hand on his shoulder, Keith yanked it away, _“where_ are they, Pidge?”

“I-I don't know! I can't find the ship. The ship's trackers are off.” Pidge looked at him worried. _Of course they are._

“then trace the video!” he screamed.

 “I'm _trying_ to. It's encrypted. It'll take some time.” 

 Lance was in there, with _him,_ alone. With his cover blown, what was stopping Lotor from hurting Lance, from … Keith gulped. “some time? _How much_ time? You already said this was sent hours ago.” 

“Keith, calm down.” 

 Keith moved away from Shiro before he could put his hand on his shoulder, “don't fucking tell me to _calm down!_ Hours, Shiro! hours ago, he could be … he could be … _ugh!”_ he punched the chair next to him, ignorant to the pain.

 “Keith, my boy, we can't think like that right now. We need to deal with the bombs.” Coran approached him.

 Who cared about the stupid bombs? _Lance_ was in danger, “Screw the bombs! we need to help him.”

 “Hey buddy, I know what you're feeling. trust me; I _know._ he's my oldest friend. but we can't help him if we're dead.” Hunk had a point. He had a point, but still it was _Lance._ If anything would happen to him…

He didn't retract this time when Shiro approached him, “Don't worry, Lance can handle himself.” 

_Don't worry?_ All he was feeling was worry and panic, “He's alone with a 10,000 murderer!” he covered his face in his hand, “I should've never let him leave. If anything … if anyth—”

  _“Shut up!”_ Pidge's angry voice interrupted him, she glared at him, “shut up, _nothing_ is happening to him. You'll get rid of the bombs while I find him and he _is going_ to be fine.” There was a clear desperateness hiding in her angered voice. Keith could understand.

 “He _better_ be.” If Lotor had so much as harmed a single hair of Lance’s head, Keith would rip him limb from limb.

 Allura turned to Pidge, “what did Lance mean in _the rooms_?” 

 Pidge pinched the bridge of her nose over the glasses, sighing, “there were these rooms on each of the towers, Lotor kept going to them. Lance asked me to check them out with him. But we didn't find anything, I never gave it a second thought. Invisible cloaking, how could I not think of that?” 

 Matt wrapped a hand around her shoulder, “hey, it's not your fault.”

 “how are we going to defuse them?” Hunk asked.

 “Lance… sent me the blueprints, I'll figure it out, while you get there.” She gave them the directions of the rooms, “be careful, these are supposed to blow up planets, I really don't wanna find out what they'll do to a castle.”

 They all followed her instructions, defusing the bombs and getting back to the main deck.  Keith's patience was wearing thin and thinner, every second that passed was a second of Lance possibly getting more hurt. “there, we got rid of the stupid bombs, now let's get him.”

 “Keith, the planets—” 

“can wait. He _can't.”_ Keith interrupted Shiro.

 _“Keith!_ There are billions of people down there, we _have_ to help them first.” Allura reminded him.

 “billions of people who've been helping Zarkon for thousands of years. Why shouldn't we put Lance before them?” _why shouldn't we put Lance before the universe_?

 “because Lance would want us to help them first.” Matt simply said.

 He _was_ right, of course Lance would put them above himself, but Keith was too desperate, “Lotor could kill him any second.” _There,_ he said it. The ugly truth that could happen, any second. His world was at the threat of getting shattered,  _any_ second.

 “and Lotor could kill them any second. you know what Lance would tell us to do.” Pidge pointed out, looking like she hated herself for doing so.

 Keith let out a frustrated sigh in defeat, “fine.” 

 “good.” Allura gave him a half-hearted smile, “there are 7 planets, I need to stay in the castle, and open the wormholes, the 5 of y—”

“ _4_ of them,” Pidge cut in, “I’m staying, this thing is encrypted, it's not letting me locate where it was sent from. I need as much time as I can get.”

 “why would Lance encrypt the location?”

 “I'm guessing he didn't, it's probably a defense mechanism on Lotor's ship.” Pidge made a shooing gesture at them, putting the laptop on her leg, “now, leave me alone, I gotta focus.”

 Keith wanted to stay there and help Pidge find Lance, but he know nothing about technology, and he couldn't just sit there and do nothing. He was already going out of his mind. 

 “Very well, then Keith, Shiro, and Hunk you each take two planets—”  
Not waiting around for Allura to finish, Keith ran to his lion. He heard her order Matt to go the last planet.

 “hurry the hell up,” Keith told the others through the comms.

 

* * *

 

 

 Lotor woke up to the sound of the alarm Clock. He really should change the program to not need him to recheck it every day. Anyhow, he walked out of the room, to his … why wasn't the shelf in front of the door? Had he forgotten to move it last night?

 It _was_ rather late so Lance probably would be in his room. He reached for his sword, securing it in his hand, as he put the other on the panel; _better safe than sorry._ As the humans said.

 Unfortunately however, as the door slid open, the first thing he saw was Lance  pointing a gun at him. _“you!”_  Lance spat in blood. 

 “I don't suppose there's any explanation I could give that would make this better?” Lotor walked in slowly, his sword raised.

 “stay the hell away!” Lance ordered, turning the safety of his gun off.

 Lotor smiled, _“come on,_ Lance. You won't shoot me.”

 “heh, I won't shoot you?! _Wanna fucking bet?”_    
No, there was something new, dark and dismal in Lance’s eyes that told him he did _not._ Something _betrayed._

 “I should've shot you the first time I laid eyes on you.” Lance hissed. “I should've _never_ let you out, I should've _never_ tried to help you. I should've _never trusted_ you!”

 There was something self blaming about Lance that Lotor didn't like. “You didn't, not by will. this isn't on you. I was playing you. mani—” 

“Manipulating me?” Lance cut in, “I _fucking knew_ you were manipulating me.” 

 Lotor was, well, surprised, “then why …”

 “I wanted to give you a chance to change, a chance to have a place to belong, friends, family. Why couldn't you just take it?” Lance cried.

 “I never wanted any of those.” He quietly said.

 “I _trusted_ you, the 10,000 year old power thirsty killer, how could I be so _stupid?”_ funny how Lotor agreed with those words but hearing them from Lance? It hurt. So did the look Lance was giving him, after everything the return of the hateful look, more intense than ever, _hurt._

 An alarm startled both of them, turning to the monitors. _Oh right, that._ “what's that?” Lance questioned.

 “Lance, you need to let me use the panel.” Lotor took a step forward. 

 “how crazy do you think I am?” Lance scoffed, “I let you anywhere near this thing and you'll blew them all up.” 

 “no, I wasn't gonna blow them up in the first place,” he ignored Lance’s huff of disbelief, “I was only gonna use them as leverage, to make them obey me.”

 Lance narrowed his eyes at him, “you were gonna make Voltron your little puppet?!”

Lotor shook his head, “no, Voltron's too dangerous.”

“so you _were_ gonna kill us all,” Lance said in disgust, as if finally believing it.

 Lotor debated whether he should, “not all of you. Why do you think you're he—” 

“oh, shut up!” Lance interrupted, “I'm never believing a word that comes out of your deceiving mouth again. For all I care; I'm here cause you wanted to give me a longer more torturous death than the others.”

“lan—” 

_“shut up!”_ Lance snapped at him. “what's this stupid timer?” he pointed to the countdown on the screen.

 “Unless I sent the bombs a deactivating message everyday, they blow up. I set them on self destructive mode.” 

 _“of-fucking-course_ you did,” Lance laughed a humorless laugh. Scratching his head with the muzzle of his gun. Lotor tried not to think about how dangerous that was, specially with how frantic Lance seemed, “and I'm guessing _you're_ the only one who can deactivate them?” 

 Lotor nodded. Lance closed his eyes, sighing. He took a look at the timer, rubbing the corner of his eyes with one hand, “fine, _go ahead.”_ He moved away from in front of the monitor, “but Lotor, I swear, even if I _feel_ like you're trying something else—” 

 “you'll shoot me.” Lotor finished, “I know.” For once he was sure Lance would do it. He looked worried enough, _betrayed_ enough to do so.

 Lotor tapped on the panel, readying the message, putting in the password, letting it scan his eyes. It should be sending it now. Why wasn't it working? Lotor frowned, trying again, and again. 

 “what's taking so long?"

 “it won't send it … give me a second,” Lotor  opened the ship's control on the screen; _what the?_ “the communications are off. Why are they turned off?” they were supposed to be always on, _unless_ … he turned around, “what did you do?”

 “excuse me?!” 

_“what_ did you do, Lance?” 

_“nothing!”_ Lance paled a little, “I just got rid of the fuel.” _Oh god._

 “you did what?” Lotor checked the screen, and yes Lance had indeed gotten rid of the fuel, _all_ of it. _Oh god._

 “you idiot … _ugh,”_ Lotor sighed, “it wasn't _just_ fuel!”

 “what are you talking about?” Lance questioned.

Lotor ran his fingers through his hair. This was a disaster. “you know how this ship is made of the same comet as Voltron?”

 “no, I missed the memo.” Lance mused tonelessly.

 Lotor ignored it. “we couldn't find a way to stabilize the material like the lions. _That_ wasn't just fuel, it was the stabilizer. It equalized this ship, without it the—”  
An alarm on the screen took his attention.

 _“what now?”_ Lance questioned.

 Lotor read the alarm; the bombs on the castle ship had been disconnected, “the bombs in the castle, they … deactivated them?” 

 A sigh of relief came from next to him, “oh, _thank god._ They got it.” 

 Lotor turned to Lance, “you warned them.” 

 Lance ignored him, looking like weight was lifted from his shoulders, he smiled, a small one though. “they're _fine.”_ He whispered.

 Lotor swore he saw a tear of relief running down his face, Lance wiped it quickly.  
“where did you hide those bombs, anyway? I searched those room _inch by inch._ even invisible, I should've found them.”

 Lotor stared at him, shocked. He'd known about the rooms. This kid was full of surprises, wasn't he? “I installed them on the ceiling.”

“the ceiling ... _oh._ God,I'm an idiot.” Lance blamed himself. Well now was not the time for that.

 “that's unimportant right now.” He ignored Lance’s glare, “as I was saying, without the equalizer this ship will break apart, one system after another this ship will fail.”

 Fear returned to Lance’s face, he turned to look at the countdown, “the _planets!_ We can't stop the bombs.”

 Idiot kid, was that what he was worried about? Who cared about those people anyway? “no, Lance. _That's_ not the problem. The problem is without stabilizer this ship will _blow_ to pieces soon.” 

 Lance stared at him before bursting into a mock laugh, “oh, man. That's the best thing I've heard.” Lotor observed him with rounded eyes in shock, wondering if Lance had lost it completely. Lance added, “what? You gotta admit it's _ironic,_ you wanted to blow them up, now _we're_ gonna go _boom!_ That's gotta be a punch to the gut from the universe.”

 “we're not gonna go anything, we just need to get out of this ship. we can still use the pods—” 

  _“nope,_ got rid of those things' fuels too.” Lance interrupted, “couldn't risk you running away.”

Oh, _great._ Just, _great._ Lance’s still going laugh went on his nerves, “do you think this is funny?”

 Lance’s eyes landed on him, laugh dying quickly, “ _nothing_ about _any_ of this is funny.” He said through gritted teeth.

 “But maybe, it's for the best.” Lance continued, _“you,_ certainly deserve to die, and I …” the blaster in his hand fell to the ground. Lotor took it a sign of surrender, not to him, but to the fact that they were both gonna die. No need to fight if you'll die anyway. “I put the entire fucking universe in danger _for you._ I endangered Voltron, everyone's life, to help _you._ Matt, Hunk, Pidge … _Keith._ I put Keith in danger for _you._ Keith, _my_ Keith.” Lance cried, “I'm part of Voltron, I'm supposed to save people. Not _put_ them in danger. I trusted you. I trusted _you!_ How could I be this stupid? How could I fuck up that bad? I _should've_ listened to him. This is all _my_ fault.” He said curling in on himself. 

He looked so broken, Lotor, aware that he was the very cause of it, tried to comfort him, “Lanc—” 

 Lance yanked his hand away, looking up to stare at him eyes shining with unshed tears, “guess I'll see you in hell.” 

 “we're not dying, Lance.” Dying or not, if someone like Lance would ever end up in hell, then the universe was a really messed up place, more than Lotor already knew it was. “we still have our armors and jetpacks, we just need to get away enough from the ship. Hopefully, your team will find us in time.” Lotor would find a way to get away from them after that.

 “you better hope they _don't.”_ Lance answered in a monotone voice.

 Either of them went their rooms, to wear their armors. Lance was taking too long. The ship had already started shaking. After a particularly bad one, Lotor went looking for Lance in his room, “what's taking so long?!” Lance was writing something. “what's that?” 

 Lance folded the paper, hiding it from him, “not your business. Let's go.”

 

 Lotor didn't know how much time had passed. But they'd been in the cold space for some time now. The ship had blown up a few hours ago. Thankfully, they both had put enough space between themselves and it by then. 

 What was taking Voltron so long? neither of them had much air left in their helmets. Yet there was no sign of Voltron in any direction. Chances were they were going to die soon.

 Deciding that he had nothing to lose now, he spoke to the comms, “Lance ... I'm _sorry.”_

 The quietness that followed made him think Lance was gonna ignore it.  
“heh ... wish … I could … believe you,” Lance sighed in a barely audible voice, “guess … it's … too late … now.”

 Lotor turned to ask him why, he froze at the scene; Lance’s helmet had turned red in alarm.

 _Oh,_  
Lance had ran out of air.

 “Lance?”  
This time Lotor did not get an answer. Only short gasps that turned more desperate every second.  
Lance’s hands went to his throat, an involuntary action to get more air.

 Lotor could only watch in horror as Lance’s body began spasming.  
Then he stopped, Lotor could see his closed eyes, the purple bruises, already forming on the part of his face visible even from the helmet. He couldn't have more than minutes. 

 Lance was dying.

  _Lance was dying._

 Lotor had lived ten thousand years. Yet before he'd stepped in the castle ship, he'd never really lived, or laughed, or had fun, or felt welcome.

 He took out Lance’s helmet off, staring at the boy.

 Lotor had lived ten thousand years. Yet, no one had ever thought he was worth helping, or caring about, or just simply worth something.

 He took out his own helmet.

 No one but this boy.

 He put the helmet on Lance’s head, closing it securely.

 Lotor had lived ten thousand years, Lance hadn't.

 

* * *

 

 

 Once Keith was done with the two planets, he returned through the wormholes.  
He saw Matt's ship returning and the black lion, too. The yellow one, however…

 “Hunk, what the hell is taking you so long?” he asked through the comms.

 He heard some statics before Hunk answered, “they're not being exactly cooperative.” 

 Keith let out a frustrated sigh, “you don't need permission for saving their lives! Don't ask for permission ask for forgiveness!” 

 “but that's like against everything I've raised with.”

 “I don't _fucking care_ Hunk.” 

 “Keith—” Shiro began.

 “don't you _understand?_ There are _lives_ at stake.” He yelled as he landed red in the castle's hangers. _Lance’s_ life.

 “I'll be back as soon as possible.” Hunk answered in a quiet voice. 

 “stop being a dick, you're not the only one worried about him.” Matt scolded him as he joined him on the walk back to the main deck.

 Keith whispered a quick sorry. His mind was elsewhere, practically running to the room, “Pidge, did you find him?”

 Pidge didn't answer him. Keith felt fear crawl under his skin.

“Pidge?” Shiro asked.  
Pidge shook her head. 

 “you, you didn't find him?” Keith swallowed hard. This couldn't be happening.

 Pidge locked eyes with him before breaking down, “no! I can't find him. I can't fight the ship. It's like it evaporated, there's no signs or signals. And I can't trace the call, I—”

 Her voice broke off as Matt hugged her, “h-hey, calm down. You can do it, if anyone can do it, it's _you.”_

 “of course I _can!_ But not _in time,_ we don't have enough time!” she cried back. 

 The situation hit Keith again. Lance was in danger, Lance was _alone_ and in danger and they had no way of finding him. A shaky breath escaped him. A hand of comfort met his shoulder, he expected it to be Shiro's but as he turned back, Hunk smiled, “guys, I might have an idea.” 

 Everyone looked at him with hope. “Allura, can _you_ find him? Like the way you found the lions?” 

 Now everyone turned to look at her in hope, _god please,_ “I, I _can't.”_

 “why _not?_ You found the lions from _all_ over the universe! Why can't you find _him?!”_ Keith asked. _Come on, please I need to find him_.

 “that was _different,_ the lions, I traced them using quintessence but with Lance …” she trailed off sadly. 

 “can't you use blue, or red to find him?” Pidge asked.

 Allura shook her head, “no, that way I'd find anyone with blue quintessence across the universe, that's billions and more.”

 _Quintessence,_ his fingers touched the earing, “if only he was still wearing the earing.” Allura would be able to use Keith to trace him.

 Allura blinked at him a few times before _laughing, “Keith!_ You absolute idiot genius! He might not wearing his, but _you are.”_

 Keith stared at her. Did she mean? “can you find him with it?” he said, quickly taking off the blue stone and handing it to her. _Please say yes._

 She hold it between her fingers, closing her eyes and concentrating, _please._ Kei _th_ felt like he aged yeard before she smiled, _“yes!”_

 A laugh escaped Keith as she put the small stone on the panel in front of her, a locating map showing up on the screen. Sighs of relief escaped everything.

 “we're gonna get him!” Keith could sing. _Thank you, any god that exists or doesn't, thank you._

 Allura opened the wormhole, going through the portal. Keith's smile died on his face as they exited it. There wasn't a ship in front of them but pieces, metals, scraps flowing around in the empty space. _Burnt scraps._

_No_

_"Where_ is he?"

 “I-I can't find any alive signatures.” Pidge cried, a scanner showing on the screen.

  _No_

 “scan _again!”_ he yelled.  
And so she did. Again, and _again,_  and _again;_ there was nothing, no one. 

  _No_

“he can't be … ” Matt cried.

  _No_

 “he's …” Hunk stared at the empty screen. "It's _Lance!_ He can't—"

  _No_

 “he's not dead.” 

_“Keith—”_

  _“No!”_ he yanked Shiro's hand away, running to red. He was going to search this place, and he was going to find Lance, fine and _alive,_ and they were going to laugh at Pidge's and castle's broken scanners. Red roared in his head in agreement, even if he could feel her worrying about the fact that she couldn't feel Lance here.

  _No_

 _he's fine._  
_The_ red lion ran through every piece of metal. But then Keith saw it; a small blue and white dot in the far. She didn't need him to tell her, she was rushing there on her own. Keith laughed as they got closer. It was _him._

 But why was he holding himself like that? Head pushed back, hands moveless next to him? And when red came to a stop in front of him, he made no attempts of getting inside her open mouth.

_No_

 Keith flew out, using his jet packs, “Lance?”  
Lance remained unresponsive.

  _No_

 Keith finally got a hold of him, he couldn’t get a good look from the helmet, but why was his face blue?

_No_

 Keith brought him back to red's mouth, she was on her way back as soon as it closed. Keith took off his helmet, “Lance?”  
Lance lied there limply.

  _No_

 “lan—” his voice caught in his throat as he took Lance’s helmet, which didn't look like it was _his,_ off; Lance’s face and lips were pale and blue. Fear engulfed Keith, threatened to drown him.  _“Lance.”_

 He tried to check his breathing. _Nothing._

  _No_

  _“Lance!”_ with shaky fingers he pressed on Lance’s cold skin. _No pulse._

  _No_

_“no,_ you _can't_ do this!” He tried to think of everything garrison had thought him on CPR. He threw away Lance’s chest plate. “you're _not allowed_ to do this.” Interlocking his fingers, he pushed down on Lance’s chest. “you said you wouldn't _leave_ me.”  
He gave Lance chest compressions, but Lance wasn't breathing.

  _No_

 He tilted Lance’s head back, lifting his chin, “you _promised_ you wouldn't leave me.” He breathe out into Lance’s cold mouth, _“don't_ leave me, Lance.” His cheeks were getting wet. _“please_ don't leave me.”  
He performed CPR again and again. But Lance wouldn't breath. Lance remained moveless. Eyes remained closed.  
Lance was …

 _No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No_

  _“no!”_ he straddled Lance’s head in his hands, _“please_ no!” he rested his forehead on Lance’s. “you _promised.”_   he cried.

  _“please,_  You _promised_ you would come back to me.” His tears fell on Lance’s cheeks. _“please!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah ... I'm so so sorry, please go hug someone.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **♡ Happy Valentine’s Day!!! ♡**

It'd been 10 days since Lance came out of the pods. 10 days of him just lying in bed motionless.

 When the red lion had arrived at the castle, Keith wouldn't let go of Lance. He hadn't even noticed the others coming in, he just sat there, holding Lance, begging him to come back. In the end, it had taken both Shiro and Hunk to separate him from Lance, and keep him away while Allura and Coran examined him.They all had witnessed as Allura shocked Lance not with electricity like back on earth, but with quintessence. The turquoise light leaving her hands, surrounding Lance, going into his chest.

 Well, if they just had told Keith they were trying to help Lance, he would've _let_ them, moving away from Lance. Not really, he wasn't in a state to think. The thought of Lance not being there, not existing, the thought of not hearing Lance’s laugh again, not looking into his beautiful eyes, not hearing his voice ever again, the thought of Lance not being _alive_ was unbearable to him.  
When he'd heard the sudden intake of breath, seen the movement of Lance’s chest it felt like the world had been given to him; because _his_ world had been given back to him.

 They had put Lance in a pod as soon as possible. The sight of him breathing and alive, sent relief to every cell in Keith's body. he'd fallen to his knees in front of the pod resting his head on it, Shiro trying to comfort him.

 He hadn't moved more than a few feet away from the pod for the next days. Lance’s purple bruises had vanished after the first day, but the image of him cold, still and not breathing wouldn't leave his mind. The image of him _dead,_ because Lance _had_ been dead. Allura might've brought him back but he'd been dead.

 Keith wrapped his hands around Lance’s unresponsive one, reminded himself that Lance was alive, he might be unconscious,  but he was _alive._ God, he never wanted to hear 'Lance' and 'dead' in a same sentence ever again.

 Keith hadn't left the pods after that and no one had tried to make him. The others had joined him most of the time. They had sleep overs almost every night in front of Lance’s pod. Five days, Lance had been in the pod for _five long days._ They all had gathered around his pod when it was time for him to wake up. Arguing over who should catch him when he woke up. Keith had won, obviously.

 He'd watched the count down on the pods excitedly, catching Lance when he fell out, hugging him, but Lance hadn't hugged back; waiting for him to say something, but he hadn't. Once Keith had noticed something was wrong, he pulled back; Lance’s eyes were closed.

 Before Keith had had a chance to freak out, Coran had taken over; ordering Shiro and Matt to put Lance on a bed, examining him. Lance was in a coma. A _fucking coma._ Coran and Pidge had reassured them that was perfectly normal and expected for someone who'd been deprived of oxygen, for as long as Lance had, and had reminded them that it was a miracle Lance was alive and didn't have any brain or organ damage.

Thankfully, Lance’s reflexes to any of the tests and examinations the two had put on him had been well, and increasing everyday; which made them reassure everyone else that Lance was going to wake up soon.

 Turned out their definition of soon was very different from Keith's. 10 days, Lance had been in the comatose state for _10 days._ Keith didn't have that much knowledge on the matter, but even _he_ knew that if someone stayed in a coma for too long, they would never wake up. To be fair, that was something to worry about at least a few weeks in the future and Lance looked like he would wake up anytime now. Still, the thought of him never looking at Keith with those beautiful blue eyes made him shudder.

 “I hate this.” He told Lance. He'd started talking to Lance, since day two. He just couldn't take the silence anymore. Besides, he'd heard people could hear you when they were like this.

“is that true by the way? Can you hear me? You know Pidge is gonna rain a million question at you when you wake up.”

 Lance’s heart rate did that leap it usually, as of more recent days, did when Keith spoke to him. Coran had offered to put the heart monitor, there when Keith kept freaking out about Lance dying again. He couldn't help it; Lance just looked too unresponsive and detached, he didn't look peaceful like when he was sleep, but cold, still, and lifeless he looked nothing like Lance. He had gotten better over the last days, he didn't ... he didn't look like a _corpse_ anymore. Still, the steady rhythm of his heart was like music to Keith's ear, reassuring him that Lance was okay. Which sometimes was really necessary; specially at nights, when he woke up looking at Lance seeing him so motionless, that and the solid movement of Lance’s chest was what calmed him down.

 Coran had let him use one of the infirmary beds after he'd refused to leave Lance’s side. Much to Shiro's dismay, he'd slept there every night, ignoring all Shiro's talks to go eat some real meal, or take a shower or a walk. He wasn't leaving Lance until he woke up then he could take all the world's showers.

 _What if he never wakes up?_ An annoying voice in his head questioned. He shut it up quickly; Pidge had reassured him completely that Lance would wake anytime now. And if he didn't, then Keith would stay here until he did.

 “pale is definitely not your color, by the way.”  
He looked at Lance expectantly hoping he would wake up and defend his perfect skin.

 “what no comebacks? That's a first.”  
Keith let go of his hand, reaching on the bedside table, picking the piece of paper—that looked much older and crumpled than it actually was, from all the times Keith had read it even though he treated it with so much care— up. Coran had found it hidden in Lance’s bayard, and had given it to Keith, since it was addressed to him.

 

> **Hey, mullet.**
> 
>  
> 
> **I don't have much time so I'm gonna keep this short;**
> 
>  
> 
> **I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for putting all of you in danger. Please tell everyone at the castle how sorry I am.**
> 
> **I'm specially sorry to you, Keith. I know I promised to come back, I don't think I can keep that. I'm sorry, I never meant to leave you like that. I know how much it'll hurt.**
> 
> **If you, if you guys ever go back to earth please tell my family I'm sorry I left and I was grateful for having them. I know you feel like you have nothing to go back to, but please meet them. They're going to love you Keith, with or without me. If you tell them you were my family there won't be anything they wouldn't do for you. But I know they'll take you in, just because they would love _you._ You gotta try mama's garlic knots, after all. And go to the beach, you have to promise to go the beach.**
> 
> **There's um, there's one more thing I have to tell you. I can't risk dying without you knowing, so here it goes—please don't hate me for it;**
> 
> **I love you, as in _love you,_ love you ... ** **so surprise?!**
> 
> **But god, I love you so much it fucking hurts. I love you more than anything in the universe. I love you more than the universe itself.**
> 
> **I just felt like you should know that. It's okay though, I know you don't feel the same. so don't guilt yourself or anything.**
> 
> **Guess that's it, I just wanted to say that I love you and I'm sorry.**
> 
>  
> 
> **P.S. I love you**
> 
> **P.P.S. sorry I just always wanted to do that**
> 
> **P.P.P.S. I really do love your stupid mullet, so take care of it, for me? and take care of your self. and everyone, specially Hunk, and Pidge, and Matt and just everyone.**

The first time Keith had read it,  he didn't know how to react, laugh or cry. He'd ended up doing a mixture of both.  
The handwriting was horrible, words barely readable, it very clearly had been written in hurry. Though what really made Keith's heart ache was the last line, it had been scratched and scribbled over really badly, as if Lance regretted writing it and tried to make it unreadable but holding the letter in front of a light and the words were clear.

 

> **~~P.P.P.P.S. I'm scared.~~ **

 Keith hated those words, hated that it was clear Lance knew he was dying. The idiot, even when he thought he was dying, he'd been worried about Keith and the others.

 “Wake up, so I can tell you I _do_ love you back, you stupid selfless idiot.”  
He folded the paper carefully, placing it back on the table, taking back Lance’s hand in his own.

“So Pidge's started calling me the pining mess. Apparently she used to call you that, and thinks it's only fair to call me it, too.”  
Keith knew she was only trying to cheer everyone up, really without Lance this team couldn't function.

 “I mean I know she's trying to lift the mood, but _come on,_ that's not fair. I'm not a pining mess, wake up and I'll show you how much of a _not_ pining mess I am.”  
Lance’s heart did its normal leap, if Keith didn't know better he'd say Lance was laughing at him.

 “come on, _loverboy._ what do I gotta do to make you wake up? Sing memes around the room? threaten to cut the mullet if you don't? Because I _will._ I'll do anything to make you wake up. _”_

 Keith expected to hear the usual leap. He almost fell off the chair when the rhythm of Lance’s heart fastened. “seriously?! All this time … and _my hair!_ that's what you react to?! you are un-freaking-believable!”

 He held Lance’s hand excitedly, and he felt it the tiny bit of squeezing back. He couldn't help his laugh, “oh, you absolute asshole, I can't believe you right now. Lance, I swear to god if you don't wake up _right_ now, I _will_ cut the mullet. I'm sure I can find a razor or scissors somewhere around here.”

 He laughed like a crazy man when he heard a hum from Lance, throwing all Pidge's previous warnings about taking it slow and letting Lance some to consciousness on his own to the wind, “wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up Lance!”

 Lance’s eyelids opened to the half slowly, “does this … mean I'm not … dead?”

 Lance’s voice was raspy, and shaky, and quiet, and barely even there; but it was the best thing Keith had heard in his life. _“Lance!”_ he pulled Lance to a hug, “you're awake.” He pushed Lance to himself, pushing his face to Lance’s shoulder, kissing the bone over the healing suit, _“you're awake.”_

 At Lance’s lack of response Keith reminded himself that Lance had just woken up from a coma; he probably needed a second to breath and catch on, and Keith crushing his bones probably wasn't that helpful.

 He pulled away quickly, “I'm sorry I'm just—” he faltered as he saw the look on Lance’s face; he was looking down, almost frowning. “—happy?!”

 Keith didn't have a chance to ask about it, as Pidge's voice took his attention to the door. “he's awake!” she practically screeched, “why didn't you tell us he woke up?”

 “he hasn't been awake more than 10 seconds.” Keith explained.

 Pidge tapped something on her watch, “Lance is awake. I repeat he is _awake.”_ As her voice broadcasted through the castle, she ran toward them, jumping on the bed, hugging Lance.

 “hey, _careful.”_ Keith warned, ignoring the hypocrisy of it, considering how tight he'd been holding Lance less than a few seconds ago.

 “you gave us one hell of a scare, you tall tree.” Pidge half-laughed half-cried, unaware of how Lance wasn't hugging her back. Keith, though, could see it clear, Lance was just looking downwards, hands limply next to him, not even trying to hold her back. Worry found its way to the relief Keith was feeling.  
And when everyone else arrived, hugging him, telling him how worried they were; he still remained like that: quiet, eyes glued to the floor, irresponsive to everyone's embrace.

 Something was wrong. Keith shared a worried glance with Coran, it caused the man to kick everyone, much to their protests, out of the infirmary to examine Lance.

 Keith stared at the door for those minutes that felt like an infinity. Everyone else must've felt the same, after less than five minutes, Hunk banged on the door, “Coran, my man, if you don't let me back in with my best friend right _now,_ I will break this door. I don't care if it's 10000 years old and probably an antique, I'll break it into—”

 The door opened up immediately, “there's no need for that.” Coran said, “everything seems to be working fine with him.” He shared a look with Keith, “well _physically.”_

 It was his words that caused the others to finally catch on that something was wrong. Instead of running back, they all walked in. Lance was sitting on the bed, hands in his lap, shoulders slumped, looking down. Keith sat on the bed, everyone else either sitting on the bed or standing next to it, surrounding Lance.

 “hey buddy.” Matt said from his place next to the bed.

 “The planets?”  
_Of course,_ of course that's the first thing Lance was gonna ask. “are fine, we got rid of the bombs.”

 “a-and you?”

 Keith hated the worried tone in his voice, “we're all okay Lance.”

 “Lotor?”

 “he's dead.” Keith couldn't bring himself to have any sympathy for the dead man. He got what he deserved.

  _“oh.”_ Lance said, simply. “so what happened?”

 They gave him a summary of what had happened in the castle, and asked him what had happened on Lotor's ship, he gave them a short answer, before quieting down.  
Lance sighed, “look, guys just drop me off at the nearest planet, I'll figure it out after that. Just not earth, I don't think I can …”

Drop him off? Keith shared a confused looked with the others. “uh, Lance, what are you talking about?” Hunk asked everyone's question.

“it's okay, I know you can't let me stay on this ship anymore. Not after what I did.”

  _Oh, no._ Keith knew where this was going, “Lance—”

“don't. just, _don't.”_ Lance said.

 Not noticing the self blaming idiot Lance was Pidge said, “what _you_ did? You didn't do anything.”

“didn't do anything? This was _all_ my fault.”

 Keith wished he would at least look up, “Lance, I know you always think everything's your fault, but this _wasn't._ It was Lotor's doing. You can't possibly blame yourself for that.” Yet, he knew that Lance did.

 “Lotor only got the chance because _I_ let him. _I_ let him out.” Lance cried, dipping his head lower.

 “Lance, you didn't. we all agreed to that.” Shiro reassured, or well tried to.

 “no, you didn’t. You only agreed because I threw a fucking tantrum. I gave him a chance to do this. I gave him a chance to threaten billions of lives, and _y-yours.”_ Lance’s voice wavered, he shrank back, arms folding around himself. “you can't let me stay on Voltron, I'm a threat to everyone's safety.”

  _Oh, the idiot._ It took everything in Keith not to pull him into his hold. As if he could ever be a threat to anything. Keith was so going to hug him out once they got that crazy idea out of his head.

 “you're a fucking moron, Lance.” Pidge announced from where she was sitting cross-legged on the bed.

 “I _know.”_

  _“ugh,_ no, you idiot. I don't actually mean that!” Pidge face palmed herself, “will you at least look up, you absolute insecure mess?!” when Lance didn't, Pidge put both her hands on Lance’s, “you're an idiot _if_ you think there is a Voltron without you. You called Allura heart of Voltron. Well, with all due respect to the princess, I call bull. _She_ isn't the heart of Voltron.” She put her hand on Lance’s chest over his heart, _“you_ are. You're the one who brought us together. You're the one who brought us here. You're the one who keeps us together. You're—”

 “Pidge, I'm not even part of Voltron.” Lance interrupted. Keith sighed mentally; of course Lance thought that.

 Pidge retracted her hand, “what's that supposed to mean?”

 “he doesn't think he's a real paladin.”  
Lance’s head shot up looking at Keith for half a second, before looking down again. Keith would've counted it as a glare, if it hadn't been so broken and agreeing. Keith shrugged, his words on the matter never seemed to work on Lance, so maybe it was time someone else tried.

 “well, that's the single dumbest thing I've ever heard.” Matt said, putting a hand on Lance’s shoulder, “not one lion, but two lions chose you as their paladins; shouldn't that make you not only a _real_ paladin but twice a paladin?”

“I hate to agree with Matt, but he has a point.” Pidge agreed.

 Lance shook his head, “no, he _doesn't._ I was never red's paladin. She just knew she had to work with me but she never connected with me, not completely. I felt her disagreement with my choices, she just accepted me because she knew she would eventually get her paladin back and blue ... blue just needed a ride.” Lance’s voice broke, even with his head bowed down, Keith could see the unshed tears in his eyes. The others looked shocked by what Lance had said. Lance had never shared these thoughts with anyone but him.

  _“oh, Lance._ I didn't know you felt that way.” Allura sat down on the bed. “I guess I was too caught up that I didn't pay any attention … I'm so sorry.”

 “don't be. You make a much better paladin than I ever would.”  
Keith knew Lance normally wouldn't say that, not to everyone else. But he seemed too broken, to stop himself now. Maybe, maybe it wasn't a bad thing, maybe they all could make it up to him.

 “Lance, I'm truly sorry. I was too occupied to even notice how much this has effected you.” Allura tilted her head trying to get in Lance’s vision, “do you know why the blue lion let me unlock her powers, so much faster than you did?”

Lance nodded, “you're her real paladin, I neve—”

 _“no,_ Lance. the opposite. It's because I'm not her real paladin.” Allura interrupted him, finally making him look up. “she doesn't need to take time with me, to make sure that I grow into what I should to earn any of her powers because I'm not a permanent paladin for her. It doesn't really matter to her. She's quiet dismissive of my choices by the way.” She paused, making a small laugh, “but you, she missed you so much Lance. you _are_ the blue paladin. You were _always_ meant to be her paladin.”

 “then maybe she should choose a better paladin. One that actually deserves her.” Lance stared at his hands.

 “Lance, you're not hearing me. You are the best paladin for her. And Pidge was correct, I don't believe that these paladins could function without you. I knew that when I saved you from dying—”

 “well, maybe you shouldn't have.” _What?_

 “what?” Allura, startled by getting interrupted by Lance, questioned.

 “maybe you should've let me die.”

Lance’s words were followed by silent gasps from everyone, trying to take _that_ in. Keith's breath hitched in his throat. He knew it was bad he didn't know it was _this_ bad. This was … “Lance, don't say that, how can you say that?” he asked, sounding as desperate as he felt.

“because I _deserve_ to die.”

 “lan—”

 “I put all of you in danger. I put seven planets in danger. How many … billions of people could've died because of _me._ You, all of you could've died because of me.”

 “Lance—”

 Teary blue eyes finally looked at him, only to interrupt him, “you could've died because of me. Keith, _You_ could've died because of me … how would I … how could I be so … I put you … you … I'm sorry … I'm … sorry …” Lance had broken into cries.

 Keith pulled the crying boy to his arms, wrapping his hand around his neck, running his hand through his hair, “it's okay Lance, it's okay.”

 It took a moment for Lance to push himself into Keith's hold, hiding his face in Keith's shoulder, feeling so small in Keith's arms, “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.”

 “Lance, stop it. Please calm down. It wasn't your fault.” Keith soothed but it didn't work as Lance began rocking back and forth in his hold.

 “yes, it was. Yes it was,” Lance kept saying, between sobs.

 “It wasn't, Lance.” Keith shared a helpless look with the others, as he uselessly tried to calm down Lance.

 “It _was._ I gave him the power to hurt all of you. I gave him the power to hurt you, Keith.”

 Keith decided that maybe he was going wrong about this, maybe admitting the truth would be better, “okay, maybe it was.” Keith pulled back. Looking right into Lance’s eyes, “maybe it was your fault.”

 He could see clear look of ' _what the hell are you doing'_ on everyone's face, he ignored it in favor of looking at Lance, who was looking down again. The clear shameful look on his face tugged at Keith's heart strings. He needed to do this right, or he'd just end up hurting Lance even more.

 “Lance, look at me.” At Lance’s lack of response, Keith placed his fingers under Lance’s chin, gentle nudging it up. His eye's stayed glued to the floor. “Lance, please look at me.”

 Lance looked at him, eyes filled with so much guilt, they were screaming _I'm sorry_.  
“maybe this was your fault. But you know what? It was everyone else's fault too.”  
He stopped Lance’s protest before it even began, “no, it _was,_ Lance. Everyone here saw how Lotor treated you. How much he hurt you. And we all chose to look the other way. Everyone saw how much it effected you, how much it hurt you. we just _ignored_ it, we let you get tortured for what? Information? What kind of excuse is that?! _Huh?!_ You told me ' _better me than the others_ ', well everyone knows that's what you think. You always want to be the one who gets hurt and we let you. We let you get hurt because it meant that the rest of us wouldn't have to, because it was _easier.”_ Keith paused a second to take a breath in, Lance looked like he wanted to disagree with everything Keith was saying. But Keith could see it, the small flicker in his eyes that was listening. “Friends don't do that, family doesn't do that. We are all guilty in the way he damaged you. And if that didn't make this enough of our fault, we all have other things to be blamed for.”

Keith took a breath in. This next part was probably going to hurt the others a little. Nevertheless, it _was_ the truth and it needed to be heard; Lance needed to hear it.

 “Matt and Hunk, they knew how much Lotor had scarred you. Yet they chose to ignore it, to trust him blindly. Matt is one of the rebels. he knows the extent of horrible things Lotor had done. But he chose to trust him anyway.”

 “because I—”

 Keith shook his head, cutting him in, “no, Lance. Everyone here has a brain of their own. Their choices were their choices, not yours.”

 “and Pidge? She told us you'd told her about the rooms. She should've tried to look harder. She shouldn't just have let it go that easily.”

 “it wasn't her fault. They were invisible.” Lance defended.

“and I installed an invisibility cloak on my lion, the second week we were in space. For fuck's sake he asked me how they worked. I should've at least considered it.” Pidge reasoned. Keith gave her a smile, it was brave of her to own up to her mistake.

 Keith continued, “but Shiro and Allura? I think they're the ones to blame the most here.” He sent an apologetic look to Shiro, _sorry Shiro, but it's the truth_. “they never should've let you talk to him. Let alone letting him in the castle, or trusting him. They're the leaders, they should've known better. You were hurt, that was your excuse, what was everyone else's for trusting him so blindly? _Nothing._ They have no excuse.”

 "He's not wrong," Shiro agreed, "maybe a little too blunt, but not wrong."

Keith nodded. He had left the worst for the last, “and me—”

 “you never trusted him. You tried to stop me from doing so. This was never _your_ fault.” Lance immediately interrupted him, Keith knew the look on his face; Lance had given him so many times, the _I won't let even you blame you._ Well, too bad: Keith was to blame here.

 “but, it _was._ I had one job here, to keep an eye on Lotor, to keep him from hurting anyone, to follow his every move and know if he was up to something. That was my mission and I failed it miserably . You kept a better eye on him than me. I didn't even notice those rooms. I was too busy being stupid and jealous that I didn't even pay attention to my job.” Keith stopped letting himself calm down. He'd blamed himself a lot over the case of the last two weeks.

 “This was everyone else's fault more than yours, Lance. If we're not guilty way more than you are, then we're guilty just as much.”

 Keith made sure Lance was looking at him in the eyes so he would believe him. “if, if _you_ deserve to die, then so do _we._ If _you're_ not worthy to be a paladin, then no one else here _is._ But you _are,_ Lance. you deserve to live more than anyone. you're worthy more than anyone.”

 He cupped either side of Lance’s face, thumbs wiping away the tears from Lance’s cheeks, only to be replaced by new ones, “listen to me and hear me, okay? Hear me when I say this; you're _enough._ I promise you. You are _enough._ Will you hear me for once and believe it?”  
Lance’s eyes stayed on him, he could see the inner struggle in them, he believed Keith, he believed Keith but still, “it doesn't change the fact that this was still my fault.”

 “so what? it was all our faults. people don't just leave you because you made a mistake, they stay and tease you and blame you but they stay with you. that's family. That's... _love.”_ Keith used Lance’s own words.

 Lance’s hand found their way to stay over Keith's on his face, maybe he wanted to move them away but he didn't look like he had the will to do so, they just stayed there. “you don't even know what I really meant when I said that.”

 “I know Lance, I know what you meant.”

 Lance’s eyes rounded, “the letter.”

 Keith shook his head gently, “no, Lance. I knew before that.”

 He watched in surprise as Lance’s eyes grew panicked, he moved away from Keith, “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to … I'm sorry.”

 Did … did he think Keith was upset about it? “stop apologizing, Lance. Do you think I'm mad at you?” Lance just hid eyes from him.

 “Lance that's the only thing I'm happy about. Can't you see that?” He reached for Lance’s hand, “Lance, can't you see that I feel the same?”

 Lance looked at him, once again amazing Keith with how much emotion he could show in those eyes; hope, doubt and pain, so much pain, “b-but your partner?”

Keith blinked at him in confusion, “my what?” he asked dumbly.

 “your partner?” Lance repeated, only confusing Keith more, _“Ryu?_ Your partner! She said you were together?!”

 “Lance, what are you talking about?” Keith questioned. What was he on about? And why did he look so hurt about it?

 Lance frowned looking more confused than he was, “at the meet … but she said … isn't Ryu your partner? as in romantic partner? As in you're t-together?” _what?!!_

 What was going on in Lance’s head? “what?!  no! ew! we barely know each othe. what the hell give you that idea?!”

 “she ... Koli ... said ... you have to choose a partner from the blade to join! That's their rule!” Lance cried desperately.

 Lance thought that Keith was with Ryu? What the …? “I didn't choose a partner. I guess even if I didn't _know,_ I still couldn't be with someone else. That's why everyone hates me there. it's not a rule, it's more of tradition. And I broke their oldest tradition.”

 Lance looked down right lost now, “b-but she said you were together! Why, Why would she say that to me?!”

 Lance actually believed that?! How long had he been thinking that way? _“who_ are you talking about?!”

 “at the meeting!  that girl Touka? Takka? _Whatever,_ she told me that!” _the meeting?!_ _He's been thinking that, this long?! Oh god was that why …_

 Lance looked upset, which mirrored how Keith felt perfectly, “she hates me. Exactly because I refused to listen to this stupid rule. I told you she hates me, why would you listen to her?!” Keith demanded.

 “I didn't! But then Kolivan said, and you were laughing with him and I—”

 “you thought I was with him because I was _laughing_  with him?! Are you _serious?”_ Keith couldn't help but question. Lance had been tormenting himself over this. _The idiot,_ he should've said something.

 Lance shook his head, looking at Keith with hurt eyes. “no, Keith. It wasn't just a _laugh._ You, you wouldn't even look at me for weeks, before that. all you did was yell and frown likeyou hated me. and, and at the party when I tried to … you _ran._ You just ran away and you avoided me for _days._ When I saw you with him and she said you were … you were _together._ I never said I'm smart! It-it just fit perfectly!” Lance let out a desperate jumbled mess of words. Keith could only stare at him. Lance was in a way right. With the way Keith had reacted … _oh god_.

 “wow, you guys have some seriously fucked up communication issues.” Keith jumped up at Pidge's voice, _right._ They were still there.

 “guys, can we have a moment?”

 They nodded leaving the room, Pidge stopped at the door, “I'm slightly offended that you didn't count me as his best friend, I mean I knew him way before than Matt.” She pouted.

 Hunk wrapped an arm around her, pushing her to the door, “come on, you jealous Pidgeon. Maybe Keith alone can make Lance realize how much we all love him.” He wiggled his eyebrows at them. Neither was in the mood.

 Keith waited for the door to close, returning to Lance, but Lance was quicker to ask, “so you're really not with him?”

 “no, Lance.” Keith sighed.

 “after the meeting, the panic attack, was that because of …”

 “yeah.” Lance answered looking embarrassed.

 Keith thought of how terrified Lance had been. Keith understood the fear of losing Lance but fear of losing Lance to someone else? He didn't know how _that_ felt. Because as soon as he'd found out his feelings, everyone reassured him Lance felt the same. Lance, however, hadn't had the luxury. he'd been dealing with doubts and insecurities, and if anything Keith had just added to the pile. And then it hit Keith. What Lance had called his _problem._ What Lance had said he needed to _fix._ Why he didn't think he was a _real_ friend. “is, is _that_ why you left?” Keith asked, already knowing the answer. _Oh, that_ _absolute beautiful idiot._

 “yes.” Lance bit his lip, “I thought I could get over you if I was away. But didn't help.” Lance’s hand reached for around his neck, unconsciously. Keith had seen him do the action so many times before he'd left;  _now_ he knew why.

 He pointed to the bedside, where the broken pieces of the red stone laid, “I kind of crashed it when I …” Keith ate the words, he very much preferred to not think about those moments of pure fear of losing Lance he'd  felt. “sorry.”

 Lance’s fingers traced over the broken stone, longingly, “I tried to take it off, I couldn't. I just _couldn't._ Even when I thought you loved someone else. I couldn't.” good.

 Lance face palmed himself, “I'm an idiot. Can't believe I actually believed that without even questioning it. _Ugh,_ all this time,” he sighed, “god, I'm such an idiot.”

 “yeah, you kinda are.” Keith agreed, ignoring the look on Lance’s face, “for thinking that I liked someone else.” He traced his hand on Lance’s ear, where the quintessence earing once laid, making the redness on Lance’s cheek grow, “It kinda sucked when I saw you had taken it off.”

 “I'm sorr—”

“stop saying you're sorry, Lance. If anyone has to be sorry here, it's me.” He reached for Lance’s hand interlocking their fingers together. “let's face it. I have been the bigger idiot here.” He said feeling proud of himself when Lance gave him a shy smile. Small steps.

 “I'm sorry Lance. For everything. I've acted so badly about this. Emotions, they aren't my strong suit. it's not like I've ever liked anyone before you. So, I didn't even know that's how you're supposed to feel. And, I know that's such a poor excuse but I'm still sorry.”

 Lance squeezed his hand gently, “but if, if you feel the same then why did you ... run? And then you acted like I  had the plague or something!”

 Keith felt his face warm up at how horribly he'd reacted, “I freaked out, okay? That's when I kinda found out how I felt. I just wanted to kiss you so _badly!_ Like so much more than anything I've ever wanted! That was _scary!”_

 “welcome to my world, pal.” Lance smiled patting his shoulder. He frowned after a second, “wait, why didn't you tell me?”

 “okay, you're not allowed to be mad at me, when _you_ didn't tell me for a whole year!”

 Lance once again paled, Keith hated the tiny fear in his eyes, “you … knew? There's just no way.”

 “Matt told me.” 

 “he did what?! That's embarrassing, why would he tell you?” Lance whined.

 “it's not embarrassing, if anything it was sweet and, um, you know, uh, mutual,” he covered his face in his hands, “god, I'm so bad at this.”

 Lance pulled his hands away from his face, “if that's true, then why do I feel like the luckiest person alive?”

 Leave it to Lance, to end up comforting him, when it was Keith's job to do it. He was such a sweet sweet idiot. “because you're a sweet idiot?”

 “never said I wasn't.”

 Keith looked at Lance’s sad smile, “I _was_ gonna tell you, after the meeting. Didn't you notice I was all … _flirty?”_ well, at least he'd tried to be.

 “I thought you were making fun of me or something.”

  _Oh,_ that couldn't have felt nice. “god, Pidge is right; we have some serious communicating issues.”

 “yeah, I guess.” Lance agreed.

 “guess we should start getting better now.” Maybe now wasn't the best time to say it, but Lance clearly needed to hear it. Pulling both Lance’s hands into his, he looked into those beautiful blues he loved so much, “I love you.”

 Oh Wow, if Lance wasn't leaning to a pillow Keith was sure he would fall off the bed, _“what?”_

 “I love you.” Funny, Keith had thought saying those words would be hard, but it wasn't. Somehow it was the easiest thing to do, because it felt _right._ He wanted to say them again and again until Lance would believe them.

 Lance’s eyes rounded to the size of tennis balls, _“WHAT?!”_

 Keith couldn't help his laugh at Lance’s reaction, “Why are you that surprised? I've been telling you that for like 10 minutes.”

 “I thought you like me not, not, I mean how can you love someone like _me?”_

 “Someone like you?” Keith groaned, “Lance did you not hear _anything_ I said earlier?!”

 Lance looked down, “Yeah, but … “

 “You don't believe me?”

 Lance was quick to answer, “No, no. it's not that I don't _believe_ you, it's just …” he trailed off weakly.

 And Keith understood. You couldn't just change someone's mind about something they've been told a thousand times, something they've told themselves a thousand times, something they _believed_ in by just telling them otherwise once. But that was okay, that just meant Keith would have to try until he did. “I'm gonna fix this, all of us are gonna fix this. I'm sorry.”

 “Keith, you don't have anything to b—”

 “Yeah, I _do.”_ Keith cut in. “we all do. And we're gonna make it up to you. I'm gonna make it up to you.” he brought Lance’s each hand to his lips, kissing the knuckles, “I _promise.”_

 He cupped Lance’s face, “I'll tell you everyday for the rest of your life, if you need me to so you can finally believe me: You're enough Lance. You're _more_ than enough.” he lowered Lance’s head kissing his forehead.  
Lance’s eyes had fluttered close, so Keith rested his forehead on his, “you're brave and kind and smart—”

 A scoff of disagreement interrupted him, but he continued, “You _are._ Yeah; sometimes you act idiotic, but only because you're listening to here,” he let his hand fall from Lance’s face to over Lance’s heart. “you have the biggest heart I've seen, more selfless than you could think. And you're the best damn shot I've seen.” A huff that was almost like a laugh escaped Lance. Small steps.

 “You're a good pilot Lance. I don't care what you've told yourself, or Lotor, or Iverson, or anyone else has told you, _you're a good pilot_.” Why had so many people tried to hurt Lance? he didn't deserve that.

 “And you're so beautiful. I don't want to sound shallow, but god you're the most beautiful person I've met.”

 “Okay, that settles it I'm dead and I've gone to heaven.” Lance said.

 Keith laughed, looking down to the hand that was on Lance’s chest, feeling the rapid heart rate, “huh, you're heart seems to be beating pretty fast for a dead guy.”

 Lance’s eyes gazed at him, getting that famous fond look in them, a small smile on his face, “yeah, that's because of you.”

 They were close enough that Keith could see every little line every, little pattern in Lance’s irises. Funny, he'd never noticed the small green parts in those blues. _Guess that's only possible to see when you're this close_. Oh and they were really close, close enough for Keith to feel Lance’s breath ghost over his skin. Keith scanned everything in Lance’s face, every detail he loved, his eyes lingering on those pink lips.

 His hand found its way back to Lance’s face, cupping it again. He let his thumb brush over Lance’s lips, like he'd done once before. Amazing how soft they felt even when chapped. God, he wanted to know how they tasted. Keith betted they were sweet, like Lance.

 His eyes gazed up to Lance’s eyes, when he heard him swallow hard. Lance was looking at him with hoping eyes.

“can I kiss you?”

 A small laugh escaped Lance, “considering I spent months imagining how that would feel like, I'm gonna go with _yes.”_ His words sent tickles over Keith's skin.

  _"Okay,_ I'm gonna kiss you. I'm just gonna kiss you.” Why was this suddenly so much harder? “I'm just gonna move closer and—”

 “Keith, stop with the commentary, please.” 

 God why was it so warm here? Keith felt like his face was on fire. Which still felt like the heat Lance was radiating. “right then I'll just lean in and ki—”

 “Keith as cute as your nervousness is, I've waited way too long for this. So shut up and kiss me alre-hmm.” Lance’s words muffled as Keith clashed their lips together.

 The kiss was a mess. clashes of teeth and noses,  Keith had used too much force to close the small gap between them. But, boy, did it feel _good._ Because it was _Lance._ Lance’s mouth was warm and soft and comfortable, just like him. Lance’s hands found their ways around his neck, gently tugging at his hair. And _god,_ Keith had been right about Lance being the sweetest taste in the world. Keith immediately decided he could never get tired of that taste. If it was up to him they'd never stop.

 But then he felt the dampness on Lance’s cheeks. He pulled away slightly, letting their foreheads stay connected as they both panted for breath.

 “that was, that was something.”

 “then why are you crying?” Keith asked, thumbs wiping away the tears.

 “I'm happy.”

 “you're _crying!”_ Keith pointed out.

 Lance placed a quick kiss to the corner of his lips, “they're happy tears, Keith.”

 “well, I don't want to see you cry again. Happy or not. You've done too much of it already.”

 Lance shrugged, Keith feeling the movement. “can't help it. Imagine wanting something with every part of you, thinking that you couldn't have it and then it turned out that you could.”

 “don't have to imagine it,” Keith let his finger run circles onto Lance’s skin.

 “right, because you love me.” To normal ears that would sound like a statement, but Keith knew Lance well enough to hear the small question in his voice, he pulled away looking into Lance’s eyes and smiling.  
“yeah, because I love you.”

 Lance’s smile and small laugh in return were the best things in the universe, because the happiness reached every strand of blue in Lance’s eyes. “I love you, too. Bet I love you even more.”

 A whine escaped Keith before he could stop it, “it's not a competition, Lance.”

 “of course not." Lance agreed. "But if it was I would totally win.”

 Keith rolled his eyes, even if he felt so happy. Even if it was for a few seconds, Lance was being himself, just _himself,_ just _Lance,_ just _his Lance._ Small steps, until Lance was fully himself again. Keith was gonna make sure they made it up to Lance.

 “I still can't believe you left because of me. weren’t you gonna fight for me?” Keith teased a bit.

 “I didn't want come between you and someone who made you happy.”

 Keith stared at him, once again feeling awestruck by how selfless Lance could be. He'd seen Lance’s struggle, he'd seen how much pain Lance’d been in, during that month before leaving. Lance was willing to let Keith be with someoneelse, to make him happy even with how much it clearly destroyed him. “Jesus I can't believe I have this much effect on you. I mean I knew you cared, but _this_ much?”

 “you're everything to me.” Lance said as if it was the simplest thing in the universe.

 “I'm beginning to see that.” Keith whispered. “Lance?”

 “yeah?”

 “you're everything to me too.”

 

 It was a week later, Allura had decided the team needed a vacation, and they all agreed. They'd landed on one of the nearest planets. It was nice, filled with beautiful scenery.  
Lance was sitting on a cliff in front of a lake, when Keith joined him. He sat down watching the movement of the water in the waterfall.

 “so, I've been thinking,” Lance side glanced at him, smirking. Everytime Keith saw that smirk back on him he felt like 10 years added to his life. Of course, then Lance spoke and Keith lost those 10 years, but that really wasn't the point.

 The point _was:_ Lance was getting better. Sure, it'd been only a few days and Keith knew this was gonna take much longer than that, still Lance seemed better. Specially after that team meeting Pidge made them do, making everyone tell Lance how they felt about him. A few people cried, Keith was not ashamed that he secretly shed a tear or two though he would never tell anyone that. Lance had seen him, though, and the look on his face told Keith he was gonna hear about it later.

 “This is where you say ' _about what?'”_

 Lance brought him out of his thoughts. He looked at Lance’s pout, “I know I'm gonna regret this, but about what?”

 “you gave me CPR, right?” Keith felt a chill go through him, but the teasing in Lance’s voice made Keith let him continue, “so technically I wasn't even conscious for our first kiss.”

 Keith glared at Lance’s apparently-too-proud-of-himself-to-think-of-that smirk, shaking his head, “you're _unbelievable.”_

 “what?! It's _true!”_

 Keith rolled his eyes, “if you want to count that way, then you haven't been conscious for like our 40 first kisses.”

  _“wow,_ you were persistent, huh?” Lance’s fingers covered Keith's hand in the space between them.

“yeah, I wasn't gonna let you go. Ever.”

 Lance took his hand in his own completely, “I'm sorry, that couldn't have been nice.”

 Keith had done a great job avoiding the topic so far. “then why are you—”, _bringing it up?_ The words caught in his throat as he saw the serious look on Lance’s face. _Oh,_ he'd used the joking to bring this up.

 “I'm worried, you had another nightmare last night.”

 After almost losing Lance, and the two weeks of sleeping in the same room with him worried he might not wake up, Keith just hadn't been able to let Lance out of his sight after he had woken up, and it wasn't like Lance wanted to be away from him. They'd slept in Lance’s room since. Nothing more than a few intense make up sessions had happened, and some cuddling. Turns out Keith loved cuddling. Which he would never admit to.

 Lance had noticed his nightmares, which he couldn't help. But Keith wasn't the only one who kept having nightmares. “what about you? When you know ... that couldn't have been nice either.” Keith refused to say the words.

 Lance smiled at him, eyes screaming _I know what you're trying to do_. His smile turned to a smirk quickly, “I don't know, I mean once I started hallucinating your pretty face was all I saw, so can't complain.”

 “Lance, I'm _serious.”_ Keith bumped his shoulder.

 Lance stuck his tongue out at him before staring forward. “yeah, okay. I'll go first. Turns out suffocating to death? not fun. Can't say I'm a fan. it, it _hurt._ It hurt so bad. I was so scared.” Lance shuddered, “and it was so cold. Space is freezing.”

 The memory of Lance cold and unmoving flashed across Keith's eyes. He never wanted to see Lance in a state like that again, he didn't want Lance to ever be in a situation like again, but considering they were paladins that seemed impossible. _“you_ were freezing. You were cold, and you weren't breathing. And, and no matter how much I-I tried, you had no pulse. You weren't, you weren't just dying Lance. You were—” there was a reason Keith had tried to avoid the subject, he could feel the lump in his throat, eyes getting watery.

 “Hey, _hey_ come here.” Lance wrapped an arm around him, pulling him to his side. Pushing Keith's face to his chest, “see I'm alive. It's okay.”

“It's _not.”_ Keith pulled back a little looking at Lance, “it's not _okay._ You weren't just dying, Lance. You _were_ dead. You were dead, in my arms, and I couldn't do _anything.”_ His fists gripped Lance’s shirt tightly, he pushed his forehead to Lance’s collarbone “I don't know what I'd do if Allura hadn't saved you.”

 Lance’s hands wrapped around him automatically, “Keith, can you look at me?”  
Keith shook his head, trying to hide his tears from the sight.

 “Mullet, please look at me.” Maybe it was the use of the nickname, or maybe it was the gentle plea in Lance’s voice that made Keith look up. Lance Placed kisses under each of his eyes. Literally kissing his tears away. Keith's heart skipped a beat at how sweet he was.

 “Allura didn't save me, Keith. _You_ did.” Lance didn't even give him a chance to disagree, “you _did._ We both know how much time matters in situations like this. If you hadn't found me as soon as you did, all the alien mumbo jumbo in the world wouldn't have saved me.”

 He pushed Keith's face to his shoulder, running a soothing hand up and down his back.

 “God, we're such messes.” Keith admitted.

 “Yeah, but at least we're a mess together.” Lance murmured next to his ear, kissing his temple. “thanks for saving my life.”

 “Thanks for coming back to me.” Keith whispered back.

 “I think that was _my_ line.”

_“Lance.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can't tell me Lance wouldn't wake up from a coma to save the mullet!
> 
> So this is pretty much over. I'm gonna post a happy epilogue soon, because let's face it; everyone deserves it after that rollercoaster of a fic. Thanks to anyone who stuck around, left a kudos or commented. :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an epilogue that happens around five months after the last chapter. I just really wanted to write them as a couple and happy together, it's just a whole chapter of cheesiness.

 The blue lion's mouth opened, Lance jumping out. _Time for a show, girl._ He thought as he landed on the ground. She purred an amused laugh to him. _God,_ Lance loved her so much.

 It only took him a second to locate Keith, with his red bayard he stuck out like a sore thumb in the swarm of galra. He had the BoM blade in one hand, the red bayard in the other, and a very attractive smile that dangled on the corner of his lips. If he didn't look like he was having a rough time fighting so many at a time, Lance would actually enjoy watching him.

 “Need a hand?” Lance called, taking out his bayard turning it to double pistols, making his way to Keith.

 “N—” Keith's answer was shortened as a blast left Lance's gun, shooting a galra next to his head, one that was trying to knife him.

 Lance raised an eyebrow, spinning his gun in one finger, blowing the smoke away from the barrel. It really wasn't necessary but it looked cool as shit, “you were saying?”

 Keith rolled his eyes, going back to the fight, “show off.”

 “Uh, You're welcome.” Lance turned so he was back to back to Keith, they've done this so many times. Once working together nothing could get past them. “So, the usual?” Lance asked. They kept betting on who could take down more galra. Surprisingly, Lance usually won.

 “This is not fair, I'm _literally_ bringing knives to a gun fight!” Keith whined. Right, _that_ was why.

 Lance took out two soldiers on his left, “You're talking but all I'm hearing is _Lance, you always win. Lance, you're the best. Lance, I worship you. Lance, you have such a nice ass_ —”

 Keith's loud laugh interrupted him trying to imitate Keith's voice, “Okay, now you're just projecting.”

 “Shut up.”

 “So, the usual?” Keith asked this time.

 “It's so on!” Lance grinned taking two galra with one shot. _Nice._ “Still going mullet?” he asked after a few minutes.

 “You know it, loverboy.” Yeah, Keith had not given up on the nickname and you know what? Lance loved it ... _hey!_

 “Hey! He was mine.” Lance pouted as Keith threw the BoM blade to a sentry _he_ was aiming at.

 “Really?” Keith smirked, picking his blade back, “then why did I got it faster?”

 “Shut up, 21. You?”

 “23, looks like you're losing this time.” Oh, he sounded so smug.

 “Don't look so smug, I'm right up your butt!” Lance shot another sentry, as Keith took down two. _Damn it._

 Keith snorted, “Really Lance? _that's_ the wording you're going with?”

 “It's supposed to distract you and if those red cheeks are any indication it's working, so if you don't want your ass kicked again, shut up and move it!”

 “Well, why should I do all the work? _You_ move it!” as if the way he said the words wasn't ... _suggestive_ enough, he turned and winked at Lance. _Oh, that little ..._

“Please stop contaminating the comms with your way too PDA flirting.” Hunk's voice came through the comms. He, Pidge and shiro were taking the other side of the base.

 Keith ignored Hunk's comment, somehow in the middle of battle, he found enough time to tie his hair up in a very distracting way. He caught Lance’s eyes from the corner of his eyes and smirked. He knew how much Lance liked it when he did his hair like that.  
“Now, you're just playing _dirty.”_ Lance called him out.

 “You started it." Keith lifted his shoulder in a half shrug. " _Oh,_ this is so the usual Lance: you can dish it out, but can't take it.” ...  _Unbelievable!_

 “You are so going to pay for this when we go back.” Lance ducked a galra's attack, Keith running his sword through the soldier. They've done this so many times together, they knew what the other was gonna do, without either of them needing to say anything.

 “Looking forward to it.”

 “God, I hate it when you get smooth.” He so _so_ didn't.

 “No, you don't. you think it's hot.” Okay, that's it Lance was never telling him anything ever again. Who let him sound so smug about it? But Lance couldn't help it. His eyes roamed to Keith watching him fight, praising his graceful moves. _God, he's so beautif— fuck!_

 “Ow!” he cried as a galra hit him in the head with his staff. Keith's blade landed in his chest before he could make a single other move.

 “Be careful.” Keith warned.

 “That's on you babe. You were being way too distractive.”

 “Seriously?!” Keith mocked, catching the BoM knife when Lance threw it back for him.

“Hey, Fuck you. you've never seen yourself fight, trust me _you'd_ be distracted, too!” Lance pointed his finger at him.

 Keith rolled his eyes, going back to fight, “I highly doubt it.”

 “Guys, is now really the best time to be discussing Keith's possible self kinks?!” Lance snorted as Pidge teased over the comms.

 “I don't _have_ any self kinks!”

 Aw, he sounded so embarrassed. Lance couldn't pass an opportunity like that to tease him, he turned around, “are you sur—” his words caught in his throat as Keith pushed him out of the way of a sword. _“Keith!”_

 

 Lance gently rubbed the disinfectant on the large cut on Keith's arm. Unfortunately, Coran said it wasn't bad enough to use a pod. It looked bad to Lance, _and_ hurtful. Keith hissed in pain upon the contact, “Do you always have to play the hero?” 

 “Well, I had to watch your back since you were too busy watching _my_ ass.” See if Keith had said it any other way, Lance would've taken it as a compliment.

 He began wrapping the bandage around Keith's arm, _“Asshole.”_

 Keith just chuckled, “I won by the way.”

 Lance narrowed his eyes at him, he might've finished wrapping the bandage with a little bit too force. “See, now you're the asshole.” Keith pouted, rubbing on it.

 Lance didn't resist kissing the pout, how could he be mad at Keith when he had only been trying to protect Lance. “Maybe ' _you're the asshole'_ will be our _always.”_ He whispered to Keith's lips, after.  
Keith just stared at him with a puzzled look.  
“You know our always? like from the fault in our stars?”  
Keith continued giving him a blank look.  
“Oh, _please_ tell me you haven't seen it!” Lance loved it everytime it turned out Keith hadn't seen a movie; it meant movie night.

 “No.”

  _“yes!”_ Lance pumped his fist in the air, earning a raised eyebrow from Keith. “we're watching it now.”

 _“Right_ now?”

 Lance pulled Keith after himself, by his uninjured hand, “Yes, buckle up buddy, cause you're in for quite a ride.”

 “But, I'm tired. let's just go back to our room.” As it turned out Keith was quite the whiny guy, he preferred snuggling in the bed to practically _anything;_ which Lance normally fully supported, but not when things this big were on the line.

 “Uh huh, don't think just because you called it _our_ room, I'm gonna cave in.” even though they had been living in Lance’s room for the past few months. It was only recently that Keith _officially_ moved in there.

 “Come on, we just came back from a fight, we're tired.” wow, A+ to Keith for effort, Lance could hear his pout in his voice.

 “Nope, I have a duty to educate my uncultured swine boyfriend.”

  _“Excuse me?”_ Keith sounded too amused for Lance to actually think he'd taken offense.

 “Oh, you know what you are, Keith.” Lance dismissed him.

“Come on, Please?” oh, no he _didn't._ the little shit was using _that_ voice, the voice that Lance could hardly ever say no to. Which meant that he was gonna bring the big guns out.

 Keith proved him right as he tried to get in front of Lance, Lance closed his eyes immediately, there was no way he could say no to Keith's tone _and_ the puppy dog eyes. Seriously, no one should have that much power, “Don't even _think_ about it.”

 Thankfully, they were already at the lounge, the others there. “We're having a movie night.” He announced as they walked in.

 “What, _now?”_ Pidge questioned.

 “Yes, _now._ Keith hasn't seen the fault in our stars.” Lance said as the said boy took slumped himself on the couch.

  _“Oh my god!_ Cancel everything el _se,_  this is an _emergency!”_ on _ce_ again Lance was reminded why Hunk was his bestfriend.

 “Thank you Hunk. That's the kind of enthusiasm I was expecting.” Lance contributed his glare between Keith and Pidge, before looking back to Hunk, “come on big guy. we're on popcorn duty.”

 Once they came back, and distributed the popcorn between the people, Lance took his seat as the movie started. His seat, in Keith's lap, a bit sideways, resting his back to the couch arm.

 “You know half of the couch is empty?” Keith questioned, even as he curled his arm around Lance’s waist, pulling him closer.

 Lance arched his eyebrow, “Oh, but is half of the couch so comfy, warm and soft? I think _not.”_

 “Aw, I feel sorry for Keith. Lance is _way_ too clingy.” Pidge commented, from across the room.

 Lance stuck his tongue out at her, “Shut up, I'm comfortable where I am.”

 “Dude, I don't think I've seen you sit on an actual chair in like 3 months.” Hunk pointed out, shaking his head.

 “That's because Keith's lap _is_ the best place in the word.” It _was._ Lance wiggled himself in his seat, making Keith blush … _more._

 “Oh? Maybe we should let someone else be the judge of that.” Matt turned back, teasing from his place next to shiro.

  _“No!”_ alarms went through Lance’s head before he could stop them, “as long as I'm alive, _no one else_ is aloud to sit here.”

 “Wow, possessive much?” Pidge snickered, making Lance blush at how quickly he'd reacted. 

 Keith laughed to his ears, “I honesty thought I'd be the possessive one in this relationship.“

 “Babe, I'm very insecure _and_ very jealous. why would you think that?” Lance had been more comfortable about admitting to things like that in front of the others. Not _with Keith_ level of comfortable, but still comfortable. And sure they made fun of it most of the time, but they were also supportive too.

 “Well, you have no reason to be _either.”_ Keith reassured kissing his head. _God, I don't know what I did to deserve him._

 It was half way through the movie, they were all getting into it, when Keith spoke up, “Allura, I'm mad at you.”

 Her head turned to them, a worried expression on her face, “What? _Why?!”_

 “How could you call his ears hideous? they're so cute and adorable!”

 Lance tried not to shudder as Keith traced his earlobe with the tip of his finger, “Are you even watching the movie, or are you too busy watching _me?”_

 “Well, you spent so much time watching me, I think it's only fair to return the favor.” Lance didn't need to turn his head around from the screen to know Keith was smirking  it was clear in his voice.

 Lance’s face reddened, he nudged Keith in the guts, _“asshole.”_

 “To be fair you were watching sharkboy just as much.” Shiro pointed out.

  _“Shiro.”_

 “Aw, I keep forgetting about that.” Lance turned his head capturing Keith's flustered mouth in his own. He didn't actually forget about it, as much as he sometimes found it unbelievable; to think Keith liked him since garrison. They'd wasted so much time. Lance couldn't help but deepen the kiss. _Guess, we'll just have to make up for those years._

  _“Ew,_ you guys are disgusting.” Matt's comment reminded him that they were having company. Still, he couldn't help the whine that escaped him, when he pulled back from Keith. Neither could Keith.

 “Can you shut up and let me show my boyfriend he's loved?”

“Buddy, the only one here who doesn't know how much he's loved is you.” Hunk smiled at him.

 Lance groaned, were they ever gonna stop bringing that up? _“Ughhh,_ it's been like 5 months, Can you guys let it go?”

 “Nope.” Hunk said. “It's been a weird 5 months, though.”

 Keith's sudden smirk raised Lance’s suspicion, “Weirdest part is that apparently the only thing Lance loves more than _saying_ pick up lines, is _hearing_ them.” _Oh no._ The first time _that_ had happened, Keith had said something accidentally, but upon seeing Lance’s reaction, he'd made it his mission to keep doing it. He'd even gotten Matt to help him find lines.

 “Keith, _don't_ you _dare!”_ it was one thing when they were alone, but in front of everyone, _no thanks._

 Keith smirked, _oh no,_ he was gonna dare, “You better call life alert because I’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up.”

 Nope, Lance would not blush. Pidge would never let him hear the end of it, if he did.

 “You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.”

 Don't blush. Seriously why did this affect him so much? Keith was literally cringing while saying them.

 “You know what you really good beautiful in? My arms.”

Lance felt a squeak leaving his lips, he covered his face. He couldn't help it; words were his weakness, and Keith knew it. The _asshole_ laughed, "And _that_ ladies and gentlemen is how the hunter became the hunted." Lance glared at him from between his fingers, using Lance’s favourite taglines against him, _that little shit._

 “oh _wow!_ This is the best thing ever!” Pidge held her side in laughter, "wish I had a camera." _Hell no!_ Lance would die before he let his shame get eternalize like that.

 “The only thing I hate about space, is the one between us.” Lance felt his face going more red.

 Keith laughed, “I don't even know why these work, I'm using your _own_ lines, now.”

 “You're literally using his own words against him.” Matt made fun of him. The _traitor._

Keith's eyes sparkled in deviousness, “Anything you say can and will be used against you … so say my name, baby.” He whispered in Lance’s ears in that low voice, that made Lance feel warm all over. He felt the redness travel all over his face to his ears.

 “You're putting my lion to shame.” Keith teased. Lance was _so_ going to get back at him, when they were alone. After all, two could play at the teasing game.

  _“You're_ putting your lion to shame.” Lance said hoping it would make Keith stop; it didn't.

 “Can I borrow a kiss, I'll promise I'll give it back.” Keith winked.

 Lance hid his face in Keith's chest, hiding his out of control blush from everyone else, “I _hate_ you.” He had no idea why this affected him so much.

 Except that he _did._ Because no one had ever put the effort to do so before. No one but Keith, even if teasing, had ever tried to call him cute or beautiful. And Lance loved it _because_ it was _Keith._ It didn't matter that it seemed stupid or cheesy to everyone else.

 “Uh huh, if you say so.” Keith laughed.

 “That's _it,_ I'm leaving lap town.” Lance fake threatened. “One of you take me; Hunk?”

 “Lance, I kinda have a girl friend.”

 “Pid—”

 “Don't even think about it.” She cut him.

 Allura just said _‘no.’_ without him saying anything.

 Lance looked at Keith, “Looks like you're the only idiot who'll take me.”

 “Trust me, they're the idiots.” Keith kissed him, making his heart flutter. He was so sweet. Why did Keith always call him sweet, when he was like this. “Wanna go back to our room so I can show how idiot they are?” Keith whispered to his ear, his breath tickling the skin.

 “Someone’s eager. Don't you wanna watch the rest, though?” Lance pointed to the screen.

 “Um, I haven't watching it so far.” 

 Lance smirked, wrapping his hands around Keith's neck, “Right, you were too busy eyeing _me.”_

 “Well, what else am I supposed to do when you're sitting _in my lap?!”_ Keith's hands settled on his waist.

 “Aw, you can't concentrate when I'm close, that's cute.”

 Keith's eyes looked at him with pure awe. Even after all this time, Lance’s heart stopped with that looked directed at him, Keith stroked his cheek, “I told you; you're too bright. I can't look away.” Lance’s heart skipped a million beats.

 “Oh, that's so sweet, Keith. That is so _so_ sweet, and so fucking _corny._ Why the hell am I known as the cheesy one, when you're this corny?”

 Keith rolled his eyes, “Shut up.”

  _“Make_ me.” Lance challenged, biting his lip and leaning closer to him.

 Keith's eyes flashed in the good kind of dangerous, the kind that made Lance feel like he was on fire, “Gladly.” Keith's lips were on his own as soon as the word left them. God,  Lance could drown in the sensation of those lips. They took his breath away, literally _and_ figuratively.

 “Please keep it PG rated.” Matt called.

 “Please keep your mouth shut.” Keith answered him without missing a beat.

 Lance couldn't help his laugh at the disgruntled look on Matt's face. Aw, he felt so proud of Keith for that. He licked his lips watching as Keith's pupils traced the movemen, “I love it when you talk meme, it so turns me on.” Oh, he definitely loved the little way Keith's eyes quickly rounded at that.

 “Y'all know we can here you, right?” Pidge questioned.

 “Y'all know we don't care, right?” but Keith was blushing and well, Lance really wasn't in the mood for the movie now, not anymore. He got up from the couch, pulling Keith with him, “come on.” He winked to the blushing, and a bit sheepishly smiling Keith.

 “Use protection.” Pidge called after them.

 “Shut up.”

 Lance waited 0.001 seconds after the door to their room closed behind them, before pushing Keith against it, kissing him. “God I'm so happy I'm back to being taller than you. you’re back to being the perfect size.” Seriously, Lance thanked any god there was he'd grown an inch taller over the course of the past months.

 “Oh, _that's_ what you meant!”

 Lance blinked at Keith in confusion before an old memory resurfaced, “No, I meant for _punching_ you.” Lance mocked. “It's a miracle I survived your obliviousness.”

 Keith narrowed his eyes at him. “Oh, I'll _show_ you a miracle.” Keith said changing their positions, pushing Lance to the door. His voice was low in a way that made Lance’s skin tingly in a good way, sending heat low in his gut. Amazing how much Keith could do to him with his voice alone. But accomany it with those delicious lips and Lance was already a goner.

 “Well someone's bossy when we're alone.”

 “I'm always bossy.” Keith pointed out, his hands tugging at Lance’s hair. Lance had actually stopped straightening the hair, because of all the times Keith had told him he loved his curly, fluffy hair. Lance smirked to the kiss, Keith certainly liked playing with his hair as much as he did with Keith's. Keith's kisses were like him, impatient and lively. Keith pressed himself to Lance. Lance let him take charge, for now.

 Lance tilted his head back, resting it on the wall as Keith began leaving open-mouthed kisses down his jaw and his neck, his back arching when Keith nibbed the skin slightly with his teeth. He locked his leg around Keith in return, pulling him closer. He knew how much Keith loved his legs, Keith had told him so, through numerous praises. He smirked as he heard Keith's little moan upon the action, “You know I'm planning to get back at you for all the teasing you did, right?”

 Keith smirked back, hands leaving burning marks as they moved up Lance’s thigh, “oh, I'm _counting_  on it _.”_

 

 It was sometime later, they were laying in the bed, legs tangled together. It was warm, peaceful and comfortable, _if_ what Pidge had said would stop repeating itself in Lance’s head. _‘I feel sorry for Keith. Lance is way too clingy.’_ It was stupid, he knew Pidge was joking, it still bothered him.

 “What's wrong?” Keith asked not even having to lift his head from Lance’s chest to know.

 Lance didn't hesitate to tell him. These past months they'd worked a lot on their communication issues. At this point Lance never hid anything from Keith and vice versa. He'd lost count of the times he'd had to comfort Keith that he wasn't leaving him, ever. Which was nothing compared to all the times Keith had had to reassure him over his insecurities. They took comfort in each other and Lance loved that. “I'm not _too much,_ am I?”

 Keith looked up from his chest, he pulled himself on two elbows. shaking his head gently, “No, Lance. You're just the enough amount of much, you're _enough.”_

 Keith hadn't stopped saying that to Lance, “I told you, I'd tell you everyday and I will.”

 Keith’s fingers stroked his face looking at him with praise, like Lance was the masterpiece here and not him, _“God,_ you have no idea how beautiful you are.”  
 

 “ _You're so gorgeous it makes me so mad.”_ He sing-songed. _Holy shit._ Lance felt his jaw drop.

 “Did you …” Lance stared at him with an open mouth, “Did you just fucking quoted _Taylor Swift?!”_  
Keith just rolled his eyes. “holy shit, You totally _did!_ oh my god! Can't wait to tell everyone.”

 “You can try, no one's gonna believe you.”  
_Oh,_ Lance felt himself deflating immediately. Keith _had_ a point.

 Keith seemed to sense his mental agreement, if his devious smile was any indication, “Oh, and while we're on the subject of unbelievable things, I was obsessed with my little pony as a kid. Like _obsessed_ obsessed. Like putting their posters around my room obsessed.” Keith winked, “try telling them _that.”_

 “You are _evil.”_ they would never believe him.

 “Yeah, well you're in love with this evil.”

 Lance pushed a part of Keith's hair out of his eyes, tucking it behind his ear, “buddy, you have no idea how much.”

 Keith raised his eyebrow, giving him a flat look, “Did you just call me _buddy,_ while telling me how much you love me?”

 Lance grinned, “yeah, you got a problem with that,  _buddy?”_

 Keith put a hand on his heart, “Ouch, friend-zoned by my own boyfriend. That's gotta hurt.”

 “God, I really love it when you talk meme to me.”

 “Well, I love you,  _period.”_

 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **The End (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**
> 
> My sincere apologies to anyone who expected smut. I'm not good at writing smut and I will avoid it at any cost.
> 
> I actually planned to end this fic very differently, Lotor was gonna get an actual redemption arc instead of dying in a half-redemptiony way, and Shiro was gonna be a clone, but the story was gonna get too long, and I already have plans for writing other fics, so I decided to go with it like this. I hope you liked it. 
> 
> This is the second fic I've written, I really didn't expect people to like it so much. But I keep reading the comments and you guys have been so supportive. I'm really grateful to all of you. Thanks for reading this till the end. :)


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